Why People Hate You...
 

Have you ever wondered why someone----oh, let's just say a classmate; a much younger (20?) classmate---- might hate your guts even though you've never said or done or even given the stink eye to her?

Example #1) Asked by the prof how long such and such assignment would take we all answered different things. I said, "about two hours," and this chick goes, (complete with nasty sneer) "oh, you've GOT to be kidding! it would take me 45 min. tops!" I just looked at her kindly and said, "well, I'm slow."

Example #2) When asked if we cared to have class outdoors on a pretty day we were polled and I said, "Oh, either way is fine with me," and she piped up in a loud (she's always loud) voice, and with malice, said, "don't be such a WOMAN!"

there are more examples but the hell with them. What I don't understand is why this young woman hates me when she doesn't even know me at all. I do know she has a crush on the prof. I do not. I do know whe refuses to read her stuff in class---this is a creative writing class and she just WON'T read her stuff---too good or deep for us, i guess.

My question is this: what should I do? she really did make me kind of sad today as she yelled at me (again. and I wasn't even addressing her) and I wondered: what have I DONE? I am trying very, very hard to extend goodness, serenity, calm and compassion (I'm doing twice daily meditation tapes) and I am eating well and looking much better---all in all, feeling happy to have survived this year. So. The negativity thrown willy nilly at me with no basis bothers me.

Shall I completely ignore her? Squeeze myself down into a small marble and not share in class b/c she is a bully? (highly unlikely of me) or what?

I'd step on her. She's informing you she's a bitch cockroach. Oh, and she can't write.

What goes around comes around. She'll get hers one day just like everyone else.

It's not going to make any difference to her if you do or don't participate, so I'd suggest not worrying about how someone with an irrational dislike treats you. I know I wouldn't.

Also, younger people are still finding their way in the world. I encountered very similar situations when I was a 30 something university student. I think most mature age students do. The younger kids feel threatened or that they know better than you how the world should work. Remember, you're encroaching on their territory. The domain of the young and beautiful. How dare you.

That's awful Brianna. I know exactly what you mean, there is a swimming instructor at my gym that hates my guts and I have no idea why. I never had any reason to notice her at all until she started giving me the stink eye and then intentionally smashing into me whenever we were in the same pool at the same time. I don't know what to do about her either....
Girls can be so mean.

Not worth you time Bri ,
Your in a WHOLE different League ,
shes just jeullus !!!

My current favorite is "Listen lady, I don't come around to where you work and slap the dick out of your mouth..."
(mr. show)

confront her calmly and ask her for her opinion on how you should handle the situation. If she doesn't back pedal and apologize, kick her in the cunt.

Maybe she has the impression you're flirting with the object of her affection. Maybe you are and don't even know it?

Just laugh at her, and say, "Kids say the darnedest things".
Kicking her in the cunt is optional.

LJ always amazes me with his subtle philosophy.

holy crap, LJ, that's ... fantastic.

I agree with UG and LJ both!! - good lord - I better go now
::runs out of thread::

girls CAN be so mean. :( and I don't have any idea.

Pure unadulterated jealousy. What you have there is someone who sees you in a way you are unwilling or unable to see yourself. She sees a woman with a beauty that she recognizes, but cannot comprehend. She doesn't know all the details but she knows that you've been dealt a difficult hand to play over the last couple years. She sees that you've responded not with bitterness, anger, and envy of those with an easier row to hoe. She sees in you a wealth of beauty and power she can only dream of having and loathes herself for her own perceived failings. The only logical response, of course, is to hate you and drag you down to where she is.

Give her a smile and some encouragement. It'll either encourage or enrage her. Either way you'll feel good about it.

It's irrational Bri. She doesn't have to have a reason to dislike you, it's just one of those things. And because it's irrational there is nothing you can do.

However the fact she's making it known is proof she's a bitch with the morals of a weasel. I say carry on as you are on the surface - calm, peace, I'm-sure-you-didn't-mean-it-that-way replies. Like a good woman. Eventually she'll realise she's just showing herself up.

Of course in private (?) you can come on here and malign her. Then snigger inside you head next time you see her because a bunch of strangers worldwide advocate you getting your foot up her tuppence.

I say listen to Lookout and LJ they've hit the nail on the head.

You probably intimidate the fuck out of her Bri. The fact that she won't read her stuff aloud is very telling. It speaks of a serious lack of confidence in what she is producing. She's getting all happy with herself because she can fly through an assignment in 45 mins? Dear God, is that a childlike approach to schoolwork or what?

When you said you took so much longer because you're slow.....what she heard was "I am much better and more serious about this than you." The fact that she decided to turn that into some kind of contest at all.....speaks volumes.

Bri, you are your professor's peer in a way she cannot be. He has the education and qualifications which you are still trying to attain, just like her, but you are his equal because you are a fully fledged adult. For this young lass, if she does have a crush on him, you are about as threatening an individual as she could encounter. I wouldn't be at all surprised if she didn't occassionally leave that class thinking "shit why did I say that?" having said something that made her seem even younger and more childish.

Girls are bitches. I know, I was one. These are girls, you are a woman. Just keep on doing what you do, being who you are. You know damn well that should you choose to let loose the darker side of yourself you could floor her with a well chosen and well timed put down, from which she would find it difficult to recover. Thing is...you are the adult. She's still a child. She sounds woefully immature for 20.

My advice, for what it's worth, is similar to the rest of the advice you've been given. Kill her with kindness. When she comes out with one of her snide bitchy little comments.....laugh like it's really funny....like she's made a goodhearted jest.

Keep in mind her age. 20 and lacking in confidence, hiding behind viciousness like an adolescent. You remember how it felt to be so unsure of yourself in the world. She is deserving of a little sympathy/pity and understanding. She may even grow up to be a decent lass one day.

thank you, everyone of you, for the good advice. I feel much better about her and realize she is indeed very young and probably very afraid of life in general---hey, it's a tough world out there.

You guys are great and I'm glad I'm here.

My initial reaction was "maybe you remind her of someone with whom she's got some problem." If so, there's not much you can do about it.

Then I thought, "if I was in your position, I'd be going out of my way to say and do things just to get a reaction and see how long it takes someone else in the class to point out to her how much of a b!tch she's being and to STFU."

I think it's because at the basest of levels, all women hate each other. They can cover this up at times by shopping our going out for drinks together, but that's just until they're out with a different "friend" and then the favorite activity turns into completely eviscerating the first "friend". Wash, rinse, repeat.

So my question is, why should you care? Yes, this one has an attitude, has yet to mature past the listening to emo music stage, and is probaby guilty of most of the things that the other posters have accused her of as evidenced by her refusal to acknowledge the time-honored woman tradition of only being snarky to another woman behind her back. All that means is that there's one less person in class that you have to play that "oh my gosh, how are you today!" small talk game that's interrupted with those overcompensating fake laughs that sound nothing like your real laughs because you're both way too concerned with making the other person believe that you don't actually hate her guts. And of course, as mentioned before, you also have a new target for cunt punts. I see no real downfall here.






P.S. I'm kidding.

Kind of. ;)

I don't have time to read too many posts to know how often this has been said, but my summary can be complete in one word: jealousy. Pure and simple.

Don't people get tired of being cliches?

uh . . . no.

when we were young and courting, jinx and I were at a party. At this party, my friend Mike's current and ex-girlfriend somewhow were both in attendance. This caused some friction. I think I was dosed, so the memories are vague...

(I'm thinking this is the same party that I painted a beautiful earth on jinx's favorite jeans with fabric paint, and the words "Yove your Mother" around it. that's right Yove. wtf?)
...anyway.... one of the girlfriends was heard to shriek "I'll kick her in the cunt!" at top volume very many times while she was being dragged out of the party. I also remember one of them latching their teeth into Mike's arm and not letting go for an awkwardly long time.....


...good times.....good times.

My first thought was, perhaps you remind her of her mother.

Hm. Well. Perhaps.

I don't think women secretly hate each other, either. Only the very young immature woman/girl does that and not all of them, either.

She said something strange, too. this is a sophomore class (yeah, I'm a senior but the cancer/chemo/surgery thing left me too exhausted for Serious Stuff) and she is a sophomore. She came into class the other day and announced she'd "gotten into grad school!!!!"

Can one know as a sophomore if they've 'gotten into grad school'? Methinks no as you're really not even into your major yet---but, she may be a special case; started college at the age of 17 or something. Anyway--seemed just like another weird thing.

ok. I'll give her wide berth and just forget about it. I only mentioned it b/c I really AM trying to take in a wider world view. Some people will indeed just hate you for...whatev.


Plus, there's always kicking her in the cunt.

Maybe you misheard her: did she say she'd gotten her some Gardisil, instead?

Perhaps Daddy already made a payment to the Board at the grad school she's supposed to attend.

I don't think all women hate each other, either. I think women will notice more the qualities they find undesirable in other women, because women pay more attention. Most women, also, are not easily swayed by someone waving their boobies about the room.

She sounds like a punk ass punk with self-esteem issues; she's intimidated by a strong woman who doesn't need to shout about things that aren't even true.

Some of the best advice I ever got, from my ex father-in-law (a wonderful man): If someone is full of hot air, don't burst their balloon. Just prick them so they know they're leaking.

You can do that just by being wonderful you. I bet it drives her bonkers! :)

Do you know she's a sophomore, for sure? Some people are freaks like me and do the classes for their major first and then do minor and general education requirements after that.

Also, she could be on an accelerated track; if you have excellent time management skills you can easily complete a BSc. in two years.

...

At this rate, we're going to need a new smiley.

I had a woman go after me when we were working at the same job. At first I was startled and thought she was joking, but it became clear she was being nasty for no reason I could determine. Her name was Violet, so after she would snipe at me I took to humming "Sweet Violets" with a big smile, or asking her to please repeat what she had said again. And when she'd repeat, I'd say, "Did you say ___?" After a while I became too much of a bother for her. She still went after others but I was ignored. So have fun with her, or at least make her work really hard to get her snipes heard. Worked for me!

Bri, practice your death vocal, and the next time she tries to bash you in class, say "YOU FOOL!"

Your memory is sooooo bad.... I'll tell you how it really happened when you get home (as Im sure no one else cares).

In my mind, it's all one big summer-long party in that house, man.

don't taze me, bro ;)

Don't hate on a drunk guy... Think of it as training for things we need to have selective memory about.

When that happened to me the prof did take me on unwillingly as a teachers pet. A couple of female students got bitchy every time he chose to put my writing on the overhead and not theirs. He did this all the time and it annoyed me too.....Then they got to let it out in the Q and A sessions......Well why did you do this? Why did you say that? Bitch and moan bitch and moan.....If you don't really care they can't box you in a corner. I still don't care. I'm not around to solve other peoples psychological issues. Even then I was too old to take it on....When they rose their hand I got to answer their stupid question straight-faced. And they always came out looking even more stupid because the answers that came out of me definitely sounded obvious....I bet the girl is going to end up ridiculously stupid if she survives.

You are probably hotter and skinnier than her anyway, and have more experience. Ignore the jealous lil bitches of the world..They are always the ones with the loudest mouths. And if she really starts to annoy you- pop her ever so slightly on the mouth outside of class. I mean she has to expect you to have a bad day at some time......
:)

(Slang for kick her in the cunt)

That's what the prof told her while he was pulling his pants up.

Amazing how many can have an opinion when almost no facts exist. For example, was Brianna doing something to this girl previously? I don't see a single effort to ask, "But what is she thinking? What does she see? Why would see be this way?" Not asking those questions means insufficient information and no useful replies.

Worse I see too many low life responses encouraging violence. One good benchmark here. Anyone who entertains a violent solution has nothing useful to say. Anyone who finds that violence funny would be seriously questioned where I socialize. Once violence is recommended, then everything from that poster is suspect.

She has a problem with Brianna? Why is that group so anti-social as to not speak up; criticize the anti-social behavior. Or maybe Brianna sees something completely different from the rest of that group? How would anyone here know?

Bottom line - answers are only based in speculation - seriously hampered due to a perspective only from one pair of eyes. And yet some find that sufficient to recommend violence rather than ask the topmost questions.

troll

Kick him in the cunt, Jim.

Why did you bother with that response tw? I'm pretty sure no one actually thinks Brianna is going to go kick some girl in the privates over some petty schoolyard behaviour, regardless of why it's happening. Can you not see that?

I think it's obvious that the girl thinks something Brianna has done is wrong, but that doesn't make it any more valid. Brianna wasn't asking why she's doing it in particular. She wanted to know what to do from here.

people hate me?

oh. yeah.

Brianna: You should not waste any of your emotional coin on her. Ignore her as much as you can. Recognize that people are mean, and let it slide off of you.

:::kicks tw in the cunt:::

Fuckin Asian hippies... Bald American kickassness is ALWAYS the way...

None of that is obvious to me. For example, the girl could exhibit same anti-social behavior now being demonstrated by lumberjim. We have near zero facts to provide Brianna with a useful suggestion especially since nothing on the other girl is provided - including her perspective.

One of so few useful replies was from Cloud. Another surggestion was to first ask some damning questions. "But what is she thinking? What does she see? Why would see be this way?" Without those answers, Brianna and we can only wildly speculate. Not a problem for us. But a problem for Brianna since we also have not suggested how she might accomplish that.

Meanwhile, are some so low life as to even regard 'kick her in the cunt' funny? Well, some also so hated April for only being a misguided teenager (who may have even been calling out for help). In a parallel thread, these same people were challenged to cite a fact that some woman was climbing between balconies on a cruise ship. Again, they only speculated - jumped to conclusions - using only a vague sentence. No wonder they find humor in 'kick her in the cunt'.

Also provided for Brianna were lots of posts and near zero useful suggestions - except violence (which would be funny only to pre-teens).

Bri, most of what I've read from everyone so far distills down to this: the girl doesn't have a problem with *you*, she has a problem with *herself*. However, since she's at an age where *nothing* could possibly be wrong with her, it must be you.

I'm sure you aren't the only one on her shit list. Probably has few friends who will put up with her, and that's another reason she has to hate you.

I'd tell you to pity her, but then again, I'm not sure you should even put that much energy into it. Just try some visualization. Close your eyes, take several slow, deep breaths, and then begin to visualize her weighing 200 lbs more than she does now, sitting on the broken down, rotting wooden deck of her rusty trailer home, with six snotty children crawling in the dust at her feet as her toothless husband is swinging back his fist for yet another blow to her rancid mouth out of which he's just knocked the Marlboro.

She's creating her own future by behaving in this way...you just have to visualize it.

Bottom line - a mate seeks advice and a little emotional back-up from the board. She gets it. Obviously it is advice based solely on what Bri has posted here.....well duh...we don't have no CCTV setup in her classroom, we don't have the other girl's telephone number to check the rest o fthe facts....but hey, that's ok, 'cause she ain't our mate, and Bri is.

tw, I respect you enormously, i think you have a very interesting take on the world. But this time I think you are barking rather pointlessly up the wrong tree. Nobody actually advocates violence towards the young lass in Bri's class. The cunt-punt comments are there to make Bri feel better about something that's upset her. Its our way of rallying her, of saying "just ignore the silly bitch, and don't let her get to you".

That's what we're here for. That's what friends are for. In amongst the jokey suggestions to cunt-punt the little cow (see, I have no idea who this girl is, or whether she even displays the slightest bovine tendencies, but she's currently reduced to the phrase 'little cow'.....see how that works?) are serious suggestions as to how Bri can change the way she's looking at the situation. She has no control over this girl's actions, but she has control over how she views the girl's and the extent to which she takes her negativity to heart.

If I turn up at my friend's house, livid and upset by tghe way I've been treated (or the way I perceive that I've been treated) by a work colleague, that friend's job (imo) is to say "ignore the stupid bitch, she'll get bored soon enough".......not, "well are you sure you haven't done something to upset her?".

because tw brought it up and seems to be seriously interested in my own behaviour here I will tell him: tw, I am very self conscious in class as I am nearly always the oldest student in the room. I am very careful to remember that these are very, very young adults---kids, dare I say?---that I am with. Recalling my own young college days and my own family, I try hard to be kind to them all, knowing all the insecurities and jealousies and pettiness and angst about the grown up world ("what shall i do? will I be able to make a living? what if my boyfriend dumps me? Will he dump me when he finds out I've a wart on my toe? Why do I hate random people?") that they may have. I've done NOTHING to this girl. I've smiled nicely at her when she has made comments about works, I've encouraged her (along with the rest of the class) to share her work, and that's about IT. Now, is it possible that she sees me as some harpie with a loud mouth? No. I rarely say anything in class that isn't related to the work. this is a YOUNG class and they get off topic frequently, talk among themselves frequently (which I do not join in as is inappropriate for someone their mother's age to banter like that about drinking and smoking pot and hooking up, etc) so. NO. I've done nothing to her, said only kind things to her and congratulated her on 'getting into grad school'. She said it was some school in Portland OR. and I said, "oh, that is a lovely place, I think you will really like it there," clearly, a confrontational statement, right tw?

If you had READ my first post, you would see that I explained I'd done nothing that I could see in my most scrutinizing mind to annoy this young woman.
But you don't know how to read. You only know how to write.

You so don't know sophomore college students. You've no business even speculating on something you are so obviously ignorant about. Why do people feel they can critisize other people when they've no basis for critisim? When they've never walked in that persons shoes? Why do some people continue to come to a forum where violence is advocated for every problem and everyone is an immature jerk and they have a problem with EVERYTHING EVERYONE says? These questions need to be answered before we can move on, but I doubt they will be given the contemplation they deserve. I'll bet there will be just more smoke and mirrors from the man behind the curtain.

He'll claim he's already answered these questions but I am too ignorant to divine them from his above postings.

You are like my old shower curtain, tw. Transparent.

What the hell's a tw, and where's its sense of humor? "Cunt" is the only taboo word left in the world, so it's fun when we've been given carte blanche to use it. That's essentially the purpose of this thread right now, gomer, if we were actually advocating violence, we'd suggest something more practical like slapping da ho.

I'll be serious for once and give my real opinion now. I was an elementary ed major in college, we had several non-traditional (older) students in my class. I enjoyed them as people, but the one main difference between a non-traditional student and a traditional student is that non-traditionals tend to have lives and jobs outside of the school atmosphere and usually only have to focus on one class or so at a time. Not only that, but since they've been in the real world and are coming back to school to get a degree for a job they would actually like, they work harder at it. Traditional students don't have the time to throw two hours at a project when 45 minutes would get us by with a B because we have 8 other classes to juggle and drinking to do. Just an assumption, but I'm guessing you're probably the person who asks the most questions in class and gets the eyeball rolls. It's because you're interested in actually learning the subject matter whereas full-time students are just looking to get by. Full-time college is all about learning how to adapt to the system so you can get that stupid sheet of paper. So yeah, when someone came in and was able to put in twice the time and effort, I got annoyed too because it's threatening. That's where the jealousy is coming from. This girl is probably doing the same thing, but lacks the maturity and empathy to deal with it in a correct manner. She's probably bitching about you back at the sorostitute house, using an inordinate number of uses of the word "like". Ouch, I'm sure that really rocks your world. So who cares, screw her, you're doing nothing wrong, be proud of the reasons you're pissing her off.

I was a full time student until I got cancer--and even then i tried to be full time. This is the first quarter I've slacked off and it was due to the need for surgery (and the kind of surgery I was to have wouldn't be known until they actually got IN there, so it could have been radical, but, thankfully wasn't) and daily radiation treatments. As a full time student I made all A's. AND I even managed to drink myself nearly to death, just like them.

Ha, well, then it's just pettiness. I too still get annoyed with the person in class who's constantly raising her hand for a question. People don't like class to go longer than the bare minimum, and certainly don't like to be reminded that there are much harder workers out there, so I do at least understand her mindset. Basically her system for beating the class doesn't match yours, she knows on some level that your system of actually working at something is better than her system of skating by, and she's immature enough to bitchily voice her opinion about it as a defense mechanism. Doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong, no need to worry about her. She's definitely a prime candidate for a cunt punt, have at it.

But... the topmost questions!

Can I go back to being my interwebs persona now?

You can has anonymity.

Further proof that tw's only experience with human interaction comes through the blessed protection of a basement window and the interwebz.

Uhh. I don't think I'm going to read advice from the t-dub on resolving social problems..........lol!

Posted was only a summary from facts as provided. Any consideration for 'being nice' or consoling or trying to psychoanalyze anyone has no place in what was posted. Provided were conclusions based only upon the facts - nothing more.

I have no interest in Brianna's behavior because it was not relevant. Nothing posted says anything about 'behavior', liking someone, hating someone, or all those other irrelevant details.

Only suggestion was so simple: "But what is she thinking? What does she see? Why would see be this way?" Brianna - where did all your conclusions and emotions come from? Why speculate so much drama from so tiny sentences? How do you see so much when that post was complete devoid of any silly emotions or judgements? I am mildly entertained. A match to only provide enlightenment instead will create a massive explosion. This could be the beginning of a pulp fiction plot line. [Did I mention I bleed only in true blue?]

Meanwhile, "But what is she thinking? What does she see? Why would see be this way?" Did you forget the question? Unlikely. You even went off on something that was never even posted - and still forgot to answer those simple questions. But again, "But what is she thinking? What does she see? Why would see be this way?" ... because I so enjoy 4th of July fireworks and good drama.

Turn to her and say, "Shut the fuck up. I am not talking to you." Or you could just ignore her and not let it get to you.

Why is it when I read tw's responses I feel like he responds as Charlie Chan would respond in an old black and white mystery?

http://www.popmatters.com/images/fil...han4-splsh.jpg

tw. I'm not here for your amusement but you are definitely here for mine.

the questions you ask, in the way of a Stella Dallas novel, are you asking them of me or of the other young woman?

what do I see? A narcissist.

what do i think? she's unhappy.

Why would she be this way? see the above.

now. would YOU like to answer my questions?

Oh, yeah. You're a narcissistic, unhappy person. So. No, you won't answer them. Plus, you're a HUGE pussy.

are you SURE you're not Dick Cheney?

"unlikely"--? Mere speculation. I've denied irritating this woman. You refuse to accept my answer. That is childish. Only a mental midget would read more into the situation than provided by an eye witness.

Go take a shower, tw. I'm sure you need one.