Sex With A Stranger...?
 

I discovered Craigslist thanks to the Cellar.
It's not used as much here as it is in the States, in fact many of the posters in the personals are Americans coming to Britain and looking to hook up.

It's put me in a bit of a quandry.
My libido is waking up.
I would quite like to have sex. Yes - rereading and reconsidering that sentence I realise I do want sex. And all the rest of the gubbins that goes with it.

Now I don't have to be in love to have sex. I really enjoy it as an activity in its own right. And I don't want to face rejection (not good for the ego in these first, fragile, early stages) so I would post my own ad, with description and pictures*, so men know what they're getting before even responding.

*ETA - thinking about it, I would NOT have my picture on the website. But I would offer to send it in return.

So that sounds like I've got it all worked out, right?
I'm going to post my details and have sex with a stranger.

But I find myself stuck on one really important point.
I can only have sex with someone I fancy.
I'm not sure if I can tell whether I fancy someone before meeting.
And even then, will the pressure of expectation kill any mood?
Also I am attracted to confident, outgoing, ambitious men.
Would they be the sort of men looking for sex on Craigslist?
Hmmmm, scrap that - I think they would, sex is sex after all!

Any thoughts on any of the above?

Okay, I'm going to respond. There's nothing wrong with sex just for sex, if it fits within your personal comfort zone, as long as you don't read more into it than that.

When I was 40, I thought I'd never have sex again in my life. Then, at 41, I lost 90 pounds. My libido was "waking up," as you say. I swore I was going to have sex again before the end of the year--and I did. I made my goal of double digits (did I mention I was shallow?--me and 'spode, wading in those waters, yeah!). I had fun.

Ultimately, of course, I didn't have that much fun--I never have found a partner that is my match (plus, I eventually over the course of several years, gained most of the weight back). But I was satisfied at the time. (ha!).

As far as the craiglist, "stranger" part--I have met people online this way, and at bars. There are advantages to each method--if online, you can exchange emails, and phone calls if you want, to see if you like the personality, but you miss the physical aspect. In a bar (or someplace else where you meet the person in the flesh) you get to access your chemistry, but not so much the personality.

So, it's fun for a while, but be careful! be safe!

Go for it. But be sure to INSIST they send you a recent photo.
You'd be amazed at how many people think "Swimmers build" includes being built like a whale and "toned" means they can hide behind a pencil. And "Movie Star looks" can also include Lassie and Godzilla!

Go to gmail, create a brand new email account specifically for these contacts. Don't use if for anything else. If things get weird, you want your sole contact infowith the person to be a disposable email address.

Build yourself a little "assholes and crazies" buffer zone around the rest of your life.

oh, and when you meet someone like that, make sure you meet in a public place, and tell your friends who, when, and where.

Yeah and then have sex in a public place too. ;)

I think you'll have fun with this mate. Good on you I say!

As someone who has done this (adult friend finder) and still does this....go for it Sundae.

The way I work, spend a bit of time getting to know your prospective bonk buddy...go out for dinner and then you can take it from there.

I used to pick up strays all the time at pubs and I think the internet is much better.

I agree with SM, keep a LOT private...dont give them too much.

I agree. The internet is much better for screening, specially since you can do your screening when you're sober. lol

Also, keep in mind that, just because you agree to meet someone (*always, without exception, in a public place*), doesn't automatically mean they are entitled to sex. You can take your time and meet people until you find one you actually fancy so that it isn't a completely hollow fuck.

You're getting good advice here, SG. Please, for the love of all that is unholy, *safety first*. We couldn't stand it if something bad happened to you.

At our age, use protection, and do it....Fu**ers. Do it. Use protection and use them for minced meat, as I don't care. You have a biological clock to attend to, so use protection and do what you want!! Many a man would kill for your company...Judgeing from your photos in the lingerie so would I. So have as much conscienable fun as you can.

or, you'd like to anyway.... ;)

Just remember - some are stranger than others :D

What she said. I don't think that sex for sex is a bad thing as long as all parties involved know the score and everything is honestly on the table. There is nothing wrong with feeding the dragon. If you want a relationship that is cool too but don't fool yourself into thinking that he/she is looking for the same thing unless you talk about it. Some people can't drop the guilt thing and just enjoy themselves and their bodies and share the sexuality and exchange of intimacy without some deeper emotional attachment. Others can and there is nothing wrong with that either.

It's been almost two days, have you gotten laid yet?

Perhaps she's *still* getting laid?

That would explain the deli-style ticket machine by her front door.

;)

Sigh, no.
That ticket machine was delivered by mistake, I'm sending it back tomorrow.

I'm still thinking about it.
Feeling a little low about myself this week, so I don't think it's a good frame of mind to approach this kind of thing with.

But I have set up to meet someone for dinner next week, and am emailing someone about lunch. The plus side is that of course if either of these guys is secretly hoping to hook up for sex then I won't be offended..!

Well, if one can't get F**Ked right away, it's always nice to eat out. ;)

lol! The professor has spoken!!

My turn to post some lyrics. . .

Madonna - Where Life Begins


Warm inside, yeah
I'd like to direct your attention
To something that needs directing to
A lot of people talk about
Dining in and eating out
I guess that's what this song's about

I know this is not a dining room conversation
And you don't have to listen if you don't have the time
But let me remind you in case you don't already know
Dining out can happen down below

Bridge:

Everybody's talkin' 'bout
Wanting that and needing this
I'd just like to know
If you want to learn a different kind of kiss

Chorus:

So won't you go down where it's warm inside
Go down where I cannot hide
Go down where all life begins
Go down that's where my love is

Now what could be better than a home cooked meal
How you want to eat it depends on how you feel
You can eat all you want and you don't get fat
Now where else can you go for a meal like that
It's not fair to be selfish or stingy
Every girl should experience eating out
Sometimes when I come home from a hard day at work
I swear it's all I can think about


Colonel Sanders says it best
"Finger lickin' good"
Let's put what you've learned to the test
Can you make a fire without using wood
Are you still hungry; aren't you glad we came
I'm glad you brought your raincoat
I think it's beginning to rain


That's where my love is
Come inside
That's where all life begins
It's warm inside

i don't get it. what is that song about?;)

It's about love and food, shurely?

awesome. i love me some food.
:eaty:

Yes. But don't call me Shirley.

There are no strangers. Just people we haven't had sex with yet.

So then, what should I make of someone who tells me upon parting "Don't be a stanger!" ??!!

There are no stangers.
Only people we haven't parted from yet.

That sex is needed. Actually that is the thought that should cross your mind every time one speaks with another. See? I just thought it. Sex is needed. I think I'll go home and see about that need.

:lol:

Friday night I am meeting up with an American man in town for the weekend.
He is a married man, was upfront about that, and is looking for dinner and conversation and maybe a stroll afterwards. He's removed his ad from Craigslist so I can't find his exact wording.

I'm meeting him (probably in the lobby of his hotel) and walking down to get dim sum in Chinatown.

Taking it at face value, I am working on the assumption that I will pay my half of everything? Only asking because it makes a difference to where we go - I daren't be caught without enough to pay my share - too humiliating!

Also, only really wondering because of the slight cultural difference - with a Brit I would always assume I was paying, even on a date. Although some men have refused to let me, most do. If I ask him in advance via email will he think I'm some sort of sponger, or worse still someone who can be bought?

He's complimented me on the photo I sent, but I'm 99% sure I can take him at face value ie wanting female company and taking the chance of being in a new city to enjoy it NSA.

Looking forward to it actually! Hoping my new dress arrives in time.

Oh, gawd, Sundae. I hope he doesn't embarrass every American male by doing something stupid like not paying. Course he should pay! but, as a wise woman once said, it's always smart to have taxi fare in your pocket in case he turns out to be a loser.

Good LUCK, sweetie! You're looking so foxy fine! I just loved the corset, btw!!!

Personally, I wouldn't ask. It can be an awkward topic no matter what the answer. I'd just go on the assumption that you'll be paying for your half, and if he pays for you, consider it a bonus!

Dear S.G.,
If he pays, it night mean he's thinking of it as a "date" date, rather than a mutual arrangement. Make sure that you are both on the same page.
You should probably try to pay your half of dinner, and if he insists then you should try at least once more. Or maybe compromise by offering to buy coffee/desert/drinks at the next stage of the evening.

Hospitality is a tricky thing, culturally. A Lebanese architect friend of mine was working with some German civil engineers. Work was running late, and one of the engineers offered my friend some cheese and crackers that he had on hand. My friend was very hungry but he declined, since in his culture you always decline the first offer, but the engineer didn't make a second offer.

Have fun.

Thanks for the advice guys. Very good points.
However I'd been thinking about it all week and posting here was (probably) just a prelude to going my own sweet way!

I did email him. I put it this way "Are you on a budget btw? I am fully expecting to pay my own way, which does influence where we go pricewise, but I'd prefer somewhere with good honest food than a swish place anyway."

This was buried in other info re the places recommended to me. One would be way out of my price range anyway. May not have been the most elegant handling of the situation, but now I feel I don't have to worry.

In other news (will I ever meet someone and hope he doesn't find this?!) I went for it on the sex with a stranger front. Posted some explicit pics and a message on craigslist. Fifteen minutes and seven replies so far - although I know people only tend to respond to the ones on top of the list anyway.

Whoosh! Am all excited!
Even if I follow none of them up (set up a gmail account as advised) then I've had the rush of doing it. But I'd prefer the rush of doing it ;)

You can find the ad if you want to. Be warned though, it's personal if not exactly private (!) and I'm not up for sharing it with the Cellar. If you go to view it fair enough, but please don't link it.

So, only one more sleep before the big date huh? did he respond to your email?

I say take enough to pay your way and for a taxi if necessary, but if he wants to shout you that'll be nice too. I don't think it means anything if that's what he wants to do. It's up to you how far you go with him. Just keep yourself safe. That's all that really matters.

No, honestly it's not a date. I'm getting excited because it's dinner and chat and showing off my home city, which I love, to a furriner.
And I've gone all girly in the warm weather and am looking forward to dressing up.
He'll probably respond tomorrow. I'll keep you up to date.

As for the men responding to my ad... Lots!

sounds like fun. Almost makes me wish I were single again. lol (I hope my husband doesn't see this. lol)

good luck, hon, with everything

Its a great confidence booster huh, Sundae?

Sounds like a wonderful way to spend an evening, and at worse case scenario...you get to dress up, wander about and have a nite out.

I envy you! have a ball lovely.

Yea, have fun and relax with it.

Well now, he replied to say, "Please don't give a thought to paying on Friday. I'm having a lovely lady go out of her way to show me a nice evening. It would be my honour to show you a nice evening as well."

A credit to your country!
Which means I don't have to worry about going over budget, yay! But he also wants to eat authentic dim sum, so I'm happy to cross the place I couldn't afford off the list - we'll go into the heart of Chinatown.

My dress won't be here on time - it's not being posted til tomorrow :(
But then it's going to be rainy, so probably for the best. Jeans and a pretty top will do it. With platforms to keep my jeans bottoms off the wet pavements of course!

Re the other ad. It was removed within about 6 hours. No nudity apparently. Coulda fooled me! Still - 30-odd replies before it was. About 10 possibles and 5 likelies. The possibles I need more info, the likelies it's a case of communicating then meeting them and seeing if the spark is there. No spark, no point. The opportunity is fantastic though. I've been completely up front (ahem) so I won't have any hang-ups. Well - I may find some, being me.

I should be getting my beauty sleep now. Damn Diet Coke!

This is all so exciting SG, I can't wait to hear more...

Met my American boy last night.
He represented your country very well. Completely charming, intelligent, funny. He did very courteously offer his bed for the night, with the codicil that he wouldn't promise to let me sleep. But although that made my heart beat faster and gave me a definite tingle, I chose to go home. Probably because he'd been so very flattering I didn't want to spoil his opinion of me!

We had Dim Sum in China town - he likes to eat and enjoyed the fact I did too. Then walked for white a way through London, although I managed to take us round in a circle at one point :blush: He loves London and it was a pleasure to show it to him.

What can I say - a wonderful evening.
If he contacts me I will definitely meet up next time he's here - which is another training session in a couple of weeks. I can't promise to be as well behaved in future, but that's his conscience I guess!

In other news, I've made plans for next Saturday! It's still a case of meet & see if there's a spark. But it's a plan at least. Two other possibles. I'm not really up for it today (Dylan missing for 48 hours now - been going door-to-door) but I'm sure at some pointI'll be back to vetting them!

That sounds great Sundae! Super-fun! Of course I destroyed any "good opinion" my husband might have had of me right away. It's more honest, because he still has to deal with me every day....Now his good opinions of me lie outside the bedroom and are more authentic, because he knows I'm a traaamp for my hotty!!!


He thought I was hot, I thought he was super-hot, and we destroyed each others "nice" opinions right away. Killed them I think.......'Tis lucky we are still together after all that action in the beginning......

It was supposed to be a one night stand. I was busy working my ass off, had lost my fiance to death 10 months before, and didn't need anything too intense. Well, this one night stand has lasted almost 3 years now, and 2 consecutive marriages to the same person, without divorce. (lots of heavy fights so far, luckily no big D)

It makes me wonder why people judge women on their bedroom behavior and not men. I mean, if the tables were turned he'd already be the slut for offering you bed time Sundae. Why do guys base their judgements of women on solely one activity and of course, looks? If he asks he isn't a whore, but if you comply you are? Hell, the world works mysteriously, ignore my discussion of double-standards whilst you are still feeling good.....I think it applies because you are still dating however, and I feel compassion for all single people, the social trappings of dates, and perceptions.

The point of all this?
Awesome! Go have some fun for me!!! Oh and tell me about it! Yea!!:D

The only people that make that judgement, are the ones who aren't getting any of it.
If the lady says yes to someone else, she's a tramp. If she says yes to me, she's an angel. :D

I am all so excited for you. Even though this is the first time reading I sit here with that 'pre excitement' thrill for you. I just read how the meeting ended and it sounds like you both had a great time! I am so happy for you to have had this experience. I am rather all grinny for you right now.

When someone treats me like a lady, I feel honour bound to respond as such.
I appreciate the dichotomy, but the truth is I value intelligence, humour and courtesy far higher than physical contact. So if I believe someone else does too, I don't want to jeopardise that. I'd rather meet this charming man again for some of the same, than squander the evening on a one-off session of genital contact.

True, he might happily meet me again for conversation, dinner, walking if I had sex with him. But there's always a charged atmosphere afterwards.

Oh I dunno. Bottom line, he was very attractive but I felt good going home alone.

Intelligence, humour, and courtesy fades. Whereas raunchy sex does not. Your values are all screwed up there Sundae!!!
;)
lol! Just kidding...

Not that I believe that he values your intelligence over sex, for a second.

I think that's all that matters, that you felt good about how the evening ended. Good for you SG! Hope you continue to have fun!

I admire you for this. I imagine the afterglow in a meeting well done!

sundae is my hero sandwich!

I love it SG, sounds like a great time.

Next!

This thread has just suffered a lethal dose of estrogen.

I could post some of the photos of tumescent cocks I received if that would help redress the balance?

yes, please.

I think it would be cool if you just PM'd them to Brianna

or:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8vylE...eature=related