Engagement ring besides diamond?
 

Hi guys. Just seeking some advice from anyone who has it to give. I am going to ask my girlfriend to marry me this week on her birthday and need help on choosing a ring. I've been planning to ask her for a while now, but wanted to wait for the right time (which I think has finally come)
One problem I have is that she is morally opposed to diamonds (or, to be more accurate, opposed to the methods used to mine diamonds). I want to know other folks advice on a good alternate stone to buy her. I don't know anything about jewelery or jewels, so I'm in serious need of help. Also, is there a good trustworthy place to buy rings online? And how about a good way to determine her ring size without asking her?
I hope you don't mind if I lay out my proposal plan on you while I'm at it :blush:
I am currently out of town working 72 hours a week about an hour from home (staying at her parent's house, since they were kind enough to let me). I am going home to see her this coming Friday, which is also her birthday, and also my only day off (72 hour weeks suck :sniff: )
What I am planning on doing is asking her to go on a walk with me since it is supposed to finally be nice out by then, and walking with her down to the park where there is a special tree. I'm going to call my best friend too to come along with his digital camera (on the pretense that he just wants to take pictures of the blooming springtime) and ask him to take a picture of us in front of the tree that we climbed together one of the first times we really hung out together all those years ago, and propose then (Is it weird to want pictures?)
My other problem is that I'm out of town so I have to order online if I want a ring by then. Is there such a thing as a pre-engagement ring?
Any advice is appreciated--regarding the ring and/or my plan. Sorry if this post is crappy, I usually edit them first but after a 12 hour day, my brain is crappy too.
ps-I can ask her mom what size ring she wears, but I'm afraid her mom will blow the secret.

pps-she has pretty long fingers, and smallish to medium hands, so if you can suggest a good band to get her, I may just get her the band and wait on the stone and let her pick it.

Thanks again for any help :o

This site, http://www.fairjewelry.org/ , popped up on a search.

Try searching for 'ethical jewelry' and 'fair trade jewelry' using your favorite search engine.

I guess diamonds are the worst because there is a definite cartel (De Beers) that controls %40 of the market.

If she and you want to send a message and stick it to De Beers, you can go for lab-grown diamonds.

These guys http://www.diamondnexuslabs.com/ make diamond simulants. These guys http://www.apollodiamond.com/ and these guys http://www.gemesis.com/ manufacture real diamonds. I think Gemesis only makes yellow diamonds, but I could be wrong.

If I remember the articles correctly, there are actually two competing technologies for growing diamonds.

I'm surprised a South African hit squad hasn't taken these guys out yet. Most jewelers can't tell the difference, so in a way the 'natural' diamond is obsolete. It's pretty much what would happen if someone found an economical way to create gold.

Here's the wiki article on the companies and technologies involved.

BTW, if you have any cremated dead relatives or pets, there's always Lifegem.:rolleyes:

A ring is not necessary for the proposal, contrary to media suggestion. why not just ask her, then pick something out together. After all, she will wear the thing her whole life (you hope); why not make sure it's something she loves and matches her ethical sensibilities.

Cloud's got it. Tie a ribbon on her finger, and tell her it's to remind her to go with you to pick out rings.
Of course you're risking her picking out something that's more than you want to spend, but it might reveal a side of her you don't know. Good luck.

I would say use her birthstone, but for April, that's a diamond :lol:

Cloud and Bruce have it. Are you sure she would actually want a ring? Originally it was a symbol of possession, some women (myself included) are not so keen on the idea of being possessed.... ;)

Just ask her first. If she's all you believe she is, her answer and "the moment" will not be based on the production of the right ring at the right moment.

Also, if it were me, I would not want your friend accompanying us. If you truly need a picture, have your friend on standby and call them once she has said yes and agrees to your friend being "the first to know" and to the picture.

What she said. No friend there to spoil the moment, I'd want to be alone with my beau, and choosing the ring together is fun. Absolutely. Am I naff for suggesting that the two of you can discuss a budget for the ring? Once again if it were me I'd want to know the price range to be looking in, so's not to bankrupt my man.

I dont think you need to do the ring during your proposal either.

I agree with leaving your friend at home.

I think the fact that you have obviously thought about where and when to propose to your gf will speak volumes and she will enjoy picking out a *special* something with you.

As for alternate gems, there's a mob called trigem designs thats got a good reputation for Fair Trade.

As Limey mentioned, I wouldnt have a problem with discussing a price range.

YAY - sounds like a great plan...good luck

The advice you got so far is right on target, but I couldn't resist adding my own as well.

My wife didn't want a diamond. For many reasons. So when we got engaged, there was no ring present and then later she kept an eye out for the kind of ring she would want. When she saw one, she showed it to me and I got it for her.

Bought it at "The Museum Store" in the mall. It was a reproduction of a gold wedding band that was supposedly popular during the Renaissance. It's a band with a pair of clasped hands. I've seen other similar ones called "Fede rings." Hers looks just like this one, but in gold. Added bonus was that the money I could have spent on a diamond ring was spent on a much nicer honeymoon than we would have gone on otherwise.

Anyway, let her choose the ring. And leave your buddy at home. This is a time for just you and your future wife.

My Dad bought my Mum an engagement ring last year.
He would have had to borrow money in order to buy her a ring at the time, and she'd already expressed her unhappiness at the fact he was in debt.

And they reached their 40th wedding anniversary this year, so it's not a bad way to start!

Don't forget, you're the one doing the proposing, so to you it is already an established fact and of course you want to make it more special. But for her, she is being proposed to - it's a huge thing and the ring is a very distant second. She will always remember being asked to marry you - ring or no ring.

It's great that you have thought about this so carefully and considered her tastes and beliefs. I'm sure your girlfriend will appreciate it when you do get round to having that conversation.

My husband made my ring out of a piece of wire. I wore it with pride but looked like an idiot for months. I thought it was romantic and my friends weren't any less jealous.....It was truly the thought that counted.
:)
I still have it and carry it in my purse everwhere I go. The engagement ring was too cute.

We picked matching wedding bands together thank god, because I thought his personal choices were too flashy and were no indication of our non-flashy relationship and lifestyle. See how I am? I'll wear a wire but refuse to be flashy...I am non-traditional.

If she is traditional I might go with a band of some sort.

Ask her parents advice as well, they may have a good idea and they will be happy that their opinion was noted. What if she told her mom what she wants?

Not only should they (the parents) know about it, did you ask their permission first? Not that their answer really matters, it's just in good form.....

;)

I hope to all heck you are joking Cic. I would be livid if my bf discussed wedding plans with my parents before me, I think that's terrible advice.

I think talking to parents is a good idea, but only after girlfriend has said yes.

My husband gave me an aquamarine because my favorite color is aqua. I also didn't want a diamond and my birthstone is also diamond. (My birthday is coming!!) I love my ring. I just recently (finally) got my husband a ring. We picked out a titanium ring for him since he is always so rough on jewelry. The original wedding ring was one I wove from silver wire. Unfortunately it lasted about 2 weeks before breaking.

I think sapphires used to be used before the diamond merchants got creative and convinced everyone we needed diamonds.

An alternative: get a nice cz, like Diamonique, if you really want to present her with a ring. You can get one for under $200, and you can tell her it's a "place holder" for a ring you pick out together.

Or an heirloom from your own family, for the proposal itself -- with the promise of a ring you'll pick out together later.

I am not kidding Monster! It is a traditional way of asking for a hand in marriage! Especially if everyone knows it's coming anyway!! I think it's great advice!!

It may not be the way you would do it. But it is certainly traditional.

Why would I say that? There are heirlooms that families may want to use like up there in the quote from pie.

Some girls want the permission from there daddies. I don't make the rules.......

Traditional, yes. Good idea in this day and age, no. Marriage traditions in various places include dowries, female circumcision, women not keeping their own name, women using the title Mrs (as in belonging to Mr), no sex before marriage, fluffy white wedding gowns, competely shrouded bodies, childhood marriage, arranged marriage..... Not all of these traditions should be perpetuated.

Clearly the fiancee-to-be is a progressive independently-minded person to shun the tradition of a diamond. I doubt she would refuse him because he failed to "ask permission". She might if he did. So why take that risk?

Probably not a good idea if she is adamant against diamonds. Could be a source of embarrassment, with her friends, if she's been vocally against diamonds.

good point

Shopping together is fun. My beau and I did this years ago. Unfortunately we married young and are no longer together. My ring was a pearl and very beautiful. I hope to pass it on to my neice when she marries as I do not have children.

all the best to you!

He didn't say that she was shunning a tradition, he said she didn't want a diamond. I don't think some of these traditions should be perpetuated either, keep in mind I wouldn't even let a man "give me away" so I didn't have a wedding, I personally don't like a bit of it, as it all leaves a very poor taste in my mouth.

But it is human nature for girls to love their daddies and sometimes the offense would be to not ask his permission. Depends on who it is really. Not all women are progressive and I find most to be very surprised at how I conducted my marriage arrangements despite having all the options in the world to do a traditional ownership exchange in front of god and everybody. I am as progressive as they come in that manner, but I would hate to suggest something that isn't right for someone else in their marriage. Some women are still traditional and I find the more that they ask my opinion on what their marriage should look like, and the responses I get, we are still living in the dark ages despite my feelings that most of it is dead wrong for any self-respecting woman to do.

Progressivism does a 180 when a girl gets married. No one told you? Hey whatever makes her happy. Not monster happy. Her.
:D
Most traditional weddings make me want to vomit. But that's just me.

This guy will certainly be able to gauge if his girlfriend would like certain traditions maintained and some done away with. Depends on how much he wants to show respect to her father. The father who is more than likely not as progressive as his daughter.

I've never heard that. Do you have a cite? I've only seen "mistress of the household". And I don't think that means she "belongs" to the household.

I note the O.P. hasn't commented on our vunderbar suggestions.

I concur with your note Clouder.
He sounds really busy and probably will be until after the honeymoon. He's probably already gone with one decision or the other...I hope he writes back at some point, as I would like to know how it's all turning out!!
:)
*nosey* *oddly romantic minded randomly*

Mrs == Mistress

What risk? She might say no because he spoke with her parents as a nod to tradition? If she is that petty then she should be dropped at the curb and never thought of again.

It is my opinion that you're all wrong :) But then most of you are American I have have to say the biggest shock I had was how "old fashioned" it is here -not that there's anything wrong with old fashioned if that makes you happy, it was just not what I expected and it still surpises me greatly every now and then.

cicero, I'm not arguing with you, just stating that I believe your advice is bad. Of course I cannot say what would make her happy, that is why I am giving my opinion based on what would make me happy. Your opinion does not have to be the same. Also, the diamond is traditional. Not wanting diamond = shunning a tradition. My words, not the OP's, never claimed as the OP's. OK?

As for the Mrs thing, yes Mrs = Mistress. Way back when in my English class I was taught that Mistress came from the word mister's as in belonging to mister. I cannot find a quick online reference to this, maybe my teacher was incorrect. I doubt it though. Especially as the "correct form" of address for a married woman is to use her husband's first name: Mrs. Richard Wembley.

Either way, that was an aside and is not relevant to the OP's query.


If asking parental permission is just a petty nod to tradition over here, of course it will do no harm. But I really cannot believe that no-one feels that some brides may want to be the first to know and may want to break the news to their parents themselves. But then I am also amazed by the number of people who keep secrets from their spouses and run to their mom or other best friend for comfort before their spouses. Horses for courses.

Whores for intercourses?

Any other stone is better than a diamond in my opinion.

http://www.australianblackopals.com/.../frontnew1.jpg

Here's another way to do it.
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,351328,00.html

You could get a bit of bark from the tree where the proposal was made, have it encased in glass and use that

I didn't ask the parents' permission before I proposed to my wife. Fuck that. What if they said "no?"

In fact, I never really proposed to her. We just talked about the future and agreed that we wanted to be together forever. After that conversation we both realized we were engaged at that point. We waited a while before we told anyone though.

You misquote your source, Perry Winkle.

Emphasis mine, but correct. The last sentence states that the usage of the *phrase* "The Mrs." is from 1920. "The Mrs." is substantially different, implying possession, from "Mrs." which carries no such connotation.

Or maybe he wanted to go another traditional route that she would like outside of the diamond, and that's why he was asking in the first place?!?

Dunno moving on!
:p

And of course some brides want to be the first to know! lol!

But some brides also like the grand conspiracy of their loved ones caring enough, and working behind the scenes before the question is finally made. It at least makes for a good story later. Nothing wrong with it. Gives the parents also the chance of passing the guy an heirloom, and a moment to decide if they are going to put a congrats. ad in the local paper. Some people like their parents involvement from day one and it is a great introduction for a new person to their family. There's lots of ways to do things...I'm just trying to give options here.

I think my husband and I approached my parents together after we decided to get married. That was when we asked for a "blessing" from them...not permission, though.

Yea...I think blessing is a better way to put that. Good point case!
:)

unless you're not religious, of course.... ;)

that's a non-secular blessing sort of thing. Monster--are you saying our marriage customs are old fashioned? They probably are, come to think of it--there's certainly been a resurgence of wedding frenzy in recent years.

To my knowledge, it's common practice to ask the bride first, the approach the parents. It's more of a courtesy, really, because the couple may not feel obligated to bow to the parents objections, and just get married anyway, without the "blessing."

Oh, were we moving on? :)

How about diamonds from Canada, eh?

Ikuma, available at Ben Bridge.
Not South Africa.

Does it come with a Tee shirt that say's, "NOT A BLOOD DIAMOND"? :headshake

dunno. yet.

Erm yes I was (from my pov that it) and It is common practice in the UK to ask the other partner first, but the implication seemed to be that it is still common practice here to ask permission from the parents of the bride to be. Exactly my thinking -what are you gonna do if they say no or look distinctly uncomfortable? :lol: yes on........

The OP's big day is tomorrow -I wonder what plan he settled on? I wonder if he'll ever come back and tell us?

don't think it is--maybe in some ethnic groups, perhaps.

I was just saying there are tons of options. Holy Crap!!
Gosh...Freaks!
;)

I didn't say that was standard!
:headshake

Damn you Cic. Damn you to hell!

:lol:

yay! I'm a freak! and letting my freak flag fly!

. . . did I say yay?

:D

We aren't religious. I have personal spiritual beliefs that include the recognition of something that can be called a blessing. :D

No one was saying you are a freak Clouder.
:D

That goes without saying. lol!!! Bwuahahahaaa!