answer your phone with a punchline
 

I think I'm going with "rectum? damn near killed 'em!" but pronounced like "my name, how can I help you?" and see what people do.

if you post in this thread seventeen times a magical angel will appear and grant your greatest wish but no wishing for unlimited wishes please because that's just rude

what's your number?

Seventeen, of course.

"Flint Stone. How can I help you?"

"Joe's morgue. You stab 'em, we slab 'em."

The only one I know, I cant post because its really vulgar and would offend a heap of people.....


you do it, LJ!!

Joe's Abortions! You make em, we scrape em. No fetus can beat us!

zat the one?

At my first job, this was how I occasionally answered the phones when the boss wasn't around:

"Domino's Pizza, where ten inches is considered small, how can I help you?"

Thats him, LJ...thanks :)

I have this as my phone message.

For a while I had this as my ring tone.

By the grace of god, Alexander Graham Bell and BS telco, You've got #$%-%^&$. Please leave a message, if you yak before beep, no flapping message.

"Joe's Morgue. You stab 'em, we slab 'em. You kill 'em, we grill 'em. May I take your order?"

seriously....i answer the phone...if i see that it's an inside line calling...."Garden Shop!" or "Infectious waste!" or "Whaaaaaaaattttt????" all aggravated.....

it's funny the first time.

My Dad used to answer the phone, "Yo!" after seeing it in an episode of an American show. He was amazed that anyone got away with answering a phone like that, so took to doing it himself as a weird kind of proof that no-one did (?!)

I found it highly embarrassing as I was 14/15 and no-one, but no-one said "Yo" in my town, let alone people's Dads. My friends loved it.

I still answer the phone with a hearty "Yo"

...or I could just answer "I'm a frayed knot" and listen to people stammer...how did I know what they were going to ask?

My boyfriend has several of these which he uses to answer the phone for his friends...but of course I can't remember any of them right now. Dern.

My machine says, "If you know me, you know you have to speak up. If you don't know me, what the hell are you calling me for?"

Well, thanks for playing! ;)

Since I screen all my calls (ain't caller ID wunnerful!), most of what I answer is "Yeah."

Sometimes at work the answer is "Kelly's Pool Hall. Kelly speaking."

"... and that was the second time I got crabs. Oh, hello?"

I try to say stuff like that when someone joins a chat.

I prefer the reverse obscene phone call....Your friend calls: answer the phone and breath heavy...moan a little...speak some dirty words into the phone.
:)

Wtf did I miss?

Wouldn't either of these be more poetically awful:

Joe's Abortions! You make em, we bake em. No fetus can beat us!

or

Joe's Abortions! You rape em, we scrape em. No fetus can beat us!

BigV...just out of curiosity...is that a roman numeral 5 or a capital V??

yes

Yea...that's what I was thinking it was.

I thought it was a well-known hand gesture.

You've reached the Jones summer home. Some are home and some are not.

Joe's Deli, you can't beat our meat!

hello this call cost 9.95 a minute

I have two teenage daughters, so lately I've been using:
"dar residience. How may I direct your call?"

It amuses their friends and annoys the heck out of my daughters.

And that, folks, is what we call a win-win situation.

hahahahahha Good to see you again, dar.