Banana related deaths
 

This came up at work a few days ago: how many different ways can a person be killed that involve a banana (or bananas) as a crucial component?
For example:
:skull: Slip on a banana peel and crack your head.
:skull: Choke while attempting to eat too much banana.
:skull: Crushed to death under huge pile of bananas.
:skull: Smothered by being wrapped in a blanket made of stitched-together banana skins.
:skull: Stabbed to death with a (very) frozen, sharpened banana.
:skull: Hanged or garroted with a rope made from the fibers from a banana peel.
:skull: Drown in pureed banana.

And some less direct ones:
:skull: Suffer from such severe bananaphobia as to have a fatal heart attack at the sight of one.
:skull: Become convinced you are a banana, leap into a swimming pool attempting to make fruit salad, and drown.
:skull: Be sexually obsessed with bananas, be caught in an act of public banana-related perversion, and die of embarrassment.
:skull: Variant - choke while attempting to fellate a banana.
:skull: Be beaten to death by an angry gorilla from whom you are trying to steal a banana.

I am sure there are more, so let your twisted imaginations run free!

While attempting a healthy breakfast of banana in the car driving to work accidently drop it, and in attempt to retrieve it from your floorboards cross the median and get crushed under the wheels of an oncoming 18 wheeler.

You go on an all-banana diet, and eventually die from never pooping ever again.

You're doing the old pound a nail into a board with a frozen banana dipped in liquid nitrogen trick at the local grade school, and the brittle frozen banana shatters. The little banana slivers scatter all across the floor, where they immediately thaw out.

You slip on the slick mess covering the floor, and land on the dewar of liquid nitrogen. It spills all over you, causing serious frostbite on 10% of your body. The frostbite gets infected and you die.

Suicidal rage induced by one too many playings of "Banana Phone"?

EDIT: If you want to listen to it, go Google it for yourself. I don't want to have that responsibility weighing on my conscience.

I am glad you are highlighting how dangerous bananas are.
They are in fact the devil's fruit, and I can only choke them down when they are heavily disguised.

:D

Did you make that up? You could totally change the focus by inserting anykind of widget in place of a banana.

Labrat: quite likely
Flint (first): damn, I should have thought of that.
Glatt: very tense, never knew quite when the death was going to come. The next Steven King.
Steve: also, being killed by someone else driven to homicidal rage by the song, seems equally likely.
Flint (second): I was happier without having that in my universe, thank you. Go buy a whole lot of bananas, please.
Sundae Girl: And their shape is saucily suggestive, leading to carnal thoughts. They are clearly abominations.
Cloud: not all widgets will fit everywhere a banana will. Take care. But yes, I think I mostly made up the idea. And I sense thread drift approaching...

Someone shoots you with their banana gun

Have you never watched "Transylvania 6-5000"

slipping on a peel

Flint, I guess you don't care if you go to Hell.

Or is it that you feel you're already there, and want more of us to join you?

Practicing applying condoms in sex ed class, the banana gets over-excited and shoots it's load, all over the guy practicing with the cucumber. he jolts forward and (accidentally) rams the cucumber up the arse of the class nerd, causing him to tighten his grip on the small limp pickle and two grapes he brought. They shoot out of his grasp, the grapes lodge in each of your nostrils and the pickle flies into your gob which is stick open from the shock of seeing a banana cum. pickle obstructs windpipe, you suffocate.

I, for one, welcome our banana overlords.

What about an poin'ed stick?

brava!

Sudden anaphylactic shock, due to a previously unknown banana allergy.

That's not funny.

Actually, bananas used to make my throat itch. But I never died from it as far as I know.

Frozen banana boomerang "incident".

my sister died from that very thing. that's it, i'm leaving, you insensitive bitch.

"my sister died from that very thing..." ...on 9/11 ???

if you dropped a banana on someone from the world trade center on 9/10/01, it would have killed them. on the 12th....not so much.

asshole. that is why she died. she was in the tower when her symptons surfaced, but they thought it was stress related. cuz she was in the building. damn terrorist cooperating bananas.

but what about a passion fruit?

I'm sorry... that just wasn't all that funny. I'd like to reply in some funny way because you're a member of the clique, and display all the proper allegiances and rub elbows with the right types and everything...but.....that's the kind of post that can put a thread to sleep. So, explain yourself or make some kind of a rude comment about me in retaliation.....or something.

Top marks Monster.
You are significantly weirder than I am. Well done.

I knew, I just knew, that this thread was going to end up at "you bastard, my sister was killed with a banana on September 11..."
I'm just surprised it took so long.

TRUTH CAN BE STRANGER THAN FICTION
 

From this anagram:

"Within a week of the 9/11 attacks a glimmer of humor apperared. According to one Washington Post reporter, the time it took between the first plane hitting the World Trade Center and the first attempt at Internet humor was 5 days, 2 hours, 8 minutes and 1 second. It consisted of anagrams (a word or phrase formed by rearranging the letters of another word or phrase) of the name Osama bin Laden: “Animals on a bed.” “I'm Dole bananas.” ”I'm no bean salad.”"

To this news article title:

"Moussaoui Has One Foot on a Banana Peel and . . ."

Old practices making news again:

"The Banana War" (Oh my Chiquita!)

And a blast from the past:

"Banana was found guilty of 11 charges of sodomy, attempted sodomy and indecent assault in 1998."

"Used to"? I guess you perfected your deep-thraot technique, eh?

For some reason, I think I've posted this here before...

30,000 POUNDS OF BANANAS
Harry Chapin


It was just after dark when the truck started down
the hill that leads into Scranton Pennsylvania.
Carrying thirty thousand pounds of bananas.
Carrying thirty thousand pounds (hit it Big John) of bananas.

He was a young driver,
just out on his second job.
And he was carrying the next day's pasty fruits
for everyone in that coal-scarred city
where children play without despair
in backyard slag-piles and folks manage to eat each day
about thirty thousand pounds of bananas.
Yes, just about thirty thousand pounds (scream it again, John) .

He passed a sign that he should have seen,
saying "shift to low gear, a fifty dollar fine my friend."
He was thinking perhaps about the warm-breathed woman
who was waiting at the journey's end.
He started down the two mile drop,
the curving road that wound from the top of the hill.
He was pushing on through the shortening miles that ran down to the depot.
Just a few more miles to go,
then he'd go home and have her ease his long, cramped day away.
and the smell of thirty thousand pounds of bananas.
Yes the smell of thirty thousand pounds of bananas.

He was picking speed as the city spread its twinkling lights below him.
But he paid no heed as the shivering thoughts of the nights
delights went through him.
His foot nudged the brakes to slow him down.
But the pedal floored easy without a sound.
He said "Christ!"
It was funny how he had named the only man who could save him now.
He was trapped inside a dead-end hellslide,
riding on his fear-hunched back
was every one of those yellow green
I'm telling you thirty thousand pounds of bananas.
Yes, there were thirty thousand pounds of bananas.

He barely made the sweeping curve that led into the steepest grade.
And he missed the thankful passing bus at ninety miles an hour.
And he said "God, make it a dream!"
as he rode his last ride down.
And he said "God, make it a dream!"
as he rode his last ride down.
And he sideswiped nineteen neat parked cars,
clipped off thirteen telephone poles,
hit two houses, bruised eight trees,
and Blue-Crossed seven people.
it was then he lost his head,
not to mention an arm or two before he stopped.
And he slid for four hundred yards
along the hill that leads into Scranton, Pennsylvania.
All those thirty thousand pounds of bananas.

You know the man who told me about it on the bus,
as it went up the hill out of Scranton, Pennsylvania,
he shrugged his shoulders, he shook his head,
and he said (and this is exactly what he said)
"Boy that sure must've been something.
Just imagine thirty thousand pounds of bananas.
Yes, there were thirty thousand pounds of mashed bananas.
Of bananas. Just bananas. Thirty thousand pounds.
of Bananas. not no driver now. Just bananas!"

Oui, la petite mort, but it's ok, cause you go to heaven.

For this thread, it only counts if you used a banana to get there.

Say, do you have "lady finger" bananas where you are?

Trust me. I'm pretty passionate about ladies fingering my banana.

It's a pun, people.

Banana, penis (implied); lady finger, fingering; passion fruit, passionate.

Any more questions?

Yeah... what does the kumquat represent?

:lol2:

Various half-formed images are swirling in my mind... and I don't much like any of them.

In my mind they're all fully formed.

Re: Flint

WTF??? And people wonder why dogs turn on their owners.
I say this cross-species genetic engineering has gone too far!

Ok new death: fatally mauled by pack of vicious banana-dogs. Tragic.