Weeeeeird Situation
 

This is really nothing to do with me, but I just feel weird being kinda involved in it....which is hypocritical, because...well........anyways.

Some history....

My first *real* boyfriend (we shall call him T) and I moved in together when we were both 18 (been going out since we were 17) and we used to share-farm a 500 cow dairy farm...we were together for 6 years.

I left him because he got really controlling and possessive/jealous.

Anyways, he hooked up with a girl (we shall call her K) two weeks after I left and they have been together since, married, have 3 little kids etc etc. He's quite a successful businessman (they own a couple of farms, a nite club and a little crafty shop that K runs).

K and I actually get along quite well, and have been acquaintances (we run in the same social circles) for many years. T and my boss are best mates (my boss, his first wife, T and I used to hang out socially heaps back in the day). T and I are civil, but not really friends. He's arrogant and his pride was wounded when I left him.

Sooooo, here I sit, doing a finance application for T on a little sports car that I know is for his mistress, who works for him at the club.

She's here too. I know they were sprung in a *comprising* position (read: her bent over the desk) by the mistress' little sister (who happens to be our female apprentice mechanic).

I ..just...feel...weird about the whole thing.

I dont like being involved in this one bit, but my boss told me to bite my tongue and do the deal.

So, that makes me wonder that if it were T & I still together and he was doing this for mistress and T...would it bother my boss at all?

Should it bother me?

Sorry...its a nothing post but I just had to get it out and its messing with me head a little.

DucksNuts, I have no real good advice so I just wanted to say it'd be a great script for a movie.

SELLIT!

wow,,,,something like that if you think of the 'what ifs' too much it will drive you bonkers!

The fact is you are NOT with him so just think of it as confirmation that you made the right choice many years ago? How could it NOT bother you though. Just feel lucky I guess?

sorry not much help

Probably not half as weird as the sister.

You knew that T was boning this other woman, right? And you didn't tell K about it? Ask yourself why not.

What is T's greater offense against K? Sticking it to this other woman? Or buying her a car?

The way I see it, if you, for whatever reason--friendship with K, revenge on T--whatever--feel you should tell K about the other woman, then fine, go for it. I don't see that the purchase of the car changes the situation from your standpoint. I understand you probably feel like you're aiding and abetting by handling some of the paperwork. But that's your job; it's just that you know more about T than you normally do about your customers. (Besides, if your boss is that tight with T, I'm sure there was at least some small consideration.)

Should you be bothered? Yeah, probably so, but I don't see you have any grounds to judge how T spends his money. Maybe you have a case for telling K about the other woman, but the way I see it that's a totally separate consideration from the deal with the car. Really, your only choice is to say something to K or keep your mouth shut. If T is buying a car, he's buying a car.

The trouble with telling K....as I see it, is you don't really know how much she a) knows, b) is comfortable not knowing or c) is ignoring. Sometimes these situations carry on for years and that seems to more or less work for the people involved. But bring it out into daylight and it becomes a critical problem for the marriage.

I am not going to tell K.

As Steve pointed out, I have known about this for a few months and havent done anything about it.....it was just really thrown in my face today with the whole *buy the bit of fluff a car*.

I dont see it as my place to inform her, shes not a close friend.

The other thing is, his local township (small town and my parents home town) has been gossiping about it for the last week...K will find out soon enough, if she doesnt already know.

She's a smart chick and he's not doing much to hide it (they are always together, including when he brings the kids into town)...in the back of my mind, I think she already knows.

Or d) If she too has a lil sumptin sumptin on the side - I dunno.

I think what sky said was right and also Steve. Take this as just another reason why you did the right thing so long ago.
I wonder how could K's sister not tell her?? Thats effed up. You on the other hand are moreso on the sidelines - just process the paperwork and be done with it.

Is it just me or does it seem a little dumb to finance a car for your mistress? 1. She could bail out and he could be stuck making payments on a car for some gal he used to bone. 2. Payments are easier to track.

If you are going to buy a car for your mistress, pay cash.

Can I have that line for my sig?

It doesn't sound like you are close to either of them anymore.......
ay- forget about it.

Jack up the price and send a receipt to his house.

I stung him rather hard on rate and brokerage :)

T says..."dont I get mates rates?"....I look at him then her...."Ummm - NO!"

I stopped being a friend with someone recently over something like this.
Told him that if he can lie like that to his wife so easily he will do it to me eventually.

What a cocksucker. Good job you're done with him ducky.

What goes around comes around. He'll get bitten on the arse sooner or later and your conscience will be clear. ;)

Yes... ten years ago I would not have agreed with this. Then I got burned.

I think it depends on the depth of the lie. And whether you're lying to others or mostly to yourself.

A wife and kid qualifies to "others" to me.

What Ali said. Jeez Ducks, you were smart to break it off with T when you did.

It is all yours!

Get every body to gather and have a group grope !!!!! ;) ;) ;)

this concept totally escapes me. what's the point in having a wife & a mistress. it's seriously gonna cost him some money. if i was her - i'd kick his ass - and the chick too.

Yeah, if you told her she'd probably write it off as the "jealous ex" making trouble. He really sounds like a charmer, though... :rolleyes:

Do you want the same mouth that's doing all those nasty things to kiss your children?

If the girlfriend then wife wasn’t doing “her duty” (I hate that word, but for lack of better) or satisfying him in the beginning, he shouldn’t have gotten married. That’s ludicrous. If things have changed that drastically since marriage, get a divorce. I just assume that unless your “royalty” you have the choice of whom you marry – so it should be for love, right? It can’t be that he’s staying for the kids – especially since she noted that the kids had seen him with her. I know people tend to grow apart, but I also know a lot of people don’t. If he is so dissatisfied, just leave and end it. Of course, we are only seeing one basic point of view – who knows what the wife is truly like, if she’s a bitch or whatever, again, just end it.

(now Bruce don’t you get “to hateful” when you read & reply (if you do reply), it's just my thoughts)

Oh, that’s what Scope is for.

Funny. You can sometimes observe a "Virgin Mary" obsession in Mexican culture:

The wife is supposed to be pure and chaste, an ideal "Virgin" female; so recreational sex is reserved for dirty whores.

Damn lucky dirty whores.

damn T's the fucking man! does he need any friends? lol seriously though, i wouldn't mention anything if i were you, it sounds like you may end up getting the worst of it.

Jester, I assume that many people that realize that their marriage has changed don't want to divorce because it is very tough on children. If both sides agree on having mistresses or misters (????), then it probably could be for the best of that family and most importantly, the children, assuming the parents would be open with the children if they did find out what was really happening.

That whole "staying for the kids" is always bullshit. They are staying for money, comfort, or both.
Staying in a fucked-up marriage instead of having two separate happy (or, at least one) parents is always worse.
Kids are not stupid, parents are.

Pierce - I understand what you are saying, but I don't believe that this particular situation is amiable. I also agree with rkz - kids do know craps going on - my own parents divorced when I was 5, yes it was hard because my father brought myself & 3 brothers to TN from CA. Even then you could tell something wasn't right - he was never home and to this day I'm not totally sure what the main reason was, but I do know they still don't get along.

Moi? Certainly not, your opinion is as valid as anyone's.

Exactly. Old school Mediterraneans think the same way.

I can attest to that!