My apologies
 

I agree with SundaeGirl, that I owe an apology to Wolf and Zippy for my outburst. I was hurting inside so much, and feeling ganged up on I wanted someone to hurt as much as their complacency and lack of compassion hurt me. The things I said were wrong.

Having said that, I will not concede that they weren't having fun at my expense at first. I wondered if that is the role of a moderator, to get joy out of someone on the edge.

I may post from time to time. Those who have supported me and said they hoped I came back, well, your words meant so much to me. The others who still found it uproariously funny, I have put on ignore. The biggest hurt came from a couple of people who seem to argue and foster anger in so many here, yet I continued to talk to them and be nice and try to understand...they too were more than happy to plunge their little knives in my back.

I won't name any names, but you who are kind, you know who you are. You who are not, I don't need to let you push me any more.

Wolf, Zippy...sorry for my harsh words.

Even with the people here with a penchant for cruelty (does it make them feel better about themselves in some way?) I have met some of the most amazing people here. It's my loss if I let the bad apples ruin that for me.:sniff:

Whatever is going on in your life right now, I hope things get better soon.

HUGS

Shel

It is a delight to see you back!

I tried to reply to the contact stuff you sent but you put in an invalid reply address.

Moderators are elected and it a tad unfair to call them out specifically because they are moderators. All it means is they have responsibilities in helping maintain the stuff. It doesn't mean they can't have personalities, some of which may be abrasive from time to time. Same applies to ownership.

My question is this Shawnee, if you feel close enough to 'us' that you are actually hurt by what you felt were personal attacts by some, then why not share with us what exactly is going on personally, so that we may understand as well? There is a high likelyhood that, even if someone can't directly help you here, just by 'talking' about it, the perspective you'll get is worth the time it took to post ten-hundred-fold.

I have learned that when I'm in certain 'moods' there are things I just shouldn't do because they will always have bad consequences. (doesn't mean i always stay out of certain situations, i have a short memory sometimes...:rolleyes: )

Whatever is going on, if you can't handle any more stress, why bring more onto yourself by doing something that will get you worked up?

Good luck with whatever is going on, I hope you can focus on getting that taken care of so that you can get back to yourself.

In the meantime, checkout Cuteoverload.com. Nothing bad will ever happen to you by visiting that :D

Sticks and stones, etc.

The apology is appreciated.

I am very happy to see you back, Shawnee123.

I wasn't insulted by your remarks so it's not my place to forgive. However, as one of the stunned "innocent bystanders", I found the whole outburst completely out of character. I'm willing to chalk it up to temporary insanity or "displacement" or whatever. Your actions and your posts will tell for sure. And last week was only one step back in a long line of steps forward.

The most important step forward is this thread. You don't drown if you fall face down in the mud, you only drown if you stay there. Glad to see you on your feet again. :)

If you don't consider a diabetic coma from sweet overload a bad thing, I would agree.

You can temper the sweetness with a little bit of Lolcat humor by visiting icanhascheeseburger too.

Welcome back Shawnee - I agree with LabRat - if you think of us as friends or family - we're willing and able to help you through whatever crap life is throwing at you at the moment. Just let us know what we can do.

I'm glad you're not leaving, Shawnee. Welcome back. :comfort: :hugnkiss: It wouldn't be the same around here, with you.

I'm glad you came back.

My job has been getting increasingly worse, with me unable to handle the stress in my personal life let alone what is going on here. But, so many people have given me good advice about the job situation, so I don't want to be a broken record. I am the only one who can change the job, but I'm either too scared or too complacent to do so. :)
I have had some health issues, from a recent illness that really knocked me on my butt and I haven't fully recovered from. Attending the doctor for that, they found my BP to be through the roof, and instantly put me on meds for that. The combo illness/weird medication makes me very worn out, tired, and irritable. Personal life, I am trying to stop letting my ex b/f use me for everything I have, to quit feeling sorry for him. I am in dire financial straits, though not all his fault, he had much to do with it. So here I am, 42 years old, feeling like a child, feeling lonely and worthless, and trying to reach out yet pulling back out of fear of being hurt. Not a good combination. That's it in a nutshell, I guess. I also try to remember that there are those who are dealing with MUCH more than I could imagine, so then I feel guilty for wallowing. :blush: Yeah, I"m pathetic.

Thank you wolf, you are showing class that I most definitely lacked. The horrible things I said didn't even really mean anything. I'm not sure what either of you look like; all those awful things just came out. I hope you realize that.

Thanks BigV. As some predicted, I am quite embarrassed and ashamed. I'm not even sure who that girl was. Shawnee's evil twin?

Thank you all for your support. I apologize again to all of you for behaving like such a bratty child.

Welcome back Shawnee.

*Welcome back, welcome back, welcome baaack*

-Mase song "Welcome Back"

My soul sister!! :) Including dire financial straits, uncertainty about job situation and all!

Welcome back, Shawnee. *hugs* :comfort:

The best advice I never follow is this: be very, very kind to yourself and forgive yourself, too.

Welcome back, Kotter.

I'm glad you're back, Shawnee. Hopefully you've hit your low point and will only see better things from here.

I don't think apologies are neccesary. I think everyone should get over themselves.

I'm sorry, LJ. :o

Thanks again everyone!

I'm glad to see you back too :)

Full Moon Rising
 

Shawnee - I had convinced myself that you were a werewolf, and that you had locked yourself out of the cellar to protect the others.

While some would have used against you the wooden stake, the silver bullet, and the cold steel chain, the people in the Cellar embraced you with the gentle touch of human kindness. It was that that brought you back.

Tell me I'm right.

Tell me I'm right.

There's another full moon in a day and a night.

I was relieved to see "banned" changed to "freak extraordinaire." :) Glad you're back, Shawnee.

Stuff happens Shawnee. All good in the neighborhood.

Welcome back. That was one of the classier re-entries I've seen around these parts.

Hey Shawnee, life really sux sometimes and you're not the only one guilty of losing the plot over something entirely unrelated to what's really wrong.

I'm pleased you're back and I hope that things get better for you really shortly.

Welcome Back Shawnee.

Best wishes with whats going on with your life :)

No hard feelings Shawnee

With my relative absence and total self-absorption lately, I still don't have any idea what, exactly, happened, but that doesn't mean that I don't care.

Shawnee, you're one of my faves, and I'd hate to see you gone. Always feel free to PM or email me for mucho sympathy and subtle flirtation when you need a quick pick me up. :blush:

Welcome back Shawnee123, you have always been a good egg to me. I am glad you did not leave for good. :D

Look Shawnee, for the last time... you can have my body, but I'm not going to take your money.

Hey chick - I'm so glad you're back.

I hope I didn't come across too sanctimonious in my post - I was disappointed in the way things came down, but I'm glad I had faith in your strength of character. You do have it, however you try to diminish yourself. I know from what you have said about other people in your real life that they recognise it too - you're too hard on yourself and low self esteem is a downward spiral (I have notes in case you missed any classes).

You're one of the good ones - try to remember that when the red cloud comes down. Start your own wahwahwah thread - I don't mean to belittle what what you are going through, I just mean that if you start a thread purely to sound off (as other posters have done in the past, including me) at least you will feel free to write about yourself, your feelings, your situation etc. You might get some stick, esp if someone who doesn't know you stumbles across the thread - either ignore it or take a day before you reply. I hope you know by now that there are plenty of people willing to get a PM as a sounding board. If you've really bared your soul you'll probably find a regular poster will fight your corner. And if regular posters give you tough love then it might at least give you another perspective.

And quit that damned job :)
I've said it before and I'll keep saying it until you feel ready and capable to make the change - it's no good for you and the longer you stay there the worse you'll feel.

Good luck with everything - you know I'm thinking of you and I am so pleased you not only came back, but also came back with class and not with accusations.

Welcome back,
Your dreams were your ticket out.

Welcome back,
To that same old place that you laughed about.

Well the names haven't all changed since you hung around,
But those dreams have remained and they're turned around.

Who'd have thought they'd lead ya
(Who'd have thought they'd lead ya)
Back here where we need ya
(Back here where we need ya)

Yeah we tease you alot cause
we've got you on the spot,
Welcome back,
Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back.

:cool: very cool Im in agreement twice in one day!


In fact I was thinking the same thing as I was reading through this thread. gawd that needed to be said outloud. Leave it to lj


Is that the 'welcome back kotter song?'

Yup.
Slightly modified.

:)