Sex and parenting: if wishes were fishes
 

What do you wish your parents had told you about sex?

Alternatively, what do you wish you had told your children about sex?

I'm very very very glad my parents didn't tell me much about sex.

That is not a conversation I want to have with either of them.

*shudders*

not much. my dad had 'the talk' with me....but most of what i learned, i learned from.......(too many options here....can't get the joke out......)

please complete the above sentence.

Research, mostly books, before the actual attempt. From there, practice makes perfect

I would have appreciated more information on other sex acts besides intercourse.

Intercourse is overrated.

And Ibram, I can't say I think much of any parents who have never discussed sex with their 16-year old child. Embarassment is not an excuse.

Well I mean, they had the sorta-talk when I was like tennish I guess, but I mean, I was looking at (and got caught looking at...) porn before they ever REALLY sat me down for a talk, so... they kinda missed out and between my independent streak (which I was duly punished for and then was never spoken of again) and school sex ed, they never needed to. I filled in the gaps just fine.

Eh, the schools do fine educating the kids I guess.
I don't really want to tell any potential future kids of mine how to do it. Awkward and uncomfortable.

I'm sorry, but I don't agree. The schools do NOT do a fine job of it. They teach stupid abstinence shit per our lovely gov't administration; or they teach "ovaries and sperm," which has little to do with RL. And what are we left with? Too many teenage pregancies and STDs.

:(

Good point. My wife can tell the kids then.

"Guiseppi, go ask your mom."

I agree the schools need to do something for the stupid kids, but c'mon, as a recent graduate of the bullshit health classes, I can tell you that not a single kid in the class (or, for that matter, the teacher) takes the abstenence bullshit seriously.

Schools teach the physics, the basic what-goes-where... the rest, the when to put what where, the how to most effectively put what where, etc, is up to the kid (or, by that point, teen, i guess) to figure out.

they don't take the classes seriously. Neither did I, and that was a looooong time ago. That's precisely why they are ineffective, and parents who rely on them solely are deluding themselves.

Do you have any idea what's it's like to be a 12 year old girl who has no idea why she suddenly starts to bleed from there? It didn't happen to me, but it happened to a lot of my friends.

We had sex-ed in the 6th grade in Fairlawn, NJ. Mostly "Don't do it unless you're married and these are the diseases you can get!".

Helped me almost as much as the subscription to Playboy my Mom got me when I was 10. lol!!!

My school didn't do that thankfully. We actually didn't really go far into what to do but more just the biology of it.

I have, in my full time car, a 4 yr old boy and a 2 yr old boy.....I have NFI how I will go with the talk when that time comes....but I am sure it will be informative and entertaining.

but what do you wish someone (parents or not) would have told you about sex that you had to learn the hard way?

Sorry - forgot that bit huh.

I remember my Mum starting that conversation in the car, but I cut her off as I already knew the basics from school classes (bit different over here).

The rest was trial and error. I do wish I had some prior knowledge about stuff other than penetration....but I dont think it turned out too badly

I loved the experimentation of 2 young people in their first sexualrelationshiop

:hugnkiss: :hide: :doit:

When I was in school they weren't doing this stupid abstinence stuff... and as I had found my parents porn when I was about 8 or so I pretty much knew what went on and how it worked. My mom tried to talk to me about it when I was 12 I think, but as I had been having my period for quite some time I knew the mechanics and everything already. I think my dad said something to me about it when I was 17, to which I promptly told him I had the talk long ago. Hee hee

I honestly don't know how I would go about it when I have children. That is something that I will need to ponder more as that time comes closer.

And I think my parents did a fine job, but I learned almost all of the mechanics from school (and what they didn't teach I already knew from my accidental findings).

More sex ed could certainly be taught in schools. I had some form of sex ed in 7th, 8th, 9th, 10th and 12th grades, and in retrospect I did learn a lot and so far have kept myself out of trouble. But yeah, teens are stubborn and hardheaded, so I think the majority of students won't really listen anyway.

Not a peep from my parents about sex, other than "you're too young to even be thinking about that" (this was at 23 years old). I learned most of what I know from my oldest brother and wikipedia.

I guess I wish they had told me what I plan to tell my kids in the future. I expect they'll have the mechanics down at a pretty early age; what I hope to emphasize is that things like STDs and pregnancy should not be treated as a game of probability. One slip could mean serious consequences. And with that in mind, to carefully consider how they go about their sexual relationships. Sex is healthy and great, but it should be treated with a certain amount of maturity/respect, like driving a car. (sorry that sounded kinda dumb)

I'm more worried about having to provide emotional counsel. I remember in my first "serious" relationship (9th or 10th grade) getting carried away with the idea of being in love and whatever. IMHO, there's a lot of growing up to be done before those kinds of decisions should be made. I mean, I'm 26 and I still have no effin' clue what I'm doing.

West Virginia?

a lot less dumb than the "goes in there like a plug in a socket" line I got.

And you're right--the emotional stuff is harder, but by the 10th grade or so they mostly don't listen to you anyhow.

I think my parents did a pretty good job, starting with "wait, he pees in her china?!" My school health program was better than most, too -- we covered all the different methods of contraception available at the time, and they didn't push abstinence too hard.

The funnier parts were my mom trying to explain dirty stuff in pop culture. "Well, they called the band Cream because all the musicians were the best from other bands, so they were like, the cream of the crop." :D

Ha--my dad fervently maintained that the ZZ Top lyric "She wore my pearl necklace" had no dirty connotations. "That's ridiculous," he said, "They just do lots of songs about dressing nicely, like 'Cheap Sunglasses' and 'Every Girl's Crazy ('Bout a Sharp Dressed Man)!"

LOL!

I never had an official "talk." The main themes I recall with my parents were that A.) my mother was overeager to scientifically educate me far, far too young, thus as a 5-year-old I knew what a vibrator was but the knowledge did nothing but gross me out and confuse me; and B.) later they both backed way off and did the denial/sheltering thing (a la song lyrics above) which only led me to believe that my parents didn't actually know anything about sex. My mother was trying to give me advice on a boyfriend once, and I brazenly told her that she didn't even know what "sixty-nining" was so her advice was useless. (She had pretended innocence to the innuendo at some point, because it apparently didn't occur to her that I already knew what it referred to.)

My friend told me his story. He was like 14 year old, watching TV with his dad or something.
Something on TV had to do with sex and in the commercial break he was like "Son, you know...How do I say this..."
My friend was like "Dad, I know."
The dad goes "Ok."
END!
hahaha

Grew up on a ranch/farm. I saw animals doin' it, havin' babies, etc, all the time and was told everything as I asked it.
We believe if a kid is old enough to ask, they are old enough to know, if you tell them too much they just ignore it. I have seen this in action many times.
Was very poor for a time also, living in some of those conditions lent itself to seeing things most kids that age do not see.

:rolleyes:

My parents never gave me the talk...they gave me a book they got from the doctor called "A Doctor Talks to 9-to-12 Year Olds." Most of what I learned I got from (clinical) books and the occasional movie. I thank God that I had the intelligence and good sense to want to know stuff without getting myself in trouble.

I want to thank everyone for sharing their stories of "the Talk," but I would like to redirect people to my original intent:

Is there anything you wish you had been told?

Nope.

well, I wish I had been told how to give hand jobs . . .

like THAT was going to happen!

Nope. I thought that when I said they did a fine job, that part would be obvious, but I forget you don't have the same thought processes as me and so it wasn't obvious at all. :blush: But I learned pretty much all I wanted and needed to know. All of the things I wish I had known you can't teach someone, they have to learn on their own. And if they had tried to explain those things I would have ended up more confused than I was in the first place since I had no point of reference to understand until it would have been to late.

One thing I do wish they had done (not told me or taught me) was take me to the doctor for birth control. It would have been much better than wondering if there had been an accident with the condom and whatnot. Maybe if they had made it known that if I ever decided to have sex then they wanted me to be safe about it and they would help me. I was going to have sex regardless so it isn't like they would have made me want to earlier than I did by being open about it. Maybe that does count as something they should have told me, but it is slightly different than what I thought you were referring to so I will leave my answer as is. Sorry for the rambling... :blush:

My mum was a hippy. I wish she hadn't told me about the sex ahe had with her boyfriends.

I'll let you know on the "wish I had/hadn't told the kids" thing when they let me know :lol:

This morning my newly 8yo son woke me up by climbing into bed and asking "what's sex?"

I don't have a problem with the question, but at that time in the morning all I want is a cup of tea :lol: (we don't listen to radio sesame street in the morning.... in the local news, a cop has been charged with forcing couples to have sex......)

Every kid in my house knew the following by the age of 10:

1) how consenting adults made love and had sex and what the difference between the two were.

2) How people contracted HIV/AIDS and through homosexual behvior, hexerosexual behavior, needle sharing, pregnancy, or blood and body fluid exchange.

3) 99% of all slang sex language and what it means.

4) How to have safe sex, but that our preference was that you did not. If you did you get to go on birth control. Boy - unlimited access to condoms and a long discussion of what it means to be a daddy at the age of 15.

5) A good discussion on how it will change your life forever if you are involved in a teen pregnancy and what responsibilities you will forever be involved in.