I'm a middle school kid again
 

How do you dance with girls? Approach them, get them to notice you, get their interest in you.

Many of you know I recently broke up with my girl last week, so tonight I was gonna show the world how over her I am.

Fucked it up. Went to this bar/club where I danced with not 5, not 10 but 0 girls. Didn't even have the balls to get in the position to make a move. I'm so used to having a girlfriend and not worry about "prospects" that I totally realized I am no where being over my ex. I called her while I was there, told her I wasn't having a good time and still loved her (let the jokes roll). But I know things ultimately won't work out, but still I miss having her. That's why I went to the club tonite, to start to figure out how to be single, except it made me feel even more emo and lame.

I think you have to walk up behind a girl and pull her pigtails.

I think you did show the world how over her you are. That is, not so very much over her.

Really, don't go out and put pressure on yourself to pull off some kind of Don Juan performance. It's not going to happen, and you'll just end up frustrated.

Also, you need to realize that pretty much everybody else has some sort of insecurity that they're dealing with. You feel like an emo lamer; the guy dancing with every babe in the room has the same insecurity, he's just ignoring it and having fun.

Abraham Lincoln is reputed to have said to his future second wife, "I would like to dance with you in the worst way." She later remarked that he had indeed done it in the worst way... stepping all over her feet, etc.
I thought you were supposed to put the pigtails in your inkwell?

Anyway as should be obvious by now I have no helpful advice. But I would suggest you examine whether a club like this is an environment that's good for you to meet girls. By "good" I mean you're comfortable there, you like the place, etc. Maybe it is--if so, go for it. If not, consider where else you might go. If you're not at ease in your surroundings, there's no way you will make any time with the ladies.

Just walk up to a girl and sa out loud, "Do you smell fish?". As she is running after you to kick your balls into the next county, the other girls there will see her chasing you and assume you must be really hot
and then they will want to meet you. :D

Not only that, once she does successfully kick your balls into the next county, you won't care about meeting any women.

If timidity is a big issue for you, do what I did: stop masturbating.

When the juices build way up you become much less risk averse and way more aggressive in pursuing your goal.

I can't tell what is real advice anymore.

Everything I say is true, but I may mislead you on purpose.

... so I shouldn't suggest pushing one down on the playground then?

I'm having the same problem fresh but a little different. I never had a long relationship so I know how you feel ALL too well. I am usually very shy and have the exact same problems as you. I have a very bipolar confidence when it comes to girls, sometimes I will have all the confidence in the world and sometimes I will have none. It really depends on how I am feeling and if I'm drunk or not (alcohol is confidence in a bottle for me).

I can't give you any suggestions that have worked 100% for me but confidence is always a big part. I would advise going to there to have a good time instead to dance with girls. I have found that when I am there to have a good time I will end up dancing with more girls than if I go there to dance with girls.

For the record, I was not suggesting you use Lincoln's line. Unless, perhaps, you're attending the Historical Society Cotillion.

Wait, but I just came out of a long relationship.

That means I have always been the single guy that usually doesn't dance with anyone. High School dances sucked for me. It is your first time, that is why it is different. Sorry I made that confusing.

That's because there isn't any, every male in the world, was still trying to figure it out when the next stage of his life took over.
Everyone is different, some are very bold, some are very shy, some are comfortable hanging with girls.

The ones that can hang with them, get to meet more of them, but that doesn't mean they have more chance of connecting. They could consider you a confidant, like a brother, and most girls don't date their brothers.

The only thing that will allow you to get over her is time. During that time just try to keep busy amusing yourself. When the time is right, one of them will cull you out of the herd. Then you'll be sorry you didn't make better use of your single time, because you won't have any time of your own, anymore.:lol:

It's easy (sorta). Don't supplicate. Don't act needy. Behave with confidence. Act like you don't need any woman, but show some interest :)

FC, here is some serious advice for you.

You could very well meet a nice girl at a club, but I think it will be highly unlikely. If you're just looking for a good time with no strings attached, then go to the club and just ask a few girls to dance. If they say no, they say no. *shrugs* No harm, no foul.

Ugh, FC? Please call me Fresh.
Thanks for all this advice, but since I went home for spring break...we got back together and had a nice quickie in the backseat. :) My update.
I know, like what the freak hahaha.

That's instinctive behavior.

But you gotta remember, she knows that. She knows that, given opportunity, you'll hit it and thus stay involved.

Serious advice: go to some derby bouts, there's a league in Chicago. Lots of cool chicks there.

If you don't have a car, you can probably get a bunch of guys to go and carpool. I mean, take a look at those girls.

More serious advice: If you go, wear some black.

(for when you break up again)Take this advice from an older woman who has many years' experience observing the opposite sex: I can tell you what I find sexy, it's very simple.
A guy doing what he does well with unconscious confidence. A couple of examples?
1 A fat, ornery kind of guy playing rock and roll guitar, so SO DAMN sexy!
2 A couple of my farmer neighbours getting the bales of hay off a field and onto a trailer - like ballet on tractors.
I can't explain it - it's the unconscious confidence.

Congrats Fresh on getting back together with ur girl and ALREADY "making up" I hope you can learn from your past experinces and make this turn a lot better

He learned nothing the little head didn't know already. But since the little head is in charge, it's ok. :rolleyes:

Guess who is running the relationship now? You are in no way an equal partner in this. Do you really want to be the less important person?

Just for the sake of argument, what's wrong with being "the less important person"? Some people (of both genders) don't want to run things every time.

Of course, in the experience of almost everyone I know, hooking up with exes has led to bad things (mostly just endless drama and an even worse breakup the next time). Maybe Fresh will be the same way, maybe not, but it's kind of fucked up to make sweeping judgments based on a haiku-length internet post.

I have been the controller and the controllee in relationships. My relationship with April is truly equal, and it has been the most rewarding and healthy relationship in which I've ever been.

If you allow your partner to be the controlling one, does that make you the contrller or the controllee?

Controllee.

Well there is that.:)

Not at all, it keeps all those tiresome facts from getting the way of a good scenario. ;)

Meh, I feel I'm more mature in the relationship.
Life is unpredictable, I'm not expecting this to be eternal or anything. I just wanted her to commit to me as a girlfriend, not to me as a soulmate. Cause I feel we're right for each other, right now, and that's all that matters. The future is unwritten so we're just gonna work on what we got now.

Guide to Flirting:

http://www.sirc.org/publik/flirt.html

Damn, Cloud..... I didn't know it was so complicated. :eek:

Do kids still dance with each other? Jeez it's been so long
:rotflol:

Man, I *really* should have found this thread earlier. I'm intimately familiar with the subject. ;) (or at least I was, in my past life) :p

Unless you're drop-dead handsome you can't just walk up to a girl and start dancing and expect her to be happy about it. Like most things in life, women need time to warm up.

The key is to be out there dancing already. Be moving with the music, looking like you're having a good time. If you're there with friends, talk with them some, or if you're there solo then focus on doing a little shuffle while you spend most of your attention on the DJ / band. And don't try to "look" like you're having a good time... actually TRY to have a good time. Find a club where you like the music, so when you're shuffling and nodding your head you really enjoy it. Don't just be there to eyeball every cute girl.

Girls will see you're out there, see you're not pawing all over them, see you're having a good time, and they'll be attracted to you. So, your key is to find the ones that are attracted to you. If there's some girl that never looks your way, then leave her alone. But if you catch eye-contact with a girl, then flash a smile. If she smiles back then turn a little towards her.

DON'T dive in right away. Wait for her to acknowledge you. If she turns away from you, then leave her alone. If she stays put, or better yet turns toward you, then move in. (Don't immediately start booty grinding). If the girl turns away, it doesn't mean that you're lost. She may just want some space. Since you didn't push her, she may respect that, and now give you a little more attention where she hadn't noticed you before, and 15 minutes later you might be dancing with her.

Another mistake to make is don't wait too long. If it's obvious you're interested in a girl, and she thinks she's already flashed a smile and hasn't turned away from you... then if you sit there for 5 minutes trying to get the bravery to move over to her, she'll have lost interest by then. Save your energy.

Anyhow, my key recommendations: go, and actually enjoy the club. Don't just be spying on women. Focus on the venue and the music. You'll creep people out if you're standing in the corner just staring at everyone. Make yourself visible so they can see you, and get used to you. Don't just surprise a girl by jumping on her back. Find someone who you actually feel some chemistry with, not just some "hot girl".

My recommendations are for finding a decent girl. Any girl that will grind with a guy that climbs on her back.... you probably don't want to meet.

Wow, complete stud. He's go a procedure and everything.

I disagree. A complete stud would not say It looks to me like he's thought about how to meet people of the opposite sex that he'd like to get to know better (rather than ****s he'd like to screw).
JMHO.

This would be a stud going for quality, not quantity.

Quantity sex simply becomes masturbatory.

Quality sex, ah, there's the difference between the lightning... and the lightning bug.