The milder epithets
 

So, what do you say when the situation doesn't warrant a good rattlin' swear word, or you are around little ones, or if you're just not the type to curse?

Some of my favorites:

Rats!
Harpo, Crappo, & Zeppo

emmer-effer
before an anticipated unpleasant experience: "buying stock in cheeseborough-ponds"
"Rehab!" == you've just said something you should be ashamed of, back to rehab for you (like all the other celebs)

what?

When I need to curse in front of a friend's children, a lot of sputtering and stammering is usually involved. Sometimes followed by an apology, which can be ruined by starting off ... "Oh shit, I'm sorry I said *really bad word*."

Under ordinary circumstances, I embarass sailors.

As a long time reader of Elfquest, I have been known to resort to "puckernuts" on occasion. Rare occasion. I don't usually use the made up bad words from SciFi channel like my friends do. Never really got into that one with the blue not quite chick and the farting alien. My friends say "Frill" a lot.

What what?

I think it's "frell" and the blue plant lady was awesome!

"nammit". I have a friend who uses this as his catchphrase and is constantly finding new and wonderful uses for it. He got me saying it before my son was even born and it's served me well. Correct pronunciation requires that you do it in either a poor impression of Cartman or a low rumbling, maybe how it would be said could King Kong say it.

I use "Feh!" a lot. Have also been known to tell someone to "Blank off."

In typed things like IMs it's "carp" and "$#!T".

I follow Eugene Levy's example. When I forget myself and begin to say the Eff word, I turn it into "FUCKeddaboudit"

jumpin' jehosefat!

it has a vaguely biblical feel to it.

Great Googley Moogley! Has to be said with the capital letters.

Dag Nabbit!

Freakin' eh man..

"Oh sod" "Bugger" "shag", or "shine on".I also use "frikken" or "oh for ...."

Thank you. See, I told you I didn't watch it much!

For some reason, perhaps I've had a ministroke or somesuch, I have caught myself saying "Golly Gosh." I am not sure what has motivated this.

(sort of under your breath) Fuuhhhhh-uuhhhhhh--- (drift off)

Rodents!
Rat Bastiges!

Smoo!

Holy Smoly!

Rodents!
Rat Bastiges!

:) :) :)

You're driving me bonkers (that one's for the kids)

Shut the fork up (anyone who wont just shut up when asked)

Barstool instead of bastard. (my kids have taken to this one)

Fargin' Icehole!

It does manage to sound a bit more ferocious than the somehow formal "Owl pellets!" or the etiolated "Curse it!" and "Dung!" resorted to because Wendy and Richard Pini would prefer not to even push at the edge of PG.

Sometimes I'll disarm it all by pushing it right over the top: "Jesus Hexametrous Christ!" I haven't yet used hexavalent.

More typically, it'll be more concise: "Oh, wombats!!" "Git in there, you... wombat!"

If I'm being intellectual, I'll display my grasp of something most Americans would call esoteric -- my grasp of Russian mat' picked up in a previous career. Baaaad Russian obscenity is Yob' tvoyu mat'! and with a sincere enough delivery it can start fights at least in civilian contexts. Not-quite-obscene obscenity is to invent or compose phrases of words that start with the letters Yo and M. "Yo' Mama" might actually work, especially among Russians fluent and versed in both English and American pop culture! Naprimer, "Yolki-Matalki" -- a Yo-M phrase that literally means "sticks of fir" and might to effect be recast into English expletive as "Fiddlesticks!" f'r Pete's sake. Something like Yob' tvoyu babushku v rot with any other details one cares to add (I add in false teeth) drags your grandmother into this, and oral sex too. Though I think by then it starts to get funny. However, Tvoya babushka yebaetsya s kitaiskimi soldatami is probably usually used seriously -- how would you take being told your grandma debauches herself with Chinese soldiers? Russians are culture-conditioned against oral sex -- whores only, you see -- and this also plays upon the never too buried Russian paranoia about foreigners.

And my wombats occasionally mix in, with Vombatskaya blyad'! which sounds a bit like Dracula throwing up, and which might be freely cast into English as "Wombat bitch!" Your mileage may vary.

I've seen porno that said that... a Studio Foglio Xxxenophile story, The Sorceress' Appendage. Xxxenophile might be described as the thinking man's onehanded reading.

Pants, knickers, tits to express frustration or anger
Crikey me! for surprise or disbelief

And when arguing with inanimate objects I now tend to call them monsters (sorry Monster) or absolute monsters if they are being really annoying. Rather than total fucking cocksucking cunts.

There is something quite satisfying though in calling something a total fucking cocksucking cunt.