Anxious
 

I was told there are two times in a relationship (a courtship NOT marriage! {I don't know crap about that})when you're always fighting and things are hella rough. The 6th month judgment (everything isn't infatuation no more) and the 2 year judgement (is he/she worth all I've invested?).

I can't wait for my and my girl to get to 2.5 years to pass this stage already.

there's also the 7 year itch and the 20 year rethinking.

It's all B.S. quit worrying about that and what you were told, and just concentrate on her and you.

What about the annual "what the hell was I thinking"? Oh wait, we're not talking about the marriage yet. Nevermind

freshnesschronic, worrying about old wives tales will only become a self fulfilling prophesy. At 2.5 years you'll have passed nothing. Relationships are like pets, they must be attended and cared for, every day.

The up side is, if you take care of it, you'll enjoy and benefit from it. And when you are getting joy and benefit from it, attending and caring for it will be a pleasure rather than a chore. Enjoy.:D

:)

You can over-analyse things, you know.....

People also say that you can't get pregnant if you do it standing up.

best advice I ever got was to give her some space two weeks before and two weeks after her... you know.

Hmmm...that wouldn't give you much time together would it Beestie? lol

just remember that you are dating an imperfect person and so is she...

there are very few things that are really worth fighting about...

and once you admit that she's right, you are wrong, and that it's all your fault, marriage will be very easy for you to handle :D

BTW, I've been married 15 yrs next month, and when I don't want to kill him, I'm actually quite ambivalent about him ;)

Daaaaaaaaaang, marriage really does work out like that. I'm just to become a dog on a leash.

Meh, she's worth it :love2:

Can you tell us why she's worth it?
Great sex?
Great cook?
Got a cool car?
Father owns a liquor store?
Trophy wife, feather in your cap?

Seriously, why is this one, and not others, worth being a pet on a leash? :confused:

Check (oh her body makes me wanna...).
CHECK (her cookies are DELISH).
Check (a Scion XA).
No but that doesnt phase me.
No! But she is a looker, but we're the same age and I'm broke so neither.

The reason why? Is just because, she's the one; no one will accept me for who I am as easily as she did and does.

Don't stay with someone because of how they feel about you. If you believe no-one else will ever love you as much or accept you as easily then perhaps you might want to think about changing yourself, rather than choosing someone by default.

Someone else's devotion isn't enough to make a working relationship. When you get tired of being adored, you don't look for greener grass, but the rocky ground outside sure looks like a great challenge. And then you break the heart of someone who was loving, trusting and only wanted to make things easy for you - and no-one forgives you, especially not yourself.

I'm sure your comment wasn't meant seriously and your lady has lots to recommend her (as per the list). But if you do hold her acceptance in high esteem, do think carefully before committing totally.

He's got no choice, she's already got him by the balls, but I understand his point. Finding a mate that accepts you when you're not in full tilt courting mode, is a definite plus. :thumbsup:
Full tilt gets stressful after a while and makes it very hard to make special gestures for special occasions. If they are only amused when you're "on", sooner or later they'll be disappointed and maybe resentful.

But we feel mutual about each other. I dont want anyone else but her.

If I could imagine the perfect girl, she couldn't even begin to compare with her.

Sounds like a perfect match, best of luck. :thumbsup:

Thanks!

I reckon that chances are, if you can recognize that someone loves you so much that you feel no one else could ever love you better, that's one very good reason to be with someone. If you didn't like how that made you feel you'd be creeped out. If you feel the same way in return, that's probably about the only reason you'd think that that person loves you better than anyone else ever will. If you didn't then you'd be either creeped out, or maybe thinking it's cool someone likes you so much, but knowing there's got to be someone else that will love you better.

Update...Though it's a downer
 

Hmmmm... Everything sucks. It's 6:45 AM and I've gotten 1 hour and 10 minutes off tossing, turning uncomfortable "sleep." My girlfriend just decided we needed to take a "break." As in don't have to talk everyday, not going through the motions. Basically "we're not breaking up, or seeing other people, but I don't want to commit to you right now." That's how I see it, and to me that's pretty lame. :mad:

Remember the 2 year investment reevaluation mark? Well, we never recovered. She is very incapable of expressing her feelings to me (she's Chinese, she wasn't raised to know HOW :neutral: ) but she told me pretty good how it is tonite. These last two months have been very, very bad. And I agree with her. But I didn't want this break. I wanted to endure the hell, because this year was a sacrifice for the relationship as a whole. I knew it would be very hard (I had no idea it'd be this hard!!) but I'm willing to go through with this year of hell because the payoff is what I'm looking for. Hopefully she will go to U of I as well and then if she does we're guaranteed for life.

But anway, she said she's almost been depressed, she gets no sleep, she is dropping grades in school and has major family issues-- on top of that she has to deal with the stress of a relationship. She said she wanted time off to get her life back together. Some of you may feel sympathy for her, but let me tell you how I feel.

Tough shit. No one gives married couples a "break" or "time off" from being MARRIED! The real world doesn't allow for any less stress. This break goes against all of my beliefs in relationships. I feel you either commit entirely to the relationship or you get out of it. There's no room for half assing. That's why this is so hard for me. I am sorry she's having a rough time. But you know what, who doesn't experience strife in their life! People manage stress with relationships all the time and there's nothing they can do about it but DEAL with it. Well, I'm ready to deal with it. I was GOING to deal with it. Endure the pain because Spring Break is coming up in 2 weeks and I'll be home and then Summer Break just over a month from then! And then hopefully we will never be apart, if she goes to U of I! I feel it is just a VERY selfish decision on her part. :thepain: No I don't want her life to be hard, harder than it should be. But I don't want my family members getting cancer either, but I have no control. Relationships (especially long distance relationships) are freaking tough! Get kneepads, wristguards if you can't handle it.
:cuss:
The only reason why I allowed this, is because I made her promise that she'll come back to me and she will continue loving me through this whole "break." But it's not like she hasn't broken promises or unintentionally lied to me before. Heck, her communication skills are in the negative numbers sometimes. Talk is cheap. This is just security reinforcement but as always, some security doesn't work regardless.

I don't have good feelings about this, at all. So I'm going to finally do some weed, since she didn't let me before. :joint: Weird way to end this post? Hardly, horrible way to start what I see, the beginning of the end. :comp1:

Take a breath Fresh. It seems to me the break she is asking for is for her, not you. She has to do what feels right for her. You want her to stick with it so YOU will feel better. So why is it wrong for her to do this to make HER feel better. Maybe she will come back completely and maybe she won't. But in any case, if you can't find a way for both of you to be happy at the same time and under equal conditions, what's the point?

Does she go to U of I too?

No, she's a senior in high school.

I can't see how pressuring her to stay with you right now will help either of you, especially with the distance. Let her get her life together and help her if she wants you too. You probably should also work on yours as well.

i have a lot to say. Out of respect for pain and suffering, I won't say it. but, I AM rootin for you, fresh. but maybe....just maybe....this is not the ONE, eh?

Or maybe, just not the one for right now? Timing plays a big part in things like these...(so says me, the relationship retard)

Please say it. I feel like I don't deserve this at all. I'm such a committed boyfriend and I've told her numerous times I want her to confide in me and I'll always be there and I want to stay with her forever. Explain this mess cause it makes no sense.

I'll be blunt. You probably bore the hell out of her. You're whipped. Unexciting. Predictable. You're giving her that instant eww by being so clingy. You're doing everything you can to make it be known that you either don't want or can't get anybody else.

She's actually telling you to lean back. That's a good sign. She could have just flat out dumped you. Take the hint and cast off the dog collar.

IMO, this is a seriously unrealistic expectation to demand of someone. NO ONE can control how their feelings are going to run, if they change ~ they change, and it is unfair of you to make her 'promise' to come back and love you no matter what and then for you to place blame on HER about broken promises and lying. :eyebrow:

I dated a wonderful young man immediately out of a bad break up from a verbally abusive relationship that had lasted 7 years. I really liked this guy. I thought I loved him, but as time passed, I realized I did not. It was very difficult for me to tell him this and break his heart, but I had to do it. It would have been unfair to both of us to live a lie. Him thinking I loved him, me knowing I never would.
Could I have MADE myself love him? No. It is either there, or it isn't...and it wasn't there for him.

Maybe you should take a step back and re-evaluate.
Sometimes, if you give them space, they realize that isn't what they wanted after all and they will rush back in to fill the vacuum.
However, I agree with you about no one gets 'time off' in a marriage and I also feel that holds true for other relationships. If both people aren't commited to making it work, it isn't going to work. Both must devote equal amounts of time/effort to the endeavor. Otherwise, it isn't much of a relationship. It just becomes a ship with two people who each have a paddle and the ship goes no-where because they aren't paddling with a common goal or purpose.
hh

A while ago, just before my wedding, there was incredible stress piling up around me, and not just to do with the wedding. There were work hassles, kid hassles, ex hassles as well as moving house and trying to sell a house and having some major issues with my brother. This just about brought about a nervous breakdown for me and the doctor told me I had to get rid of some of the stressors in my life.

Fortunately for me, I was able to take a leave of absense from work which helped me no end, and I haven't gone back full time even as yet.

I was lucky to have that luxury because my now husband is quite able to support our family financially so me not being at work wasn't a huge issue for us.

Some people don't have those sorts of luxury. Maybe her needing a break is the only thing she can realisticly 'drop' for a while. Maybe she'll come back to you, maybe she wont, but realisticly, you need to consider the fact that maybe this isn't the right relationship for you now.

That's my two cents worth.

Yes it's selfish for me but it's also selfish for her. I just feel so insecure. 2 years of knowing I can kiss her and hold her and that I have a significant other has been my way of life. Now, it's uncertainty, emptiness. I just feel blank. She found out I did pot and she got angry and IM'd me last nite but I was studying for a calc test that I failed today. :( Everything still sucks.

Hopefully it gets better for you. Last year was my hard time. I had some depression problems and no one to turn too. Its rough but you will feel a lot better about yourself when you get through this.

No relationship with anyone else is going to work out until you accept yourself completely for who you are.

"2 years of knowing I can kiss her and hold her and that I have a significant other has been my way of life."

You need to realize that there is a lot more to life than having a significant other - yes, it is something that enhances life, but it doesn't 'make' life.

Been there, done that, bought the Teeshirt.

Update Again
 

Well, we broke up. Specifically I broke up with her.
During the fourth day of our break I IM'd her and we got to fighting (obviously) about the break and blah blah it evolved into me saying "don't you want to commit to me?" and she answering "no, I don't think I'm ready."
:neutral:
That's more than enough information for me. A relationship is about commitment to your partner. She couldn't give it to me. As much as I love her and want to be with her I can't keep this relationship going with a pseudo-girlfriend. I had to break up.

But in actuality, we broke up on very good terms. She was happy that I had become independent enough to break up with her. Yeah, I'm kinda dependent on her and clingy and she didn't want that. I guess that's the reason why we went on this break. And after that, WE WERE SO HAPPY! Like, we started chatting like it was October 2005 (the time period when we started to develop feelings for each other as friends). It was great, the rest of the nite and all of yesterday. We've defined ourselves as best friends :) . With benefits...:D We had agreed that we are very young (18 & 19) and we kinda rushed the feeling of love, but we eventually DID find true love in each other. And I left the door WIDE open for her to come back, I told her "if you just commit to me, we can get back together" because that's all I want from her. That's what I secretly want.
But anyway....yesterday nite as I was debating to out to a club and dancing with other girls she told me I should go. We started playing around like me saying "what if I danced with a girl, or made out or had SEX!?" and she was like "well, good for you you're having fun, as long as you don't give me STDs." And I'm like :eek: What?! Then the conversation got more serious. She then started telling me I should stop waiting for her. Like I was gonna stay at home last nite and talk to her but she wanted me to go out and have fun. "Start living your life, there's no guarantee I'll be in it in the future." I was schocked. She said "do what YOU want." And I told her to guess what I wanted...And she guessed right...I just wanted her.
Then I left for the nite, didn't go to the club but decided to do some green with friends in their dorm. I was sad that I really was waiting for her, and she could tell and told me not to.

Then today when she IMs me she asked what I did and I said "I don't think you want to know." She then gets angry and I'm like "well you said I don't have to be bounded to you anymore." And she goes "you can still tell me though!" So I told her. And now, she's really angry. But what does she want. We're not together, I'm living my life, doing what I WANT to do. And still she'll get mad at me, and that's the last thing I want is us as best friends to be unhappy with each other.

I can't tell what she wants anymore. Ideas? Sorry for having such a long fucking post too.

No, no you haven't broken up with her - that happens when either you don't want her any more, or you do but you know you can't have her any more. It seems you pretended to her that you've broken off with her, and not very well at that.
I was wondering about your ages and you have told us, 18 and 19. That is very young to commit for life to one person (and GOD how I hated being told that at that age :eek: !).
I really really feel for you Fresh, but having watched this thread from the start, I'd say that this is not the ONE for you ...
[hugs]

Honestly, it sounds to me like she doesn't want you, but she doesn't want anyone else to have you. Not in her heart of hearts, even though she says so. That's very unfair of her and I know it is very frustrating when people do that to you.

If you want to know what i really think, I'd say you need to just cut off contact with her completely and REALLY make an effort to move on with your life without her. Date other girls. Spend time with your mates doing bloke stuff. Join a club or whatever. Do the stuff you've thought about but have never bothered making the time for because you had her to spend time with.

In short, move on without her and don't think about anything in the future with her. If it's meant to happen it will, but it'd be a shame to miss out on a really great opportunity because you're sitting around waiting for something that in all likelihood is not going to happen.

One other thing. If you're already depressed, stay off the hooch. It wont help.

Senior in High School? way to young and college to go through before any kind of commitment. Foolish to think otherwise. Sorry Man, but you ain't ready either. :(

Haven't you watched any movies Bruce!! Plus, don't you have any friend's cousins who were the high school couple who stayed together?

Yeah, you're right though. First loves, man. But what's life good for if you can't dream? :biggrinlo

Quite a number of my family members married their childhood sweethearts. On the whole, they have very good marriages. It doesn't work for everyone though. Definitely didn't work for me. lol

In a lot of ways, it's a bonus not to get into a relationship from an early age because your opportunities for lots of things do tend to be limited. That's my opinion though, and of course there are exceptions to that too.

What it comes down to is that, if it's so much work just to keep the relationship together, it's probably not the right place to be. That being said though, all relationships take a lot of work, but it should be work you enjoy, not work that seems to only end in pain.

I don't know any that pledged eternal devotion in high school, then went to college, and stuck together. Some married right out of high school, some reunited later in life, but continuity through college? No. Besides, college is where the girls explore their lesbian side.;)

I'd say that's a big yes....