The Cellar - Haggard CURED

The Cellar (http://cellar.org/index.php)

- Current Events (http://cellar.org/forumdisplay.php?f=4)

- - Haggard CURED (http://cellar.org/showthread.php?t=13272)

One of four ministers who oversaw three weeks of intensive counseling for the Rev. Ted Haggard said the disgraced minister emerged convinced that he is "completely heterosexual." And baby Jesus raised his tiny, fat baby fist in victory! The menace of teh ghey has been banished back to Hell, where it belongs. Let this be a lesson to those evil-doers who would "recruit" our children: baby Jesus is coming for you. Get cured, or get bashed. Your call.

Quote:

It was also the oversight board that strongly urged Haggard to go into secular work.

Maybe teaching school or helping coach a boys team.:rolleyes:

This whole thing had me laughing hysterically while it was happening.

However,

Bruce, with respect--I know your comment is meant to be humorous but--please do not equate homosexuality with pedophilia. They are not the same orientation at all, and the affair (if you can call it that) Haggard had was with an adult male. The idea that all homosexual men prey on little boys is inaccurate, unfair, and helps perpetuate prejudice and hatred against this segment of society.

Cloud--striking a blow against violence! er . . .

Further edit: Hope this doesn't get me in trouble! It's my 69th post! I once got thrown off a cat lover's forum, because I said I had my cat's "balls chopped off" and I was told, with extreme frostiness, that it was "a family forum."

Hahhahahahhahaha, this is about as far from a 'family' forum as you can get...

I think Stewart's take on this is the best. "You know how when you were a kid, to keep you from smoking, if your dad caught you with a cigarrette... he'd make you smoke the whole carton? ... ..."

One of four ministers who oversaw three weeks of intensive counseling for the Rev. Ted Haggard said the disgraced minister emerged convinced that he is "completely heterosexual.

At least that`s what he is telling his wife and congreagation.

it would be a much better story if he came out completely converted, wanting to spread the word-God Loves Queers!

Now that I'd believe.

uh huh.. the whole thing has struck me as just plain silly.. perhaps little baby jesus uses shock therapy? lightning bolts from the sky? no no wait.. that was zues. personally I don't think baby jesus or even the older model would give one whit if a person were 'gay' (still bugs me that I am now very limited in using that word.. bastards co-opting a good word! and besides.. I have known quite a few homosexuals that wouldn't even be described chipper...) so long as that person were a decent human being.

Curiously, it takes only two weeks to be cured of Christianity. :rolleyes:

I think they probably have him wearing a patch now, to be sure he doesn't do any backsliding when tempted. Something like the Nicoret patch only made from the body sweat of gay men, prevents cravings, ya' know?

Oh, you Unbelievers. You'll be sorry one day.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tonchi (Post 314081)

Or a chastity belt, with butt plug included. ;)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ronald Cherrycoke (Post 313742)

That`s his story....and he`s sticking to it!

Yeah, he's stickin' sumpin to sumpin! :p

Quote:

Originally Posted by Spexxvet (Post 314085)

Or a chastity belt, with butt plug included. ;)

That vibrates when he strays...

no, that would be an incentive.

Quote:

it would be a much better story if he came out completely converted, wanting to spread the word-God Loves Queers!

Oh wouldn't that be just super?

I'm just bummed that I assumed the got Merle Haggard off the bottle. Hmmm... dead or alive?

wonder how the TV ad campaign would go?

"usightly, ungodly urges getting under your foreskin? GONE with no fuss no muss no bother just use the queer-be-gone patch and our motivational instructional video.. only 10 easy payments of 6.66!"

or something like that.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cloud (Post 313702)

Bruce, with respect--I know your comment is meant to be humorous but--please do not equate homosexuality with pedophilia. They are not the same orientation at all, and the affair (if you can call it that) Haggard had was with an adult male. The idea that all homosexual men prey on little boys is inaccurate, unfair, and helps perpetuate prejudice and hatred against this segment of society.

Queer is old news. He got outed then through "three weeks of intensive counseling", completely cured.
It's time for a new bent and since he's been cured, it can't be men, it'll have to be boys.
Face it, if he wasn't a damn pervert, he stick with sheep like the rest of us. :cool:

Did they use the Rituale Romanum?

Anyways, watch "Clockwork Orange" and y'all get the idea how it works.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ronald Cherrycoke (Post 313732)

At least that`s what he is telling his wife and congreagation.

The congregaggregation?

Continuing to read...

Different article:

Quote:

Denver Post
denver & the west
Haggard says he is "completely heterosexual"
By Eric Gorski
Denver Post Staff Writer

Article Last Updated:02/06/2007 08:36:52 PM MST

The Rev. Ted Haggard emerged from three weeks of intensive counseling convinced he is "completely heterosexual" and told an oversight board that his sexual contact with men was limited to his accuser.

That is according to one of the disgraced pastor's overseers, who on Monday revealed new details about where Haggard has been and where he is headed.

The Rev. Tim Ralph of Larkspur also said the four-man oversight board strongly urged Haggard to go into secular work instead of Christian ministry if Haggard and his wife follow through on plans to earn master's degrees in psychology.

Haggard broke a three-month silence in e-mails over the weekend to select members of his former church. New Life Church interim senior pastor Ross Parsley forwarded Haggard's message to the wider church body Monday.

In the message, Haggard revealed that he and his wife, Gayle, intend to leave Colorado Springs and pursue master's degrees through online courses.

Haggard mentioned Missouri and Iowa as possible destinations. Another oversight board member, the Rev. Mike Ware of Westminster, said the group recommended the move out of town, and the Haggards agreed.

"This is a good place for Ted," Ware said. "It's hard to heal in Colorado Springs right now. It's like an open wound. He needs to get somewhere he can get the wound healed."

Sex-addiction program

Haggard, 50, resigned as president of the National Association of Evangelicals and was fired from the church he built from nothing into a 14,000-member congregation after a former male prostitute in Denver alleged a three-year cash-for-sex relationship.

Haggard admitted to "sexual immorality" and a long battle against feelings contrary to his beliefs. He admitted buying methamphetamine but said he never used it. Haggard did not respond to interview requests.

Among other things, the overseers urged Haggard to enter a 12-step program for sexual addiction, Ware said.

Ralph said three weeks of counseling at an undisclosed Arizona treatment center helped Haggard immensely and left Haggard sure of one thing.

"He is completely heterosexual," Ralph said. "That is something he discovered. It was the acting- out situations where things took place. It wasn't a constant thing."

Why Haggard chose to act out in that manner is something Haggard and his advisers are trying to discern, Ralph said.

In investigating Haggard's assertion that his extramarital sexual contact was limited to former male escort Mike Jones, the board talked to people close to Haggard and found no evidence contradicting him, Ralph said.

"If we're going to be proved wrong, somebody else is going to come forward, and that usually happens really quickly," he said. "We're into this thing over 90 days, and it hasn't happened."

Steering Haggard away from a return to ministry was based, in part, on Haggard's high profile, Ralph said. He cited biblical passages about holding influential figures to a higher standard.

"Nobody is saying he can't go back into ministry," Ralph said. "Somewhere down the road, that could very well happen, and that would be wonderful."

Counseling continues

Haggard is being asked to join a church wherever the couple moves and continue the Christian counseling he receives twice a week, Ralph said.

The oversight board that includes Ralph is focusing on New Life Church's future but continues to counsel Haggard.

What has been termed Haggard's "restoration" is being overseen by another panel: H.B. London, who runs a Focus on the Family ministry to pastors, and megachurch pastors Tommy Barnett and Jack Hayford.

London said he was not surprised Haggard was considering the psychological field.

"Many of us that go into the healing, helping professions do so out of some sort of dysfunction or traumatic event in our lives, and we want to do what we can to help other people avoid what we've gone through," he said. "He is certainly gifted and intelligent and has an intuitive side to him. And he has life experience. Those are good credentials."

Staff writer Eric Gorski can be reached at 303-954-1698 or egorski@denverpost.com.

I wanna' be sorta' gay... it'll be fun, like metro but with some freaky sex thrown in from time to time.
If I get busted or tired of it I can just get "Tha' Cure" and be fine!
Fundies have all tha' fun.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v2...ombs/Hobby.jpg

Honeyyyyyy!!!!!
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v2...lbl3oy3ej2.jpg

What a joke

Quote:

1. We prefer stories to statistics.
2. We seek to confirm, not to question, our ideas.
3. We rarely appreciate the role of chance and coincidence in shaping events.
4. We sometimes misperceive the world around us.
5. We tend to oversimplify our thinking.
6. Our memories are often inaccurate.

@Hippikos: I think I read a review of this book...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Flint (Post 314840)

@Hippikos: I think I read a review of this book...

"Don't Believe Everything You Think": The 6 Basic Mistakes We Make in Thinking by Thomas E. Kida, a must read for many of us....

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hippikos (Post 314898)

Very true and proof you should never question me.:lol2:

Quote:

Very true and proof you should never question me.

Sometimes you do make a lot of sense Bruce, sometimes you don't at all. Problem is there's no consistency in that, so pardon me if I still seek to question ;)

Quote:

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce (Post 314901)

Very true and proof you should never question me.:lol2:

Even if the question is, Want some company tonight honey?

So I guess I can "act out" regularly with one female partner over a period of several years and still claim to be "completely heterosexual." Dammit! If I'd known that I would've hooked up with Portia di Rossi (sp?) when I had the chance! (major girl crush!)

Seriously- if the man had just owned up to being bisexual or homosexual, I could have a smidgen of respect for him. But claiming to be "cured" of homosexuality? Puh-lease....

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sundae Girl (Post 314947)

Even if the question is, Want some company tonight honey?

That's right, don't question, just do it...... please. :blush:

Or at least make it a declarative sentence. Black boots and riding crop... optional.

Green wellies and wet towel... more optional still.