Why oh why?
 

why does nobody ever ask me out? Okay....I shall amend that....Why oh why does nobody who isnt thirty years my senior and three bottles of wine drunker than I am ever ask me out?

It's not something that was bothering me particularly, until my ex (Judah) brought it up tonight.

He ws visiting his bro in London a few weeks ago, and his bro (John) asked after me (me and John were quite close when Judah and I were together.... kind of considered being unfaithful with him, but never went through with it).

He wanted to know if I'd had anyone else since me and Judah split up....and the answer was no. He asked Judah why not?


So.....Judah and I got together to watch some sci-fi he'd downloaded as we do maybe twice or three times a week and he relays his conversattion with John, to me.

Judah and I lived together for about 12 years or so....since we split up 4 or 5 years ago, he's had one serious girlfriend and two not so serious girlfriends....me? no one. Not that I am looking for anyone, but frankly nobody has asked.

I consider myself to be relatively pretty. I certainly don't consider myself to be ugly. Five years ago, I couldn't walk down the street without some guy making a comment or looking back over his shoulder when he'd passed me by.....now....I think it's probably three or four years since a guy even noticed me walking by. The only time I am noticed is when I am interracting with very troubled, older men in a professional capacity, and I think that's just basic transference.

Now....don't get me wrong, I am not looking for love....I am happy as I am and if it crosses my path then so be it....but I have to wonder, since the question has been asked of me....why ? Why in nearly half a decade of being single has nobody actually propositioned me or asked me out?
All of a sudden I am wondering, if I have been wrong all these years in assuming I'm quite pretty. Am I really so unattractive that no guy is interested? Why, when I had a relationship was I fighting off offers? Was it just that I was so much younger then?

Anyway. It doesn't really matter much, but it's something to tax my mind whilst quietly drunk. I suspect I will, in thirty years, be a single, dotty, dog owning history professor.....and that's ok.....but I'd quite like, just once in a while to be asked...ya know? Maybe I have just reached that 'invisible age'.

Maybe it's time to actively participate in your lack of dates? Have you asked anyone out?

heheh Nope. Like I said, I am not actually looking for anything. It was just the realisation that, whereas a few years ago, I wasn't looking but guys were trying......now I am not looking and nobody is asking:P

Pure vanity.

lol...well there you have it then.

*grins*

Well the first few lines go me. :bolt:

Okay.....I was very drunk and in a 'bleak' mood when I wrote that. I don't know how accurate it was really. There have been one or two guys who've shown interest, thinking about it, that I haven't really responded to. I think the whole 'being a mature student, surrounded by 18yr olds' is starting to get to me a little :P

I think you really do want to find someone to snuggle with Dana. And I'm entirely serious about that.

I have moments where snuggling sounds nice......most of the time I'm too busy :P I think 95% of the time, I am content.....it's just that pesky 5%.

Well...I guess maybe if you try putting yourself out there, you might find someone who fits in with that 5% of the time. You might even find someone who fits into a bit more of your time...or maybe you just need to find yourself a fark buddy. ;)

LoL a fark buddy sounds kind of nice:P

I think I just had a bit of a crisis of confidence lookswise, brought on by too much drink and stupidly listening to Judah and his bro.:P

Well I think you're hot. ;)

My Hubby and I discussed this some time ago...
I drive a Corvette and get a lot of attention because of the car, not because I am pretty. I think I look okay, but I don't go out of my way to 'pretty-up' at all when in public; eyeliner, mascara and clothes that fit. Full makeup is reserved for xmas parties w/ hubby's work.

I will talk to anyone about Corvettes, that wants to talk to me. I manage to surprise many men with my knowledge about Corvettes in general, the third generation 'vette in particular AND I have a fabulous working knowledge of engine and accessory parts and their uses and problems encountered with them.
I have been propositioned (respectfully) several times. I invite them all to visit the Corvette site I moderate at and refuse any/all personal advances.

I also tell my Hubby about these encounters.
Here is what he said:
The men are attracted to my confidence within myself.
Here is what I replied:
My confidence is derived from the stability I feel within our marriage.

Same thing for you...in a relationship I think women put off a 'vibe' of self-confidence that attracts men.

I must clarify that all through growing up, I was a nerdy-bookworm...happiest with my books and riding my horse. I grew up 15 miles out of town and had no close friends. I feel my social skills were retarded in development and I was painfully shy. Had a bad long-term relationship out of HS/college who did nothing for my self confidence other than beat it down. It wasn't until meeting/marrying Hubby that I feel I blossomed into the self-confident person I am today. I will talk to anyone, anywhere and about anything.

There's the answer, right there.

agreed, and to expand, I think women not in a relationship but still happy may give out an "I don't need you" vibe (hate that word) (( :eek: )) ;)

Go rent Bridget Jones's Diary

You'll feel better.

Oh christ, Dana, you ARE hot. Women who approach men they think are interesting give off the serious confidence vibe, too. Some men can handle it, some cannot. Go for it, I say. If you "pick" someone yourself, you are most likely to get what you want!

Its all about signals. The way you dress, look, smile, move around.

The split-up probably inflected your attitude towards men unintentionally, thinking: I don't need men. They noticed that.

Now go out and have a good time.

Hoof hearted; would that be a 1963 split window? *he asked drooling*

Dana, same thing has happened to me. All of a sudden I wasn't being approached any more. I went through phases of blaming it on my weight, but to be honest I'm over that and can accept that it's not the problem I thought it was. Okay I still need to lose it, but it's not going to hold me back.

Somehow all the men I find interesting are already in relationships, most of the long term. It's like a couple of years ago there was some sort of deadline announced that I didn't hear - "Get yourself a partner by the end of the year or face being single long term" I would rather be single than in an unhappy relationship (as I think I probably was at the time of the deadline) but honestly I would rather be happily settled snuggles, someone to talk to and hot sex.

Maybe if we wait a couple of years they'll all be getting divorced and we'll be the ones with the independence and flirting skills to clean up....?

Very insightful.

The moment I made a resolution to be 'open' someone walked in. So it's true Diana. :)

Unfortunately...no. The '63 is from the second generation, mine is from the third. 1978 Silver Anniversary, just over 15,000 produced in the two-toned SA colors.

It seems attitude IS everything...
You know...both Hubby and I admitted to having given up on finding anyone when we found each other. Sometimes, I think if you look too hard, you tend to pass over many good oportunities from being too critical. If you just let it happen, it happens. You DO have to be receptive to it, and recognize it when you see it...maybe when a person relaxes, that is picked up by members of the opposite sex as being confident and/or available?

I will TOTALLY agree with this statement.

Earlier this year, I had decided that it was my lot in life to be a single woman, and to be happy with that little bit of destiny. So, I started finding what it was in life that made ME happy - instead of trying to make everyone else around me happy. I decided to 'enter' society instead of standing on the fringes and watching everyone else, and I ended up finding someone that I hit it off with instantly - we met as friends, but quickly fell in love.

I truly think that 'wanting' someone so badly puts off an air of desparation that other people can sense. You may not realize it - and you may not even be desparate for someone in your life - however part of you subconsciously is searching for that 'other half' in every person that you meet, and that can be picked up on by other people.

That said, I recommend letting go - take each day for what it is, and make yourself happy - you may be surprised with who falls in your lap.

Kellie

85 days till the big M!

I'm not looking.
I'm not desperate.
I'm not prepared to accept a point of view that suggests the reason I'm not approached at present is because I am giving off the vibe that I am desperate.

No, it's the opposite -- you've got the vibe that you're not interested.
So they (subconsciously) decide not to bother you.

I give a vibe that I am not interested because I am 100%, completely, unequivocally, positively, absolutely...NOT interested!

;)

Another word for it is "turn on the charm." You can consciously do that. You take an interest in them -- and guess what happens next!

There is also a phenomenon noticed throughout the animal kingdom: just about the minute one she-bird finds a he-bird suitable -- other she-birds do so also, and show it. Seems to work with people too; no wonder you were were noticing the "good ones" that were married. Either the "he" gives off a vibe that says of itself that attraction would work, or there's a "what's she know I don't about this guy?" factor.

The reality is that I am not actually looking for, or wanting to be in a relationship. I am happy being single and content with my life as it is right now. Not that I have made some decision that I never will want that again, just not at the moment. I was just slightly perturbed at not being noticed:P Y'know, just cause a woman doesn't want a relationship, doesn't mean she doesn't want to get noticed once in a while :)

It hadn't even really occurred to me as an issue until Judah and John asked the question why not? At which point I became aware that a long time had passed since a guy gave me the eye :P I started to wonder if I had reached that 'invisible' stage already!

Dana...do you regret starting this thread now? lol

btw, I think Griff has someone in mind for you even if you're not interested. ;)

I'm so helpful. :D

I changed my mind. I had the coolest dream last night about this intricate game (it was much like the mystery computer games I play) but it was live and took hours and there was a really really really cool guy in the dream. Too bad he doesn't exist. But the funny thing was, towards the end of the dream, this guy took on a fellow Cellarites persona (his persona as I see it, anyway.)

Whose? Not tellin'! ;)

*dies of curiosity*

If we GUESS it, will you tell us?

Well, I might tell YOU! You have to super duper double swear never to say a word to anyone...I'm already the Cellar Freak and I don't want to embarrass anyone.

OK, it's ....oh crap, I guess that's PM material. ;)

I'll never tell! Now, PM me!

A very nice piece of machinery indeed! I luuuve these 50's pastel 2-tones. I predict these will be en vogue again sometime in the future.

For the "invisible" DanaC:

She walks in beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies,
And all that's best of dark and bright
Meets in her aspect and her eyes;
Thus mellow'd to that tender light
Which Heaven to gaudy day denies.

One shade the more, one ray the less,
Had half impair'd the nameless grace
Which waves in every raven tress
Or softly lightens o'er her face,
Where thoughts serenely sweet express
How pure, how dear their dwelling-place.

And on that cheek and o'er that brow
So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,
The smiles that win, the tints that glow,
But tell of days in goodness spent,
A mind at peace with all below,
A heart whose love is innocent.

(Lord Byron)

They weren't pastel in the 50's, they've just faded over the years. ;)

Wow I feel bad now. Atleast you girls have had numerous guys interested in you, I can probably count the number of guys who have shown interest in me. I'm happy in my relationship, but I still feel as if I'm terribly flawed b/c I'm apparently not attractive to most men.

I wouldn't worry too much about it if I were you morethan. You're pretty young yet aren't you? Things will change when you're a bit older. It's much different when you're young to when you get to your mid 20's. That's what i think anyway.

I think it's because men have more confidence about showing their interest by then...same with women too though.

ah, to be so young again that the mid- 20's are old........

I think morethan is only about 18 or so isn't she? 25 probably does seem old(er) to her.

I wouldn't mind going back to my mid 20's - actually, early twenties would be better.

well, tbh, I wouldn't mind having an early-twenties body again either.....


but last time I tried that I got slapped around the face.

haha...poor Jay.

I am only 18, but even in HS the guys always went for different girls...and most times they weren't too shy about goin after 'em. Made me feel kinda outcast although I didn't want that kind of relationship. Most of my girl friends seemed to be beatin' 'em off with a stick, or just lettin' 'em in. I had some slutty friends...
Oh well, I don't truely want random men fawning over me, but sometimes I feel as if I'm missin' out is all.

Hm. You're young, model-thin and have a nice face.

Must be your personality.

I suspect that, too.

yow!

I appreciate the compliment you buried in that insult. Oh that I had a personality as engaging and warm as yours!

As a matter of fact, I was asked out today. It was my last formal seminar of the semester and one of the lads (I only realised a couple of days after starting this thread) has actually been 'noticing' me for the last few weeks. What I thought was just friendliness, turned out to be him fancying me:P So today after the seminar closed, a few of us we went for a coffee and he got around to asking me out on a date......I didn't take him up on his invitation, he is after all only 18. Nice to be asked though.

I appreciate the compliment you buried in that insult.

Now, Dana, you're a ripe old cunt; why don't you go fuck yourself?

niggas please

Just givin' her what she wants, UT. She's been provoking me for days.

Just givin' her what she wants.

Plus, you see how she follows me around. I think the girl is obsessed with me!

lol. You're a classy bird you are. I think that's what i always liked so much about you. That and your devastating wit and intelligence.

ah, so noted bri.

http://cellar.org/2003/roundcard.jpg

:blush: thanks!

So,,,
 

I've been [i]eavesdropping [i] on this subject and i'd like a linky to see pictures of DanaC and Brianna!
Please?

Brianna (NSFW)
http://www.cellar.org/showpost.php?p...&postcount=147

DanaC
http://www.cellar.org/showpost.php?p...&postcount=328