To fart or not to fart?
 

Is it PC to let one rip in front of your partner?

Do you know you are in a real relationship when your partner dutch ovens you to within an inch of your life?

It's definitely PC to let one rip in front of your partner.

Where ever you may be, let the wind blow free!

That's our motto. ;)

dutch ovening is beyond the pale. Otherwise remember why god made farts smelly:


So deaf people could enjoy them too.

Dealing with my mother's colostomy care has made me a much greater conniessiuer of vaporous emissions. Once you've dealt with this, you come to realize that the gas (or anything) that processes all the way through the digestive system is much, much better.

Like unto roses, really.

that processes all the way through the digestive system by itself is probably more to the point. ;)

Hmmmm - theres something wrong with me, I dont like to fart in company!! Whether it be partner of 3 years or even my parents.

I did manage to walk into my bosses office and do them proud, first time in 5 years....they did the perfect O face, then near wet themselves laughing.

I had good reason to do this, they spend all afternoon trying to kill each other with their gassiness.

The only farts that bother me are the sneeze farts ones. They're the ones that can really be embarrassing. Imagine if the queen did one of them.

I dont like farting in my sleep, especially with a new guy. I must have a bit of a phobia...coz I wake myself up when I fart if I am spending the nite with a new guy.

Elevator farts rock though!!!!! My girlfriend near made me gag in the elevator one morning after, I felt soooo bad for the lovely family that got in the floor after she dropped that little gem.

Actually, I DO fart in front of my very good girlfriends.

I hate it when my farts wake me up!

A vacant house is better than a bad tenant.

I have been known to clear rooms. If you can't fart in front of your significant other, then it is hard to share other things.

poop molecules

Ah crap. That reminds me that it's time to replace my toothbrush.

I always enjoyed farting in the darkroom (was X-ray work) and then scooting out the revolving door only to seal the gaseous mix in for the next overworked and underpaid tech to come in and develop her work.

Good times...

I have a medical condition that makes it difficult (near impossible) to control gaseous emissions from my rear end. I pick/choose my times for public forays wisely. At home, hubby understands and I do warn houseguests ahead of time. It is just too time consuming to run to the bathroom for every little puff of wind.

I have two FART STORIES to tell...
#1
I was about 16 and went fishing with my mother, step-dad and older step-brother. They fished, I sunbathed in my suit and read a good book. We were in an aluminum bottom boat with a shade canopy over one end where the parents were. SB and I were at the prow, he standing and fishing and me reading.
He caught some little fish (bluegill?) and when he lifted it into the boat it flopped around and I sat up and reached down to grab it. Well, I guess the fish had spines, because if stuck me and it hurt! When I abruptly sat up my stomach muscles must have done something to my innards because I let out the loudest, rumbliest, longest fart sound you've ever heard from a 110# 16 year old!
I wanted to dive to the bottom of the lake and never come up. Of course, everyone was dying laughing at me. I was mortified. Well, they never let me live it down and it was a fun family joke for many years. When I met Hubby and was dating him, they threatened to tell him the story of why I was not allowed near aluminum bottom boats...
...well, I finally managed to turn the tables on them...one night at a family dinner, I told Hubby about the incident and loudly announced that the REASON they continued to try to make me feel embarassed was because they felt INFERIOR due to the fact they could NEVER match my collossal(sp) fart from that day and they were JEALOUS of my superior farting skills.

#2
When Hubby and I first got together, we would politely 'warn' each other of impending farts by saying "foofie" to give the person options before the smell wafted their way. I don't know WHY we chose to say foofie, but, there you go. Anyway, we were driving home late one cold, winter evening and he let an SBD. I just about gagged! It was too cold to roll down the windows, though I tried to crack them and do the dog-nose out the window crack for fresh air.
I turned to him with tears in my eyes and said: "Did you FART?!"
He grinned and said in a sing-song voice; "Oh, foofie!"

Well, Karma's a bitch, so I don't have to be...

Some weeks later at home we are watching a movie on the tv. I'm sitting on the couch and he is lying on the couch with his head on my lap. I let an SBD and he LEAPED up off my lap, with his face all screwed up and said; "Did you FART?!"
I smiled at him, and said in a sing-song voice; "Oh, foofie!" :D

I like to remind my wife that she never let one fly like she does now when we were first married!

That being said, we discovered after Thanksgiving that brussel sprouts really create a lot of "wind" power. I thought I was going to go airborne yesterday!

Vladimir



(pootin)

I miss farting...so much entertainment potential lost forever. :sniff:

why cant you fart 'spode?

I fart all the time. I don't have to worry, though, because my farts don't smell bad.



And my shit don't stink, either.:D

Hon, don't worry...your belches make up for the lack of farting. Goodness, it can peel paint on the walls, and certainly fry the nosehairs of anyone riding in the vehicle with him.

However, since he can't exactly retaliate, I enjoy getting of a silent, but deadly one occasionally.

The answer to the main question, though.....it's one thing to fart with someone in the room (partner or not) as long as you don't make a major presentation out of it....unless, of course, that is something that is fun between you.

It's now time for this joke:

Spexxvet goes to his doc and says: "I fart all the time but here's the strange thing, my farts don't stink and they make no noise either. It's not really a problem, as such, but I would like to take care of it."

The doc says "No problem, here, take two of these every day for a week and then come back to see me."

A week later Spexx returns to his doc and says "That's just great, I'm still farting to beat the band and they're still silent, but now they stink to high hell."

The doc replies "Good, now that we've cleared up your sinuses we can start on your hearing."

;)

Right [rolls up sleeves] my fart stories:

#1
I went to Egypt on holiday with my ex. My stomach can be sensitive to changes in food/ water although this usually manifests itself in terrible farts rather than the runs that afflict other travellers.

Mine started early this holiday for some reason - I knew I had a WMD brewing at luggage reclaim just after we landed. So I make an excuse and wander off to the other end of the hall in order to let one rip. I was right to have moved away, it was bad enough to start buckling the floor.

Right on cue, an announcement lets everyone know that the luggage will be coming through on the carousel closest to me. Of course. Well, it seems to be heavier than air, and is slowly settling, so I should be okay.

Yep - I didn't figure on the little boy, about 10, all excited to be on holiday, running hell for leather across the hall to get pole position. Well, happy little soul runs into the orange cloud of SG's emission anyway.

He recoils, complains in no uncertain terms to his parents who are embarrassed to the soles of their nice middle class shoes. They explain gently and blushingly that they're not at home any more, and sometimes *in poor countries* things might not be as nice....

By this time I am hanging onto my ex, choking out the fact that it's nothing to do with the Egyptian way of life. The poor child had travelled over 2000 miles to run into a fart he could have had for free at Gatwick airport.

#2
I was attending an Alpha Course (introduction to Christianity). Long story, but just accept that I was feeling a little awkward and was surrounded by very earnest people in a room with little conversation.

This was during a time I was horribly in debt, and the subsequent weight loss (due to lack of beers & take aways) meant I had managed to fit into a pair of black moleskin trousers for the first time in months. I loved those trousers!

Anyway, a bit tight still, and I'd gorged myself on the free buffet, so tighter yet.

Felt the urge coming on me, but didn't feel I could leave the room as we'd only just had a "comfort break". Badly timed, as I was getting pretty uncomfortable. Ah well, squeeze it out gently SG, you'll be fine.

Imagine my relief when I accomplished it with nary a squeak.

Imagine my chagrin when I felt it ROLL up the back of my too tight trousers..... and BLATT noisily into the air.

I kid you not - it didn't make a sound until it hit the top of my crack.

I have never tried to squeeze one out quietly in trousers since, so I have no idea if this was an isolated phenomenon. Had I only known the group better perhaps I could have discussed whether this aberration was a sign of the coming apocalypse.

:lol2: OMG that is funny.

(Pantyhose can give the same effect!) :redface:

Isn't that what dogs are for?

Hell, I'll let a real STINKY RIPPER in a crowded aisle at Wal-Mart..... :D

.....just to watch em' flee like cockroaches. :thumb:

Man, this thread is hilarious. My ex always tried to get me with the dutch-oven, but I fight like a cat and didn't succumb. But apparently, I was berating him for the nastiness that leaked out when we were snuggling (He farted on me) when he pulled out a surprising whopper. Apparently, because I would hold it in all day, I would let 'em rip at night. Never enough to wake me, but enough to wake him up with tears in his eyes.....ahh payback :fart:

I'm afraid I can't fart because they removed my colon fifteen years ago and forgot to replace it with an artificial one... :p Think of it as someone having stolen your whoopie cushion.

However, when I was suffering with the affliction that cost me that particular organ, (ulcerative colitis, for those of you playing along at home), *no one* could outgun me. No one. In fact...no mammal. Be it volume, tone, stench, duration, pervasiveness or frequency of emission, I was *the* hands down world champ.

You can see why I'd miss that.

O. M. G. You SLAYED me! I even choked on a cookie from laughing so hard. Tears in the eyes and EVERYTHING!

Wow, Els. I glossed over that in the colonoscopy thread. Large bowel only or small bowel too? Why'd they take it out?

If you don't mind talking about it.

Meaning? Shouldn't this be in British expressions?

We use that all the time over here too

I did think these were in common usage, perhaps it was using them in immediate proximity that caused confusion.

Hell for leather just means fast - with overtones of pell-mell, incautious speed.

Pole position comes from Formula One - I tend to use it when someone expends a lot of effort to be first for very little benefit. My Dad & I also refer to parking spaces or seats with access for a quick departure as pole position too.

Dar, I suffered from ulcerative colitis, rather severe, for about five years before they removed my colon (large bowel, in your terms) and left me with an ileostomy (end of small intestine, or the ileum is ported through the lower right quadrant of my abdomen).

The day after my surgery, my surgeon came into my room on his morning rounds and told me that sections of my colon had been viewed by the assembled residents at their morning meeting, and everyone agreed that it was the worst they'd ever seen. They apparently were surprised that it came out of someone who wasn't actually, oh...dead.

Anyway, it isn't attractive, it isn't convenient and the appliances I wear which are used to provide storage of bodily waste are damned expensive, even with insurance, but...I still get to be alive. Resonably fair tradeoff, I think.

Sorry to hear that, Els. It must have been disheartening to go through that.

But, we're all glad you're still here to tell the tale - albeit fartless.

Fifteen years post-surgery, it isn't even close to the biggest deal in my life, but yeah, it was less than amusing at the time. My first wife, despite having been told by three different doctors that my condition was not caused by drinking and smoking, nor was it even particularly exacerbated by those habits, insisted on believing that I *was* to blame (my ex wife is very, very big on blame being assigned for everything which she believes to be bad. Strangely, I have rarely heard her blame herself for *anything*). My resulting physical modifications made me considerably less attractive to her, and so my ileostomy become one more piece of the complex puzzle that led to our separation and divorce about a year later.

I took that as a fairly big blow, but during the 90's I discovered that a reasonable sort of woman cared not a whit about such matters, and so I was blessed with sort of a second bachelorhood before meeting Selene. I learned a lot about myself and about others through it all.

Sometimes, things happen for a reason. Even crummy things. I try not to excessively dwell on my digestive modifications, but my inherent insecurities over it do raise their ugly heads from time to time. Despite never having had an actual unplesant interpersonal situation due to it, outside of my first wife, that is, I have some issues as Selene and I continue to explore the poly status of our marriage. I know that *she* loves me and is unperturbed by the thing, but it has always been a dicey feeling when arriving at the moment of doffing the knickers and getting down to business with someone who was previously unaware of my streamlining.

But at least I don't have to worry about ripping a big fart in the sack with someone for the first time. :D

http://video.google.com/videoplay?do...23234536114937

good one on this subject! :D

one more!

http://video.google.com/videoplay?do...15031762550618
:eek:

homegirl,Il Inchelino, and I were at Targe the other night, and she let one fly that was full bodied. She said, 'let's get out of here, quick' and steered the cart away just as another woman came walking into our 'area'.

I couldn't look back, but I can only imagine the effect.

Years and years ago when I worked at the phone company, I had one of my cruder moments. I had just finished lunch which included a bottle of root beer. The phone rang and it was just the time when Mrs Dar (then my fiance) would call. I had built up quite a bit of internal pressure by then and I picked up the phone and let go of the largest burp I think I've ever had.

Fortunately, it was Mrs Dar. I couldn't stop laughing. She was not amused. It must not have offended her too much, because she married me anyway.

They didn't let the air out yesterday when finished the Colonoscopy? So I stopped in a curb store and boy it hit me. Folks kinda got out of line behind me. Relief Oh boy and it went on all night.

You should have turned to them, smiled, and said, "Sorry, but I'm the world's largest untapped source of natural gas, and it was time that I got tapped."

(One of) the best lines ever:

"Did you fart?!" :fart:

"Hell yes, I farted! You don't think I smell like this all the time, do you?!" :crazy:

<-- Tallulah Bankhead

With only a very slight mid-course maneuver in our evolutionary trajectory, aural communication could have developed in another bodily orifice instead of the mouth. I guess that means our Elspode would need to learn ASL or would that be ASSL?

Or:

I don't know what you had for dinner but it's no excuse.

I just lie.
"Did you fart"
Just look them dead in the eye and say "Nope" as honestly as you can muster without smiling. I pretend I am in front of Congress.
That way they know you are lying. You always get lots of fun reactions. Mostly very subtle confusion.
What sucks now is that most of my friends and family have figured out that if I am serious I am fucking around.

I think it is unnatural and insane to treat farting like it is wrong somehow and refuse to do so. I am polite about it (to me that means saying "excuse me" after I do it, nothing more)... in a good mood I have asked total strangers to pull my finger... I can usually get them to do it. I still think of it as an acting exercise to see how many different tactics I can try in polite company.
Yes, I can be a challenge to be friends with or be married to if you are humor deficient and/or self-conscious.

Daddy always told me "there's more room out than in."

Momma always said "ladies go hide in a corner to fart.'

Luckily, I have only brothers! You had to play the fart game, or wither away.

LOL.... "Daddy, why is mommy in time-out?"

:lol:

Furthermore, my appliance would be the equivalent of me having to wear a muzzle.

Why fart and waste it
When you can burp and taste it?

Better out the attic
Than in the basement.

Women do not fart.

We all know why.

You should never hold in your farts.

If you do then because farts are made of air, they will travel up your body and into your brain, and that is where shitty ideas come from.

Just thought you should know.

I don't - why??

Yeah, why? :)

Women do fart... it's just that their farts are flowery and not stinky

Obviously you have never smelt my farst!!:eek: