ever get caught in a bad lie?
 

I'm about to, and it really fucking bothers me. The most frustrating part is that I wouldn't even be in this situation if my parents stopped trying to run my life and ride my ass constantly. Then again, it's my fault for not standing up for myself and coming out clean to begin with. Ugh.

(On a side note, I'm a very honest person. That's probably why I'm about to be found out - because I'm not good at these kinds of things.)

The short of it is that my parents, my relatives, my current boss - who all know each other well and talk often - all think I should get my MBA here in Taipei. After studying business in college (I have a BBA), I have ZERO interest in getting an MBA, especially from a mediocre English-taught program in a foreign country. However, for them it's a non-issue: This way I'll stay in Taiwan two more years, get an MBA, work here, allow myself to get married off to some gawky Taiwanese girl and grow old hiding in my parents' shadow. I suppose there could be worse, but this is not the life I want.

Anyway, rather than be the defiant, spoiled jerkoff I should have been and simply refuse to apply, I went ahead and submitted an application. Well, most of it. Okay, fine, I turned in barely half of what was required. Regardless, everyone was happy and I carried on knowing there's no way they'd accept me based on my partial application. I let the late deadline pass, and lo and behold, yours truly was not selected to interview. A thousand blessings.

The problem is that my mom - and consequently EVERYONE ELSE - just became aware that I still have to hand in some miscellaneous things: a second recommendation letter (I originally asked my former boss but he couldn't do it, so I had to ask a family friend here) and my college transcript, which has still not arrived from the U.S. However, I didn't tell her that the deadline already passed, and certainly didn't inform her that interview selections were already published. And I'm sure she'd LOVE to hear that my application is entirely screwed anyway since I didn't submit critical portions.

I'm trying to fabricate a neat little story about how I misread the deadlines, misunderstood the Chinese instructions, yadda yadda ... but deep down inside I know I'm fucked. The whole thing is bound to collapse shortly. The nail in the coffin is that I did not realize *just* how close my father and my BOSS are to the higher ups at the university (they are both alumni). There is a 150% chance my boss will get on the phone once he hears I was not chosen to interview; my father, however, can be talked down, since he is a little less aggressive about pulling strings in these kinds of situations.

In the U.S. I would not be worried about this dilemma - admissions decisions are confidential, and I could tell the officers under any circumstances not to release info to my parents. But it doesn't work like that here, that sort of discretion does not exist. Strings can be pulled in all directions; no door is shut to someone with inside connections.

What I fear most is that it will become known that I completely half-assed my application and lied blatantly about the deadlines. I'm not quite sure how, but this situation has the potential to be a huge embarassment for me and my family, which is a big deal to Taiwanese people. I'll have to live that down, and that sucks.

And, as always, hindsight is 20/20: I should have made a stand and not bothered applying. That might have stirred the pot, but it would have been ripples compared to the tidal wave looming overhead. It's like that saying about masturbation: It's a good idea in the beginning, but in the end, you're just fucking yourself.

I've seen this kind of thing before, in movies. When your parents realize the lengths you've gone to to avoid doing something you didn't want to do, they'll suddenly understand, in a tearful epiphany, that they've been too controlling, and they'll support you in your endevor to become a world-class motorcycle daredevil. Oh, and you'll get the girl, too. That other guy wasn't right for her, didn't treat her good. She sees that now. Oh look! Your puppy just came home! He hops up and licks you on the face, everybody laughs! :::roll credits:::

what can i say? my life is sooooooo dramatic.

haha, but yeah, true, this is a load of bullshit in the grand spectrum of things. just I have to deal with this right now, and that sucks.

Ya know...I would just come clean. Now, before the #$*@# really hits the fan. Sit the parents down and tell them you did not complete the application as required because you really don't want to get the MBA. You applied out of respect for your parents, but you left some important pieces of the application out to ensure you would not be accepted. Apologise and explain that you have other ideas for the rest of your life and ask them to understand and support you. You could even spin it that you are guilt ridden with your deception and this is why you are coming clean (will only work if you grovel before phone calls are made).

It is difficult to feel you are disappointing your family, but ultimately, you must do what you feel is right for you.

Stormie

Seems to me you have 3 options.
1. Come clean with the truth
2. Just say "I forgot"
3. Just say "fuck you, Mom and Dad"

She's right. If you are the one to break the news, you control the spin.

get it? get it?
 

hahaha ...

Well, when my dad is breaking my balls, we'll see who gets the last laugh.

I'm going to try and gauge my parents' level of concern ... I'm hoping when I tell them I wasn't picked to interview, they'll leave it there and not make it an ordeal. Otherwise I'll have to be the witty mutherfucker that I am and come up with a good cover-up.

Or just tell the truth so they understand where you are coming from and back off a little.

And wind. Phew!:fart:

You could always continue the hijinks... If your boss pulls enough strings to get you an interview even with your half-assed application, just thank him profusely, and then show up to the interview like you just got out of bed and answer every question with, "Yeah, I guess a retard might want to know that about me."

I'f seen that kind of thing, in movies. It backfires, and they hire you as a high-salaried consultant with a company Porsche.

how do you think i ended up with the boring ass job I have now?

Right! And then he could deliberately try to tank the company by giving ridiculous advice, and it could turn out to be a bold, brilliant corporate move that skyrockets the stock and makes him a millionaire. You do want to be a millionaire, right breakingnews?

At some point you need to live YOUR life. Tell your parents what you think and how you feel. Be prepared to live with the consequences though.

Best defense is a good offense. If B-school is not for you, then something else better be. Can they really argue is you are studying to be a concert pianist or a pilot? Having a different objective would (might) silence the criticism.

Obviously above is not a short term solution to getting caught lying.

yeah! a fellow liar! if I tell my parents the truth I'm being disrespectful, if I don't then I'm not trustworthy, if I don't tell them anything I'm disrespectful, untrustworthy, hate them, and I am doing drugs.
When you know you're about to get caught its best if you come clean before hand w/ a really good explanation. But if you get caught have an explanation and sob story ready.

Have you seen the Ang Lee film The Wedding Banquet? Compared to the guy in the movie, you have it pretty easy. Unless you've also not told your folks that you are gay and living with a white male physical therapist.

What's really your worst case scenario if you tell your folks you don't want to go to school for the MBA? Is there something else that you could do that you would enjoy while appearing to satisfy their need to micromanage you?

Yeah, the situation is nowhere near what they go through in The Wedding Banquet. Actually, I wish it were - maybe I could script it and make a major motion picture.

I've already told my parents numerous times that I don't want to get an MBA, and that if I did, I'd want to go to a more specialized program. But nothing I say will change their minds. Like I said, this is a non-issue.

That doesn't mean they're completely heartless. I can do whatever I want to do, and as long as I do it well, my parents will be happy. It's just that there are certain things that would make them exceptionally happy, unfortunately.

THe problem here is that I lied to get out of this situation, and it's gonna come back and bite me in the ass. That's all.

Actually, I'm halfway out of the hole - I told my mom that they already posted interview candidates and that I was not among them. She was cool about it ... but when her and my father get a chance to discuss things, their opinions often change very, very quickly.

Sometimes 7,800ish miles away doesn't seem so far, does it? (assuming your 'rents are in the States)

They mostly live here now ... but all the way in the south part of the island, about 300-some miles away.

They have a lot of spies in taipei though.

Presumably the old "You can't trust those inscrutable Asians" defense won't work in this case, so trying to tell your folks that the college LOST the rest of your materials is out of the question.

But maybe not! Deny deny deny. Go proactive, put the school on the defensive. "Those hacks! that's EXACTLY the reason I don't want to go to school at some second rate school that LOSES half my admissions material. THIS is an OUTRAGE!

splutter a lot, stamp and storm, seem really hurt annoyed betrayed rejected, take it up to 11 and get your folks into the position of having to chill you out and not the other way around.

You can do it, you old thespian you.

lol @ Flint


Those were funny. Hey who stole yer id. ;)


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anyway,,,to answer the question. No...... but I can imagine the scenarios. I suggest not being too honest. I am not saying be dishonest but if you know you are going to get the gillotine. I don't see any reason to add anymore pain by telling your family how you didn't really fill out the application. I would just decide to change and not be passive aggressive next time which it sounds like you have.
Good Luck

I like the taking the offensive part. How dare that school lose half your paperwork? You spent hours and hours sending off for these papers, taking that test, getting this reference, and the idiots lose them! What can of education can I get at such a place? Why don't I apply at "enter school of your choice" university. Now THEY have a good reputation!

PS It helps to visualize yourself doing all those things. Sure, you sent for those transcripts - you remember the very day. You distinctly remember dropping that one envelope in the mail. Hypnotize yourself into believing and it shall become true! ;)

Gotta' live your life man!
Time to make it YOURS, take ownership. One day you will die... they will not be doing that for you... don't let them do the rest for you either, take the good so when the bad comes you will have reaped the benefits as well.
Stop owning all that guilt, it was given to you, not grown by you.

This seems to be a messy situation period. My suggestion is to just be honest. I don't know your parents, but I tend to be a lot more understanding and forgiving if someone admits to a little bad judgement (lying rather then standing your ground) than if I find out by other means. You never know what they can or cannot prove with regards to your application... maybe it was sealed until the person looking through it opened it. Maybe the person who opened it remembers that application and will tell your parents you are lying.

Oh, and to answer your question, not really. When I was younger I was basically caught in the lie that I wasn't having sex (since I was). But that was all I did that was really bad in my parents eyes, and I don't know if anyone tells their parents the truth about their sex life. And I didn't actually say I wasn't having sex, it was a lie through omission, which isn't as bad as a bald faced lie IMHO.

Edit: And I don't think you should feel guilty for wanting your own life. I think that is admirable. You parents will most likly come around if you are honest and explain that you have your own plans. And while you appreciate their concern, you don't need their plan for your life.

I'm with the "front up and be honest" brigade. It's gonna have to happen sometime, after all. You're the one that's living your life, not them ... good luck.

My motto is "It's always easier to obtain forgiveness than permission"

but I maybe made that clear.

OK, so i am dying to know what happened.

Update please BN, if you are still alive ;)

THIS makes me laugh uproariously. You have no idea how many students we have who fail to go through the proper steps and tell their parents we lost everything or screwed them up somehow. Usually, the parents end up making an appt (with kid in tow) to discuss our errors and what we're going to do about it. It usually ends up being a no show, because the kid would get into more trouble once the parents find the truth and are embarrassed. The kid figures out a way to get out of it.

Please don't blame the administrators. We get enough shit as it is! ;)

I forget, was the bad lie about the bad place? ;)

Oh no, the bad place is where you get it, if you get caught in a bad lie ...that's not on the golf course. ;)

What I think a lot of people aren't seeing here is the cultural difference, and I'm sure if BN did get caught in the lie, his family and boss are probably making him miserable for it. I have a friend who is Taiwanese but lives in the US, and there are huge limits on what decisions he gets to make for himself because of his parents' expectations. His parents live in Hawaii, so he can get away with some things, but they have told him, in so many words, that he shouldn't even bother dating a white girl because they won't allow him to marry one. Another Chinese friend (American, living in good ole Texas) was crazy in love with his white girlfriend but in the end broke up with her and married a Chinese girl... all to appease his parents.

I know that American culture (as well as other countries) embraces independence upon adulthood, and it's unacceptable to think that your parents would still dictate the major life decisions in your life at 25 or older, but it's just as unthinkable in Chinese culture to disregard your parents' wishes. Parents have a very, very strong influence on their children throughout adulthood, so what everyone here proposes, while acceptable everywhere else, would deeply shame his family and be a huge show of disrespect.

BN, I feel for you. I will feel for you even more when they start trying to decide for you who you're going to marry...

Well, AgentApathy....he's going to have to make a break with tradition, even if it means changing his philosophy on Chinese customs and values, or be sucked into self loathing for the rest of his life. :(