The utterly pointless Clint Eastwood Thread
 

Chuck Norris turned out to be a retard.


Clint Eastwood lights his cigars with pictures of Chuck Norris recieving his diagnosis of erectile disfunction.

Clint Eastwood is looking for a new orangutan. Chuck Norris is first in line for the Monday call.

Clint Eastwood created the Grand Canyon by dragging Chuck Norris back and forth by his pubes.

Clint Eastwood said to Chuck Norris "Go ahead, make my Sunday."

Chuck Norris used to have a full beard. Clint Eastwood scared most of it away by raising one of his eyebrows.

Chuck Norris has a new tv show coming out. It's called "I Need A Walker, Texas Ranger".

Clint's new movie: A Fistful of Dollars Shoved Up Chuck Norris' Ass

when Clint squints, Chuck ducks.

edit: fix'n teh typo

Chuck Norris once challenged Clint Eastwood to a duel. Chuck was so cocky he said Clint could pick the weapon.

Clint Eastwood said "jazz piano"
...and then played some smooth riffs that caused every woman within a 10-mile radius to have a simultaneous orgasm.

Now it was Chuck's turn. He picked the piano up over his head and crushed the puny Clint Eastwood like a bug.

Now he's coming for you. You're all fucked.

Great googly moogly, LJ. Chuck Norris is an actor. His movies and shows are make-believe. What would've happened if it turned out he was gay? Would your head explode?

I just don't understand your attitude. You sound betrayed. Was Chuck Norris supposed to warn you personally that he's Christian?

In addition, you have judged Chuck Norris solely because he is a Christian. Do you want people to judge you solely because you work for an auto dealer?

did you read the link wolf posted? it wasn;t that he was christian, it was that he was such a smarmy cunt about it.

btw, i appreciate your trying to call me out, and wish i had more time to flame with you.......can i get a rain check?


bbttww, flint, that was some funny shit

Fixed.

yo. don;t misquote me, blasphemy boy.

<3

So you would have felt better if he'd been all macho about it -- "I'm a Christian. Smirk, and I will mash you to road kill."?

har. is that a pair o balls? the article in question

do i really have to explain what bothers me about this? it is NOT that he is christian. you could substitute Vishnu or Mohammed, or Buddha, or the FSM. it's religion. zealotry. he sounds like one of those fucking pamphlets.

cmon!

omgomgomgomg lj said the *c* word :eek: :eek: :eek: I need to put that in the wiggs me out thread.

Thats strange isnt, I can swear like no other female I know and the c word still shocks me.

You don't have to explain at all, I had it right in the first place. You think it's okay for him to be a Christian as long as he's not passionate about it. He should stay in the closet, where the rest of us don't have to hear about his little sickness. Someone who's life has been changed completely, i.e., they have been reborn, is often vocal about the experience. They're not ashamed, they're not going to water down their opinion because they're afraid people will call them stupid. All of that doesn't matter anymore. You could call Chuck Norris a stupid cunt to his face, and he would only feel mild pity. He'd probably pray for you that night, asking Christ to take some of your hate away and give you the peace that he has. Would he be barking up the wrong tree? I don't think so -- after all, all it took to set you off was Chuck Norris' worship of a power higher than him.

You think he's weak because he's on his knees before God? I imagine he could say amen twice and still have a boot to the side of your head before you had a chance to get the smirk completely off your face. But he doesn't think in those terms anymore. And you call him a cunt because of it.

I shrugged it off as a bit over-the-top. I'm guessing, given Norris' shtick, that over-the-top is probably to be expected. I can't help but wonder why it had such an effect on you.

well, i think you;re going a little far afield to say that it effected me, really. But, to be honest, when someone spouts religion like that ( and i mean to that level of saturation, noodle, not that religion) i lose gobs of respect for them. Yes this does include you, mrnoodle.

I really wish I had the time to rant about this with you. I have a theory that involves the surrender of personal morality that I will try to detail for you tonight after work. Credit Counseling for the soul.

Your prerogative, certainly. But I think it's unreasonable in this case. That site is a conservative Christian site. He's there to talk about Christianity and it's effect on him. If you can't spout religion on a religious site, where can you spout it?

Kirk Cameron and Jack Chick are also on religious sites...

That said, Chuck Norris' stuff was reasonably clever, for that style of writing.

The point that you're missing is that becoming a follower of Christ isn't like picking up a new hobby or rooting for a football team. It becomes an integral part of your life. You call it "spouting religion", but that's taking a very short view of an all-encompassing life choice. The fact is, it means surrendering your personal morality for the morality of Christ (something I continually fail at, but strive for). You say it's a bad thing, I say it's a good thing. I look forward to your theory, nonetheless.

you know, I've heard that Christ hung around prostitutes and tax collectors. A revolutionary guy. I've never heard a story about him asking pro's to dress modestly (I believe our homophobic and misogynist pal Paul advocated for that)--but I have heard that he urged them to 'sin no more'----Hm. Probably more effective than, "You dress like a slut and therefore! Commence the Raping!"

Just a thought.

My favorite T-Shirt these days?

"Jesus, save me from your followers."

Jesus had it right. But, as with most great things, someone else took it, mangled it, and screwed it up for everybody. Throw a little zealotry in for flavoring and, voila'! Sinners soup!

Ooooo, you clever boy! I'm using that one!

I think part of what lj is referring to is the tiresome interjection of Christ into every last topic, even if it requires a tire iron to get it there. We've all seen and been annoyed by those types and it doesn't have to be Christianity. I'm sure I've been one over Libertarianism in the past.

I think I'll start professing my Pagan values with every thread. That ought to be fun. Let's go see what trouble I can stir up!

Pagan proselytization...what a great idea! After all, everyone loves it when the Mormons and the Witnesses come knocking on their doors. I'm gonna need a magazine or something...

well, how the hell was i supposed to know it was on a christian conservative website! now i feel like a tool for calling mr norris a cunt.






not

Change it to "Jesus save me from some of your followers", and I'd wear it too.

However, I'm thinking it must be where you live, Els. I've run into very few of the "I'm saved and you're not" folks in my life.

I agree. Even someone going on and on about their hobbies can get tiring. But again, that wasn't the case here. If you go to a Nintendo site, don't be surprised to see a lot of text about Nintendo games.

Did I miss something. Is someone fragging the Cellar with Christian verbiage?

"The greatest of all weaknesses is the fear of appearing weak."
-- J. B. Bossuet

why are you being such a dick?

i already said that i didn't realize that it was a christian site. and after looking a third time, i still can discerne no obvious mention of their pro christian viewpoint. And I still think he sounds like a cunt. cunt cunt cunt.

so. you are intimating that i fear to appear weak? And by quoting some obscure putz, attempting to sound superior at the same time? Well, I certainly don't feel weak. or afraid of fearing to be seen as weak.

In your real life, David, are you prone to taking things that are plainly meant in jest and lamely trying to condescend to the perpetrator by taking it seriously and reacting as though they are classless buffoons that meant it literally? just curious. Had you any clue, you'd understand that while I routinely appear to be a hammer, I am actually very wise and genial. It seems that you need literal explanations from people. you know me. don't pretend that you don't.

If it were, in FACT, an all encompassing, life changing life choice, you'd do it right. you wouldn't continually fail at it. You're content with striving. it's all that is required by your religion, right? that and believing that you'll be forgiven if you fail, right?

in fact, there seems to be an unstated expectation for you to fail to follow your rules. the assumption that you are inherently flawed. original sin. after all, jesus wouldn;t have been very useful if there was nothing to forgive, or sins to die for, right?

So, it makes me think that most people that have 'faith' are willing to surrender their responsibility for holding themselves to their own morals. Why do you need a church to cajole you? why an idol to feel inferior to?

if that helps you, great. really. but the attitude of superiority that so often goes hand in hand with it is insufferable to me. I have my own values that are probably different from yours. the difference is that because they are personally mine, i have no expectation that you should adhere to them.

religions require that you fall in line with predetermined sets of morals and cause you to feel like you;ve failed if you do it wrong. I have said before that i'm a pickandchoosist. this is why. It's not that i'm an immoral person, and think that religions are wrong. I just think that organized religion is mainly about exerting power over it's followers. And the followers sanction the influence by feeling guilt at their failure to conform to the mold of the perfect follower. i just think your religious philosophy should be a personal and private matter.

Play Misty for Me. (Utterly pointless AND Clint Eastward). ;)

Still missing the point. "All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." Striving is the best you can do. I don't know, but I think it could conceivably be possible to stop sinning altogether. However, you would still be tainted by your previous sins.

All it means is that there's no way to earn salvation through good works. The sacrifice had to be perfect, and the only perfect man was Jesus.

The idea that sin is expected is off the mark. Here's chapter 3 of Romans, it explains it in context.

Not an idol, the most high God. If you can't feel inferior to your creator without developing a complex, your ego is a bit inflated.

The attitude that you call "superiority" is not. We are all equal. We're all equally sinful, too. When someone mentions Christ, it's because they want to share his truth, not lord it over someone because they're so morally superior. The opposite is true -- in accepting Christ, I've realized that I'm not worthy of salvation on my own.

What you want is for people to hold their faith in Christ in as low esteem as possible, so as not to insinuate that Christ is lord. If we did that, we would not worship God, but something of our own creation. The God of heaven and earth is not a tidbit to be chosen from a sampler plate of human-concocted deities, put on a little shelf somewhere, and only brought out when no one is going to be offended.

You feel like you've failed when you sin not because organized religion told you so, but because when Christ is in your heart, you feel it inside. If you accepted Christ, yet never entered a church building in your life, you would be conscious of your sin.

edited because I overstepped my bounds at the end.

Why are some Christians so consistently confused about whether those outside of their faith will be swayed by rationalizations that require the listener to share their beliefs, or, sometimes even recite Bible verses ad nauseum (to a non-Christian)? It's pretty clear that somebody outside of that belief system doesn't put the same weight behind those words, therefore they aren't a good way to convince that person.

I can't convince anyone to accept Christ. All I'm doing is clarifying, to the best of my limited ability, what someone who believes in Christ actually believes, and not allow us to continue to be defined by people who don't know what they're talking about. I use the bible to illustrate it so that you know that it isn't coming from my own head. Sorry that makes you uncomfortable, but it's how I roll, baby. [gang sign]

Okay, I see what you mean.

It's just that, you do realize that somebody who doesn't "believe in the Bible" isn't going to accept the Bible as a valid reference source, right? If you're not trying to convince them of anything, that's not an issue, I guess. But...aren't you supposed to be recruiting souls for the Lord?

Hee hee. You almost said genital.

lumberjim is a genital

Hall of Fame material.

I have no anger about it. My calling chuck a cunt was intended to be funny. my sticking to it, intended to be even funnier. Fuck Chuck. i could care less if he is mr god-boy.

I have always questioned faith, and still do. I still search with an open mind. I continually refine my beliefs, but i don;t see myself having an epiphany one day and being re-born. I think that it is a bogus concept. If i 'sin', then i have to live with it. i have to own the responsibility for my actions. I can;t rely on forgiveness of some imagined diety*.
If you believe literally that he is your creator, and created the heaven and earth, i agree. But why must you constantly remind yourself of it? why worship Him? To whose benefit is it? Yours? His?

funny. expressions come to be for a reason, usually. Lord it over. ironic in that context.
Is that what i want? really?

Sometimes i think that i have some respect for your faith because you stick to your guns and plainly believe that what you're saying is right. then you say some stupid shit like that. wtf? I want xtians to hold their faith in low esteem? i wish they'd be more respectful of it.

as far as the sampler plate goes.....god is not a buffet item? all or nothing? to me the 'God of Heaven and Earth' doesn't mean what it does to you.

I think it is important to state that there are many degrees of religious believers. I have varying degrees of respect for them. If you truly believe, and you live your life according to your religion, and it is a religion that does not require you to infringe on the reality of those around you, then i actually admire you. maybe i would have admired jesus, had i known him. I probably would have detested John the Baptist.


(*And no matter how many books have been written, God is an imagined diety. You may believe in God with your very core, so to you he is absolutely real. My hunger may be very real to me, but you can't feel it, so it is unreal to you. even though you have experienced the same sensation.)

I understand your impression that i feel anger toward christianity, noodle. maybe it is a form of anger, but i see it as more a sense of.....resistance to assimilation? in america, we are hammered with christian values from every angle throughout our childhood. there is an underlying current of assumption that if you are american, and not actively involved in some other religion, that you must be christian. if youre not, your non religiousness is seen by the differences from christianity. it's the home team's religion.

Well, at any rate, we should know by now where the other is coming from. Took 3 pages, but I'm there, personally.

huh?

Understanding where you're coming from.

Clint was approached with a very lucrative contract to do an infomercial. He refused by calling it Chuck Change.

When Clint Eastwood was crucified, died and came back to life 3 days later, no one made a big deal out of it.



mmmmm....blasphemy-licious

It comes over me from time to time. I am under treatment and the doctors are hopeful.

I thought the obscure putz made the point more succinctly than I could. I felt like your "not" was a way of not having to admit that you goofed. It's like when people give backhanded compliments -- "You look great today ... for your age." Sure, the second part is humorous. But it completely dismisses the first part. Once the second part is given, the first part is no longer a compliment.

Um, let's see. There's a lot in there.

While I like to have fun and I'm widely known as a nice guy, it is true that I'm generally of a more serious nature.

I don't think you are a classless buffoon. I like and respect you, but you do have side to you that surprises me from time to time. It doesn't seem to go with the rest of you.

New evidence shows that Chuck Norris needs to ease up on the holy water.
.
.

I see people straining not to believe in something higher or greater than themselves.

Is such straining a smart thing to do, or is it simply that "I see dumb people?"

Now what was it Arthur Conan Doyle said about mediocrity?

Some people have a deep and abiding faith, but also firmly believe in the separation between church and state. Some people send their kids to Catholic/Christian grade schools if they want them to have a Christian education.

Some people think that UG may be a pompous ass.

You mean "christian"?

I feel the same way.

this was fun to re read.


i was looking for something else... but this just swallowed 15 minutes of my Thursday. Where is mrnoodle now?

probably living in some compound with the other cultists. ;)

This has been an interesting read. It must have been during a break else I'd have commented for sure att he time, if nothing else, I'd have poted this:

Clint Eastwood took a shit, and, then wiped his ass.

He looked at the toilet paper, and, right there it was...Chuck Norris' career.