In Memoriam
 

Early Tuesday morning, a few hours after midnight, we got the news. Jeffrey's friend, Stephen, had been hit by a train and killed. Stephen was Jeffrey's best friend, ever since our families had gotten to know each other through school.

Stephen and Jeffrey both attended the same school for autistic students. We ran into his parents there a few times and finally got to know them as friends. Jeffrey and Stephen have been friends for about 7 years. Anyone from the Cellar who came to a BBQ at my house might have met him.

Stephen left the school for a different one, but came back for his last two years and was actually in Jeffrey's class for his last years. Being a year older, Stephen graduated last year. Since he was the only graduate that year, Stephen's parents had to push very hard for him to have a graduation ceremony.

He was a very nice kid. He was a little shy but always made the effort to smile and greet us when we visited. He enjoyed bowling in the local Special Olympics program and playing on the computer.

Yesterday, my wife drove Stephen's mom to his grandmother's house to deliver the news. Jeffrey went with them but my wife asked him to stay outside since we had not broken the news to Jeff yet. When I got home from work in the evening, we broke the news to Jeffrey.

Jeffrey has been to the funerals of relatives, but not ones who were very close. This was probably the closest person to him he has ever lost. We explained that Stephen was killed and had gone to Heaven. Jeffrey began to process this by self-talking, listing relatives and famous people who had died along with when they died or how many years they have been gone. So one of his great uncles was mentioned along with Chris Farley, Jim Morrison, and Ray Combs (host of Family Feud) as well as other relatives and celebrities.

He went up to his room, self talked for a while, and came down and asked some more questions. He seems ok for now and has been asking his mother questions while I was at work. He seems to be taking it pretty well for now.

I'm sorry to hear that Rich. Hope Jeffrey makes it through this ok.

That is terribly sad. I'm very sorry for your family's loss. Jeffrey is lucky he has such thoughtful parents.

Sorry to hear about this Rich ,

Condolences to the family who lost their child, and to you and yours. Autism is a difficult enough thing, and tragedy must make it that much more so. Life is a hard teacher.

Is that the kid I took for a ride in my truck, Rich?
I feel bad for Jeff, also, but I know you're on top of it. He's got a first class....make that all class, support system. :notworthy

Thanks for the vote of confidence. Actually, the Steven you gave for a ride was a different Steven. There were two autistic kids named Steven and Stephen at the party.

Thanks, not that it makes it any less sad. :(

So sad. I am nearly speechless, yet many threads of thought run thru my mind. I second all of the other posters here. I know several young people that had close calls with trains.

I am sorry for the loss of Stephen. With your guidence and love I am sure Jeffery will be able to get through this.

I'm very sorry for the loss of Stephen. That has to be tough for Jeffrey and despite my reputation of being completely insensitive here, I feel bad for him.

I'm very sorry to here this Rich. I'm glad that Jeffrey is working on processing it though. It sounds like you're doing a great job supporting him.

That's very sad. My sympathy for everyone involved.

Jeffrey is lucky indeed to have such a deeply caring and concerned father.

My heart goes out to you and yours and to the family of Stephen. So sad, rich.

That's terrible. Good vibes and prayers in that family's and your direction.

How do autistic kids view death? Do they grasp its finality? What's it like for them?

I'm sorry for your loss and all others that are impacted have my condolances

It's always such a sad thing when kids get torn away from the journey of their life at such an early stage. So many things they could have done. My condolences for all involved and the real process with the loss may well be have to start yet. Wish you all the strength to assist your son in that process.

Looking at your message, this may help? List of famous people who died young.

This, posting here, is like signing a card for somebody, and you don't know what to say, but you feel like you should say something. I'm glad you, we, have this mode of contact, the internet, available to us. I hope it helps you in some way to talk it out here, or just read what is posted.

Death leads us on a journey of self-exploration, question-asking, it necessitates the solidification of some kind of philosophy, to deal with the reality it has imposed on us. Untimely, unexpected death, perhaps more so. It sounds like Jeffery didn't waste any time getting started on this journey. It sounds like he has a great support system in place. I wish the best for you all . . . knowing, of course, that everything will be just fine.

I'm so sorry, and my prayers are with your families.

My condolences to Stephen's family, and to all who had their lives touched by him.

Dont be sad, celabrate his young life. He is in a better place, hangin with Jesus!

I, too, add my condolences. Poor Stephen! How tragic for such young life to be cut so short. It sounds like Jeffrey has a wise parent who will help him through the loss of his friend.

Thanks for all of the support. Since I'm at work, Marci has done most of the heavy lifting, watching Jeffrey and helping her friend.

The funeral is Monday morning at St. John Fisher in Boothwyn.

The last time I was in a church was for a friend's son's confirmation.

Jeffrey seems ok for now, but have checked on supports offered by my health insurance just in case. Today I bought prints of most of the digital pictures I have taken of Stephen in the past few years. I found one really nice one of him and my son. I cropped my son out of it so that Stephen's family can have a nice picture, although I'm sure they have many already.

This has been a truly lousy week.

I can only imagine how horrible this is for everybody. Our thoughts & prayers are with Stephen's family and yours, Rich.

Me too, condolences for Stephen's family and yours. This is just really sad =(

Here is his obituary. The funeral is on Monday in Boothwyn for anyone here who met him or who wants to pay respects.

My condolences.

We're going to the funeral tomorrow. I did want to thank someone from the Cellar who gave us Phillies tickets on two occasions. The first time we took Stephen's brother Mark, and last April we took Stephen and his mom.

Here's the picture of us at the game. This might have been the only game Stephen went to at the new park. I'm not sure how many Phillies games he ever attended. When someone goes too soon, you sometimes measure up all of the good times that person had and hope it was enough.

Marci, Jeff, and I enjoyed that day at the park. I'm pretty sure Stephen did too. Thanks for the tickets. They turned out to be more important than anyone expected.