Analyse this please.....
 

I want to know if I am way off base with my thoughts on this scenario.

History...
*you* meet this guy through a mutual friend, but only via the phone. Seem to hit it off, so the friendship goes to text messaging, IM, email and phone calls. Hours every nite are spent on the phone, cute little emails are exchanged all day and the next step is meeting (this part has been going on for about 5 weeks). Theres always been this dirty/flirty type conversation happening.

Present...
*you* arrange to meet (the guys lives 2 hours away), so travel up to go out on the town for the nite. Said guy arrives at your hotel room and the pair of you are drinking and getting along well. Theres definite chemistry, he does the ole "tickle" move to get close (hey it works!!!) and theres the *accidental* brushing of body parts by both parties.

THEN - he complains about his contacts irritating his eyes, they look a bit sore...so thats a fair complaint. This goes on for 30 mins, and he says, "if I go home now and change them, I can be back in 30 mins". Cool.

Duhdoh!! He doesnt come back....txt messages, phone calls to follow....no response.

Fast forward 18hrs....you get a txt message.."I'm at the hospital, my friend has had a heart attack".

Fast forward 18hrs....email at work ..."spent most of the time at the hospital and helping my friends wife, I will be busy for awhile".

Fast forwrd 12hrs..you decide to call...."when I got home, there was a note under my door saying [name] had a heartattack, the phones had been out" (this is confirmed, the phones were out all over the city)..."I didnt get your txt messages because I ran out of credit on my phone".


:eyebrow:

Too many things dont add up.

If it was *me* in the reverse situation, I would of shifted hell n highwater to let the other person know I wasnt just leaving them there stood up.

I would of made an attempt in the last 2 days to contact the other person to let them know whats going on.

I would of been "sorry"ing my arse off.

Am I being to skeptical here???

If a close friend really had a heart attack, I could see it playing out this way. What was your affect on the phone? He may have been up in the air about smoothing things over before the call but didn't get a good vibe. Remember that if it was real he's balancing a crisis in an existing long term relationship with a speed bump in a potential relationship. Your mutual friend probably has a clue about what is happening. Griff is not a trained relationship counselor and has successfully maintained just one long term love relationship. YMMV

I think what Griff says is spot on.
(But like him, I too am not a trained councillor!)
He really could be freaked out by the whole heart attack + friend thing. Give him at least another couple of days (depending on the friend's condition) before you write him off.

If a friend actually had a heart attack, then yes, I'd be inclined to cut him some slack, especially if he's more apologetic once everything settles down for him again.

However, I'm personally skeptical that there was any friend with a heart attack to begin with. Seriously, who leaves a note under someone's door that their friend has had a heart attack? He obviously owns a cellphone, someone would have called about the heart attack, and left a voicemail if his phone was out of minutes (I don't know exactly how the cellphone plans work in Ozzie-land, but here you can get your missed messages once you've purchased more minutes.)

Personally, I'd assume the relationship is over, and if he contacts you later trying to make it up to you, then you can decide how sincere he seems and go from there. But to me it looks an awful lot like he's trying to break it off but he's too cowardly to just say he's not interested, so he's fabricating drama.

Strange days indeed.

Don't initiate any contact, see what he does. Sounds like he got cold feet for some reason - married?

I have no clue about relationships. (Just ask my wife. :smack:) I do, however wear rigid gas permeable contacts. They have been known to become irritating when I got something in my eye, or even just dried out (more common as I'm getting older).

I am rarely without a small bottle of rewetting drops in my pocket or at least in the car because I know I am usually going to want to counteract the dryness at least once during a typical day. And the drops can be used in a pinch to take the contacts out and put them back in if I have something caught that I can't blink out (eyelashes are the worst).

I would never wait 30 minutes before addressing the irritation. I would never drive 30 minutes to fix it. (If the irritation was bad enough I wouldn't be able to drive period.) If I had to I'd just buy another back of solutions at the closest drug store--I'd always use them eventually.

So I'm not saying he was full of it. All I'm saying is if it had been me I would never have behaved like that in respose to a true contact situation.

Eh, I'm pretty low key like that. My first txt message was just of the flirty type, and even my phone messages were really of the "just let me know you got home safely" type. There was no attitude or pissed-offedness on my behalf...still isnt really. I havent done anything but be my usual self and offered to be there if he needs to talk.


Spexx - he was married, been separated for about 8-9 months. We have spoken at alot of different hours, so if he IS still married...he's done well to keep it hidden.


Thanks guys, I am inclined to cut him a bit of slack and see what washes up, but being a control freak...I hate lose ends :3eye: plus I am getting pressure from my girlfriends to "fuck him off" and "dont let him treat me like shit".

he obviously was so excited that he came in his pants, and was mortified. he thinks you know, and he's humiliated. it's so simple, really. just tell him you understand premature ejaculation, and it'll work out fine.

I don't think it was meant to be. :(

The voice of reason.....of course thats it.

The other explanation is that I am waaaay too OTT for him therefor scared the bejesus outta him and he bolted.

Ahhh. Errmm.

Uhhh.

Hmmm.

Uhhh. Hmmm.


Well, ummm.



No.

That is to say, you're a hottie, he's a nottie.

OTT? over the top? if the guy got scared, then you didn't want him anyway. you could go queer if that's what you wanted. maybe the guy had a bout of impotence? has had trouble with it? could you tell?

Umm - no, he was ...err..up for the occasion.

Weird.

Too many possibilities to try to speculate... but I worry about the game playing.

The chase, the baton pass, win the race and awarded the blue ribbon. Im a guy. I have chased in my younger years. Everything was built up to a high crescendo and the fat lady finished her song.

Bottom line: Use your gut. My gut tells me you were used. :sniff:

aARRRRRRrraaaaaaaaaahhh!!!!!!!!!:thepain:

See that Brianna, Rock steady?
Girlfriends....support group....trouble!
DuckNuts has her shit together.... reasonable, rational, cautious...smart. This guy maybe a total dickhead, maybe not.... she's on top of it.
But the "girlfriends", the support group, are pressuring in the guise of being there for her. Grrrrrrrrrr.

Pant, pant, pant......Now, where was I...breath, breath, breath.
I find it odd, he couldn't get in touch with you soon after. LJ may be right, or the guy became an emotional basket case? Steve has a point about wearing contacts should make the guy prepare for eventualities. Were I in that situation, I think I'd ask you to come with me, but that's me.

Maybe he always had the hots for the wife of the heart attackee?

Uh-uh.
Too many things do not add up. Leave it. Not in a stroppy way, just in a been-there-tried-that way.

- If I left a date and while gone discovered a friend had had a heart attack I'd have at LEAST contacted the hotel. Blimey, even if my beloved Daddy had a heart attack I'd have the courtesy to tell the person who'd travelled miles to see me.
- As Clodfobble says - a note under a door? No.
- And as Steve says, in my contact wearing days I took supplies if there was even as much of a sniff of an overnight stay.

Bruce don't be mean, Duck's friends probably are looking out for her. In the best case scenario this is a man who loses his head in a crisis, doesn't prepare effectively, is financially unstable and has poor manners.

I mean, if he was still interested I would have expected him to try & make up for the fact he disappeared without a trace and left Ducks in a hotel room miles from home.

Heart Attack my ass. The POS is telling a story. How many of you ladies heard when you were young teens the line "I only have "X" number of months to live" or "It hurts if I don't" or "I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

Shit, your older and the game gets smarter. This guy is full of shit. He got laid and that is all he wanted. The dude is trash and needs to be brought out to the street.

Move on - this guy isn't worth your effort.

The whole gotta change contacts, back in thirty min. sounds so...so...familiar...

maybe he's an addict and needed to get out to get a fix and overshot himself and was too wrecked to come back?

Probably not, though. But that is something I could see myself doing if I was dying for a shot. Any excuse to get outta there for a while.

I should clarify ...we did NOT have sex, we were in foreplay mode and were still planning on going out on the town.

>>IF<< we had of had sex and he had done the ole "gotta change my contacts" routine I would of been in here doing the "OMG, I cant believe I got taken for a ride like that" thread.....that game I know and can play.

This one has thrown me because...

a) there was chemistry and he left before anything actually happened, he would of gotten laid if he had stuck around.

b) why bother making up excuses and contacting me at all, if he planned to disappear off the face of the planet?

c) we spoke yesterday and I asked him straight out...he duck, weaved and avoided saying anything to that would of totally burnt his bridges.

c said - I'm not being fooled, I'm actually interested to see where this goes for *growth* purposes now.

This is a single heterosexual man we're talking about here, with a hardon and a clear and present opportunity to get laid. If there is a problem with contact lenses in such a situation, the only appropriate action is to entirely remove them, throw them away, and proceed with the rest of the evening in a state of mild blindness.

Scared seems the most likely explanation. Not necessarily over the top, but it could be that the guy is not used to this kind of sudden opportunity and was not entirely adjusted for it, or expected things to move more slowly and got freaked out. It could be that there is some additional condition involved, something that made the scene embarrassing for him. Maybe he got laughed at for his 3" unit during his last one-night stand and he was thinking there would be more romance before tickling. Maybe he's a relapsed Catholic and this brought up some guilt issue. Maybe you said something that reminded him of his dead gramma.

Maybe he thought that the over-the-topness gave him license to act weird and not typically respectfully. Like, she's so adult, she understands that guys are gonna weird out from time to time and just escape with whatever explanation occurs to them.

I'm not being mean, I'm being observant. Having seen "girlfriends' ruin so many lives by being "supportive". Yeah, they support you by forcing you to do things their way or never hear the end of it. It doesn't matter what you feel or think, they cram your situation into a pigeon hole and tell you how you must react. Bah:p

That said, be very careful of this guy. His actions are not normal. He acts like he found a roach in your hair or he's a vampire and you've got poison blood.

I'm also interested to see where it goes, DN.

Reminds me of the joke "Always the doubt, always the doubt..."

please. he totally came.

DucksNuts (as mr.x is running out the door): "Hey wait! I thought you said you were kinky."

mr.x: "I am. I just fucked your cat and shit in your purse. I'm outta here baby."

Not "always the doubt", but a lot shorter.

come on, get some hollywood up in heah.

his buddy was dying of a heart attack and his final wish was for the guy to take care of his wife and kids.

Or maybe his friend said "Dude, we've been friends a long time...you know how I feel about ducknuts. It would be a knife in my back, man..."

I don't watch soaps, I can't write them well :(

Hey Ducks...did you ask the mutual friend who hooked you up in the first place? Perhaps the mutual friend is also mutually friendly with the heart attack victim?

In any case, some blokes are weird. I reckon if you think he's being a dick he probably is being a dick. Also, 8 - 9 months isn't such a long time to be separated so maybe he did get freaked out or something?

The only other thing I can say is: DON'T LISTEN TO YOUR GIRLFRIENDS!!!!! Make your own decision about him. They're not the ones who are living your life and I KNOW what bloody women can be like. I am one!

DucksNuts - Be careful and I hope for the best for you.

I like your sig! Side note: I'm Doomed for sure!

OMG, you seem like a normal rational person. Why are you wasting a second of your life on this guy and this situation. Move on. Even if he had some semblance of an excuse, would you want to be with him?? I think not - NEXT!!!

Aliantha - I did actually. The heart attack was real.

I've basically written him off as a love interest, but not as a friend. I'm happy to just be mates and if something develops along the way - cool bananas but he is starting well behind the start line.

Very good, rational decision. I applaud you.

We all are madman...

Gee, this is all too complicated.

Meet with him again, rip his clothes off and fuck him absolutely brainless if he cooperates.

Well, it might be fun, and after that just see what happens.

Yeah, I know. This is a guy's solution to many things.

You would think he would of taken that when it was offered last weekend huh Joel??

I'm a tad shitty I havent been able to use this as a learning experience, I hate having lose ends.

Well if you are in the neighborhood I could volunteer to . . . Just kidding! Perhaps the thing to learn from this is that there are absolutely, certifiable people in the world and things they say and do have no rationale whatsoever. There are things that just make no sense no matter how hard you try to sort them out. just move on - onward and upward.

Although LJ may be right, it just occurred to me, maybe when he hooked up with you he was (or thought he was) cheating on someone else and had an attack of conscience. :idea:

I hadnt thought of that Bruce.

I guess there are plenty of *maybes* (although LJ's strokes my ego just nicely), when I was maybeing I was really just making excuses to myself....it appears the man just didnt like me :)

Stop deluding yourself. It's obvious this man is mentally ill. Recommend wolf to him and you'll be able to put this whole event to rest.