kids sneaking sweets.
 

My first and third children have been found out: they are pilfering sweets and snacks out of the cupboard to their rooms and indulging themselves at night. My wife and I object to this because of the potential to attract ants and other vermin, and because we object to the secretiveness of the acts which we fear will prove to form a habit of deceit.
We've tried to permit late night snacking in the kitchen; No help. WE've tried threats and intimidation; no help.
Our latest attempt is to remove the temptations. No more sweets in the house.
I'm open to suggestions. You got any?

There's your answer.

If you buy sweets again, buy just enough for one snack, and eat them the same day as the grocery shopping. Then you don't have to police.

Another thought: Just get ice cream. They can't hide that in their rooms.

My son (14) would eat every bite of chocolate in the house within minutes of getting home from the grocery with it. Now I have Secret Chocolate--I buy it and HIDE it! Works great! Then if he or I have the undeniable chocolate jones, I rustle some up from my hiding place-voila! My son only asks, "Do you have any Secret Chocolate?" about once a week.

Our latest attempt is to remove the temptations. No more sweets in the house.

Outa site outa mind !!

How old are they?

sneaky kids.
 

The two who are taking the sweets are nine and four years old.
on a side note, the personalities involved are interesting. the eight year old is not involved in the sneakiness. and the two year old isn't able to participate yet.
Secret chocolate is a tempting idea, but my wife and I wouldn't leave it alone. She occasionally makes cookies and such instead.

the nine year old, i think you could stand to start giving a meager allowance (like, a dollar a week or something), and tell to buy their own candy or else they wont get any.

The four year old, I don't know.

My older brother was hyper-active, and our family doctor recomended he stop eating sugar (this was before the age of zombie medication). So, we all stopped eating crap sugar foods. We didn't have it in the house.

Snack food isn't good, for anybody. You would be better off just eating healthier. I'm not trying to preach at you, I'm just saying it can be done.

We have changed to healthier snack choices as well.. but about once a week( lately once a paydate.. so once every 2 weeks, I suppose) we have a family dinner night.. this is something sinful, and messy, and most likely not great for you. Such as natchoes with pounds of cheese, deep fried goodies, tacos etc.. fun foods that are usually finger foods. We pick a movie, make dinner as a family ( even the 2 year old can get things out of the fridge, or help put napkins on the table) Then we treat ourselves to dessert. Chocolate bars, cookies, a pie.. whatever. This takes all night.. even when we "just make pizza" But its a blast! And now we all look forward to our treat night.

The rest of the week its, yogurt, crackers and cheese, fruit, low salt pretzles etc...

I'm not a parent, but this is my thought. Make sure that you aren't doing anything to make your children feel ashamed about eating. Sometimes, when kids feel ashamed about eating or their body image, they will resort to hiding food and eating it in private where they don't feel scrutinized. Body image issues can start as early as 7 - or so I've heard - so your oldest one may be dealing with feelings of this. The 4 year old - maybe mimicing the older siblings behavior.

I guess what I'm trying to say is - make sure your kids know that it's okay to eat - and they are growing and it's perfectly okay for them to eat and they can eat out in the open. Maybe do something fun in the kitchen or family room and make a snacking area - like some fun bowls and plates, placemats, etc - make it a party whenever you and your family share in a special treat. Your kids will associate snacktime with family and fun and hopefully they will keep the food out of their rooms.

When I was studying for the bar exam a few weeks ago, I did eat in my room, but because I couldn't get any peace and quiet anywhere else whilst studying and eating.

My parents were very teeth-conscious, having had bad trouble with their own teeth. Our sugar intake was very carefully monitored - sweets, fizzy drinks, chocolate and ice cream were rarely in the house. Even squash (concentrated fruit drink diluted with water) and biscuits were kept out of our reach and dispensed by Mum.

Also, growing up in the '70s to working class parents meant that money was limited so meals were filling and nutritious and the concept of snacking virtually non-existent. It was a real culture shock to go to a friend's house and watch her help herself to Cheddars (cheese biscuits) or a packet of crisps from the cupboard. If we were hungry we waited for dinner. If we had had dinner it was tough, we should have eaten more at the table.

So we didn't hide sweets/ snacks and eat them in our rooms. But if we were given an errand to run we sneaked off to the sweetshop and blew our pocket money on rubbish, and gorged ourselves all the way home. We took the long way back to avoid going past Mum's friend's house, in case she saw us. We'd go into our next neighbour's garden to put the evidence in the bin before arriving home all innocent.

I think sneakiness is part of being a child. Like riding on the crossbar of your friend's bike - you know it's wrong, you know why it's wrong, you wouldn't want your Mum to know - but oooooh, it's just so good!

I honestly wouldn't worry about the deceit.

We have a problem with this too. I have a 5 and 6 yo girl and boy.

I intentionally leave candy and sweets out on the counter and keep an eye on how fast they disappear. I also note how much they eat at dinner. From these two things, I get an idea of how "out of hand" their candy eating is.

What I have settled on is to frequently discuss nutrition with them to give them a reason not to eat too much. I can't police them at school and I don't want to make them neurotic about eating - I'm concerned especially about my daughter to make sure her self-image is independent of her eating habits.

Our conversation might go like this:

I see them going for the candy (Me in blue, them in grn)
Are you hungry?
Yes.
What does it mean when you are hungry?
puzzled looks
I think it means that your body is telling your tummy that it needs food to keep growing and your tummy, in turn, is telling you to give it some fuel. So what do you think your body wants you to give it? Its not like your tummy has hands and legs and can go to the fridge and pick what it really needs. You are in charge of that so what do you think you should do???
Give it some food?
I'd say that's probably what your tummy really wants.
I love candy, though.
You do!?!?
You bet!! And just as soon as I've given my tummy what it needs then I can have some.
Hey kids - what is Daddy supposed to do when my car is running out of gas?
Stop at 7-11 and put some gas in it?
Can I tell you kids something if you promise not to tell anyone? There was this one time that I was out of gas but instead of gas, I filled my car with Skittles! My car was sooooo happy!! Guess what happened next?!?!
It broke down?
Exactly! Why?
It wanted gas but you gave it Skittles???
Because my car doesn't run on Skittles! And little boys and girls don't run on Skittles either! But they are yummy tho.

I gave up on hiding candy. They need to learn at home from me and their mother how to manage the decision of when and how much candy and food to eat. Its not easy but we agreed a while back that not keeping candy in the house was just depriving them of the opportunity to learn how to think it through and make the right decision under our guidance. Same with soft drinks and cereal. My kids can pretty much go down the cereal aisle with me and figure out which cereals are food and which are candy disguised to look like food. And I tell them that its hard for me too - I'd rather have Lucky Charms than Raisin Bran or Cheerios but that my body expects me to give it food and it won't be healthy and strong if I don't. I think it really helps them to know that its hard for us too.

But we don't demonize candy and junk food. We just let the kids know that while candy and McDonald's are tasty, they are an occasional treat and we shouldn't pretend that our body can run on that stuff.

That works for 5 and 6 year olds. I have no idea what to tell you about the 9 year old.

I have an 18 yr old, 10 yr old and a 14 mo old at home. I've also raised a now 23 yr old as well as another teen who lived with us for a couple of years when they were in their mid-teens. I used to have problems with one or two of the kids scarfing ALL of the sweets and leaving none for anyone else. This effectively screwed those that ate responsibly.

I developed a system whereby each person is allowed to order (via me, the grocery shopper) a snack item for the week. It could be anything from cookies, popcorn, gummy bears, ice cream, nuts, or a chunk of cheese to pudding or yogurt. But this snack was all they would get for the week. They had the choice of eating it all in one sitting or spreading it out for 7 days. If they took a snack belonging to someone else, they forfeited their snack for the following week in favor of the shorted person (who got two). They also have the same plan for drinks. Each person gets assigned drinks (usually soda/tea) and they have to use them sparingly or they will be drinking nothing but water by week's end.

I also stock the less expensive and healthier snacks for the family such as pretzels and apples/oranges. If they run out of their sweets, they can always eat the household snacks. Juice and Milk are provided in unlimited quantities.

I found that this system gives each person control over how much they want to eat at a time and still teaches them to save and conserve. They also learn to respect each other's property.

I am on a tight budget so meal planning is a big issue. I always serve home cooked, well balanced meals for dinner and everyone is expected to participate (or go hungry).

It has worked well for me so far :). They're all healthy and none appear to have any food issues (overeating/undereating/addictions/excessive tooth decay).

Stormie

I've never had a sweets problem myself, probably cause I like savory things more. If my mom buys a bag of candy I'd steal a few and eat 'em... if she buys a box of Cheez-its i'll steal the box and eat them all.

If I had to pick a single parenting philosophy, this would be it. If kids believe that making the right choice (any right choice) is "easy" for the adults they see, they feel like failures when it turns out to be hard for them, and just give up. If you help them understand that everyone has a hard time making the right choice sometimes, they'll grow to respect the fact that you made the right choice anyway.

Thanks folks
 

You've been great, and I thank you for your comments. I expect we'll keep up the embargo until Halloween and then go back to some indulging. I think this came about through SWMBO discussing the subject with young Master 9 yr old.
Ibram, we've been tried a few times to manage an allowance but have'nt been very good at it. If we don't forget then Shorty does. Still working on it.
Beestie, I agree with your comments about things being difficult for grownups too. we have that conversation every few months with eldest and #2.

I totally 100% agree with you. Our daughter is 3.75 yrs old, and we have explained it like this: Proteins like chicken make big muscles so you are strong, carbohydrates like bread and cereal give you energy to run, fruits and vegetables give you vitamins so you can grow, and help your body fight germs to keep you from getting sick. Sweets are treats that if you eat too many, make you fat and slow because you don't have enough room to eat good stuff. I believe in total truth in our house :D

I have a bowl on top of the fridge with 'her' treats in it. M&M's, Twizzlers, Tootsie Pops etc. She knows that she gets some for eating her meal well, or doing something good. (picking up toys without being asked, etc.) We can leave things down where she can reach them, and not have to worry about them dissappearing. Her fruit snacks and fruit rollups are in the pantry where she can reach them, but so far we haven't had any trouble with her taking them without asking. She knows she won't get any later if she does!

Were lucky that we can use a 'No snacks if you are naughty' approach because she's got a sweet tooth the size of a basketball.

I had not thought of this, thanks for pointing it out.

Good to think about if ANY behavior is hidden.

My dad is very good at making people feel bad for eating, so it has been some what of an issue for me and my siblings while growing up.

Minor additional detail
 

My Dear Spouse has taken exception to my presentation of our circumstance. I have neglected to mention that we have always fed the family a variety of what we think are healthy and tasty snacks, specifically bananas, apples, grapes, oranges, grapefruit, popcorn, hummus, chips and salsa, tomatoes, cucumbers, celery, etc., etc. the kids have a plentiful and varied diet. They ask for asparagus, oyster, salmon, brussel sprouts, kimchi, fried seaweed, God knows what else.
The eldest is _not_ body self conscious, of that I am certain. While we do know other families who have inadvertantly made their kids paranoid about over eating, I don't think we have that problem in our house.
I think he simply likes the sweets and decided that he wanted more. So not letting him teach himself over indulgence is my only real issue at the moment.

Jeez, in our house SWMBO gets all concerned if inchling goes on a raisin binge.

He's had exactly one tootsie pop in his life, and one other random lollypop.

maybe had about a pint of ice cream in his life. He is a fruitbat however, and will eat a lot of fruit, but then suddenly goes off it and gets on a chicken or beef jag.

We don't really have junk in the house, occasionally we'll have midel ginger snaps and he'll want to freebase them. We usually tell him he has to wait until the "big hand" reaches the "king fisher" before he can have more.

99% of the time he is onto the next thing and isn't really hungry.

We had read that eating habits are formed very early so we exposed the inch to as many types of foods as we could early on. (Obviously leaving out the things he shouldn't have had as an infant like tuna, honey strawberries, etc)

Coming form the opposite direction, we just didn't include in his food universe thngs that we felt were not going to be best for him.

I've seen parents give their 35 pound kids entire ice cream cones. Do the math: if you weigh 175 pounds it is the equivalent of you eating 5 ice cream cones. That just ain't right.

What the f am I talking about?

,,,
 

Now I 'm in trouble for using #1 son's real name on the intarweb. Someday I'll learn...

I was in the Post Office today and in front of me were two mothers with children in buggies. The girl in question was about 2 and a half (old enough not to be in a buggy in my opinion) was bugging her mother. You know what it's like, "Mum? Mum. Mum? Mum!" After ignoring her for 5 irritating minutes while she chatted to her friend, the mother didn't engage in conversation with her daughter, or try to distract her - she launched straight into, "What is it? Do you want some crispies?" Well if the girl hadn't, she did now. While her friend watched her place, she went and bought a packet of Wotsits
Ingredients:
and a bottle of Robinson's Fruit Shoot (can't find a link, but it comes in a bottle with Not Suitable for Under 36 Months, and I know it contains Aspartame)

Both just opened and handed over.

It was about 11.25, which makes me wonder whether this would end up being her daughter's lunch. Surely a 21g packet of crisps isn't a suitable "snack" at that time of day?

I'm not suggesting this is the case in this thread! It is just hard to watch parents who use food as an alternative to a dummy (comforter?) to shut their children up and stop them being a nuisance.

Cheesy Poofs!!!

http://cellar.org/2006/cartmanpoofs.jpg

We call a dummy a pacifier on this side of the Atlantic.

And that's another can of worms too. There are some parents who don't let their kids use pacifiers because use of them can become a crutch for kids and prolonged use will cause crooked teeth. Balance that against the comfort they provide the kid and who knows what the right answer is?

You can use the edit button or ask UT to take it out.

I did not post this earlier, because most people have not dealt with the severity of my one son's actions... and sneaking food DOES NOT MEAN you child would EVER have the issues my one son does. Mine has severel disorders, and mental conditions... most childern do not have anything even close to this.... most kids are just being kids!
My oldest son stole food. He would sneak it into his room, and eat some... and make sure the rest was destroyed, wasted or went bad. We had a healthy diet and he was never deprived. Jello packets, whipping cream (not even made), juice powder would go missing along with peanut butter, fruit, loaves of bread etc...
We talked to our doctor about this, and he suggested at his age ( 4-5) it could be a control issue. So we let him make more choices: such as what pants to wear, what to fill his sandwich with ( peanut butter, or meat) if he wanted salt/pepper/butter etc... on his meal. We did not turn into a restaraunt, we simply gave him more control over the food he needed to eat. We were having veggies.. so am I cooking carrots, or corn?, for example.
We did this in all aspects, not just food, as we were told sneaking was usually one thing a small child could control in thier lives.

We went to a counsellor as well, because we were concerend when the issue got worse. The counsellor was suggesting that our son may be depressed, and using the sneaking to deal with other issues. He also suggested our son was " just getting used to his step father, and younger sibling. Perhaps he is doing this to get attention. Even negative attention is still attention" When it got worse, we started locking the pantry, and shopping for fresh items every other day, in oder to offset the cost of the wasted food. Locking the pantry was NOT done lightly, btw. But at the time it was the only thing any *professional* could suggest to keep food in the house longer than 6 hours.

When other things started going missing at about the age 9, we knew we needed even more help. Money, lighters, toys, movies etc... were being taken, and others brought in, and hidden in his room. This indicated to us, that this was no longer just a control issue, or an adjustement struggle. This was/is much more than that.. but thats not why I am posting. I am going to post some of our education tips... perhaps one of these items will help you in your handling of the situation. I found some of the "parent" training to be quite helpful.

Handling the situation when your child is stealing:
Stealing often causes more concern to parents because it may happen outside the home and may affect other people. During the school years, stealing may be a sign of a problem, but it may also be a result of peer pressure and the need for the child to fit in. It is important to look at the whole situation.

Children under the age of 3 take things because they do not understand fully the difference between what is "mine" and what is not. They then may become possessive of their things and protect them. They do not steal with bad intentions.

Children between the ages of 3 and 7 begin to respect things that belong to others. However, this age group will trade property without regard to value if something else is wanted. The respect for property continues in the school-aged child.

By the time the child is 9, the child should respect the possessions of others and understand that stealing is wrong. Children in this age group may continue to steal because of several factors, including the following:

They may feel peer pressure and the need to fit in.
They may have low self-esteem.
They may not have any friends and are trying to "buy" their friends.
They may try to become good at stealing to feel proud of something they have done if they do not receive positive feedback from their parents.
When does stealing become a concern?
There are multiple situations that may cause concern. If any of these apply to your child, it is important to consult your child's physician:

an older child that steals and does not feel bad about it
a child who constantly steals
if other behavioral problems also exist in the child
Children older than age of 3 should be confronted with any lying or stealing, but it is important to remember that most of these behaviors are part of growing up and do not represent severe problems. Each child is unique, and your child's physician should be involved with any concerns.


This site if for more than just stealing the odd cookie... but it was a helpful start for our path.
http://www.attachmentparenting.org/taskforcepaper.pdf

hmm seems thats the only article I have on my computer atm.... my appologies. I am sure there are many sites on the net that could explain more than I ever could.

Jaydann, usually if people's kids are having a problem they're aware of it, but not always. Helping to point out things to watch for and possible directions to find a solution can be a big help.

Hell, if it's a problem that applies to their kids,they should be willing to do the leg work. Especially since sometimes it's as easy as Google.

You done good. :thumb:

Haha.. just buy ice cream - I just discovered a half eaten melted container of ice cream next to my home office desk (so sly - leaving the evidence right where I work). I agree with so and so... just don't buy sweets and stock the house with healthy food... in the long run... it'll pay off... your child won't become a part of the millions of obese fat asses rolling around the planet.
Also... we try to make sweets at home... and unfortunately pop culture has all ready sunk it's claws into this 7yr old and he's most often only attracted to the crap that comes off the grocery shelf in pretty child friendly packages and or fa$T food joints... if he eats home made sweets it's only because it resembles some branded crap that he saw somewhere.

I have been having an extreme problem with my five year old son getting into... everything! Damien doesn't just stop with candy and other sweets, mom just had her gall bladder removed, so we made sure to buy more specific diet food, (ie her own yogurts and other low-fat foods). Damien graduated from eating every single cookie and piece of candy that is hidden in the kitchen and/or mommy and daddy's room to eating ALL of mommy's yogurts and other food that were bought specifically for her so she can digest it properly.

I started by using 15-30 minutes in his room for getting into something, or making him go to bed 30 minutes early the day he snuck something and letting his twin sister stay up until their bed time. This did not work for me!

When he got into something, I'd sit him down and explain to him, "Daddy is fat and unhealthy, you can play outside and have fun for hours, but daddy can't because he's overweight. If you continue eating all of these sweet snacks, you're going to get a big belly like daddy and you won't be able to see your feet anymore!" This did not seem to help.

I then started with exercise. When he snuck something, we went outside for a 5-10 minute run. He loved this at first, I'd stop him every 2-3 minutes to give him a drink. He was deterred from getting into things for a few days then started eating everything again.

As our financial situation is not good, it's also not bad, it's absolutely horrendous at this point - we made a trip to the local food pantry. While there I tried my damndest to avoid ALL sweets and junk food. The lady helping me through the aisles convinced me that, "you have four kids! I'm sure it would be nice to bring a treat home for them to have after dinner!" After telling her no, they don't need it several times, I broke down and finally just took what she wanted me to take.

In a SINGLE day he consumed (Damien is 5 years old, average size and healthy weight):

Breakfast - 3 Eggs, 1 piece of toast

Lunch - 2 Hot Dogs, 1 Bun, 1 Yogurt

Helped himself to - 14 Buckeyes (Chocolate covered peanut butter), at LEAST 9 Chocolate covered marshmallow cookies and 6 other cookies.

The chocolate covered marshmallows are basically a ring of marshmallow about 2 inches in diameter with probably 2-3 whole large marshmallows in total absolutely smothered in chocolate.

I had, right after lunch noticed that a few of the buckeyes we had were missing. I questioned him, giving him two choices:
Tell the truth and be sent to bed for 10 minutes
OR
Lie and have to run AND be sent to his room for 20 minutes.

He started to lie to me, but stopped mid sentence and told the truth. When he went to bed, I collected ALL of the sweets we had in the house and threw them away. I not only threw them away, I buried them half way down in the trash can. After he got up, I went outside to smoke a cigarette and brought our dog outside to go to the bathroom.

Later on that day I went to open the pantry door to get some spices out to make dinner and I noticed that the previously buried trash was sitting on top of the trash can - empty. Later that night my oldest daughter found the bag of marshmallow rings empty under the sink in the bathroom.


What in the hell do I do? I rent, so I "not supposed to" drill holes in the fridge, but I'm about to do it and lock everything up. I CANNOT have a child eating his mother's food who NEEDS it because she has an even more sensitive digestive system than she did before. My youngest son has CP, and requires extra calories for his grueling physical and occupational therapy appointments, some of the high calorie things we buy for him (like extremely high calorie yogurts) he will eat ALL of them in 2 days. I feel like I cannot even sleep because if I do he'll get up and eat everything. I'm pissed that he hides his trash when he's done instead of throwing it away. But I'm about to have a mental breakdown because I feel like I'm being disrespected on an hourly basis by him.

This is depressing for me, and it's driving me to the point that I cannot deal with it any longer. Parents, HELP!

Welcome, Iron.
I'm not a parent, so I'd really best let those who are comment on this.

Because my advice would be not to buy anything you need to hide, given that you are overweight and your wife has just had surgery. Did your son have 3 raw eggs for breakfast? No.

As I said, I'm unqualified. My cat being on a diet is hard enough for me.
Good luck and I hope you get good advice from the parents here.

I am also wary that this might not be an honest appeal.
Apols to you if it is.

Don't make exercise a punishment.

And it will help if there are no snacks/candy at all in the house. Either that or you have to find perfect hiding places.

Food is a symptom of what is probably a larger issue.

I would suggest that maybe as a family living a healthier lifestyle might help. iron, you mentioned that you're overweight and unhealthy. Perhaps you could take your young thief and spend some time working off the calories together, and then maybe have a small treat together after you're done, but something getting close to healthy like a fruit smoothy or something?

I suspect that it is probably a comfort thing for your son. Sounds like with your wifes and other childs health issues, he might not get quite the right sort of attention.

Anyway, good luck with it. I have a 14 and 15 yr old and they don't discriminate between sweets and healthy food. They just suck everything up that happens to be in their path. Sometimes I'm afraid our two year old might be mistaken for a tasty snack!

In this post http://cellar.org/showpost.php?p=755943&postcount=28, ironsolid is called Dana. I think ironsolid is the mom?

Do not buy/bring home the unhealthy snacks, that is obvious.

Can you buy fruit and veg that he can eat in unlimited quantities? I didn't see any in the day's menu that you posted. Did he not have dinner that day?

Fruit is expensive. but so are cigarettes*. Shop at Aldi if you can. their fruit is cheap. Bananas are pretty good value and sweet. And pre-prepared baby carrots are pretty inexpensive. raisins are almost like candy. Problem is they can stick in the teeth and cause dental problems like candy.

my kids are swimmers so they eat a lot of carbs and my view may be skewed, but that seems a high protein to carb ratio. And I'd really like to see lots more fruit and veg in there, that's very fillling. What does he have to drink?

Talk to a doctor or a health professional about it if you can. Does the school have a psychologist you can talk to? I also suspect it is compensation for something or comfort eating. Or maybe his body is missing some vitamin/mineral and "telling him' to eat in search of that thing. Can you give him milk/cereal for breakfast? Choose the non-sugar coated cereal. Walmart sells really cheap own brand rice Crisppies, Kroger is best for own-brand Cheerios and Cornflakes if you have them. Aldi is also excellnt value for these products. Where do you live?

And don't criticize his dad. Hearing bad things about their parents does nothing but harm childrem. The need you to be their heroes.

Why not tell him you need him to help dad get heathier by taking dad out for a run and leading by example eating healthy snacks and balanced meals. if you have him tell dad off for eating unhealthy things, it will make it harder for him to do them himself.

You're 24 and your children are 9, 5, 5 and 3 and one had CP. He's a middle child and you clearly have a lot to cope with. He may just need more cuddle time, more supervision, more explanation.

What is he interested in? Can you reward "no theiving" days in some way?


*yeah, i know, not my place to judge..... I never did know my place....

Seek professional help.

I suspect Dad may have a metabolic issue or something, which is causing him to overeat without getting that "I'm full" feeling. Damien might have inherited it.

Could be one of dozens of possible causes.

(not a parent, no relevant qualifications, just another internet know-it-all).

good thought, Zen