When your SSRI fizzles out
 

My doctor told me to take the summer off--not go to school. I was stressed and anxious and setting goals that were too high for myself (must prove self worthy of love via high honors, etc.) and generally geeking. They put me on a new antidepressant--from 80mg Prozac (was feeling v. numb on that) to 450 mg. wellbutrin. It's been three 1/2 months on the wellbutrin and though I feel less numb, I still have these shitty depressions and anxious moods where I feel like I'm going to fly into bits and dissolve. Of course, they cannot give me any good anxiolytics like xanax or ativan or similar. I just have to work thru it. Well, some days I can't work thru it. I think I should have taken at least one or two classes to keep my mind occupied. The professor is back from London and of course he's gotten in touch and of course THAT'S not helping...gads, I'm rambling. Anyway--I guess I should change RX again...sigh. I hate this shit. It seems the longer you deal with depression the harder it is to lift it. :(

Oh Brianna , your light shines bright and clear through all that suffering . And that light , and therefore darkness at times , has nothing to do with the medication you talk about . You are fine and lovely .

Brianna,

I know exactly what you mean. It's not an easy battle. Good days and bad, but I still know I have more good than bad...not like before.

Hang in there; I suspect you have been dealt the "gift/curse" meaning you're very intelligent AND very sensitive. A tough combination but also what makes you special and unique.
:)

I do not think that Brianna is unique , Shawnee . That sort of phrase is cold comfort , and not true at all . Brianna is like everyone else . She is certainly like me . It is not always easy to live , but comfort can be sought in that knowledge . That knowledge is at the base of any form of art . That is why art exists .

My mother worked in an American school for a while . She said that in comparison to the British system , American children are taught to feel how special and unique they are from an early age . She says that American children are often extremely open and self-confident because of this . This seems good . It is not always good , because I think children should sometimes just shut up , sit down , and listen .

As I have already intimated , I also think that telling people how unique and special they are when they feel sad is counter-productive .

I think that Brianna is fine and lovely , based on the things I have read written by her . I would never insult her by trotting out a set-phrase to do with her being special and unique .

:) you both have really cheered me up! Sometimes, it's just so nice to connect. I think Shawnee's point was that my sometimes black moods are what make me 'me'--but, point taken, buddug, that I am, very much, like everyone else, too, and that is nice to contemplate when one feels lonely. So! I am both myself and like everyone--someone with quel dommage! :)

I do love this place.

Maybe going from one to another drug there might be a little withdrawl ? You are probably better than the med makes you feel.

I don't know if this excersice will help but it won't hurt!

Guided candle meditation

http://meditation.org.au/class1.asp#Exercise%201

I know it's trite, Bri, but make sure you are getting adequate exercise. Those endorphins really can help you relax.

Sounds a bit bonkers to me , skysidhe . Downright bananas .

You talk about endorphins , dar512 . Why can't you just talk about going for a walk ?

Very much, so. I was surprised how much activity can alleviate symptoms of depression and anxiety. Also, if you can direct your focus to something other than the symptoms, do it. Creative works help a large number of people.

Brianna is not ill .

You know what? You are a fucking asshole. I do not say things I don't mean and I am really damn sick of you jumping on everything I've ever said. I've even tried to be nice to you after I gave you the what for for you previous obnoxious behavior.

Me saying a few nice words does not give you license to act like you know anything about what I am or who I am, or what I have been through. I have never met anyone before who jumps on people for being nice.

You, buddug, can KISS MY ASS ten times over.

And Brianna, I still think you are unique.

Buttup, though, is a rude loser. Sorry, as I said I don't say things I don't mean.

Fuckwad...how does that fit into your neat little category?

I'm not? I'm pretty sure my doctor thinks so. i think so. I've been depressed (complete with suicidal gestures, each one landing me in ICU) since I was 13. As in, can't MOVE, depressed. I'm pretty sure were it not for SSRI's I would be in the looney bin.

Hey, great idea? Will you go for a walk, Buttup?

:confused: Why not talk about endorphins? It's how the body works. Exercise helps you relax. It's the endorphins that do the job. Why the big huhu?

Don't you know, Dar? It can't possibly be right unless Bud said it, or unless it serves Bud in some way, or if Bud is trying to get into your pants.

In seeing a new doc, it was mentioned possibly going on multiple drugs simultaneously if one just wasn't cutting it.

Maybe you have multiple bum pathways instead of one, such that you get relief of one or another on a particular med resulting in a lessening but not removal of symptoms.

Maybe a combination of 2 that sort of worked would hit more. Something to chew on...

This is such a frustrating disease, I am with you in your disgust. But keep fighting, you never know who you might be influencing in a positive manner. Your openness is refreshing, and your sense of humor, second to none.

Why can't they give you xanax? I had a general practice doctor practically force a xanax prescription into my hand, even after I made it very clear that all I needed was a referral to a neurologist (I already knew exactly what my problem was, I just needed an official "referral" before this new neurologist would take me as a patient and I couldn't get ahold of the old neurologist.) I threw it away even though my roommate at the time pointed out I could get a decent amount of money selling it to one of his friends...

Hey Bri--

My understanding is that wellbutrin is not an SSRI, but a dopamine reuptake inhibitor. I've seen doctors shift people between them or use them in combination. It's hard to know what will work for an individual. But, it is fairly common to use Wellbutrin and Zoloft.

Love, RS

Just remember.... YOU don't suck at all, it's your broken brain chemistry that is trying to FOOL you. And it's very good at that!

I shall have to disagree very strongly about that , Undertoad .

Yes. Yes. Stiff upper lip, and all that. Right, Buddug? Bri should just snap out of it. Right? What are your credentials again? What makes you, who have never even met Bri, know more than her doctor?

You have proven to be completely ignorant on this subject. UT is on target.

Why don't you post in threads where you know at least a little bit about the subject matter?

Buddug-did you see where I posted that i have been in the Intensive Care Unit (at least) FOUR times due to suicidal GESTURES (not ideation. Real gestures) like, taking 20 1mg xanax tabs with a pint of Absolut? that was just the latest. I've many other stories I'm not going to go into now. I was diagnosed with CLINICAL DEPRESSION when I was 13 and I am now 42. That diagnosis has been verified by four different psychiatrists. Seeing as how you don't have anything to say, just leave it alone, OK? I feel so less alone when I talk to these people here...just leave it alone. If you don't like this thread, go elsewhere.

Oh--I can't have xanax or ativan because I'm an addict and because I've a history of trying to off myself. catch-22 kinda thing.

Do yourself a favor, Brianna, and remove one stressor from your world by putting Buddug on your ignore list before continuing this disucssion -- it is not as if the posts we've seen from Buddug to date have added anything to any threads, here.

I know I said WB Buddug a while back, but the Buddug I remembered is not the one we see here. Back off, Buddug (preferably go away altogether).

New SSRI (with fuel injection)
 

Hey Brianna.

I know EXACTLY what you mean about the longer you're fighting depression the harder it gets. I've been on SSRIs since 1997 (holy crap, that's almost a decade!). I'm on Effexor now and it's kept me on an even keel, so to speak, but I still have very dark days. Relationships with "significant others" usually created more stress and anxiety for me. It took a long while, but I think the best thing for me was to finally be happy just with myself, and to be happy without depending on a girlfriend to make me feel worthy. After my divorce, I think I was trying to hard to establish my credibility as a "man" through being with a woman. Now that I'm single and not actively "looking," I'm beginning to enjoy me, my interests, and the ever-changing world around me.

Oh, and The Cellar, also.

Hang in there!:o

Oh. And ditto on the exercise and endorphins; not to mention the pride you feel after doing something good for yourself.

Yes , I have seen what you have written , Brianna . When I said I disagreed with Undertoad , I meant that I never see people as broken . I do not see the human soul as a machine to be fixed . Perhaps my vision of people is too optimistic , and an insult to those who suffer ? I certainly do not mean it to be seen in that way , and I am sincerely sorry if I have hurt anyone's feelings .

Yes , I am very ignorant about most things , and especially about things medical , but I do worry about the amount of pills people take . I live in France , which has the highest pill-popping rate in Europe , and it is getting worse . My sisters once went to America on a Camp America project . They worked with children , and they could not believe the amount of medication those kids were on . It seemed to be standard fare , as ordinary as having salt and pepper on the table . Does this sort of medication make people happier , or is it just some sort of awful downward spiral ?

I can give you no advice . I can simply repeat what I said before .
Your light shines clearly through all that darkness , and I wish you everything you wish for yourself .

Brianna is not broken, her brain chemistry is.

Diabetics have a broken pancreas. Should we deny them medication in the "optimistic" hope that their pancreas will return to its senses and produce insulin?

Millions of people suffer from severe depression, anxiety, panic, and phobias. Not the kind of temporary sadness or momentary fear that stops you for a moment, but chronic, lifelong problems that prevent them from living full lives. Mankind's understanding of the brain is proceeding fast right now, and finally a lot of these problems are being addressed, in better ways than ever.

But out of your bigoted ignorance, you want these people to go on suffering.

And then you admit the ignorance, and give the advice anyway.

Just shut the fuck up.

Some of the worst mental illnesses are going to be solved and millions of people will lead happier and more productive lives. THAT is optimism, not whatever you have convinced yourself is an enlightened view of mankind.

well, I said it couldn't hurt! The flute was nice. Meditation can be useful and a simple focus on something else can ease troubles.

Hear that Brianna?

OK, now go tear the baskets to bits!

What threads might those be?

Kitsune you are funny as hell. Made my morning, jsut in the nick of time.

Thank you.

Hey Bri, Have you tried Cymbalta? (sp?) I know a few folks who are on it after other SSRIs stopped working for them. I can see a huge difference in them.

Not sure if it is an SSRI or if you'd be eligible for it because of its class.

BTW, any asshole who tells you depression is something you should "snap out of" or words to that effect has never been depressed, and until they spend a week in bed because it is too much effort to get dressed they should keep their shitty opinions to themselves.

I'll ask my doc about Cymbalta next time I go (in Aug.) looks like Cymbalta is an SSRI with norepinephrine kick, too. The wellbutrin I'm on works on dopamine and norepi. Maybe I need an SSRI and a dopamine/norepi combo.

That's like an neurotransmitter speedball isn't it?

Let's hope so ;)

Heya Bri,
just wanted you to know I'm thinking about you - I know that you're dealing with some tough crap right now - but I know you'll get a handle on it and come out on top. And avoid the professor! The last thing you need right now is drama from him!

Write me privately if you need to talk.

Looks like I am the one who needs the loony bin , Brianna ;-)

Why dont you go for a walk cont?