PMS - the ultimate relationship killer?
 

OK, I'm going ape. 2 weeks ago she was talking about possible separation, marriage councelling, etc. Today she says she missed me and she loves me. Her period started yesterday. PMS? If it is, I'm not sure I can handle next month's emotional roler coaster! :eek:

The menstrual cycle is a man's worst enemy. Except maybe those chairs that, if you dropp something, it ALWAYS finds its way down between the cushions somewhere, and due to how the chair is made, you cant ever get to it.

How long have you two been together?

Do you know the three most important words,"you're right honey"

followed up by "Im sorry"?

That's all the advice I can muster. I'm pretty sure we've all been there. My dad told me never to get into a fight with a drunk, they're feeling no pain and not thinking straight, they won't know when to stop if they're losing or winning. It's best to avoid them.

I think the same thing applies to PMSing gals. Humor them, you aren't really losing anything by agreeing with them, and when the storm is over they'll probably forget any concessoins you made.

Unless it is a big medical thing, then ask someone else.

Hang in there.

It'l be our 12th anniversary in August. We have a 7 year old boy, and a 3 year old girl. We've been having problems lately - lot of it is that she feels she married to young and for all the wrong reasons :( She is very religious, so I keep reminding her that God must have put us together for a reason. We're both thblack sheeps of our respective families and think differently from them. Most of the fights between us seem to stem wheneer I have any interaction with them - she feels she's been mistreated over the years by them mentally.
I read somehwhere online that agreeing with your spouse is one of the most effective way to diffuse an argument, seems to work.........

I stayed up late many evenings reading lookout123's thread on his situation and eventual divorce, that kinda made me think that maybe she's got some type of bipolar dissorder. I've been seeing a councellor since the fall for stress - I've had a few breakdowns since. I've suggested we do the same, and insisted that before we see a marriage councellor, that she see a concellor on her own to talk about hings and perhaps get a difference point of view on what she's feeling.
Meanwhile, my brother is getting married in November, and I know that having anytning to do with my side of the family is going to be VERY tense.
Then again, my family has always treated me like an afterthought, so I wonder why I even bother. After all my wife and my kids come first right?

Pack up the family and move to the other side of the continent from both families. Then each of you can handle your respective families electronically, as you see fit, without involving the other party.

Or just tell both families you've moved, and continue relations electronically.

Oh hell. I'm no help.:o

I believe PMS is also a women's worst enemy. When my husband has mood swings I call it Pissy Man Syndrome.

Yes, I know how hard PMS can be on a man when his SO is going through it, but I'd like to see a man go through all that the woman dealing with PMS goes through and see how they handle it. Let's see all the men out there go through horrible cramping, headaches, mood swings, crying, feeling like nobody cares, bloating, weight gain, bleeding for 7 days or more or less, extreme fatigue, and then on top of it all we are supposed to act as if nothing is wrong...we still go to work, still take care of our families, still run a household, etc. all while feeling like crap every three weeks or so.

Dude, the secret weapon is chocolate. Offering it directly may be too blatant a ploy. Just make sure it's left in a cabinet where she will see it. I recommend the Ghirardelli Squares with 60% Cacao.

Yeah, haven't you seen this before?

I recommend a good multi-vitamin.
Chocolate is very high in magnesium and craving it is often the result of deficiency. Magnesium deficiency is common (more so in diets high in processed foods and grains) and the symptoms include personality changes, depression, irritability etc..
I also find B vitamins important for maintaining sanity.
:3_eyes:

Chocolate tastes better than Flintstones Chewables.

true dat

Marketing opportunity? "Two great tastes that go great together..."

Both true...but I'll bet the deficiency that causes the craving isn't magnesium. :-)

snicker snicker = snickers!

we've come full circle

Vitex Agnus is a women's best friend!!! add Chocolate and there is no hormonal challenge too great.

PMS is a really difficult issue to deal with because it's certainly crazy to suggest it to a woman when she's in the thoes of it, and after it's gone, I guess maybe you're just glad it's over or maybe even wonder if you were just temporarily insane.

I know this because I definitely have a problem with pms myself. It's gotten worse as I've gotten older. The best way I can say to deal with it is to try out a couple of ideas and see if one works. What works for me is evening primrose oil and st johns wort. I pop a couple of those babies each night before bed in the week leading up to and during my 'pms period' and everything is much calmer. It also helps that my SO is understanding and usually comes home bearing magnitudes of chocolate and take-away so I don't have to worry about cooking etc.

It's a small price to pay for domestic harmony from his perspective, and from my perspective, when it's all over, it just gives me another reason to love him just that little bit more.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, I never said it was worse for dudes... I just said it was his worst enemy.

PMS ? Nonsense . Just an excuse for bad behaviour . Imagine if high testosterone levels were used as an argument to exonerate a man guilty of rape .

Both men and women have minds and bodies . Being civilized involves knowing how to control one's body .

Ouch. Somebody's about to get hisself killed...

'herself ', Ibrahim . Je suis une femme .

Interesting perspective Buddug. Have you had children, or your 30th birthday yet?

hisself, herself, whatever, 'sall the same to me

I have four children , and would like a fifth , Jinx .

The secret , girls , is always to be pregnant .

Exactly, when my wife is having trouble with her hormones and acts out and I call her on it, she owns it.
S-all you have to do. Ain't hard.
& she knows about hormone troubles having had a pituitary tumor. Talk about nuts! We dealt with it together, not just me putting up with it.

It is more important to be polite to those closest to you, those easiest to take for granted, than anyone else.

On this point we disagree.

but the rest is solid gold.

Bravo!

Never pms. Cramps sure and only then grouchy but nothing a tylenol and a coke dosn't cure.

I had an easy menopause.It was gradual and natural. No emotional swings just terrible night sweats.

The only time I get feel emotional is when I am about to come down with a virus.

Feeling grouchy and or emotional isn't a permission slip for bad behavior. I have always sucked things up. I do this because I have a kid with a disability. I have to be a rock.

You think PMS is bad try bipolarity.

Shhhhh, dont say that out loud!!!!

I just love that any time I am having a bad day the boys I work with look at each other and go "that time of the month"..then to me "its ok, want some chocolate??".

What's wrong with owning your actions?

Not a thing.

The calling her on it and the "Ain't hard" part is where we differ. That is hard, for me. YMMV. My mileage?

Ok, I took the statement differently.
We are fortunate to have excellent communication.
If she takes it wrong and "starts" I just leave, lock myself in the study until she has had some time to think about it. It usually takes about five min. Then we both apologize for "being short", unless it was just one of us, and move on.

Same for me, my period is usually a very easy one, almost never cramps and grouchyness is rare. When I get all emotional it's usually a virus coming up as well. And grouchyness is usually caused by tiredness or when I've been walking/standing too long and my hip begins to hurt.

I am glad for that Tse Moana. I don't feel so alone in being plain. :)

I used to have really bad periods, but rather than bother others with my moods I would hole myself up in my room for several days until it passed. But now that I am taking birth control, I don't have that problem anymore. And they have the brand where you can continue taking it and stop your period, which I do with mine even though technically it is just a month to month. I would suggest to anyone that has really bad PMS and whatnot to get on birth control and see if it helps, because it really can. Now I hardly even notice my periods.

Thought about that many times - right now we live about 45 minutes apart. I've told them to back off and give us some space until the kies are a bit older. They just don't get it, they still call and drop by, not as much as before. They still send emails, but nothing beyond the occasional jokes.
I can't beleive I'm saying this, but I wish they'd just leave me alone. :redface:

I've ben thorugh this to an extent - cramping/bloating/bleeding from IBS/proctitis, headaches from working 2 jobs, moodswings and crying and fits of rage from depression and anxiety, feeling like nobody cares, which brought on the depression and anxiety, weight gain and loss from Graves disease.....
still go to work everyday and try to maintain a postive attitude, and some days I just don't give a damn.
Today my wife was out in the morning, my daughter had her way in the house while I as still in bed. Got my son's markers and drew all over here arms. I thought it was cute, and thought "well at least she didn't draw on the walls". ThenI found out she ate the secret stash of chocolate in the kitchen, and got into a smaple of perfume my wife had in her purse. Hope she didn't drink it.
Roll with the punches. :p

Yeah, that usually works, as long as my daughter doesn't find it - she loves Lindt. :D

We've been anti-vitamins ever since my Mom tried to brain wash us into taking them. SHe ain't exactly the picture of health......:rolleyes:

Thanks for the tip, I'll give that a go in another 20 days or so. ;)
I've been bringing home food a lot lately, YUM!
I've been working nights since Easter weekend, I think part of the whole package is that she misses me in the eveing whe she has nobody to help with the bedtime routine with the kids.
Still though - PMS or not - when you hear the words "this ain't working out, maybe we need to separate" doesn't sit well no-matter what's going on behind it. :sniff:

Sometimes what's happening in ones body isn't in our control. :sniff:

LMAO :D

This morning, after the chocolate/marker/perfume discovery, she said "please, no more children". I responded with "honey, remember that procedure I had 18 months ago to remedy that?" :rolleyes:

How did you guys deal/work with it? I'm all ears.............

I think I have one foot on the door on that, and I DO NOT want to take another step... :sniff:

When I'm at work, she call me on the cell. If we're talking and tempers flare, I recognize that she needs to cool off and tell her a have to go (I'm usually driving). Did this over the last few days, and didn't call her back. The last time, SHE called back about an hour later and appologized for snapping at me. That felt really good. :blush:

wow, an 11truple post...

11 posts is a lot of posts in one go.... that could have been condenced... no?

He wasn't kidding about bipolar....that's the manic phase.

Give him a break, this is new turf outside of What are we listening to, y'know?

But as to the topic of the thread, this news item captured my attention recently.

Continuous Contraception.

The voice in the article said something interesting, that the number of periods women have "these days" is far greater than what our ancestors (well the women) had. Today's number is approximately 420 (no connection AFAIK). The reason it used to be less is that a young woman would become pregnant upon reaching sexual maturity (menarche) and then spend much more time either pregnant or lactating, both of which inhibit the cycle.

They further said that the current contraceptive hormonal dosing schedule is an entirely artificial and arbitrary decision made in the days before instant pregnancy checks. One reason was so that a woman might know she was not pregnant by the monthly bleeding. One point I didn't get very clearly was that the current situation, of a woman on oral contraceptives, is that she's not expelling an egg, she's only bleeding. I'll have to check up on that.

The point about continuous contraception was to have a regular dose of estrogen and progestron (?? from memory, sorry) over the whole thirty days, instead of the earlier schedule of 21 on and 7 off. This regulates the levels and guess what else is thereby regulated? PMS. It sounds good to me.

Yeah, I could have, but I like to address each point on it's own, and I think I'm becoming a post whore ;)

Dude its REAL simple , chicks are Verry CRASY for about a week out of a month , us Dudes are just slightly Weird Most of the time , it is a hormonal thing .
And befor you ask ,NO I have NOT read ANY of this thread .

That is kind of what I was getting at when I said women should try birth control. A lack of PMS sounds magnificent to me. :D One of the things I don't think a lot of people consider is women usually hate PMS just as much as men. No one wants to feel crabby and whatnot.

Sometimes it's easier to respond to each person individually, especially if they are making different points. Then if people want to respond to you they don't have to separate out that point. It's all good.:thumb:

;)

If you think cycling estrogen is hard on relationships, try constant testosterone. That's why there's the saying that PMS is a few days when women act like guys do all the time. :-)

And I know both sides of *that* coin. ;-)

Zippy calls it only "slightly wierd" because he doesn't know any better.

Literally.

I'm getting a LOCK for my T-SHIRTS!!!!

What is WITH you chicks?! Get your own clothes.

Ok, PMS sucks.

You know... it would not be so bad if, every time you had your period, you came to me twice a day and asked "were you planning on wearing this, this week", or, "do you mind if I wear this"? But, noooooo.... you just show-up in a favorite shirt and when I say something about it I get pouted at, no matter how many times I ask you to let me know first.
Hell, at least it's not when I was dating and they just stole them!
It makes no damn sense, you have five times as many clothes as we do and they cost five times as much... if you like wearing ours so much, just buy em'!

Psh, my girlfriend stole both my favorite jacket and my favorite sweatshirt.

The jacket was my dad's jacket when he was in the Army, in Germany, in Winter. Warmest damn thing I've ever worn. Oh well, it's hers now - I finally stopped wondering if i'd get it back and just gave it to her for christmas.

The sweatshirt was an awesome DSOTM sweatshirt. She doesn't even like Pink Floyd.

My gf steals my tshirts & stole my army jacket so I stole her fisherman pants. touché. My jacket re-appeared. Fire with fire boys, fire with fire.