internet hookups...
 

Alright, I'm not talking about the tawdry sex kind either.. I was wondering if anyone around here had actually accidently found someone that you get along with amazingly online and then found the reality to be even more amazing? and if perhaps it's odd that people of very similiar tastes/and or mind sets happen to find themselves in places like this or others? (sorry.. been moving for a couple of days again and am a little light headed (and not for any GOOD reason)).. I have a few horror stories about meeting people online, but does anyone have any good ones? ( I have a good one, but.. I don't have time to go into the messy details right now).. yeah I know, broad subject matter/possible answers/questions.. but ya'll are good with that sort of thing.

Met my current lifepartner over a decade ago online--back in the BBS days. We've been together now many years.

For this to work you do have to be a decent judge of character...both online and in real life. Meeting someone online isn't really all that much different, although you do work from a slightly different set of clues.

It's helpful not to be searching desparately, because that distorts your judgement horribly; you get into a state where you're willing to completely overlook the most obvious of warning signals.

The best finds happen when you're *not* looking.

My whole outlook on people has been based on that simple little line. I meet the best people when I least expect it. They may be few and far inbetween but those couple that attach to me are best friends for life.


I met one person on line who became a real life friend. More than a friend a life peer, confident and someone that walked out of my hearts aching and manifest in the flesh. This is not a sexual relationship either.

There is one other too who is precious beyond compare to me as a friend but I let him down. I don't like to lose friends I've invested alot of time in.

I think 'what works' is to totally trust that the person is who they say they are. I did and he was exactly the same way he was in print. :D Exactly who he said he was as was I.

I am curious about hearing your horror stories though. I only hear about the good ones. I guess people don't want to post the things that fail very often.


oh, and please tell us about the good one too.


Happy moviing cowhead. Hope you recoup soon.

Mrs. Elspode and I met on a BBS as well. We get along pretty well, I guess. Whatever the case, we're willing to tolerate each other enough to try and buy a house that costs twice as much as the one in which we're living. That must say *something* positive about us.

Two of my friends married guys from other countries that they met via MSN chat.

Those are a bit trickier though I guess, 'specially since one couple didnt bother meeting prior to his big move over here, they are still married (4-ish years later) so I guess it cant be too bad?

I have met 2 guys that were friendships online, both turned out to be nothing like their online persona. :)

Both my brother and sister are married to people they met online, as is my mother-in-law.

However, my ex met a guy online and it turned out terribly. I'm not sure what happened, since I've come to realize how much she picks and chooses what to tell me, but apparently the cops became involved (he called them on her). She has also met several other people online that went well.

I've never had a bad experience meeting people from the internet, but I've only met a couple. One woman is one of my best friends, and another is a college girl that comes to me to make her feel better when she has some big problems. I can also talk to her about almost anything, though some of it is over her head. Not because she's stupid, but because I'm just significantly older than her and she hasn't had the experiences I have.

I guess it's a just a matter of instinct. If you feel like you can trust the person, then go for it. Google helps, too ;)

My family and I have met lots of the people from Britnet. We take road trips across America and meet up with Britnet posters along the way. Some we have met several times. One family we get on with so well that the parents will be guardians of our children should we snuff it at an early age. That good enough for you? :) Bad experiences, none. But then we do this as a family so we are very, very careful, we are not in emotionally vulnerable positions, and our meet-ups are usually in passing rather than being the point of the trip, so if they don't work we can easily move on, which gives you an extra emotional get-out. Not that we've had to use it.

Haven't met but a handfull of people that I "know" online.
One I have met, turns out to be a most pleasant, humble and selfless person you could ever find. That be Undertoad.:thumbsup:

Another key success factor is knowing how to have a long term relationship. I don't think it's a skill set that can be successfully described nor taught--except perhaps by example. My mom and dad, while they were not perfect in some ways, did manage to convey it to me. My brothers are all still with their first wives, and both have kids.

My first marriage lasted 23 years, untill we confronted the Mother of All Irreconcilable Differences. Breaking up was insanely difficult, but we managed to get though it without bloodshed. We're still civil to each other, and have managed to co-parent with apparent success.

I think it took a lot of the same skills to break up that it took to get together and stay together all that time.

I guess what I'm saying is: in building a relationship it's not just good raw materials (although they are vital as well). It's workmanship too. :-)

I think there's a fair number of people out there who aren't who they say they are...in fact, they're not even who they think they are. But I also think they're fairly easy to spot...if you're getting a vibe that something's wrong, you're probably right.

Sucessfully maintaining the appearance of "something that is not so" is a massive amount of work, and the bigger the difference between apperance and reality the more work it is. Sooner or later it all breaks down, but you can often hear the creaking timbers of a failing framework long before the shit hits the fan.

That's where that "not searching desparately" thing comes in. If you rilly rilly want person ${X} to be The One, the easier it will be to allow yourself to overlook those warning signs of impending chaos.

I have quite a few close friends because of MySpace. And a couple of near relationships. Ummmm... hard for me to find that "perfect" person.

Met my husband online, but not how you think. We worked together, but I didn't know who he was. The first thing i ever saw or knew of him was a poem through company IM system. Pretty funny, when i think back now, because I didn't even know who he was at the time.

I've met quite a few people from online, and have many more good friends that I may never have the opportunity to meet. I've flown to Nashville and Daytona for weekend get-togethers with groups of friends, flown to Alabama and to Houston to meet other individuals. I've met a few people locally via my MSN profile as well. Mostly they were very nice people, although some were fudging the facts a bit in cyber space ;) .

But the best one is my partner. We met in a chat room 4 years ago and he flew to Florida to meet me on Valentine's Day 3+ years ago. A few months later, he moved here to be with me and we now have an 11 month old daughter together. We have a great relationship and I consider myself very lucky.

I think the secret is to get to know as much as possible about the person you're talking to, watch for things that don't add up, and meet in a safe (public) place the first few times. You should have talked to them on the phone, have their current address, employer, and birthdate as well as family member's names, etc. Check it all out first if it is a romantic interest.

One person, however was a predator. He picked women off a support board who were insecure and damaged from abusive relationships and offered them friendship and eventually 'love'. He preyed on them via their spirituality and low self esteem. Once he got bored or found another target, he dropped them like a hot potato. I have no idea if I was his first target, but I wasn't his last. Unfortunately for him, the one after me and I found each other accidentally and compared notes. Bastard had form love letters, lol. Anyway, we published a warning on the website and notified his church of his activities online. Maybe we helped prevent him from vicimizing anyone else. I hope so, anyway.

Stormie

UT and I met through an online service - We've been together over two years now, and it truly just keeps gettin' better.

It worked out :D

so better or worse than online?

Originally Posted by skysidhe
I think 'what works' is to totally trust that the person is who they say they are.


I should have said I didn't trust him to come see me Until after 2 years of talking online, one year of talking off line via phone. There wasn't one inconsistency. I could marry my good feeling to logic.He wasn't saying one thing here and another there. That said we were to untimatly be dear friends, life peers and not lovers at all. I respect people where they are at so it's a win'win thing.

I get really confused online when people say things and act another. I would never meet a person like that. It just takes observation without thought and without the thoughts of others either to see the truth. Mixed vibes are pure torture.


I really appreciate not feeling anything at all.
but I appreciate more me not having to voice it outloud when I do feel like something is wrong.

poem for internet lovers:


You ask why...
I cry, cry, cry,
Can you see the pain in my heart with text,
the way it creeps into my eyes,
then runs down my cheeks to the lips you once touched with yours?
As I run my fingers across these letters, can you feel their tips on yours?
When I smile can you feel my love beaming into your eyes?
When I say "I love you" can you feel my breath upon your ear?
When the words "I want to hold you" appear, do you comfort me with your loving arms?
Come bed at night, do you cuddle me?
As I cry, do you wipe the tears from my eyes and reassure me with your touch?
When I dream, you are there, when I awake, only my pillow greets me


~~~Cheyenne

I would definitely go with worse!

[pathetic drunken rambling]Oh what timing to stumble upon this thread. Just had the pleasure of finding out that the last 8 months have been nothing but deceit, lies, bullshit and ultimately a lot of broken promises.
The method of communication via the internet may be inorganic, but what I'm feeling now certainly isn't. I hope she's feeling as fucking rotten as I am now, she deserves it.[/pathetic drunken rambling]

Ok, that felt better.

I would say that is the most likely senario for net relationships.

disco. man, that sucks. stupid, game playing, horny little fookers really need to grow up. ill join your drunken rambling! set forth fine steed.. come a ramblin tonight with me.. !!

Problem is some people create this online persona that fixes all the things they dont like about themselves in real life.

Then they get in the shit when someone becomes attracted to that persona, and they either have to a) fess up b) make a gradual change so they are being true or c) take a chance.

Seems most go with c).

What I dont get is how these people keep up this act for so long?

Me, I couldnt be bothered....like it or lump it :)

Disco - I'm sorry you got treated the way you did.

They do it in "real life" too. I hate the term real life, the people we are talking to are real, so the internet is real. Those who treat it differently are cowards.

So true. It's incredible to me how so many people behave as though there isn't a "real person" behind the pixels. I prefer to call it the FTF vs CS world (Face to face vs Cyber Space).

There are many opportunities to play a 'role' legitimately if one desires. Plenty of MMORPG's (Massive Online Role Playing Game's) exist like EQ, WoW, SWF, etc. My thinking is that people who pretend to be who they are not FTF and try to pass it off as their actual personality are disturbed and lacking self-respect.

Stormie

FTF, IRL whatever....

I agree they are real people and the internet is real, there's plenty of fake people in your day to day life.

Its just much easier for a person who isnt overly confident or really self conscious about themselves, to be outgoing (or whatever role they choose), with a screen name.

People that are unhappy or bored with their lives may find solace online, inadvertently projecting a happy persona.

Conversely, they could find the internet a place where they can blow off steam in a way they're afraid to in their daily lives, giving a false impression once again.

OR they could be one of the many wackos you meet at any mall. :rolleyes:

Easier or not, if you 'pretend' to be outgoing when you are really painfully shy or project an interest in skydiving when in reality you refuse to even get on an airplane...you are lying and lies hurt people.

well, yeah...I'm pretty sure I wasnt saying it was a good thing

For me, it's not about "hooking up" but about finding friendship and purpose through the internet. I was never looking for love or a mate online, but I happened to meet my best friend that way. Luisa and I "met" through ICQ back in early 1998 because we were part of the same online fan club. We have now known each other for more than 8 years but have never met in person. Except for the time I spent in Intensive Care, we have "talked" online every night of those 8 years, for about 2 hours but sometimes longer, have collaborated in a website which became extremely well known, started an internet business together, and now are working on getting her a visa so that I can sponser her for immigration to the USA. People in her country assume that we are either both lesbians or that she is successfully scamming me for money. (That's the kind of pathetic mentality where Luisa lives, in a totally crappy Third World country, as we have both written elsewhere on this forum.) People in my country who do not know the both of us either assume that I am being scammed or that I am out of my mind to invest so much time and money in a friendship with a person I never met face to face. The fact is that, after more than 8 years, you DO know a person. Nobody stays friends that long if it is not for real, nobody sits in front of a computer for years with no other payoff unless they mean what they say.

No doubt that many internet friendships do not endure. No doubt people get fooled more often than not. I have been very lucky. The most interesting part of my internet experience with other people is that, because over the 8 years I rose to a very high position in that fan club where I met Luisa, there are maybe a thousand people in many countries who "know who Tonchi is". Or they think they do. Many people think they hate me and a slightly smaller number think I am wonderful, all based on what I have done for them or refused to do, but NONE of them know who I am. And they never will. Of the possibly one thousand people, only 3 of them know what I look like. And of course, Thalia has met me and she knows who I am and what I look like and she doesn't care, because she is a wonderful person and that's why I work for her for free.

But the point I am making is, you have to really REALLY think about whether the person you are supposedly getting so close to online WANTS you to know them or not. If you do not, you are very vulnerable. Choose carefully. Don't believe what you want to believe. The internet has been wonderful for me, especially during the years I have not been able to work outside my home, but it is also a place where deception and subterfuge are common and people lie a lot or weave their own fantasies based on what somebody types on the screen. I have found the best people I know through the internet. I wish everybody could say the same.

I don't know, Tonchi. Luisa may have spent 2 hours every day, for the last 8 years, setting you up so when she gets to CA, you'll have to buy her a beer.:lol2:

Nah, she doesn't drink. I'm gonna buy her a husband ;)

NOBOXES FOR SALE!

GET 'IM WHILE YOU CAN!

ONLY ONE LEFT, PRICED TO SELL!!

(I MAY EVEN PAY YOU) :love: :lol:

)

I think you should post nekky pics NoBoxes, just so she knows what she is getting her friend.

@ Cheyenne:

Ha ha ha! Yes, it isn't wise to buy sight unseen; unless, you have a 100% satisfaction guaranteed return privilege. I; however, share a practice with Tonchi:

The difference is that no one knows what I look like; though, for entirely different reasons than Tonchi has. Additionally, I wouldn't be inclined to show my classified areas except on a need to know basis. Her friend, Luisa, already has my home address [the plot thickens] should an information exchange become necessary. I hope you've enjoyed this episode of the soap opera "The NoBoxes Connection" :lovers:

PS: Actually, I'm not giving Tonchi my picture; because, I don't want it to end up on her dartboard. :D

OK, people might get the impression that The Boxter and I know each other already, except that we don't really know each other because neither of us ...erm...you might say we inhabit a parallel universe, or at least he does and I think I do. But I can't prove it. So I guess I don't know. So there.

"I don't want it to end up on her dartboard"


*fishes*


would tonchi have a large target or a small target??

Tonchi would have a target of opportunity; however, it would be for someone better than me.