An extremely absurd seeking help
 

HELLO
My name is wu zhen qiang form China and my english is poor and i am 22. I am a poor boy, as a result of mine family impoverished, my 17 years old started the work, my family has the daddy, mother, the younger brother and I, my income must maintain the family the life and younger brother's school expense, because is impoverished, I must extremely thrifty province.
However, last year my younger brother body was uncomfortable, finally diagnosed for the liver cancer————mine family has now owed very many debts, and our house also had to relocate, we also did not have the money to buy the house.
Without the money, does not have the laughter, Without happy, this is my family present condition. Although has very many good people to help for me from mine country, but simply cannot solve the problem.I really have no other options, I only put my hopes in the network.
I knew my procedure is very absurd, perhaps nobody saw perhaps this information, perhaps you thought I am a swindler, but i must do this, because this is I rescues my younger brother's only means.I believe God be with me, I believed I am not lonely.
I hoped you can help me, I to hope one day to have the person E-mail call me say :YOU ARE NOT ALONE.Your help will change our destiny, I will be able forever to pray for you in China.
Wishes your family to be joyful, health forever!
Wu Zhen Qiang
My mail: jznglskq@yahoo.com.cn

Hooooooly shit.

Prayers are easy, and your family has mine. Unfortunately, I can't send you any money because of the high likelihood that you are utterly full of shit. If you are honest, all the best to you. If you aren't, allow me to direct you to a new cancer cure I just heard about.

I'm guessing bogus - based on use of words like impoverished, swindler, and procedure?

Well, he did say it was absurd. Gotta give him points for that much.

It sounds less fishy than babelfishy.

Even if that was bogus, there ARE people out there in this same exact situation. My prayers are for those who ARE in this situation and have no hope.

I sent the thread link to Eric in China. I'd be interested in his and Billy's take on it. :eyebrow:

Is this kinda weird cry for help thing common here at the cellar??

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When I feel the plea for help comming on I just make myself a cup of cocoa.

the one thing that gets me is how someone that cannot speak english still manages to put every comma and fullstop where it should be. chinese is very different from english, you cant understand one part of it completely and the other so badly. he also makes the common mistake that other people well versed in english make, he forgets to capitalise one of the "I"'s. someone that wanted there english to be good would not make a mistake like that at all as they would be thinking about it conciously. same with the new sentences after a fullstop, some having spacing some dont.
true or not im not sending any money. life sucks and theres so many more people in worse conditions than this kid. im not going to give them anything and im not going to give him anything.

Well I'll give him prayers...that's about the only thing I can offer. But good observations Kagen. The sad part is...if it really is bogus, that somebody somewhere will fall for it and be "had"...
It's amazing to me how many people come in where I work asking questions about what's real and what's not...good rule of thumb: if it's too good to be true, it probably is. Right?

sad story,but true or false?
Mr.nglskq,u have a wrong post in a wrong place.
u need to visit china red cross or other official organise for more help,it will be more effective.
http://www.chineseredcross.org.cn/english/index.htm
if u r liar,plz stay in china.shamed of u!!!

its probably flint trying to scam some money

shame on you flint!

now, I call bullshit on it, but Kagen... on punctuation, chinese punctuation is identical to english, and the english seemed moooostly realistic for someone who's english isnt too good...

Prayer? More harm than good.

I appreciate the link, Kitsune, but I have to say, I think it's bullshit. I KNOW prayer works. Just like I know glucosamine chondroitin and magnets help my aching joints! I'm a pragmatist: Whatever works, works! Mental attitude is sooo important. Mental attitude can save you.

Kitsune, that's because the pray-er has to know and care about the pray-ee. Otherwise, rich people would be taking all of God's healing for themselves. ;)

Right. It's called placebo...

Placebo's WORK. That's why they're called 'placebo'.

As long as you don't placebo away symptoms of a serious problem.

What do you think I've been doing? :lol:

"where do we get these placebos?"
"maybe theres some in this truck!"
"im cured! i mean, OWW!"

hello all man
thank you so much for you all give me care
I am a poor boy, as a result of mine family impoverished, my 17 years old started the work, my family has the daddy, mother, the younger brother and I, my income must maintain the family the life and younger brother's school expense, because is impoverished, I must extremely thrifty province.
However, last year my younger brother body was uncomfortable, finally diagnosed for the liver cancer，My family now extremely is pitiful, I was in the family the only
income, I simply cannot pay younger brother's treatment expense and
the family huge debt, I do not have other choices, I once sought help
in the network.
please you to use the googel search my e-mail: jznglskq@yahoo.com.cn
you will see my Message on the Internet,When you read my message. i tell you：
first i want tell you my english is poor,You saw the message is I uses the computer translation(chinese to english),is:
http://freetranslation.paralink.com
you now certainly have very many questions, you think:
1:Since you need others' help, how then you can richly access the net? How can you have the computer?
(i tell you:I am in the small company's staffs, I go to work, I can the secretly use company's computer, when I rest, I can use friend of mine.)
2:You cannot change the present situation through the work?
I extremely want like this, but even if I diligently work, I also only have theabout 20,000 Renminbi salaries (to be most) every year, but our family debt is the about 70,000 Renminbi (also can increase, because of mine younger brother), the house also must relocate, buys the house to have about the about 80,000 Renminbi, I am in the family the only source of income, how if you are my you can do? The reality is very brutal, the destiny lets you change not helps with helpless. Very many people saw my message contacts for me, they ridicule me, but I believed one day can some people be willing to help me, perhaps you also felt I am a fool or am a swindler.
As a result of the remote distance, I am unable to you to prove any, but I want to ask you to think: If a person were not arrived reached end of rope, he why wants to do this?
i am at that netbar do working,
I am a hardware manager.
My 17 years old graduate a professional institute which saves to us,
my specialty is a computer, afterwards I had diligently to work,
because of mine younger brother and the family, I has gone to Beijing
and Guangdong Province Foshan, afterwards my younger brother was sick,
I had to return to my hometown, I had found the present work in this
internet bar. I really very painful, because I felt oneself is very
incompetent, I cannot rescue me the younger brother, I cannot change
the oneself family the destiny. Did you think I am willing to look
like the beggar equally everywhere message like this? I also have the
self-respect, but I have the means?

You knew Chinese the government is despotic and the incompetent
organization, therefore I only have mine hope repose in the freedom
and the democracy country: US'S network.
Although I in network message, but until now I still have not obtained
the help, I have to arrive others' ridicule, now I finally understood:
Even if the people believed I am real, they cannot help me, because
this is our world.
Therefore I stopped in the network the message, I decided through own
diligently works changes my family destiny, therefore I want to go to
Japan or Australia work through China's work intermediary company, if
I can go to there, I can change my family destiny through own salary,
but I simply do not have the money payment intermediary expense.
If your organization has the branch in China, may let them arrive my
family, they can prove I am real.
I accidentally discovered your website, I felt perhaps you can help
me, I to know has more people in this world to need to help, for
instance Africa's refugees. My procedure very is perhaps absurd,
perhaps I seek help do not belong to your service, but I still hoped
you can help me, your help to be able to change our destiny.
I believe "i am not alone", I believe god with me.
Thank you so much!
Wu zhen qiang ( a Chinese)

this is the guy that writes those spam mails i get.

I like it better than the website by that chick that maxed out her credit cards and whined her way out of debt.

A message like this must be responded to in kind -

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DEAR SIR/MADAM,

THIS IS A PERSONAL EMAIL T0 YOU ONLY. I AM THE SON OF SPAM SPADE, THE FORMER LOAN OFFICER OF NIGERIA, WHO WAS KILLED BY A RUSSIAN LADY WHO WANTS TO MEET YOU. HIS MORTGAGE RATES WERE SUPERB, BUT HIS PENIS WAS TOO SHORT, SO HE ORDERED 60,000,000 VIAGRA PILLS AND BEFORE HE COULD TAKE THEM HE WAS ASSASINATED BY 5 MILLION EMAIL ADDRESSES AT NO COST TO YOU. NOW I HAVE THESE 60 MILLION VIAGRA PILLS AND SEEK YOUR HELP IN TRANSFERING THEM TO YOUR ACCOUNT.

I AM USING THIS MEDIUM T0 REACH YOU. HOWEVER I HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE AND THIS IS STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL, YOUR CO-OPERATION IS NECESSARY. YOUR RESUME WAS SELECTED AS BEING HIGHLY QUALIFIED, BUT THIS IS NOT SPAM! THIS IS FREEDOM FROM DEBT - CUT YOUR MORTGAGE IN HALF WITH OUR AMAZING REMOTE-CONTROL PASTA POT. THIS OFFER IS FREE. YOU HAVE NO OBLIGATION TO DELETE IT AT ANY TIME.

Y0UR PILLS ARE BEING HELD IN AN INEXPENSIVE DIGITAL CABLE DESCRAMBLER BOX GUARDED BY TEENY TITS CARRYING EXPLOSIVE LOADS. THE LOWEST RATES ARE LOCKED IN, ALONG WITH YOUR FREE GIFT. THESE PILLS MUST BE TRANSFERED TO YOUR ACCOUNT USING A HAND-HELD ORGANIZER WHICH MAY BE OBTAINED FROM A FREE GOVERNMENT-AUCTION WEB SITE. BY VIEWING PHOTOS OF SINGLES IN YOUR AREA, INCLUDING HORNY WIVES, YOU CAN LOOK YOUNGER, LOSE WEIGHT, AND INCREASE YOUR STAMINA WHILE DRIVING PRE-QUALIFIED CUSTOMERS TO YOUR MULTILEVEL PROGRAM AND MAKE OVER $4000 PER MONTH GUARANTEED. THESE PILLS WILL NOT ONLY MAKE YOU LOOK 3" LONGER, THEY WILL GET RID OF YOUR FLEAS AND TICKS FOR GOOD! SIMPLY COPY ANY DVD TO YOUR FREE INTERNET DOMAIN AND BEGIN YOUR ANTI-AGING PROGRAM TODAY.

THE PLAN IS SIMPLE. Y0U WILL USE NORTON SYSTEMWORKS (A $300 VALUE FOR ONLY $38.95) TO PURCHASE 37 MILLION SHARES OF TONER CORP STOCK. THEN YOU WILL MEET ME AT THE WORLD'S SMALLEST DIGITAL CAMERA WITH $30,000 IN CORAL CALCIUM. WARNING: DO NOT TAKE ANY HUMAN GROWTH HORMONE OR YOU WILL NOT QUALIFY FOR YOUR FREE GIFT. ONCE YOU RECONNECT WITH YOUR HIGH-SCHOOL FRIENDS, YOUR FREE CREDIT REPORT WILL BE SENT. WITH THIS REPORT, YOU CAN BUILD YOUR OWN ONLINE CASINO. ONCE INSIDE THE CASINO, YOU WILL SUBSCRIBE TO KARA'S FREE FAN CLUB, WHERE YOU WILL BE ENTERED IN A DRAWING TO PROTECT YOUR IMMUNE SYSTEM. DO NOT FAIL TO DO THIS, OR I WILL REDUCE THE SIZE OF YOUR PENIS BY THREE INCHES! KARA'S WEB SITE WILL POP UP 6,000 PAGES, ALL OF WHICH YOU WILL HAVE TO CLOSE BY CLICKING THEM. FOR EACH ONE YOU CLICK, TWO MORE WILL APPEAR. AFTER YOU COMPLETE YOUR ONLINE DEGREE (IN 8 MONTHS OR LESS), I WILL SEND YOU A HOT AMATEUR MP3 THAT WILL CONSOLIDATE YOUR DEBT USING ONLINE AUCTIONS. NOT EVEN CNN, CBS, ABC, NBC, OR OPRAH WILL KNOW OUR SECRET!

N0W Y0U WILL BE READY TO RECEIVE THE PILLS. YOU WILL USE THE AUCTION SITE TO FIRE YOUR BOSS AND CLAIM YOUR PORTABLE DVD PLAYER FROM THE SECRET ANTI-WRINKLE AGENT. NEXT, BOOST YOUR CELLULAR RECEPTION AND DRIVE OUR TEENY LOLITAS WILD WITH HUMAN PHEROMONES MADE FROM PRE-OWNED INKJET CARTRIDGES. YOU WILL TRADE THE PHEROMONES FOR A SINGLE GEORGE FOREMAN GRILL FILLED WITH A FREE THIRTY-DAY SUPPLY, WHICH WILL ENLARGE YOUR PACKAGE EVEN FURTHER. THE HERBAL INGREDIENTS IN THIS PACKAGE WILL INCREASE YOUR REVENUE PROJECTIONS BY 3" AND CLEAN THE INNER WALLS OF YOUR INTESTINES. REMEMBER, THIS IS NOT A SLEEP REMEDY, THIS AMAZING PRODUCT TARGETS THE BACTERIA THAT ACTUALLY CAUSE SNORING!

0UR PSYCHICS ARE STANDING BY TO TAKE YOUR ORDER. GIVE THEM YOUR CREDIT CARD NUMBER AND WAIT FOR THE BEEP. YOU WILL BE GIVEN THE ULTIMATE SCIENTIFIC BREAKTHROUGH AND A FREE CREDIT CHECK. DEPOSIT THIS CHECK IN A PRE-APPROVED ACCOUNT, AND YOU WILL TAKE HOME 40% OF THE PILLS.

THIS IS A VERY SIMPLE TRANSACTION. THE RESULTS ARE GUARANTEED. THIS IS A COMPLETELY SECURE INVESTMENT. I HOPE YOU WILL HELP ME AND MY FAMILY AS WE ARE IN DESPERATE NEED. PLEASE REPLY ASAP.

SINCERELY,

S0N OF SPAM

Dude!

Very, very funny. I think it's HoF quality work, but I can't credit you with authorship. Full credit for the belly laughs, however! :lol:

This guy has been here before, hasn't he? Last spring sometime?

Who, nglskq? Yeah, first post in this thread--that is, he bothered to dig up his own spam thread from the archives just to add an almost identical message to the end of it. Weirdo.

ohhh.....

duh. i gotta start reading the original posts.

I think your full of ca-ca-poo-poo. You take bad checks? Pffft.... LOL :lame:

Read the first 2 or 3 lines then read the middle or so and when its real important he get his info out his english is perfect. Till the very end where its the 1/2 broken type. Who in China would even know the word "impoverished"?

Word-for word translation using a Chinese-English dictionary can cause odd phrases like "An extremely absurd seeking help" and "as a result of mine family impoverished".

Kewl.
You're right, I ain't the author.
Wish to hell I was, tho.

Whatever happened to Kagen, anyway?

He joined the Australian Air Force.

:unsure:

I'm glad that your life is good now.

Thanks!

Oh, you meant him.

I'm curious.

Why does the third post by this person show a signature, but the first two posts do not show a signature? I thought signatures were global across a dwellar's posts, but it appears that is not the case. I revisited a couple of my old posts and ones made in 2004 do not show my signature, but posts made in 2008 do show my current signature.

Back then, we were too poor to have a bunch of signatures just lying around.

Thanks for pointing out the signature with the spam links. I either didn't notice them, or they weren't there, when I replied.


*Pulls out ban hammer*

You're welcome?

Still puzzled though about the difference in the behavior of old-er links. Maybe i.m.'s right!

It is curious.

Maybe it had something to do with setting the signature wave of the dilithium crystals to a different phase so the tachyon field became out of harmony with the warp core.

Thank you, sir!

Son of Spam Spade post made me :LOL:

you can't add a signature to your profile until you post a few times.

Underneath the quick reply box, there is a little checkbox that says "Show your signature." You can choose to uncheck it for any particular post.

In addition, signatures are only universal after the signature yes/no question is answered. So if you change your sig file, or add one for the first time, it will go and change your signature in all the old posts that had previously included one, but will not add one to any post that did not already have a signature.

For example, I have unchecked the box for this post. It is as if I have never had a cooking blog in my life!

That is exactly what I was looking for Clodfobble. Thank you, ma'am!

Uncheck that box, V. please and thank you ;)

Just this once, for you.

Everybody else has to wait until November.

Ha - Cock!