Premature Relationships (AKA High School)
 

After reading through several threads all around this forum, it's evident that I'm one of the younger members. I feel so young and stupid, haha.

That being said, I'm wondering what you guys think of High School relationships? I feel stupid. I've only been in three and they've all ended in disaster. To much drama going on everywhere. I hate to admit it, but I guess I got some too.

Anyways, I'm getting to the age (16-17) where everyone around me is starting to drink and party and all that jazz. I'm not much for that, in fact I already swore I would never drink (to myself if that counts as anything), and I'm not much of a party goer. It's hard for me to make friends, rather make girlfreinds, because of who I am. I'm not sexist or a perv or anything, but yea.

Anywho...I don't know where I'm going with this, but what do you guys think of high school relationships?

The teen years are the time for drama. You have to cram a lot of finding yourself in a very short period of time, including time wasted in detours and dead ends that come from thinking you should follow the pack.

College is much better. In college the experience pool is much larger, and you will find people whose level of weirdness is better matched to your own.

You will be amazed at irrelevant all the stuff you obsessed over in high school really is when you are looking back at it, 1, 5, 10 years later.

High school relationships are like training wheels on a bicycle.

Nothing wrong with high school relationships.

Show a genuine interest in people, ask questions and listen to the answers. You'll learn as you go, but you'll go nowhere by waiting for folks to talk to you. As hard as it might be, take the initiative.

High school relationships are great for learning about yourself - your likes, dislikes, and the sort. You'll also be learning howw to select (hopefully) compatable partners even though they will typically be short-lived relationships. It is a crash course on relationships and the opposite sex. You'll learn the things about the opposite sex that throws all logic out the window. You get to feel those butterflies for the first time and experience choosing and caring about someone else that you have chosen - not because they are a relative. Thats the biggest thing, I think - the "choosing and caring" - Its when you say I like this person because_________ and you get to fill in the blank - not you parents or anyone else. Its a great time in your life and things begin to move very quickly. Keep a good perspective on who you are and don't lose sight of "you" - EVER.

DO NOT PARTY! I'm serious. Partying in your high school years can cause irrepairable damage to your brain and emotions. I should know. PLEASE do not drink or smoke pot or anything else until your brain has fully grown and formed and if someone in your family (related by blood) is an addict, don't drink or party AT ALL. I am STILL paying the price for what I did back then and I'm 42. Hold on to yourself, respect yourself and don't worry about girls not liking you. Hang on. Like wolf said, just wait till college--you'll be so much more together than the kids who treated HS like a joke. And college girls like guys who have it together! :) Be strong!

There's a tendency in high school (particularly the last year or so) to think that "this is the last chance I'll get to do X while I'm in high school". It seems really pressing to get a girlfriend, have your life all planned out, make sure you are having all the fun you are supposed to be having (as defined by MTV) during the twilight of your yoot.

Meh.

Make the most out of every day, be kind to people, think about consequences before you do something stupid. You should be following the same rules when you're 60 as when you're 16. High school will be a faint memory in very short order -- if you remember the names of half of your high school acquaintances at your 10 year reunion, you'll be lucky.

Live by your principles, don't feel like you have to match some kind of template to be successful. If you like a girl, say hi and see what happens. If her values don't match yours, i.e., she thinks you have to get wasted to have a good time, keep looking. If you still haven't found love after the 10th one, you should at least have 10 new friends (who respect you for living life by your own terms).

high school guidance counselor blather notwithstanding, do the "just say no" thing, like Brianna said. Many wasted years can pass by without notice when you live with a constant buzz.

Thanks for all the input guys! Like wolf said, I'm hoping University life will be a bit nicer to me, but oh well. It's all the luck of the draw.

Thanks for the support, and I will NOT give in. I'm probably the only in my grade that hasn't partied (well you know what I mean by party), hasn't gotten drunk, or hasn't gotten high. I say screw the people who want me to, but it sure does make life difficult.

I'm in high school and I've had my current girlfriend for almost a year and a half, and we are genuinely planning to go to college together and get married. I recently moved overseas, but we're "doing the long-distance thing". So I may be somewhat biased, but high school relationships arent neccisarily all doomed for failure, and can last, if you work hard on it.

...I hope...

High school wasn't all that long ago for me.. and I look back and see high school reltionships as practice basically, for more in depth relationships in college and beyond. You will meet a huge variety of people at college, feel free to dip your toe in the waters of the opposite sex, you just may find the person you're looking for. I did not too long ago (see my 13 things photot essay, subtitle Love)

There is hope for young love ... I spent several hours today in the waiting room of my car dealer with a very sweet 89 year old lady (who was also waiting for her car to be repaired) who had known her husband since they were both 12 years old. She thought he was an idiot until she saw him with a very nice car and started talking to him again.

A couple of my best friends are married to their high school love's, I was really skeptical and thought it would never last, I am happy to be proven wrong :)

One of my best friends even married her first boyfriend one they got out of school, they have a couple of kids and a great life together.

On the partying front, I have no advice...but stick to what you think is right and dont be pressured into anything.

Having been in three relationships at 16-17 ain't so bad. It's this huge secret that no one wants to admit, but a very high percentage of all the dating done in high school is done by a very small percentage of the people. I know lots of people who had no relationships at all in high school.

And here's another secret--pretty much every relationship seems to "end in disaster." Otherwise they wouldn't be ending, right? I mean seriously, how many people look at a breakup and sincerely say, "Man, that just went so WELL?" Until you find The One, they're all mistakes by definition. So don't be too hard on yourself.

mWow, this thread is great and has cheered me up greatly, especially mrnoodle's comment about 10 new friends :). I'm 18 at the moment and at Uni, and can safely say, that with respect to this topic, things aren't going to happen for you unless you make them happen. I have never had a girlfriend (consider yourselves privilged, readers, I dont admit this very often) and I have let many girls slip through my fingers because I haven't had the guts to do anything, afraid of being shot down. But trust me, the risk of being shot down is surely worth taking rather than feeling like an idiot like I do for doing nothing.

Anywho, this summer I have decided to make things happen (nice girl back home who seems to like me :)), but the key (from my youthful perspective) is not to give up and not lose hope, good things can happen in time!

i was and still not a great beauty (short and round to tell the truth) so i was never much in to the dating seen in high school to tell the truth i though it was a horrid messy afair even worse i came from a very small town the school had only 120 student from yr 1 - 10 and every week they all seemed to swaping girl freinds/boy friends any way my point is just enjoy your younger years please don't be in a hurry to grow up all to suddenly life catches up to you. If your friends with a few girls that is great because you will learn more about dating and dealing with girls by being their friend then you ever will in your dating life.

I can't agree more. Most of my friends are girls, and I understand women a lot better than I understand guys, even though I am one. That's not to say I understand women, but I understand them a lot more than I would if I weren't friends with so many.

I used to have premature relationships, but I learned that if I thought of something else, like baseball... they often lasted a bit longer....

Dont worry about anyone not liking you or vice versa. I was a total stuck up bimbo at school, and i used to totally ignore the people who i thought werent so cool - but after you leave the confinements and pressure of HS - none of that matters anymore to anyone. you start to work out the things in life that matter, and people change dramatically in those first few years out of school, so if you are in a HS relationship (as i was when i left HS) just make sure that you do work on your relationship, but also accept that you will be evolving every day;

I hated this group at high school who were a bunch of weirdos. my group would be mean to them etc etc as kids do, well.. next year i plan to marry one of those weirdos!!

Run-on sentences makes my eyes bleed :sniff:

I dated a few people in my teenage years, starting at the age of 14. I had a few long relationships (2+ years). The last relationship I had lasted 6 years; we were together for 4 then married 2 (divorced last month). I'm 23 now.

Concentrate on having fun with others. If you find you're having fun with someone, ask them out.

I had a boyfriend for the last two years during my highschool years and beyond. The good one asked me before the cute bad one did. phew. Lucky for me.I guess.

I wouldn't say it was premature. It was not 'mature' as in I had a grown up love. What we did have was commitment and friendship and that was very very good.

I had girlfriends from age 4-10 and 19-34 (my age, not theirs, sicko). That 9 years in between, I went on one date, which ended with a "let's be friends" speech. Two other girls asked me out, but I was too socially inept to know what to do -- I had a huge crush on a different girl, and I somehow thought that dating someone else would ruin my chances with her. That, and I froze up like a deer in headlights when a girl talked to me.

I'm pretty sure that I was mentally ill :lol: I think back on some of my reactions to things and how I viewed the world, and it's just.... wow. Probably just immaturity and raging hormones I suppose, but I really had some misfiring neurons back then.

Sweetie, imagine having misfiring neurons NOW.

All of you, yes, YOU, break my heart. You're all so lonely and by rights should all be enjoying major shags and fun and LOVE-oh, hell. Things really don't change all that much, do they?

Dee, you say you are a bit round-ish. So what? Listen. Make your health a priority! a PRIORITY dammit! We've started a thread for those among us who wish to lose pork (like me) called the Weight Loss Thread. This is not something I want to do coz I want dates. This is something I want to do because I really need to lay off the Lays, if you get my drift...oh, well, you're an Aussie--let's see--lay off the...Chocolate Cake (universal!)!
Anyhoo--we can't all be JLO (or, there would be no JLo----not a bad thing) and we need to look at life as life looks at us: IN THE FACE! ;)

Cool, at least I'm not alone, rather, according to you guys, I'm in the minority (as far as dating goes)! Well, it's nice to hear some other people's experiences. ^_^

Sorry for the bump, but wow

It's been two years and my life has totally turned around. Wolf, hagar, brianna, and all you other guys, if you're still around...thanks. I think I'll stick around this time and start posting more =)

confirms that the best advice to adolescents is: wait. it will get better!

Thanks for coming back and letting us know how it's going!

Hmmmm... You were around 16-17 when this thread started 2 years ago. That makes you legal now.

I CALL DIBS!!!!!!! lol!!:D

KrazFD - Wolf & Brianna are certainly still around
They have both had their own big issues to deal with (an ailing mother and breast cancer)

I admit I missed your original thread, but it's great that you came back and I hope things are a little more settled for you!

Ahahaha, awww, look, its young, idealistic, hopeful Ibby!
Jeez. Hate that fucker. Glad he's gone.


Christ, i was barely even fifteen when i wrote that too.
Guys, remind me to never go back through the Cellar archives and see how much of a little douchebag of a freshman i was. okay?

Also, when you're in your 40s you might want to steer clear completely. ;)

You weren't a douchebag chick
We bothered with you after all

but remember this episode when we bore you with, "You're only young, you'll see it differently later"

Just remember, in two years you will be saying the same thing about 17 year old Ibby.

'course i will.
and in four, i'll be saying it about 19-year-old ibby... ad infinitum.

I think this phenomenon is generally called personal growth...

Can I just pop in from outer space to say that I think it is a very cool thing to have young, insightful and creative young people participate in the cellar for years?

Yes. yes I can.

We're always happy to hear from you, Warch.:D