What do women really think about sex!
 

Now I'm new here and hope this is acceptable for the Relationships part of the forum but I am reativly inexperienced - not been with many women but would like some straight talking candid answers to those things that get said to me.

Even tho I wake in the morning ready for some quick hot action we always have to brush our teeth first - I get why but where is the fun in that - it kind looses the moment (amoungst other things). It that accross the board??

She never want to do it more than once - yes we've been married nearly 17 years and only on 3 occaisions can I remember it more than once. Well???

Even tho the sex is good (for us both) it never seems a priority. I nearly always intigate it and and Im made to feel like I'm being done a favor quite often - I want to be wanted as well???

It seems most men could do it most nights - am I wrong - but to up it to more than once a week for us - wow thats a though one - been trying for most of the last 17 years - if you have a good lover why wouldn't you want to do it every night - or day????

Well there you go - I'm sure i could come up with a load more given the time but what is your experince and thoughts on these both trivial and important issues........:blush:

I can't speak for the women, but if you are getting sex once a week after 17 years of marriage, I think you have little to complain about. That's pretty good. I hope I'll be getting that much when I've been married 17 years.

I like sex. I want it more than once a week. What's wrong with a quickie? Sex can be a long, drawn-out, wonderful dramatic action, or it can be quick and satisfying as scratching an itch. I know what he means. It's probably more a 'want to be wanted' type of thing. Everyone wants to be wanted.

My ex wanted it every 6 weeks or so

My current wants it every day we get together.

I like my current better.

Ok, first of all I am going to say that all women are different and the best way to know how she feels about it is to ask her. I don’t know about others on the board, but the more women I meet the more differences I can find. So anything I say could be way off base.

One of the possibilities is she just doesn’t have a strong libido, if one at all. The two most common causes for low libido, in my experience, are hormones and stress. If someone is stress, usually they don’t want to have sex. She might have had problems in the past that still haunt her to this day and it makes her not want sex. However I kind of doubt that just because 17 years is a long time to go without dealing with problems like that. But some people need others to help them get over past experiences, and she might be one of them.

Another possibility is that she only orgasms once. It could be that after that first orgasm, she no longer wants to have sex. Some women are like that. If she never has more than one orgasm then it certainly could be the case as long as there wasn’t something else stopping her from going again, but don’t ask me what that would be, I don’t really know.

Maybe she is sore after only one time and it hurts to go on. If it is painful to have sex more than once I doubt she would do it. But I would think she would tell you that, so I don’t know. I keep coming back to the whole communication thing, but I think it is a necessity.

About the brushing teeth thing, maybe she has a serious aversion to morning breath. That could be the most disgusting thing on the world to her which is not conductive to having sex. So that just could be her. Think about it, if there was a bodily function that disgusted you, let’s say for the sake of the example it is taking a crap, then would you want to have sex around it or during it? I doubt it.

Another thing it could be is her stalling for time. If she knows that if she tells you to go brush your teeth before sex and that breaks the mood for you, she could trying to get out of having sex. I don’t know. Again, you should ask her to know for sure what it is. She might want more foreplay and knows (or thinks) that if you have sex when you wake up you won’t have foreplay that could be enough incentive for her to avoid it.

She might be of the opinion that since she is the woman she doesn’t have to instigate it. She may think that sex shouldn’t happen very often and if she gives it to you once a week she is doing you a favor. I don’t know her so I don’t know what her opinion on it is. Maybe she just doesn’t think about how her actions affect you. Have you told her how you feel about it? The best thing to have in a sex life is communication. That way if something is wrong, or needs to be changed, or whatever, you will know about it and can do your best to get it taken care of.

From what I have heard most men do not get it most nights. 2 or 3 times a week is pretty good, but that doesn’t mean anything for you. If most men got it only twice a year, you wouldn’t want to be like them would you? Everyone is different and every couple interacts differently. Maybe she thinks she can exert control over you by withholding sex. Again, I don’t know. I’m grasping for any possible reason.

One married couple I know only have sex a couple times a month. They used to have sex more than that, but they just recently had a baby. Now she thinks that since she is a mom they shouldn’t have sex any more than once a week. I think this is silly, but she thinks it just the same. And she doesn’t want to have sex more than one day in a row because she gets sore. She would probably get sore after more than one time as well.

So it could really be anything.

By the way, I am a woman and I want it at least twice a week. But I haven't been married for 17 years.

Response!
 

Hey Iggy thanks for that - interesting, though I would say that I am aware of most if not all of the things you mentioned - I don't mean that in a big headed way just honest - we do talk, I’m a sensitive bloke most of the time and we are a caring couple. I think that she is slightly prudish is some areas, has hang-ups from the past and a low-ish libido.
It’s easy to generalize and I know I have in a way, however we do talk a lot about these things over the year and really I wasn't looking for answers to my “problem” necessarily but was wanting others opinions and experiences. Without going with other women - which is unlikely now and - I only have this marriage to compare with hence the question "What do women really think about sex?" I have only ever slept with her - now there's a whole other topic!

I think its not that unsual for couples who have been together 15 - 20 years to have sex maybe once or twice a week. Women do have different sex drives then men. I've had brief flings (hot and passionate), as well as a 20 year marriage - we went down to twice a week after the first 10 years or so. Does your wife have a job? When I was married, I had to get up and get into work by 8:00am. I am NOT a morning person and it takes me forever to wake up. It was a huge chore to wake up, go fix some coffee, jump in the shower, get dressed and get out the door in time to be at work. Morning sex was definately NOT high on my agenda. I was more ready for sex at bedtime, but then my husband would complain that he'd had a long day and was tired. I didn't mind morning sex on the weekends when we could have it and I could fall back to sleep for a while. My husband would then get up and fix me coffee and bring it to me in bed. That made me feel quite pampered. Yeah, weekends were nice! ;)

He complained:headshake ........................................................!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Done that about - let me see - once before a 6 am flight perhaps. Given the opportunity I would rarely turn it down and yes morning sex when it happens is great - but usually a couple of teenagers loitering about the house! She (my wife) does have a job but only for about 6 months of the year so often is sleeping when I leave the house. This is great - never expected such a great adult response.:lol:

Woman? Orgasm? Really?

OK, I'm kidding, but the sad fact is I could get a lot of clueless guys to back me up on that statement.

The question is does she have an orgasm; always? sometimes? never? That's important for any lover to know.:love:

ahhh but it's also up to the woman to help her lover learn what works for her- no fair laying there and making him guess.
I am a woman...
I want it daily...
sex rocks.

Well, he didn't ALWAYS complain! ;) In defense of my ex husband's manliness, he worked for the Forest Service and often had spent a 9 or 10 hour day cruising timber, cutting slash, or constructing trails at altitudes of over 9,000 feet. He'd come home and run 5 miles, in addition, to remain fit for fire fighting season, so he tended to zonk out at night like he'd been hit by a falling tree!

Oh! Oops... I misunderstood the question. :blush:


Well, like I said, I like sex at least twice a week. I would like it more but I work full time and go to college part time so I don't have much more time than that... but the more the better!

Dear god I can't wait until I'm not pregnant anymore. You people with your once-a-week-ness are making me jealous. What I want and what is physically possible are two very different things at this point. :(

Bugger - all you women who want it daily or "the more the better" where were you when when I was looking for a soul mate and what are you doing tonight...:lol: . Oh and yes she does orgasm regularly if not in the usual way then with a little help from a small buzzing device. Do I give too much away!!

in my experience, women are usually thinking "he better pay up this time or i swear i'll have the pimp cut his face."

oh, and sometimes "ten drinks ago, i never would have though i'd be doing this."

:blush:

Well I guess it take all sorts - I think there is a lot to be said for bedroom compatibility (not at the exclusion of other areas of the relationship). All the Christian fraternity (am I on dodgy ground here) who promote no sex before marriage I have to say that I cant go with that view any more. I used to but not now. I ended up going to therapy because I was approached by another woman who "wanted me" and then withdrew the offer - but it screwed me up as she seemed to want me for me and I didn't have to work so hard at it and it hadn't been my experience in my marraige - I know thats only an initial thing and in time all relationships need working at but it made me think.

sharpless, thinking (trying to figure women out) always leads to needing therapy. ;)

Don't you know about the "relaxing" way to :doit: ?

Um... I guess not? My problem isn't being unable to relax, it's being unable to fit into preferred positions.

!

I don't get laid, I'm abstinent. So, I'm no help here.

Opposite of TMI.

You'd best find a non-preferred position right now because after birthing you're going to have a stretch of time where sex is not on your list of priorities.

I wouldn't worry about the initiating. If you talk ask her too. If she is willing more than once a week after so many years you may get more than most? Not sure. Maybe the ones with good sex lifes don't talk about it? You know out here in the real world.

Candid ? ok I am going to try not to be embarrassed. I don't know if I am a typical woman because don't do sex talk with other women. I am a reserved nice lady on the outside but passionate under the covers, or on.


I am choosey about partners.I must feel attraction or love or lust to have multiple orgazims. I can have multiple orgazims and vaginally although I know what rote sex feels like. I don't like fake dongs. I don't know about anyother kind of toys. Maybe some I would like maybe some not. I don't have any experience in that but I think there are enough parts on the human body to feel satisfied without them. I am not a prude.You should beable to tell by my candidness. I think kinky is good but most guys can't execute it well so that's a turn off. I can talk about anything and certain taboo thoughts are a turn on. Some are a turn off.



Lastly, I am abstaining from sex. Or rather intimate relationships and since I don't come on to strangers for one night stands ...I stay sexless. .and of course I am a mother working two jobs. What does this have to do with sex? Everything! Everything. Even health as said. Presently I am going through a low thyroid jag which leaves me feeling really fatigued but I still have the desire although luckily I havn't had to test stanima.If I was in a relationship right now I would want to but I don't think I could be much of a contributor. Maybe he would feel badly and take it personally?



one strange thing that I don't understand is why I get the munchys after good sex. I'm not sure why.

[quote=skysidhe] although I know what rote sex feels like. QUOTE]

Wow - that was interesting tho not sure what rote is - or is it a spelling mistake - don't matter if it is my spelling is awful. I feel for you - sounds like you have your hands ful and I know its hard enough bringing up kids with a partener let alone on your own with jobs and more....... What do you mean by kinky - hard to pull it off for guys - guys are rubbish at so much - it astounds me and I think I'm quite good in the bedroom but still worry about getting it right and I know that can be a turn off in its self, but noting worse than being confident and getting it so so wrong.... we must speak more - you sound interesting skysidhe!

rote;
1 - A memorizing process using routine or repetition, often without full attention or comprehension: learn by rote.

2 - Mechanical routine.
;)

It's too late to delete huh.:blush:

There are hundreds of positions! You only need to pick one. variety is the spice of life. and what griff says, you are going to have to be super horny just to be disinterested in sex after your postnatal hormones kick in.:3_eyes:

Most likely it's from the bong hit you took before you had sex.:lol:

blood sugar sex magic?

By the time I got through this thread, it wasn't remotely what the title said--but that's not a bad thing.:)

Just as another woman's opinion, there may be many reasons for Mrs. Sharpness' behavior--the most common being that she was brought up in an era before women discovered that sex was wonderful and enjoyable. Some of us get over it, some of us don't.

Welcome to Cellar Thread Drift, a revered and frequently interesting phenomenon around these parts.

Ok, the original question was what do women really think about sex?

I'd have to say that varies widely from woman to woman.

There are some that enjoy it but don't miss it much when they don't have it (my guess is they haven't really had mind-blowing sex :yum: ).

There are some that can't get enough and aren't discriminate about who their partners are. Sex = sex = sex.

Some women are shy and not terribly secure in their own sexuality, so initiating it is not something they are comfortable doing.

However, I believe that most women's sexual libido is tied to their emotional state. I've often said that I need foreplay and for me, foreplay begins in my mind. Make love to my mind and heart and my body will follow. I once read a man's objection to this stated as, "You mean I have to TALK to her before I use her?!". Pffffttt...Um yeah.

Sometimes when the daily routine and stresses begin to take their toll, a plan of action is in order. Get a babysitter, find a hotel room, buy flowers, candy and champagne, and get her away from the distractions.

Write little love notes to her, do thoughtful things to show her you care, and touch her in loving (non-sexual) ways often. I simply hate it when my guy never touches me except when he wants sex. I've had partners who would snuggle up on the couch and hold my hand, and my first thought was...jeeze, here we go..he wants to get laid. Because that was the ONLY time they ever did that. I crave affection and it often turns into passion.

It's like having a beautiful show car that you store in a garage. You only take it out for special occasion drives. In between you never polish it, change the oil, put gas in it or care for the apholstery. Eventually, this vehicle will fall into disrepair and quit running. But it's a fantastic car, beautiful and I love it dearly, you say. But it needs more from you than a drive around the block now and then.

Romance -----> Sex. In long term relationships, the romance tends to fade because you've become comfortable and tend to take each other for granted. Sure you love each other very much, you're mostly happy and have a nice life. But its so easy to forget the things that brought excitement and thrills to each other early on in the courtship. Don't. Its fatal.

Clodfobble? Get it while you can..ie: now. Once the baby arrives, you'll be much too tired for sex for quite some time. I have a 10 month old and we're still not back to our normal sex life /sob.

Anyway, thats my 2 cents worth.

Stormie

Stormieweather - what can I say. A fantastic entry. No pun intended. Some very important points made well.

The main one being that they don't think about it, they feel about it, so you are screwed...
Also, on that note, you are getting straight answers on sex from women, so The Corporation will most likely be zeroing in on your location now. It was nice meeting you.

Sharpness ... morning breath can be disgusting. Have you suggested a compromise, like rinsing your mouth/drinking something to take away the offending odour? Have the necessary on your night table and there you go ... This would be less of an interruption to the flow, so to speak.

Or she can just turn over.







what?

Or he could take his mouth south ... :D

yes, but did HE brush?!?!? :neutral:

I cant deal with nasty mouth. I have to brush my own teeth or Id be uncomfortable to the point of not wanting to kiss him...and sometimes his mouth is so FRICKEN RANK, that it turns me off to kiss him...

so just brush the damn teeth...

As far as women and sex, Im one of the ones with practically a non existant libido. Im going to take steps to help that, since I love my bf and I feel like im denying him by only having sex about once a week, but to be totally honest, Id be perfectly happy only having sex to pro create.

And yes, I have had mind blowing sex. And it was with my current BF...He is an excellent lover, with an excellent package. Its just not something I really care about...

Also....timing can be an issue....for example, when I get home from work at 530 I cook dinner, we eat around 7 ... not gonna have sex then... comfortable again around 830 ... so theres a SMALL window during the week where sex is an option.. really between 830 and 10 because when 1030/11 hits, I wanna go to sleep.... and really...830 - 10? I just wanna de stress from my day.... So I rarely want anything during the week. But, like I said... I feel so damn guilty about not having sex with him that Im trying...but if I thought it didnt bother him having sex once a week, we would only have sex once a week...

Munchkin, it sounds like you're in a rut. How about ~ when I get home from work at 530 I get naked, we wrestle until 7, then order a pizza, ~ for a change?
Just try it once, for the hell of it. If you like it, rinse and repeat, once in a while. :D

Geez xoB, first time I read that I thought you were offering :lol:

:blush: sure thing ;) hehehe

I don't mess around with married(that includes living together) women







anymore.:blush:

Woot Woot Bruce!!. I think I might add you to my *to meet* list.

What women think well I have been tring to work that out for years and well I am one so don't know if I can help. But once a week after 17 years is some thing to yell from the roof tops. I've been married 4.5 years and at times it can seem like it can be a month between ":redface:" but that dosnt really matter it make it all to better having to wait.

can't speak for others but I not a morning person either, I need to sleep so if awoken earlie for a quicky I don't function very well and just think Oh hurry up so I can go back to sleep which if not very fair on hubby so may be better not to start in the first place. And as to morning breath phhhh try waking up next to a Guinness drinker.

SMart man :)

Not smart, Munchkin. If I was smart it wouldn't have taken so long and so many.....um....unpleasant experiences, to learn it. Not that they were all unpleasant, far from it, just the ones that were, turned out very unpleasantly. :sniff:

suggestion
 

Just a suggestion. Women are programmed differently then men. We generally don't wake in the morning thinking about sex. It's not that a woman wouldn't be interested in sex, in the morning or any time, we just don't think about it all the time. It takes a complex process for us to get heated up and that is why we are less likely to instigate. There are things either mentally or physically or both that generally happen before we are likely to instigate sex. That said, you are the catalyst that can get a woman to that place. What a wonderful gift you have if you only realize it. Kind words, gentle stroking, asking what she would like.......here's a novel idea, why don't you tell her you love making love to her and that she is the only one able to give you the gift of herself and what is it that you can do for her to make her want to share herself with you. Women are complicated creatures (I know because I am one). But we are less complicated than men think. We (I should say I) want you just to think about our needs and desires because to us that selflessness is an expression of your love, respect and admiration of us. One other quick note I have a friend who's husband gets off pretty quickly and while he is willing to do what it takes her to bring her to climax it's not always what she wants. If you are getting off quickly you wife might feel a little resentful that you aren't willing to try to prolong your satisfaction for the sake of hers.

You aren't missing anything. By the way... You've been here almost as long as me and you have over 100 posts less than me? That just ain't right! You're gonna take my "Forum Lurker" status away from me.

What's your secret? Guess I better see a doctor...

Three times in 17 years... that ain't bad.

I admire your consistency. I gave up. Now she wants it and I couldn't give a shit.

Yep! You're wrong.

Football, chess, good movies, music...

I wish you the best and I hope things improve. As for me... pffft.....

I have no idea what is wrong with all you people and your sex lives. We have been married almost 24 years and together for 26 years, and still have hot wild monkey sex as often as possible. Sometimes everyday, sometimes three times in a day, sometimes a few times a week. Get over your stupid hangups and get after it. Life is short.

Good on you, But I have my doubts about the time frame Go guy. I'll have to say it's great to lay the one ya love thou!