What am I to do with her...?
 

I thought about posting this, but couldn't quite put it into the right words - so I've pinched those from my son's blog instead - enjoy:

"And in other news, my mother has gone ahead with the purchase of a trampoline. I dread to think of the horrors that await me this summer. Coming home after a long days work to find my mother bouncing up and down in the garden with a glass of wine and Basement Jaxx playing on the stereo is an alarmingly possible scenario. Still, as possible mid life crisis' go, a trampoline isn't the worst it could have been. It'll also fuel the need for me to find a place of my own soon, which I'm sure was her plan all along."

Yes, mid-life crisis is hitting the better-half. Before you consider the above is just an isoloated incident, I have another tale to tell.







We have this sort of oriental end to the main room, the dining bit. All came about 10 years ago, or thereabouts when holidaying in Florida. Did the usual touristy trip - Mickey Mouse week 1, swampy bits week 2. It was while we were in Naples in week 2 that it happened. The local Mall had a unit occupied over Easter by a Chinese furniture importer. Easter had just finished and it was half-price sale time (which meant about quarter price when compared to UK prices). I was working in the air cargo market at the time, and as a result could lay my hands on cheap air freight. Result, the wife bought half the shop - well not really, just the following two items:

Well, two wasn't enough, the tryptich (first picture) was heavy enough, let alone the four-fold screen, but no she had to go back for a third item:





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I know, I know... how can you possible even begin to exist without a Buddha lamp in a corner of the room.

Anyway, it all arrived safely and found it's place in the dining area both of our last house and this one.

I thought that was it - and certainly that after ten years the effect had worn off, but then it happened.



She'd met this little man in this shop near our last place. Every time she called in, he was there - without fail. She couldn't resist him. It seemed that every spare moment she had, she was slipping out to see him. In the end, I gave up. He now lives with us, Not the outcome I had expected - actually, on second thoughts, exactly the outcome I expected!


So judge for yourself. I can't bear to have him here in this entry so he'll have to have his own separate one....

So here he is, doesn't talk much, but somehow seems to dominate the place - oh, and just in case you wanted to know, the trampoline arrives Friday - I promise some photos.... without fail...... definitely!



(Do you think I should call the men in white coats....?)

Cyclefrance--you are hilarious (and, so is your son!)--I'm enjoying the hell out of this! Thanks for sharing! :)

[in an inscrutable eastern voice]I'm sure your Feng Shui has benefitted greatly from these appurtanances. The trampoline -- I'm not so sure about. But, with some auspicious location in the garden, all will be kopacetic.[/inscrutability]

hee hee! obviously, your wife does not have the common plague of mother's everywhere after delivering children, or jumping on a trampoline would require a special "undergarment".
seriously, i think it's great! way to go mom!!

Did Buddha come with that parasol, or was that a separate find?:)

Since it takes too long to get an appointment with the National Health Psychiatrist, you should probably just have her taken off the checking account and cancel her credit cards.

The lamp is kind of cool, but I think that the shade that goes with it is rather frightening.

Well, on the bright side, "The Men Show" seems to have done pretty well for itself with videos of women jumping on trampolines in skimpy clothes.

If the Cellar ever gets a user's video section, please feel free to upload.:D

Is it supposed to be the bodhi tree or something?

Sorry, been ignoring all these questions - the shade/parasol was part and parcel of the lamp. The metal circle behind the metal Buddha represents the Bodhi tree - I think it is quite often shown as a circle behind a seated Buddha.

News alert! News alert!
Not a good day in the CF househod - the trampoline was supposed to be delivered yesterday - it never arrived. Appears the driver for the delivery company couldn't find our place. He never thought to phone the wife on the mobile number she had been asked to give precisely for such an eventuality. Wife not approachable right now - maybe in another hour. Finding things to do that involve safe distance without being too obvious (cleaning lawn mower, checking over new bike, nipping into town...)

Four phone calls later. It's now scheduled to arrive Monday evening, and, as we are entering the time of lighter evenings, the prospect of some video footage is well within the realms of probability, but not until I gte back to the UK next weekend (can you hold out that long....??)

Dude. That NEVER woulda happened in America! (mutters) g*ddamn Anglash!(end mutters)


Note: I am the great-great granddaughter of an Irish immigrant, starved out by the Anglash. Much like many of the warriors in BRAVEHEART, so, so...reap the whirlwind, CF! :) I kid, I kid!

The golden crane screen is very nice though. Maybe you can think of them as conversation pieces...

Not to worry Brianna, I have already had my little counter-dig at the Irish in the Image Association thread - see here and then here

Fred (the new arrival) seems to have stolen the limelight in that department - the other pieces hardly get a chance of a mention now....

...added to that there is, of course, the wife element - she's never been known to be short of the odd word or a thousand...!

Won't it get tiresome having conversations that start out with, "So, CF...how long since the Mrs. has gone 'round the bend?"

I actually like all the stuff, except for the lampshade. As to the trampoline, please tell me she bought the kind with the mesh enclosure intended to prevent launching oneself into the the pond or through a nearby barbeque grille?

We have a long running program here in the States called "America's Funniest Home Videos", which seems to derive a significant portion of its content from trampoline mishaps.

Hmm, that might explain the strange way guests depart. Never did quite understand the hug and the 'never mind' whisperered into my ear, just before they went out the door...

I tried to inject some modicum of common-sense into the purchase, so, no, Mrs CF hasn't bought an enclosure. She has gone for a fairly wide circular jobbie which is just under 3 times her height (just a tad under 5 ft - her height that is, not the trampoline width, in case you were calculating the wrong way and concluding I had some strange height fetish), which she assures me is all she needs. Who am I to know? Wifey used to 'do' the trampoline at school and it has always been nigh impossible to pass a playground where there's one available throughout our married life. I've checked the insurance policies are up-to-date anyway. just to be on the safe side...

you have them on playgrounds!! wow, that would NEVER be allowed over here. i can just see the long, long lines of people waiting to throw themselves off and sue for damages! seriously, if you tell your insurance agent here that you have a trampoline, they can drop you right then.http://www.faqfarm.com/Q/Why_is_a_tr..._to_cancel_you

When I was a kid, there was a recreation center that had miniature golf, some carnival games...and several trampolines that were level with the ground. They were stretched over shallow pits and surrounded by asphalt walkways. If you bounced off, you'd land on asphalt. Needless to say, it has been gone for a very long time now.

Took a bit of prosaic licence, there - the playgrounds were generally found abroad - in Spain mainly where we Brits love to go to enjoy cheap booze and too much sun!

We used to have them at the summer camp I attended. The trampolines were about 6x4 (maybe) and made from canvas strecthed over a pit with springs. On a hot day if you sat near the edge of the pit, the displaced air would blow out from the pit like a large fan.

tell your lovely wife to keep her hairy bits away from those dangerous springs... as a kid all i remember about our trampoline.. trabopoline.. was the excrutiating pain of those bloody springs pulling out a long blonde lock of hair from my head in the middle of a 1/2 twist knee bomb. damn things.

Chris certainly has a talent for words, as do you my friend.

Ooh and if your decor is turning oriental... you may want to rethink the two tone painted walls with "country" theme bordering, a decorators nightmare!!

Yeah, CF...no nude trampolining without a Brazilian wax job first. :redface:

Today's erection day! (WP)

It's up!!!

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No stopping her now...!!

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...even younger son's enveigled...!

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Whooa, bouncy! Looks so fun!

*Envies your backyard*

Do you have to dismantle the trampoline when it rains?

EDIT: Whoops, grammar mistake.

They included a waterproof cover in the deal, thankfully - although I can see that being left off after a while. The whole thing is weatherproof really and the bounce material looks porous too.... Mrs CF keeps going on about how great it will be for sunbathing so I think the exercise side of the purchase may have been the secondary consideration...