What does THIS mean? :(
 

My quasi-boyfriend is in London and has been since Jan. He's working. I emailed him yesterday and this is what it said: There may be more who offer you consolation, but I will always love you.

his reply email-You know me only too well, Sweetheart! I do find it difficult to refuse women in need
of the milk of human kindness--all the more so when they are near at hand
(as 'twere). But be assured (again) that you were/are/always will be very
dear to me, and we'll certainly have time together again once my life
resumes a more regular pattern.

I hate myself. :mad: A lot.

Why hate yourself? Surely it's is HIM you should be hating:rar: ?

I hate myself for being such a stupid, utterly STUPID sap. He's not even cute, really. Gah!

I bet he wasn't like that at the beginning, now was he, Bri? He was probably all sweep you off your feet, Mr. Wonderful. Then he started doing intermittent re-enforcement nastiness on you, right? Now he's gone, but he wants to keep you a like a fish on a stringer for whenever he gets around to coming back home. Don't hate yourself, hate HIM like Limey said. Sounds like he is an experienced practitioner of the seducer's craft and you are far from the only one who has been taken in by him.

You don't hate your self, you hate some of the things you do and regret them later. Like sending him that ego-stroking email. That's just what he wants. When he comes back into town, be his doormat and let him wipe his feet on you.

No, It's OVER Brianna. Purge Dr. Small-Penus Genius out of your system.

My long-distance love and support isn't enough for you to get past dicklette.
Sign up for an online dating service. Seriously. My 54 yo girl friend has dated guys from eHarmony for about 4 months. This last one might stick. She wants me to meet him soon. It's just a different way to get some romance in your life, instead of going back to the old familiar well.

Bri you really helped me with your input and advice on my situation awhile back now I'll quote what you told me and you better listen to yourself! "You soooooooo need to lose this totty. I mean it. There are TONS of available, kind, gentle, loving women (men) out there dying for a nice man (women). REALLY. So get out, move on and go find one of them!!! You said it Bri - not me.

Its so much easier to know what to do from the outside than to choose the right course for yourself. You made me realize that and I hope you remember doing so. Take your own advice and don't look back for a sec at Mr. idiot. He doesn't deserve a wonderful, caring woman like you anyway.

:blush: yesman, you are sooo right. It is way easier to tell it than do it. Thanks for that, and thanks for giving me a lift today. That was very sweet and it is deeply appreciated. :) I am in the process of losing him (by my choice) so it doesn't hurt as much as it once would have, but, still! Dammit! Y'know?

that was a well designed reply email! hes set it up so he can say "i told you i was with another woman in my email" or "i told you it was over in my email" or "even if we break up ill still keep sleeping with you"

good thing youre in the process of losing him ;)
he seems to think he's smart but doesnt realise hes being a jerk.

That's the thing, Kagen. I'm afraid I'll just let him sleep with me until I feel like the biggest moron ever. It IS a well-constructed email, isn't it? He says it all without coming out and saying it. He IS a language professional--that's what hooked me, his WORDS. It certainly wasn't his dick.

Jeez, Brianna, you really should join Match.com or something NOW!

His reply was pretty blatent, but here's a translation, anyhow:

You know me only too well, Sweetheart!

= Whoops, caught me in the act, "Sweetheart"

I do find it difficult to refuse women in need of the milk of human kindness--

= I find it difficult not to nail anything that moves into my field of vision

all the more so when they are near at hand (as 'twere).

= I'm shagging a couple of my students right now, as a matter of fact

But be assured (again) that you were/are/always will be very
dear to me,

=You were a great lay

and we'll certainly have time together again once my life
resumes a more regular pattern.

= And I'm keeping you on my third string fallback team for when I return to the US and haven't yet found more of my students to shag. You'll do until then.

BARF, oh BARF!

You so deserve better than Prof Asshole, Brianna! Report him to his dept chair for sexual harassment and find yourself a cute boy toy to replace Mr. Full of Himself Heartless Player!

heres a couple of good men for ya

http://activities.tjhsst.edu/mun/annan.jpg

http://tblogs.bootsnall.com/rich//archives/images/8.jpg

Dump the jerk.

Word.

QUIT THAT!:mad: Do you think that maybe it's the fact that he WON'T commit or even be (remotely) monogamous, that makes you keep trying? It's not really "hard to get", but sometimes I think that when we have somebody that we KNOW we are not right with, but that a-hole acts as though they don't need us cuz they have lots of others, it makes us wonder what is wrong with US. And then you say to yourself, "why doesn't he love me?" Is it ME? And you get stuck in trying to get the jerk you'd never stick with anyway to just treat you like you're worthwhile! I actually see it a lot more with "strong" people than you'd think. Because we do feel like we have worth, and we'll keep fighting/working/begging/annoying the jerk until we finally get the respect and admiration we *know* we deserve.
Ok, this is just a theory of course, since I don't know you, but I find that when I think of my STBX in this way, it makes it easier to keep from romanticizing about our marriage. (which was HORRIFIC and is finally ending after 22 years) You can change your feelings from "I love him and need him" to "I'm just having a hard time because I feel like he doesn't want me, but I don't really love him".
That said::grouphug:

i think you should go and catch some really nasty strain of VD and give it to him. it would be less self destructive than your current course. before you can get over him, you have to get over yourself getting over him.

You hate yourself for not hating him. Quit that - hate him!
You don't sound like the Bri that is in some of the other threads when you write about this dickhead Professor of Head Games.
Where is that Bri?! Fuck him! We don't even know you and we know you deserve better!

I know all of you guys are right and thanks for listening once again I know it gets boring. I don't know why, but when I am feeling low and vulnerable I come here and spill my guts without even thinking of what I am doing. Part of the addiction to the cellar? Part of my problems with boundaries? Partly UT's fault? You tell me.

Hey Bri thats what the cellars for to get it out, let it hang and see what it really is. You also get feedback from a lot of others who can look at your situation objectively, without the emotional attachment. Just remember Prof. Dickhead will get his in the end! Perhaps after bangin some college slut who gives him a little more than he bargained for - like an STD. Hopefully something painful and permanent. Karma sux if your an A-hole. Good things will always happen to good people. You don't want to be an ass just to get one to love you. Whats the point in that? This will just let you appreciate Mr. Right all the more. Remember nothing of value in life comes easy. And as hard as it is for a Libra like me to admit - the scales are almost NEVER balanced. Virtual hug comin your way from the Yesman. :)

I never thought I would ever say this, but Mari's analysis of the situation is bang on.

Thanks, SM. I never thought you'd say that either! :lol:

Brianna, I think your next (and final) e-mail to this pathetic excuse of a man should be just the link to this thread without comment, and then change your own e-mail addy and block his phone numbers and never speak to him again. He deserves no less and you deserve so much more.

Howzabout this for an email (me to him)

Go Fuck Yourself

What do you guys think? Too subtle? Coz, right this VERY second I am ready to do it--then, I think...thinking has almost always left me on the bad side of life. I should just GO with my gut, eh?

Look, now I am just being mean, but, I'll tell you this: some people have said that he reminds them of (ready?)


Mister BURNS! He's unduly verbose, over-complimentary to female students (he's 62, they are 22--gross!) and tents his fingers in a maniacal way (not really, but still) Others have described him as arrogant, bitter, self-loathing (well, with all apologies, he is a Jew), elite and "puffed-up"--words of his students (on ratemyprof.com) not me.

OMG-SOB--do you see how badly I need Angus O'Mann???? *sob*

Just...don't email him back, ever. That'll freak him out.

He's basically saying I hope to find an easier / better fuck but stick around in case I can't. I say you plan a date with him when he returns and pepper mace him.

Ok, time to take the gloves off. You can't hurt a guy by getting angry with him. Tell him its ok and that you understand. Then tell him that you are actually relieved that you won't have to continue faking it and wish him luck hooking up with someone that loves him even with a unit that "has trouble reaching the top button on a girl's elevator."

Yell, bitch, scream all you want. If you want to hit a guy where it hurts, then let him know that he never took you further than midfield and that while you were prepared to sacrifice certain things to be with him, you are actually relieved that now, you don't have to.

Cheaters are gutless, selfish people. Don't hate yourself. Don't hate anybody. Even careful, cautious people get hurt by selfish people. Better to give yourself and get hurt once in a while than to withdraw. People who love will be loved - minor roadblocks notwithstanding.

dear (insert retards name here)
its nice to be assured (again) that i am/are/always will be very dear to you. i too am a woman who does not refuse to milk men for human kindness--all the more so when they are near my hand (as 'twere). and im sure we'll spend more time together my life resumes a less regular patern of up and down motion.

First post his name and where he teaches, then.....
:thepain3:

Well, Bri, You're getting some great choices here!!

ooh, of all the advice here, this one seems to me like it might be the best! because honey, hate and anger take a LOT of energy and emotion, and that is exactly what this guy does not deserve from you. he doesn't deserve any feelings from you.

You could alway send him into Don't Date him Gal :lol:

wyrd.

brianna, i choose to believe strongly in chemistry/pheromones. they are not urban legends. they are both a curse and the most horribly beautiful feelings you'll experience. we're not stupid. . . http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v2...headgrl/10.gif . . . we're human.

Email the bastard back with some Penthouse-quality tales of group sex, bi-curious interludes and shagging on the desk of one of your instructors at school, and then tell him you hope he's having as much fun as you are.

Then tell him that, as long as this carnal carnival is going on, you really aren't going to have much time to write to him.

Oh...and maybe find some pictures that would support your "activities", and send those along as well.

OK, Brianna, if we are going to propose email replies, then just infale the truth just a little bit:

> You know me only too well, Sweetheart! I do find it difficult to refuse women in need
of the milk of human kindness--all the more so when they are near at hand
(as 'twere).

You are so generous with your romance, Isaac.

> But be assured (again) that you were/are/always will be very
dear to me, and we'll certainly have time together again once my life
resumes a more regular pattern.

It's amazing how circumstances change so quickly. I am just back from a weekend trip to California
with my new boyfriend. He's a Search Engineer in the Silicon Valley with a PhD from 1984 in Computer Science.
God, he's, like so fucking smart, but he's like Rock Steady. I mean, I forgot how important a rock hard penis is
to my enjoyment. And, he's like, 50 years old and looks 38, no kidding. He's got a full head of hair and wouldn't need botox (ha!)

Sorry sweetie, but your old limp dick, just won't cut it for me anymore. I'm looking forward to my next
monthly trip to the SF Bay Area. Where the geekiest guys are also the hottest hunks.

Sort of tired of you, Isaac............Brianna

PS: Don't call, I'll get to you when I have time between my trips to the Silicon Valley. "A hard man is good to find."

"He speaks in tongues sometimes and I dont really understand his jibberish but he asked me about some of your personal information and has been feverishly typing and testing some new software that finds YOU, regardless of where you might be....online or not"

you guys are great! :)

Um, wait a minute here. Is this the MARRIED professor you were involved with, Brianna? :neutral:

Boy, this guy gets more charming by the second! Of course, I'm sure he was a product a broken home and a terrible upbringing, blah, blah... So, to cheer yourself up, a visit to this amusing site has its moments. Not that I would ever DREAM of doing any of that stuff personally! After all, he's just a victim. It was all his parent's fault and he didn't pick them (uhmm hmmm).

(sure you don't want to just e-mail him the link to this thread without comment? I like Bruce's idea of inserting his name and University, too).

Yes, the more you find out, the more terrible the crime. Isaac is a Rhodes Scholar, product of a spoiled upbringing. The faculty position, wife and two kids is not enough for him.

The manipulative bastard has to go out and see if he still has the stuff to date and romance younger women. He's charming, educated, sophistacated, then you find out he needs Viagra and can't take it because of his blood pressure. I'm not joking about the limp dick. This guy has the most serious case of midlife crisis I know of. He's smart and cunning in giving a mind fuck.

Wow, I'm getting madder and madder as I type this. Good thing for Issac he's 3,000 miles from me. Then again, slang's software suggestion is intriguing.

So, I'd really like to smash Brianna upside the head sometimes. But, Isaac is so crafty and manipulative that I forgive her.

Um, yes.

I know I was going to give him up, but, it's taken longer than I thought it would. He's married, 20 years older, and RS is pretty much correct in everything he said. The guy wasn't a Rhodes, but a Fulbright (twice) and a genius. Also, his very favorite porn star looks disturbingly like his younger daughter.

Anyway. He was brought up by an extremely indifferent, busy, accomplished mother and a loving father and he's lived a charmed life. Now. If he would just get out of my head, i'd be in better shape.

OMG I seriously hope I never get on the bad side of some of you!!!!!! These replies and links are awesome. Bri, go for it and let him feel the wrath of a REAL woman scorned. Link him up and let the bastard beware! As far as getting him outta your head - just remember what kind of asshole he really is and it won't take too long. One last wish for Prof. Dickhead . . . . May the fleas of a thousand camels infest you armpits.

Bri, just say no.

Drugs were harder to get over ... sex you can have with someone else. Better sex.

im sure theres plenty of people here that will prove this point

Isaac sounds like a NARCISSIST to me! BLECH! And N's are horrid to get over. They have like these hooks they dig into the innocent and they're not content until they've sucked you dry of every emotion and true feeling that you have. RUN, Bri, RUN! And don't look back, it will just be busy munching down its latest victim! :rar:

I'm pretty sure I've figured out who he is "in love" with this week. I even have her email address. She's a wanna-be poet, lives in London, on meds and has had several suicide attempts. Just the kind he likes--the nuttier, the better. I email her. I said: Hi, M. great post on the ---Forum. RL is in your neighborhood. have you met up yet?

Now I feel like drinking and then driving my car into a fastfood restaurant. I am lonely and sad and HE is enjoying the first flush of a new love.
i am tempted to do some nasty spells...sooooo tempted.

But it's a feeling he's addicted to, and that addiction is his pathetic ruin in life.

And it's fake, too, because it's guaranteed temporary and is only due to his desperate needs.

It's evidence of HIS problem, and doesn't bring you down a peg at this point -- unless you dwell on it.

The creep! These types use "love" as a drug, Bri, they really do. Since they actually hate themselves deep inside, the only relief they can get from their self loathing is that temporary fix of first infatuation in another's eyes. Once that early rosy glow wears off and they'd have to admit to being a flawed human being and do the work of making a relationship last, they instead just go off on the prowl for a new victim. I call them skin walkers, shape shifters, and soul stalkers. At least you didn't invest 6 years of your life like I did, Bri. It could have been worse. And what did I tell you about running and not looking back because all you'd see would be him crunching down his latest victim? What a low life slime if he has, indeed, targeted that poor woman. She sounds very fragile and the way he'll use and discard her may very well push her over the edge to suicide. One of the ax murderers ex's DID attempt suicide over him, and the poor thing has pathetically held on with him through several other women, one of whom was me (I discovered this AFTER the fact). Yeah, he's got the heady rush of a new romance, but at what price for this poor girl?

Personally, I advise casting spells - its quite cathartic. I am careful to wish for the person only to receive back everything they gave me - no more and no less. That way I don't take any bad karma on myself by wishing them more harm than what they deserve. And what could be more just than for a person to recieve the treatment that he himself dishes out?

I'd avoid that other board for a while, Brianna. It sounds like reading it may only cause you further pain. Take a look at those sites I mentioned above. They include lots of fun and legal ideas for revenge (some are out there, but others are OK). Those two will help you work off some of the anger and pain. I especially reccomend turning him in to the "Don't Date Him Girl" site. Its a blast!

Hang in there and no driving thru fast food places, OK?

Worth a second read.


Um. We were all very supportive last May when you were going to dump this guy. I can only speak for myself, but there is a limit to the amount of empathy I can give someone who absolutely refuses to try to help themselves.

cowboy.
the.
fuck.
up.

and stop rolling around in this guy's wake, desperate for whatever crumbs he will toss you. In particular, stop with the "I am so mad at him because he's not faithful to me" routine. You're boffing someone else's husband, and can't demand that he give you what he's not willing to give his spouse.

No more sympathy from this corner of the world -- not an iota -- until you take the steps necessary to stop deliberately destroying your life. :eyebrow:

Boo coo sympathy, once you've done what you need to do.

Ok. I get the message, noodle. Of course, you're right.

Brianna, what he did to you was classic. Unless someone has experienced it for themselves, its very hard to understand. These types are masters of the art of seduction. They seem SO special. They make you feel so special. In the early days, they make you feel that this is IT - this is the love that was meant to be! Then they begin to withdraw because they can't sustain the act. You are left feeling bewildered and confused. Was it something you did? They are quick to let you know that it WAS! They come back again, but its not like it was before. Then they retreat again in a game of cat and mouse with your heart.

They are brilliant at a tactic psychologists call intermittent re-enforcement. You can try this one for yourself at home, kiddies. Go down to the pet store and buy 20 white mice, two cages, and a sack of mouse chow. Buy two food dispensers to hang on the cages. Jam the mechanism of one of the food dispensers, so that the lever no longer works properly and sometimes will drop a pellet of food when pressed; other times it won't.

Divide your 20 new friends at random between the two cages, 10 each. Treat both groups of mice exactly the same. Give both groups the same amount of food, nesting material, etc. The only difference will be that the mice in the cage with the defective dispenser never know if they're going to get a food pellet or not. They may get a pellet the first time they press the lever, or they may have to press the lever 10 or 20 times before they get their pellet.

Check back on the mice after a week. The mice in the cage where they always get their food will be leading normal little mousie lives. They'll be running in their exercise wheel, building nests and frisking about being happy little mice. They won't be giving food a second thought. The mice in the other cage will have turned into neurotic wrecks. Even though they ultimately receive the same amount of food as the others, food will have become their obsession. They will be pressing the lever frantically long after they have gotten enough to eat. Stronger mice will have hoards of pellets that they defend against the weaker ones. They will be fighting with one another or curled up in depressed little ball of fur.

I understand why you seem to be obsessed with this man and have had such a hard time letting go. What he has done to you psychologically is very nasty. You are not his first victim, nor will you be his last.

You and I have had our minor tiffs on this board, Bri, but I DO understand what you are going through. I've been there. If you want, PM me, and I'll give you the site for a great support group for people who have had partners like the professor or the ax murderer. What you are going through is NOT your fault, Bri, and there are people out there who can help you if you want the help.

FWIW - Bri, letting someone drag you around by the heartstrings is most decidedly *not* unconditional love. It is conditional in the extreme. The conditions are that you allow him to screw with you in every figurative and literal relationship sense, that you knowingly commit adultery with him (I'm assuming his wife doesn't sanction his philandering, but I could be wrong, there) and that you endure his diffidence and cruelty in order to get the occasional taste of what he has to offer.

Unconditional? Frigging hardly. He gave you a taste to get you hooked, then failed to deliver a steady supply. At least the local dope peddler can usually keep you in skag or crank.

What mr noodle said.
I don't 'know' you, Brianna but I know you all too well.
What mr noodle said.
Good luck, dear.

His love is as conditional as it gets! He only does enough to get his own fix from you and once you give him what he needs he withdraws his "unconditional" love then the psychotic cycle repeats itself slowly drawing you further and further down. Then he goes away and can't get what he needs from you so he gets it from some other woman! This guy is a P.O.S. and needs to be thought of and treated like one! Get a pooper scooper and throw every memory of stepping into him and his world away.

We have the ingredients of a new Movie and sequels.

"Poison Issac: Abuse of Romance"
"Poison Issac II: The Next Seduction"
"Posion Issac III: A Young Victim"
"Poison Issac IV: Revenge of Brianna"

We can get Alyssa Milano to play the part of Brianna. And who would be better than Jack Nicholson as Issac.

:lol2: But since I thought that Issac was Brititsh, perhaps Kenneth Branagh or Liam Neeson would be a better choice.

No way, Sean Connery would be perfect except for the "Poison Issac IV: Revenge of Brianna" part where he gets his dick cut off! that would be too much for any former James Bond to handle.

I :heartpump all of you! It makes me feel better to know you are here!

There is a new sherriff in town, if you catch my drift. I've got a gorgeous English prof at my own University--and, he's a Brit with a dreamy accent--like the one the Geico gekko has! MMMMmmmmmmmmmm! But, I will NOT get involved. I will merely admire him from afar and smile secretly to myself knowing that cute English profs are, indeed, a dime a dozen!

I missed all this Brianna. Tell me where in London he is and I will cycle over them and whack him around the head (and places more sensitive!) with my bunch of onions!

Poison Isaac V - Brianna and the ex girl friends strike back!

I can see it all now, Brianna in the role of Bodaceia, the Celtic warrior queen with 123 other enraged females as her army. Run, Isacc, RUN! Whoops! Too late... :lol:

BTW, was it the Brit who inflicted Houseman on you, Bri? You should turn in my slangy Americanized explication of the poem just for grins!

Just off the phone with him. CycleFrance, he's in woolwich-? At UEL, teaching English as a visiting professor. He told me he is fucking two different women there-one in her forty's and one in her fifties. HE TOLD ME. Ah. Well. I hung up the phone after saying a cordial goodbye (we talked for a while after he told me) and then I emailed him this: Don't bother contacting me anymore. By the way--if anyone wants to know who he is, PM me and I'll tell you.

I feel as though I've been punched in the gut. three years of emotional dependence on him. I'm going to go get a bottle.

He's not worth it.

And you are better off without him.