I get to post this cuz I'm a girl!
 

:p Hormones


The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a
man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his very life into his own hands!

This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's
license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant other!!

DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?
SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: What did I do wrong?
SAFEST: Here's fifty dollars.
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn't overdo it today.
SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe!
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some more chocolate.

Some Things PMS Stands For:
Pass My Shotgun
Psychotic Mood Shift

People Make me Sick
Provide Me with Sweets
Pardon My Sobbing

Pitiful Mood Syndrome
Plainly Men Suck
Pack My Stuff......

. ..And my favorite one...
Potential Murder Suspect

And remember: Money talks...but chocolate sings.



My friend's husband, not happy with her
mood swings, bought her a mood ring the other day so he would be able
to monitor her moods. When she's in a good mood, it turns green. When
she's in a bad mood, it leaves a big red mark on his forehead. Maybe
next time he'll buy her diamonds.

Here have some chocolate.

Never really thought about it but some type of chocolate should by in my disaster survival backsack.

Seriously though....chocolate? It's been said before that this is the magic but how effective is it?

Thought it was more of a joke than anything.

Chocolate will get even you out of the most disasterous situation with a member of the female persuasion, Slang. We girls adore chocolate! If a man offers us a box of chocolates (I personally like Godiva or REAL Swiss), we are instantly touched by his thoughtfulness and sincerity. How can you be mad at someone with a delicious piece of chocolate melting in your mouth? Chocolate is said to release endorphins similiar to the ones that morphine induces. Chocolate! Its the secret to success with the fairer sex! :yum: :love:

female persuasion ... I love that phrase. It's so......inclusive.

And thanks for the Hormones piece. :lol:

I do love a good chocolate buzz, but, in these times of economic insecurity and, more important, personal FATNESS, i prefer the elegant flower. gardenia or cala lilly...and always, roses.

Am blatant Flower Child today. Deal.

I don't really get the chocolate thing. funny post, though.

Good advice. I never thought that pouring some Hershey chocolate syrup on my COCK(!!) might help yield a little additional action but since you've just confirmed it here I'll buy a bottle right away.

Dear diary, I think I've found the secret that I've been looking for in the most unusual place....it seems that I've not had the chocolate syrup.......

damn you slang! all throughout reading everyones posts, i was thinking of writing about making a "chocolate log" but YOU had to go and write it first!

DANGEROUS: Hey, im not the one making you bleed

DANGEROUS: I dont see what the big deal is

DANGEROUS: It cant be that bad

DANGEROUS: Great! no sex for a week

DANGEROUS: You sound like your mother

DANGEROUS: sorry theres no chocolate left, i ate it all

DANGEROUS: the last thing you need is more chocolate

DANGEROUS: Come on, theres at least 2 other holes i can use

DANGEROUS: why are you being such a bitch all of a sudden?

ULTRASAFE: Youre so strong to be able to go through this all the time, i wish i knew what it was like so i could understand the pain. but since i cant im going to do everything in my power to make it easier. Please, sit down and put your feet up, im going to make you some soup then cook dinner. Here, you can keep the remote control tonight. heres a block of cadbury chocolate until the soups ready. i love you. youre so beautiful

Oh, I expect I know a couple folks who could pull that off.

Kagen that's a classic!

Once again, this proves that I am not a typical girl. I really don't like chocolate. I will eat some every once in a while, but I definitely don't get cravings for it, or think about it if it's not right in front of me.

Now something smoked/ pickled/ salty or sour.... that's what I like.

Ultrasafe: Here, seakdivers, have some pickled herring! :yum:

Ultra-Ultra safe: here, seakdivers, have some smoked, pickled herring!

I'm not a big fan of chocolate either. Give me some nice flowers or another sweet gesture (like a card for no reason) and I am good to go.

Ultra-Ultra-Double-Super-Ultra Safe: Just hide in your apartment and don't give the women an opportunity to cause you any damage. ;)

DANGEROUS: here seakdivers, have some of my salty pickle

Aww Kagen - how sweet of you to offer. Just close your eyes - I promise it won't hurt too bad.

Now the pickled herring? Ooooh yeah - I love the stuff!!

:worried:

the lady loves milk try

I once came home after talking to Mrs Elspode on the phone while driving there, opened the door to the office, and threw in a large bag of peanut M&Ms.

I was later told that it may have been the single smartest relationship move I'd ever made with her.

I would also take pickled herring over chocolate.

all I can say is chocolate and sex have saved my life more times than I can count under those circumstances.. yeah I know it can bea little messy... but don't deny a woman under those circumstances.. and chocolate dipped strawberries are easy to make and can pull ones proverbial buns from the fire.

Oh yeah. Any kind of smoked or pickled or salty anything is good for me. Anchovies, oysters, chips, fish, ribs, salt-cured ham, pickled eggs, pickled veggies. My MIL knows all these old-world pickling recipes and whenever she visits, I buy a case of mason jars and a bag of pickling salt and leave them in the kitchen. In the way.

If I could cook worth a damn I'd buy a smoker.

dont you run the risk of backfire when you so obviously attempt to manipulate a female's mood by applying chocolate? It is my experience that women resent having their mood acknowledged in any way while they are under the sway of Aunt Flo. They can joke about it when they're not, but during?.....I think it's better to pretend it doesnt exist.

you can notice it and give chocolate without acknowledging it.

(makes a mental note: keep some chocolates not only in the disaster survival bag but have a mobile supply ready too. )

Beestie - yep, that's my kind of food! I am getting a smoker, and it should be here right after we get back from Australia. I can't wait!!
I've been making batches of bbq sauce & tonight I am making a sauce from George Herter's cookbook which is basically the original Heinz 57 sauce. I can't wait to try it!!

I will take you advice here. I guess you're pretty selective when sharing your yule log with a girl.

I'd take pickled onions over chocolate...

But compliments and stroking my hair over them both

Personally, I've found that aside from a favorite "sweet" A flower for no reason, especially one picked from mother earth, goes infinitely farther.

Chicken!!


Chocolate works for me, Cadbury...sooo happy its Easter.

Men acknowledging my monthly bitches doesnt bother me in the slightest, its when they have it marked on the calendar and have my Cuppa and Chocolate ready when I get to work, that I am really touched by their thoughtfulness. :cool: