this is Mr. StaceyV
 

Hi!
By request from beloved wife, Stacey, i'm writing this to explain my situation - so you'd know my side of the story.
For those who doesn't - look @ StaceyV's thread - "i need advice really bad"
I really love my wife. You might not believe me like she doesn't - but this is how I feel. Everything I do in my life I do for her. Maybe I do a lot of fuckups, but nobody's perfect and you know it. At least I try not to commit the same mistakes all over again.
I am proud to be married and I am proud to call her my wife. The vows I gave her when we got married were and are truly said.
Let me make myself clear on that.
The relationship I had with Eva was crazy. First things first - I never slept with her. So she is not even my ex-girlfriend. I was in love with her for short period of time - but it was crazy love and I have no intentions to deny it. I'd say that was my first childish love - short but intense.
We were together for VERY short period of time - about 10 days or so, and after that she left to Florida first, came back for a night and left for Slovakia for good.
When she came back from Florida and wasn't even excited to see her. All the power has dissapered somewhere. I really don't why.
I guess that's just the type of a man I was.
When she left I to Florida I cried like a baby. I thought I lost my future, my life, my only love.
When she left to Slovakia, in a short period of time I lost my job, my place, my friends, computer, DVD player and my cell phone. Now, that was worse than losing my life.
I ended up in a room 12x15 feet with no tv, computer two beds and a private bath in a house I had to share with 11 other people including my landlord. By the way, I shared my room with a heroin addict, who was stealing my personal belongings. I lost most of my CD's and all my DVDs to that fucker. I guess he was pushing it for a dose. It all ended up by him stealing a camcoder and a digital camera from a guy from another room - he got kicked out after that.
To cut a long story short after everything I had - I got nothing. The house was close to the library and that was my only shelter - to spend time in the internet hall - just not to see the deepness of my fall...
That is how those letters have started. I don't know if Stacey posted all of them - but, no. Actually - i started writing the letters when Eva left to Florida - i think i exhausted my feelings to her in the letters i was throwing at her.
Anyway, when i lost everything and even more - the guy i worked with for about two weeks went to the Keys and was found dead - the only thing I had was her - Eva, my pen friend, my first kiddish love.
She was always there, waiting for me in the library like an escape from appaling existence. She gave me advices, she was there to caress me, she was the one to listen, she was the only good thing i had left.
But! Time is a powerful thing. Little by little I started to slack off on her. I wasn't running to the library like before, wasn't waiting for her to answer, found some other things to do, got my job back, and PLEASE DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF MJ!!!
Eva understood everything - she offered to be a friend - and I didn't say anything.
This is when StaceyV walked into my life. When I saw her for the first time - I knew she was THE ONE.
I didn't live with her at the very beginning - but we ended up together pretty quick - I needed a place to stay. So that's how we became lovers that live together - she didn't mind, nor did I.
Eva?
I kept writing her the letters with flame in words and indifference in my heart - I couldn't do otherwise. She was something more
to me than just a friend and I couldn't understand how to be just a friend. To write about how the weather was??? Some people are easy to break up and be friends, some not. I wasn't.
Life went on, I changed a lot, I grew mentally and psysically. We got married things went different directions, but i was still writing those letters. Why? I don't know. I couldn't make myself write differently, though I felt differently.
Now the main question here is:
Was I honest with Stacey or with Eva at that point of our lives when I was married to Stacey and kept writing to Eva?
Truly answer would be with both. Betraying on of them would be like betrayal of the part of your own self - impossible. I managed to persuade myself how deeply i was in love with Eva and didn't want tol leave that false belief. I managed to have fallen in love with Stacey and didn't have the power to stop writing to Eva - to betray what we had together.

Shoot me now - I am all open now! Open your evil mouthes and kill my lame excuses - despise me!!!

Arsen.

By the way, my citizenship is not even close - I didn't file anything
yet.
Was it one of the reasons of me marring Stacey?
Yes.
Was it the only one?
No.
NO.
NO.NO.NO.
I just love her. simple as that. I felt that way when I saw her for the first time.
I'm spared.

Re: this is Mr. StaceyV
 

First of all, let me be clear in saying that I am not interested in trying to anger you, abuse you, or otherwise engage in verbal sparring with you for my own amusement.

But do NOT try to feed me a pile of dog crap and call it ice cream.

I don't care what country you're from, I don't care how miserable you think your existence is, I don't care how you define love. When you marry someone, you are making a vow. You are promising them, in the presence of signed witnesses, that you are now taking the sacred responsibility of tying your life to theirs. This means that without the express consent of your life partner, you may not engage in a romantic relationship, a sexual relationship, or any other form of relationship with another person. And for those about to call me to task on this, you know what the fuck I mean. I'm not talking friendships, I'm talking mushy you-complete-me letters, secret meetings, etc. etc. etc. ad nauseum.

If you can't live up to your side of the marriage, don't get married. If you have any other reason other than undying devotion for getting married, you have the obligation to make damn sure the other party knows it in advance so they don't fuck up years of their life trying to figure out why the hell they can't make you happy. It's worse than mismanaging your love life. It's being cruel to someone you purport to love. That's not acceptable, and it sickens any right-thinking person.

[/rant]

just for your information:
i never fucked her.
we dated for 10 days and not two weeks
my wife opened my email account because i gave her the password for my computer account and it happenes to be the same as my e-mail's - im lazy
I never gave her permission to read my e-mail nor to post it to you.
I trusted her absolutely that's why i didn't delete them - I couldn't even think she'd read them without asking me.
Arsen

But do NOT try to feed me a pile of dog crap and call it ice cream.

You're entitled in your opinion but I never was unfaithful to my wife.
Not in my heart, not in my mind, not in real life.
That's all.
Arsen

I can be an asshole too, you know.

If you think the relationship you had with another woman while you were married is proper and appropriate, then no amount of yelling at you will change your mind. You need to stop defending yourself and figure out why you are cheating. Your dick does not need to get wet to constitute cheating. It's a state of mind. That's my opinion, at least, and you certainly don't have to share it.

You also lose your privacy when you get married. If you have nothing to hide, there's no reason why both of you shouldn't have access to every file on your computer. Why the hell shouldn't she read them?

I realize you're on the defensive, but you should be. If you still long for a private life, don't be married. You're still trying to sugar coat this, and not all of us fall for bullshit. I've seen enough cheating people to see the signs of guilt, and I wouldn't be at all surprised if you were still doing it with someone. Not sex per se, but contact with this woman or another woman. You don't have the demeanor of someone who realizes they have done wrong and are taking steps to correct it. You have the demeanor of someone who is just sorry they got caught, and is trying to spin the situation in their favor.

I really don't think you want to try that here...

this is staceyv writing this:

arsen says you are "spitting on his soul" and that he opened his heart to you. he is very offended, especially by sycamore's coments, and he says he is never posting here again, and that i should delete his account.

don't kill the messenger. i think he has a hard time dealing with your brutally honest opinions. personally, i appreciate them, that's why i come here......thanks.

*pumps his fist* Damn I'm good!

People who are used to smooth-talking their way out of everything they fuck up usually can't stand up under close scrutiny. Spitting on his soul? Dramatic. Does that kind of hyperbole usually work with people? I guess I'm immune.

In all seriousness...
 

Stacey and Arsen,

My "commie" comment was out of line. It was not right of me to say that without Arsen being out of line...and he wasn't...yet.

I apologize.

Heh heh.. Dude, you spit on his soul!

Hey, maybe all Russians are really intense like that?

Dude asked to be despised and then got ticked off when he was.

I'd still go with the therapist.

I am pretty damn sure that is the first time I've seen anyone accused of spitting on someone else's soul.

Hey I'm Russian and I think I'm not "intense"...unlike my driving.

Didn't you supposedly lose your virginity to her? It seems like an inconsistancy here...

And Syc if you called him a commie I'm not surprised that he got pissed off...most Russians living outside of Russia do. Just cause we hold "commies" responsible for turning Russia into the shit hole that it now is and forcing us to abandon the sinking ship that it now is. Of course you couldn't possibly have known that so I think anyone who reacts so poorly to it is a fucktard.

It's too bad that Arsen was so intimidated by all the whale penis sized assholes here that he ran away shivering in fear and promising to never post here again.

Yeah, but if his soul was on fire, would you spit on it to put it out?

Quzah.

well, hell. that was anticlimactic. all that build up " he's coming on tonight to defend himself, blah blah blah......."

christ, they were just jabbing at him, testing his chin, and he goes down like a sack of flour. That's like cracking the pinata on the first swing. It's like .....it's like.....like ......fuck!

Arsen, don;t listen to those mean boys. they didnt mean to hurt your feelings....come on back, there there.....

on the other hand.

I dont really think arsen cannot be trusted. You gotta judge by actions first. he never shagged eva. by the sounds of it, he was in love with the idea of being in love. the fantasy and escape of writing eloquent and clandestine letters to a virtual mistress. You must maintain your own borders even within a marriage. some things must remain private. I mean, I think we all agree that Stacey is nuts, right? or at least dangerously annoying.... I think I'd have burried her out back long ago. First of all, she snooped. then she snooped even harder...then she posted it on the internet for people she doesnt know to read. she bashes him, and argues with those who would defend him. she writes a vengeful song about him, and posts that too. then she talks this poor fuck into coming on to try to defend him self against the highly literate. Christ, english isn't even his first language. what a set up. Arsen, have you beaten her for this yet?

I think you should leave her. she's fucking crazy, dude. it's one thing when a smart woman is controlling. She probably will help her man in the long run. but when an insipid vaccuum like this tries to control your life, you gots some woes, bro. not all american women are like this. you'll find a normal one. just keep looking. and for god's sake , dont knock her up.

lumberjim, you are an asshole who has no empathy or understanding of affairs of the heart, pain and confusion resulting from broken trust...i am really sorry i ever pm'd you and asked for your advice. up until now, i tried to see things from everyone's point of view, including yours, but now, your ideas and opinions are meaningless to me. go fuck yourself with your wanna-be whale sized penis.

I'd still go with the therapist for the best support.

Well we still haven't seen StaceyV. Naked. And Arsen, dude...you're FOUR FUCKING DAYS LATE!! This is unacceptable, I spit on your thread!

You two are a hoot, good luck.

the thing is that i am really NOT an asshole. that's why what i said bothered you. i DO have compassion. I have ALL KINDS of empathy....for arsen. Sucks for you if the truth hurts. I tried to tell you early on that you were bringing this on yourself. I told you to stop trying to control him,to respect his privacy, and love him. You're behaving very badly, and will probably drive the poor guy away with this shit. would you stand for it? if you don't want people to be honest about how they feel about your dirty laundry, don't show it to them. moron

Hurrah! Could not have said it better myself! Too bad it's too long for a Cellar Tag Line.

I just read this thread through for the first time.
Syc, did you delete a post?? Something's missing.
Anyway, I think Arsen is one of those guys (and I think it's the majority) that can't maintain a friendship with a woman, without bringing a romantic angle into it. I'm your friend because I love you and you must be my friend because I love you. That makes starting a sucessful marriage like starting a cross country trip with no money. It can be done but it's so much harder.
I honestly think this marriage in beyond repair. Tony may be right and a therapist might be able to straighten it out but I seriously doubt it and I'm sure without it there is no hope.
Stacy, whatever you decide to do, DO NOT GET PREGNANT!


Never mind Syc, I found it in the other thread.

beating an ignored edge of the dead horse
 

Hmm.
I don't think that falling in love with Eva was done for StaceyV.

And I'd humbly suggest, after reading your post, that you may do better to get your head, heart, and life straight first - *then* start to focus on outside relationships.

I'm not doubting your love for Eva or for StaceyV.
I am, however, doubting your ability to be mentally and emotionally healthy for yourself, let aone for anyone else.

Wow. The cellar is starting to play out like a really bad soap-opera. :eek:

Anyhow. My take on the whole thing is that Arsen got married too young. Getting married at that age... you still hold onto a lot of youthful fantasies. It's hard to fully commit to another person when you're still learning who you are. I'm not saying that the relationship won't last... I'm just saying it will be harder.

And I don't think stacey is crazy, or a moron. She's just really emotional. It's a rough situation to be in... younger man... foreign born... knows he's bored... finds emails about a distant love... it's not a picture of the average relationship.

Of course I don't think she's handled this situation very well at all. I know why she came here... she wanted a range of neutral perspectives to help her make a decision. It seemed like a good idea at the time, and with most problems in life I'd agree. But considering the breadth of this one, the best thing would have been to not tell anyone, even your closest friends. Spend a few days thinking about how you feel about it, and if you still have problems then go talk to a shrink.

So what do you do now that the mess is already public? It's not going to get better. Arsen, don't try to justify your actions. Stacey, don't defend him, or yourself. Consider this whole discussion a sunk cost and just walk away. It was an entertaining display for all the cellar dwellars, but useful advice for your problem? Naw. Talk to the doc. Please.

Has anyone else noticed that it seems like Stacyv and Arsen vs. The Cellar now?

Clever move...clouding the issues by changing the focus. Classic.

Arsen, you can't be married to someone and in love with someone else. Won't work. I know. That (and the associated alcoholism from subconsciously trying to kill the turmoil in my head) was what ended my first marriage.

With the help of a good woman, a lack of booze, and quite a lot of psychotherapy for both of us, my second marriage is much more successful and fulfilling, and I'm not running around tearing myself up inside about a relationship that never was meant to be.

Focus on what you have, not what you "lost". I guarantee you that things will improve.

Hold the horse here.

I'm too lazy to wade through the current 7 pages of stuff in the the other thread (where the contents of this thread should have been posted), but didn't Stacey say that Arsen lost his virginity to this Eva chick?

IF that is true THEN one of the following must also be true:

(1) Stacey is lying to us on purpose. Arsen did not have sex with Eva and did not tell Stacey he did.
(2) Stacey is lying to us on accident. Arsen did not have sex with Eva but told Stacey he did. (see#4)
(3) Arsen is lying to us. Arsen fucked Eva and told Stacey he did, but lied to us.
(4) Arsen is lying to Stacey. Arsen fucked Eva and told Stacey he didn't.

Either way, it's not smelling right.





edit: Found it.
Page 1 And here is the reference, for those too lazy to click the link:
Found it again here
and the quote:

Now I'm feeling kind of dumb. I took one side of this argument, but it was because I hate cheating so badly. But there really is a control issue here too. Oh well. He's still an asshat. (edited out even more stuff that demonstrates my propensity to speak before I read :P)

Oops, I think I just read too quickly through arsens (difficult to read, poorly formatted) post. He was talking about the time he spent dating his girly in Russia, not time spent dating his bride to be. The comment I made in my earlier post was based on that misunderstanding.

I removed my comment from the above post. Sorry for the confusion! (Although they still did get married rather abruptly...)

I think it's best if I just shut the hell up for awhile. lol.
The dangers of clicking "reply" too quickly are many, as I demonstrate far too often.

After reading this particular thread, and polking through the other thread there are two things that I realized:
-1)Being single isn't all that bad. I only have to deal with my shit. Even when I'm alone on a Friday night.
-2)I never want to be a cop intervening in a domestic disturbance situation. Elspode mentioned it: as soon as the gloves came off and folks started talking honestly about what is, seemingly, a screwed up relationship, Mr/Mrs.StaceyV banded together and started attacking the folks that she had asked for help from.

One last note, Mr.StaceyV, if some random comments made by folks that you have absolutely no relationship with make you feel like someone has 'spit on your soul,' you'd best get a tad thicker skin, because living in the States is not gonna be easy for you.

Mr. and Mrs. StaceyV, the Internet will not solve your problems, and it is ridiculous to believe otherwise. No intelligent person is going to assure either one of you that you're a blameless victim here. You've both acted stupidly. You should exchange some heartfelt apologies, and start respecting one another's feelings. Marraige will not survive too many little self-absorbed bullshit issues, especially when both parties lie to themselves about the amount of blame they should absorb.

If you want a healthy marraige, keep outside parties uninvolved in your personal problems, with the exception of professional therapists... This includes best friends, parents, neighbors, and strangers on the Internet. To do otherwise wise muddies the waters by marinading the situation in uninformed bias.
Pretty god damned eloquent, Jimbo. Brilliantly put.

our family and friends do not know about this...it's easy to tell you guys, because i can just turn the computer off, and you're gone forever...
i THOUGHT arsen banged eva because he said he 'WITH" her right before me. what he meant was that she was his girlfriend...he didn't bang her. but he did lose his virginity to some other girl who he says "had a fat ass" and he didn't really care about. so, i am his second, and he didn't screw eva.

how the fuck am i controlling him? yes, i stumbled upon an e-mail message, because he left his account open. i saw a line that said "re: grupa dupa" and i was like "what is grupa dupa?" INNOCENT CURIOSITY....and after i saw him agreeing to have drinks with some girl, you are damn right i'm going to see what's going on with my husband.

it was HIS idea to make up that "agreement contract" and sign it. it was HIS idea to take me with him always when he goes out. he WANTS to do anything to save the marriage...how the fuck am i controlling him???????

sorry, but i am the one who was hurt and betrayed. i have never been anything but kind to him...supporting him when he was in between jobs, cooking for him everyday, waiting on the dock when his ship pulled in - with cookies and tears in my eyes...
i always trusted him until now. he used to go over his friend's house and drink with all the guys a few times a week all summer, and i had NO PROBLEM with that! i never read his e-mail before, even though i've had the password for months....don't come down on me like that. i am no "insipid vacuum"..i have my own job, my own hobbies, my own life. i am the one who sends off all the bills - on time- every month. i do the grocery shopping, lists, meal planning, 1/2 of the household cleaning, i pay 1/2 of the rent, utilities, car payment, insurance, gas, and i pay ALL of it if he doesn't have the money. i am no fucking insipid vacuum, and i am not controlling him.

Consider this whole discussion a sunk cost and just walk away. It was an entertaining display for all the cellar dwellars, but useful advice for your problem? Naw. Talk to the doc. Please.


i couln't agree with you more, riddil

STACY.


I'm sorry i called you names. I have obviously hurt your feelings. I apologize. You asked for my advice, and while I meant what I said, I didnt need to insult you personally. It was just that you did not seem to be hearing what i was saying about his privacy. My main message I stand behind, but the insults were unneccesary.
on this we agree.


I have one final bit of advice. next time, spin a situation like this as a hypothetical situation...." what would you do if," and keep the names and particulars out of it. You can get lots of objective advice from some smart motherfuckers like HP, and UT, and spare yourself the abuse from asshats like FnF and myself.

now go sit on arsen's lap, forgive him his indiscretion, and forget about Eva. he is with you now, and that's all he can do.


ARSEN


contact Eva, tell her that you enjoyed your time, but you will no longer be able to communicate with her because you have reaffirmed the commitment to your wife, and cannot afford another fuckup. thank her for the fantasy you shared, and don't respond to her reply. ever.


If you both cannot do the above, then you don;t belong to gether, and should begin amicable separation proceedings.



REGIS


this is my final answer.

If he was a citizen, I'd say the same thing.

Reruns of Knots Landing on Soapnet are more entertaining.
 

You know, I think lumberjim's words were harsh, but my god every once in awhile, people need to be shaken up. When I first read staceyv's problems, I had compassion, cuz i'm a nice guy. "Oh, it is never easy when you're in love and you get hurt," I thought.

By the time she posted her 14th NOVEL length post telling us how confused she was, I began to grow weary. People who do not honor their own boundaries and eschew grown up decision making really really really piss me off.

Stacey, I live in a town FILLED to the brim with idiots like you, so hopefully my words won't hurt you. There are plenty more where you came from, so maybe if Arson is too hot handle, you could easily find another pussy whipped eunuch to play victim to.

And now the husband comes in here, for what reason?

YOU BOTH ARE ACTING LIKE FREAKING 13 YEAR OLDS!!
CAN'T YOU SEE THAT? CAN YOU NOT SEE THAT??
HELLO?? TWO MORONS WHO USE A WEBSITE TO SOLVE THEIR MARITAL PROBLEMS BECAUSE THEY ARE TOO SCARED TO GET A F*CKING DIVORCE DESERVE ONE ANOTHER AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED!

For anybody else who keeps reading these posts with utter disbelief, take heart. At least the pathetic union of Stacey and Arson puts two clueless wonders out of circulation.


~~~~~~~~~~aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuuugh!

It sounded good at the moment...he said he didn't like being called a "russki," so I suggested "commie." And I knew it could be a potential powder keg. He hadn't quite earned it though...I should have let him run his mouth a bit more...

I think it's important to note that that comment might not have been directed at me. I wouldn't be surprised if it WERE though...

WHAT IS MJ?

I was thinking Michael Jackson...

mary jane...he used to smoke too much weed.

I'd actually get him some water...unless he was pulling a Thich Quang Duc.

hey artie, learn how to spell his fucking name correctly before you go on and on about idiots...

oops...you missed the pun....


-see ljim be a dick nicely and not rip on you.

can't....stop....posting....about......this.....

Come on guys, Stacey's guilty of an overactive drama gland and poor taste in men. She asked for advice, and has been (from what I can tell) honest about her feelings. Don't flame her too hard. But Stacey, come on. In how many languages must you hear the same diatribe before you start to see the point? There is absolutely no aspect of the relationship you have described that isn't screwed up. And people eventually run out of compassion if they see someone completely unwilling to take action. Feeding your melodramatic urges is like giving heroin to a junkie and we should all stop it. Likewise, hitting the junkie in the head with a 2x4 is counterproductive. You have your advice, make of it what you will.

Arsen is still fair game because he's a twat.

1) stupid pun
2) would have worked with name spelled correctly
3) how do i know he did it on purpose?
4) stupid pun

I fear it might have been me spitting on his soul. My aim is off, I was going for the eye.

Spitting on my soul is Russian.
In English it means Ridiculing my core beliefs.
In Internet it means, Whoops, they aren't fooled and I'm gonna get hammered here. Time to bail out.

so, you're trying to say it was stupid pun?

i think stacey is still mad at me.

that's funny. we sold a car to a woman named Cristina today. when i told her that she spells her name wrong, she failed to see the humor.

:rolleyes:

english spelling.

hard to misspell my name....there aren't many people named Lum, so it's kind of hard to refute. the surname Berjim makes people think i'm indain, though.

Lum

http://lum-chan.bbox.org/images/logo.jpg

Nice rack!