please recommend a self help book, therapy, drug...
 

I feel like there's something wrong with me. I have zero ability to handle stress. Little things that don't matter at all upset me so much. My boss said something to me today about the order I did my side work in.....long story, but to summarize, I did all of my work, she just wasn't paying attention. Then I was carrying a huge box of napkins and paper towels up from the basement and the bottom of the box broke and everything went flying down the stairs..what a pain. Then, I'm working with this chick who has a man's voice and a macho overly assertive attitude and I was trying to vent a little by telling her about all of this crap, and she looks at me and goes "Deal with it! Why are you telling me all of this?"blahblahblah....So I told her she's rude and I won't try venting to her again, but I was so upset after I walked away that I started crying in the busroom and I was all shaky.
I don't think that was a good reason to cry, I feel like I'm too sensitive, like I should have a thicker skin, like something is wrong with me. I don't have PMS, everything at home is fine, I just get so upset about stupid little things...This is just one example.

Last year one of the cooks gave me a hard time, I was really busy, Had a little hangover...I got so stressed out that I started crying and I couldn't stop and my boss had to wait on my tables.

When I was new there I heard a girl say "I thought I sucked when I was new!" (accent the second I), once again, I'm crying...

It happened before with another girl who wqas rude to me when I was new, and last summer I found myself crying at work twice in one week because I was stressed out...

Even if I'm not brought to tears, I find myself complaining, bitching, whining and moaning about things that upset me, stuff that isn't right, stuff that goes wrong...

Why are my feelings so easily hurt? Mostly the things that set me off are when people I work with are rude, or if I have no control over the situation. If someone treats me rudely, I want to punch them in the face, but I know I can't, so I just cry. I'm nice to everyone I work with. I listen if someone wants to vent, I'm easy on the new people and my bussers. I have such a hard time dealing with rude people who lack compassion or empathy. I hold in too much anger because I can't say and do what I want, I have to be so fake and polite all the time at work. Any self help book suggestions?
Is there a good self help book out there for me?

Stacey, what you are experiencing is *life*. There are plenty of books that will tell you how to live your life, and how to handle stress. Most of them are just making money for their authors. We all experience stress in our jobs; some days are worse than others; some days are great - everything just goes right. If the stress is constant you have to look for an alternate job/career. Just remember that *every* job/career has stress at some stage.

Most of us have to balance the stress level with the monetary returns the job brings in. I find music helps. Try to listen to as much (preferably non violent/noisy) music as possible. Yoga often helps people relax too.

My office overlooks Sydney Harbour. I get paid well - very well. I worked hard for this job, and it is often stressful. You have to weigh up the good with the bad.

Hope this helps.

There's a new book called "The Art of War" which has "The Art of War" by Sun Tzu, "The Prince" by Machievelli, and Alexander's letters to his generals.

That book should have everything you need to get a handle on life.

hmmm. sounds like low blood sugar to me. or maybe the overall stress in your life of constant crisis comes to boiling points and you cant deal with the overall frustration you have. stress can build up even when you don't notice it, and then when you are under direct stress, it tips you over the edge. serving is a redundant, repetetive, redundant job. it is also very high stress, and relatively low pay. change careers. you're cute, use it to get a better job. just don't be all mental and talk a million miles per hour at the interview. you should be doing something more low key, but public oriented like selling advertising to businesses, or something. other than that, try smoking a lot of pot before work. ......it works for sycamore.....but then again, he's a garbage man or something, so.....

LJ may have a good point here. I'm sure Case will forgive me for this, your description sounds a lot like her when her blood sugar was low. She found that by watching her diet carefully, she could even the mood swings out a lot.

For what it's worth, I overcame the depression that pervaded my early twenties by spending about nine months almost completely alone, learning to be comfortable in my own skin. I know that's probably not an option for you, but in my case at least, introspection (a lot of it) proved the best medicine.

I wish I wish I WISH I could smoke pot!! I smoked it everyday in high school, but now, every time I try it I get a major panic attack. I really do have a low tolerance for stress, and I suspected a long time ago that I have low blood sugar, but I don't eat sugar, I cut my caffeine waaay down and I eat protein with almost every meal...
I always think that if I change jobs I would feel better, but I feel like it's a personal problem with me because most of the girls I work with seem to handle the stress just fine. They don't cry as much as I do, but it does happen once in a while...
My husband promised me that as soon as we get out of debt, I can quit my job. It should be about a year. I can't wait, but until then I'm just trying to get through each day. I can't get another job because I have REALLY painful irregular periods, so I have to take off days every month and I don't know when it's coming, so I actually just take a whole week off, or I'd have to call out sick. I don't know of any other employers who would deal with that! I'm also training on the side to do this thing with Visa/MC rates for businesses...
I am going to order a copy of the art of war. Thanks for the recommendation, and thanks, guys for letting me vent. Thanks for being nice!

I just read Perth's post...I have a week off every month, and often it's more like 12 days because I give shifts away to extend it...I feel like I need to relax and have zero stress, so I basically stay in the house the entire time. I try to think about what my life purpose is, what am I here for, what would make me happy, what goals I need to set, what I can do to improve my life...I also sleep A LOT. You would think I'd be completely rejuvenated and ready to handle life's stresses, but I just had 12 days off and today was my second shift back and I was crying!
Maybe I need a whole 9 months- good idea!

Don't order it - go to the library and borrow it. If it clicks for you then buy it later if not, no $ wasted.

I suggest a physical exam or at least some blood tests just to see where your levels are relative to the baselines.

I have a feeling that some better advice will happen along shortly.

Replies by sex:

Guys - 5
Gals - 0

*scratching head*

Here, Beestie, I'll even out that ratio a little... :)

Stacey, I went through a period where I was overreacting to stress like you are, and the larger reason was I was very depressed at the time. Had you asked me then, I also would have said my relationship was going well and everything was fine, but depression isn't always so directly obvious. Maybe talk to a counselor--and get on birth control pills to regulate your periods. They make everything light, easy, and very predictable.

I was just looking up symptoms of depression to suggest that as a cause of your problems but then Clod beat me to it.

Anyway, I did find this Depression Self-Screener that you might try. Good luck, Stacy.

I can't take the pill because #1, I smoke and I don't want t o be at a high risk for a stroke, and I'm not ready to quit right now, #2, I tried two types of pills and I was having black outs and heart palpitations...
I do seem to be depressed, and I know I would feel better if I could go to the gym and work out every day, but I can't because then I'm too tired/ achey at work and I get way more low blood sugar symptoms because I can't stop to eat at work, I can't even find the time to pee when it's busy- nevermind snack, and if I do stop for a bite, I'll either get dirty looks from people who are busy and think i'm slacking, or someone will call me over to help them. So, no excercise for me...I don't want to take antidepressants. I think I need to change my lifestyle, excercise and do less stressful things with my life. I have just one more year to deal with this crap.
I just ordered some books on Amazon.com- they actually have a book called : "The Highly Sensitive Person" and the description describes me very well- Everything around me seems to affect me, people's moods rub off on me, I can sense people's tension physically, loud noise, smells and bright lights bother me, I'm easily distracted and overwhelmed...Hopefully these books will help, and next year I'll quit this job that is SO wrong for me, excercise and figure out something to do with myself...At least there is light at the end of the tunnel...
I have to work tonight, so I'm going to go and take a 3 hour nap so that I am well rested and hopefully I won't have any breakdowns tonight. Thanks for all the advice :)

I took that depression test, and I scored 14 on a scale of 0-27.."moderate depression". The thing is, I had to answer a lot of the questions about energy and sleep habits as "normal for me" because I have been tired as hell for years now.

What this post says to me is, I am not willing to change anything in my life that may be making me the way I am, (changing my lifestyle by quitting smoking, trying a low dose BC pill like Ortho tricyclin-LO, or speak to a psychologist to determine if I am depressed and should be on Zoloft or Paxil etc.) but I want to be fixed anyway. Well, wouldn't it be nice if we all could wish our way to whatever we wanted. Sorry if this sounds harsh, but too bad. I didn't WANT to take antidepressants either, b/c that would mean admitting I wasn't 'normal'...but after ruling out other possibilities, and talking with a real doctor, it was the only option left. Oh, and my husband said talk to a Dr., or I am leaving. Lo and behold, 4 years later I am a hell of a lot better person, wife, mother, friend, daughter, and co-worker because I was able to admit I had an illness (that it turns out, runs in the family). If you had diabetes, would you say 'but I don't want to give up chocolate and take a shot everyday?' No, to get better, you would make the necessary life changes, then get on with a better quality of life I would think. So suck it up and talk to a professional. Zoloft, gift of the gods :)

I'd like to throw in a hearty :thumbsup: for anti-depressant therapy. I've been taking Lexapro (a relatively low dose, actually) for a few years now, and it makes an *enormous* difference in my attitude, my self-loathing, etc.

I think you'd be surprised at the number of people who use antidepressants, Stacey...and you'd never know it. No one else would know that *you* were taking them either.

What I don't understand is the need for so many people to be taking anti-depressants. Life just can't be that hard for that many people.

It's not about life being hard, it's about bad brain chemistry.

Only sometimes. There is situational depression as well as chemical imbalance. I don't think that there are that many people who all of a sudden have developed a chemical imbalance.

Because they are available and because they work. You could have said the same thing about aspirin.

Alternatively, you could walk around in someone else's moccasins for a while and see if your perspective changes.

Ortho Tricyclin is one of the two pills that I tried when I had black outs and heart palpitations which went away when I got off of the pill.

You don't take someone who's feeling down and tell them that now the's time to quit smoking..And that's not what I meant by lifestyle changes. I meant my job.
Anyway, I already have a plan to quit smoking by gradually reducing my addiction to nicotine. I went from lights (.7 mg nicotine) to superlights (.4 mg) and I will switch to Winston Ones (.1 mg) in a couple of months, then to the lowest dose patch. I KNOW that light cigarettes aren't necessarily healthier, but they DO have less nicotine per cigarette and I am using that as a tool to lower my addiction. "I am not ready.." to quit in conventional ways, because I'd be even more of a wreck.

I know myself well enough to know that if I excercise everyday, I don't NEED antidepressants. I don't see the point in taking them when there is a very healthy alternative that works just as well for me. I have nothing against antidepressants, except that they are a drug which can have side effects and excercise is all natural and the only side effects are great ones... I know a LOT of people on anti-depressants, I realize how common they are.

I have been to a psychologist before. They sit there and listen, and that's fun, but their main specialty is prescribing drugs...Like I said, give me a gym membership instead of a prescription, I'll be pumping out endorphins, boosting my confidence and feeling optimistic. It really is the best therapy and many studies have shown that.

You're basically saying that I'm whining about my problems and I'm not willing to do anything about them. I have a plan to quit smoking, valid reasons for not taking the pill, and if I took antidepressants, it would only be because I was too lazy to get my ass to the gym. I know that some people need them and it's not because they're lazy, but in my case, that would be exactly why I went on them...

And about "feeling normal"..I don't give a flying f$*# about being normal. I have always felt different, and I see no stigma attached to taking anti-depressants.
My husband loves me the way I am and he's never told me that I need help or drugs or whatever. He just says he wants me to quit my job, but if I do that now, it'll set us back.

I'm all set. You can add me being over-defensive to my list of complaints and sit there and shake your head and say "this chick is hopeless", whatever. I really am offended by labrat's post, which is just another excellent example of me being oversensitive...
Screw it, I have my books coming in the mail, so maybe I'll find some insight there. Thanks to everyone else who had nice things to say and useful advice...I really appreciate it. Even if I didn't walk away with my answer, I think more than anything, I needed to vent and hoped to find that I'm not the only person with issues, and I did accomplish that, so it wasn't all a waste of time.

The goal of therapy is to have the patient solve their own problem(s).

Congratulations.

You've solved your own problem. That should enable you to solve more problems.

Good for you. Keep hanging on!

[quote=Beestie]Because they are available and because they work. You could have said the same thing about aspirin.[quote=Beestie]

The only problem is that there are so many people who don't have the chemical imbalance that Zoloft is supposed to fix, but yet they are miraculously fixed. It is tremendously over-prescribed.

[quote=Beestie]Alternatively, you could walk around in someone else's moccasins for a while and see if your perspective changes.[quote=Beestie]

My perspective is fine. My life has not been a bed of roses. I've also spent some time caring for people with serious problems at a state psychiatric facility.

Also, from the SADHART study:
With regard to the effectiveness of sertraline (Zoloft ®), the patients reporting the greatest mood improvement were those with more severe or recurrent depression. For patients with at least one prior episode of depression, 72% responded to active treatment compared to only 51% of those on placebo (p=0.03). Similarly, for patients reporting more severe symptoms of depression, 78% of sertraline (Zoloft ®) patients responded versus 45% of placebo patients (p=0.001). The overall sample also included patients with mild and short-term depression and failed to demonstrate a significant difference between sertraline (Zoloft ®) and placebo. This result may be partially explained however, by the high response rate to placebo for patients with mild or reactive depression. Their symptoms may have resolved spontaneously as a result of the care, attention and support they received from both a cardiologist and psychiatrist as a consequence of their study participation.

ts--I don't get it.

'course, I'm handi-capable...so, that could be it...

by the way, I agree with Troubleshooter that antidepressants are overprescribed and that people use them as an easy way out instead of lowering the stress in their lives, excercising, eating healthier and cognitive therapy. I'm not saying that NOone needs them, just that doctors love to prescribe them and people love to take them because it doesn't involve any effort on either of them.

3/4 of the people treated with zoloft for major depression responded positively.

1/2 of the people treated with placebo for major depression responded positively.

They listed no significant difference between zoloft and placebo in people with mild or situational depression.

A Conscious Life: Cultivating the Seven Qualities of Authentic Adulthood
by Fran Cox, Louis Cox
Used for $1.50 at amazon

Ah, that's the thing!

I've never experienced quasi-depression--the likes that celebs and the rich endure.

SSRI's are invaluable when applied correctly.

You've framed the problem quite nicely. However, what's the solution?

Ten people walk into Dr. Troubleshooter's office exhibiting signs of major depression. To whom do you give the sugar pill, to whom do you give a "quit-your-self-indulgent-whining-and-shape-up" speech and to whom do you prescribe an anti-depressant?

I'm not trying to be a smartass but to say that antidepressants are overprescribed and leave it at that is like handing out a scratch-n-sniff picture of a steak dinner.

They have come out with a LO version, initially designed for breast feeding moms, but I stayed on it and LOVE it.
So, are you exercising everyday???? You don't need to pay for a gym membership to go for a walk or run outside, or at your local mall if the weather is bad. I'm not trying to be a bitch, but I am talking from experience. Stop making excuses, and start being proactive. I know exercise helps me immensely too, but it is not a cure. The underlying problem is still there.

Just a random thought, stacey, but have you approached all the gyms in your area about being an aerobics instructor? You could kill two birds with one stone.

I'm not a clinician, I'm not qualified to make the in-depth study necessary to asses nuances of psychiatry, but I am qualified to assess the numerical results of the study.

One possibility though is that the increasingly unhealthy nature of americans is leading to the rise in, unfounded isn't the word but it fits even if poorly, cases of depression. It's not that people are realy depressed, it's more like they are simply not healthy enough to deal with day to day life.

Molecules of Emotion goes into the intricacies of health and emotional balance. Some people don't like it, but it is a light read that gives a good idea of the issue.

LabRat, if you had read my previous posts in this thread, you would find that I get low blood sugar at work if I excercise on work days. After work? I'm so tired I run home and take a nap. Days off? My muscles still hurt the next day and while I'm at work I'm hungry and achy...I tried going to the gym with this job, those were the results. Stop telling me to snap out of it, deal with it...Because if I want that kind of advice, I'll go talk to the girl I work with that started me writing this whole thread. Like Briana said, I found my solution, okay? I don't need you kicking me in the ass anymore, all set. Are you SURE those happy pills are as good as you say? They certaintly don't instill empathy or kindness...

I really think Beestie's got an even better solution than exercising though--look for a new job. Waitressing sucks even when you're not depressed. Sign on at a temp agency and get yourself a good desk job. My experience is the jobs are often far from temporary, and you usually get to spend most of the day reading a book in between answering the occasional phone.

I agree, and wanted to say something to that effect, but couldn't find the words. I believe we are seeing more transient depressive states due to overall ill health. The depression is real, but the cause is different. Like I said, I believe I have a 'real' underlying physiological defect due to the fact that even when I am taking care of myself, and everything seems to be going well in my life, all of a sudden I find myself in the fog of death :greenface . (how I try to explain it to my husband)

OMG, anyone else feeling a craving for cheese to go with all of the whine around here?

"LabRat, if you had read my previous posts in this thread, you would find that I get low blood sugar at work if I excercise on work days. After work? I'm so tired I run home and take a nap. Days off? My muscles still hurt the next day and while I'm at work I'm hungry and achy...I tried going to the gym with this job, those were the results. Stop telling me to snap out of it, deal with it...Because if I want that kind of advice, I'll go talk to the girl I work with that started me writing this whole thread. Like Briana said, I found my solution, okay? I don't need you kicking me in the ass anymore, all set. Are you SURE those happy pills are as good as you say? They certaintly don't instill empathy or kindness..."

I NEVER told you to 'snap out of it', I believe I said do something about it. --talk to a doc, change your lifestyle, do MORE of what seems to work for you, whatever. You're last comment shows massive ignorance on your part, and since you have decided to start slinging mud, I'm outta this playpen to go play with the adults. Good Luck.

here's another interesting book:
Better than Well: American Medicine Meets the American Dream. By Carl Elliot.

Stacy, you've got a bunch of different things that are going on and impacting you ... stress is cumulative over time. You might not be in the midst of a crisis point now, but your body and brain chemistry can react as though you are.

I'm a big proponent of folks getting an uninvolved professional third party ... find a therapist, who may also choose to refer you to a psychiatrist to discuss medications. You've indicated you're kind of medicine sensitive, so it might take a couple of tries to get the meds right. There are a lot of them out there ... some will be great for you, some not. And they don't work overnight.

But start with talking.

Also, make sure you are paying close attention to yourself, your regular patterns ... are you sleeping about the same as always? Or have you had some dramatic changes ... sleeping all the time or not at all? Changes in your appetite with unintentional loss or gain of weight? Problems with your concentration? And are you noticing that stuff you really liked to do doesn't seem as much fun anymore?

Oh, and I know you didn't say anything ... but thoughts about killing yourself or urges to cut or burn yourself should be treated like a big neon sign flashing Go get help

I just wanted to say from one sensitive soul to another that when people talk smack about you it is from their messed up lives. I have gone to seek advice on such matters and I was enlightened by a word called codependancy. It is hard not to take these peoples remarks personally, but if you step out of your emotions long enough to get a good look at where the comment is coming from it is not worth letting them have controll over your well being. Looking at what you wrote in the relationships thread, it might not be such a bad idea to check out codependancy. It gave me alot of freedom, maybe it will you too. There are also alot of support groups on this subject to see others struggling up the same path as you. Just a suggestion. ;)

I want to pitch in another vote for getting a checkup. First make sure your body is working properly. If it's not, you won't get your head on straight.

If that doesn't do it, then your doctor can recommend where to go from there.

WOW. It's just like the good old days. 'cept I'm not the one being mean to stacey this time. guess it's cuz i realize that tough love doesnt really work for her. you'll be fine stacey. you may find some good advice in a book, but what you really need to do is change your habits. OR....if you're not willing to change, then you just have to deal with the stress.

I'm having some similar issues at present.

I'm on my way up to CVS to pick up my new prescription...

Percocet, take me away! :)

Do lots of methampedamine and if anyone gives you any crap just snap out on them. I guarantee within two weeks nobody will bother you any more.

LJ, you know me well. No, tough love doesn't work for me...I'm just going to stick with my job for one more year and take it day by day. My cramps keeping me out of work for a week every month is a blessing in disguise. I can look forward to those little breaks, and in a year, I am going to quit my job, go to the gym everyday and maybe get back into a band, volunteer at the animal shelter I used to work at... I don't have suicidal thoughts, because I do have hope...
Even though I have multiple food intolerances and chemical sensitivity, every doctor I go to says I am in good health.
I would like to have a good therapist so I could just vent and get everything out of my system, but I don't want them pushing drugs on me after two visits. I'll look into therapy, I just need to figure out how to come up with $25 a week for the co-payment.
But yeah, you guys are right, I could benefit from a good therapist :)

This is normally the point where I come in and push my religion on people. :muse:

However, I've been depressed myself for about the last, oh, 4 years or so. I feel "old, stupid, ugly, untalented, God hates me, I hate everyone, I don't want to go outside of the house, where's the vicodin" about once every couple of weeks, and it lasts for a day or two. It's not that my life is bad, I have been pretty successful career-wise, of late. Not looking for a relationship, but I have a few friends and things to do in my off time. Kind of a normal life. I have rheumatoid arthritis, which has left me unable to bowhunt (for the moment) or do hard physical stuff. I don't take as much "medication" as I used to, and nothing illegal anymore, so my blood should be pretty clear. But the symptoms come and go without any warning, and I've sort of gotten used to it. I hide my "cyclical depression" well, too - I've got a kind of class-clown reputation among people who know me. Rode the Wellbutrin train for a year or so, didn't see any major difference. I think I'm just "arty".

Or maybe I just *think* I'm depressed :3_eyes: ....gonna go take that test...

Aww, Noodle, we have almost the same score! Do you feel like now is one of your depressive periods or are you in between?
A lot of people never look into the possibility of food intolerance as a cause of depression. I found out I was gluten intolerant about 6 years ago and when I cut wheat and other gluten grains out of my diet, I felt SO much better! If you think I whine A lot now, you should've seen me then! The thing is, when I started going to the gym every day, I used to eat wheat sometimes and it didn't affect me nearly as much as it used to. It was almost like working out "cleansed" my system or something...But I haven't touched wheat in years...I did test positive for dairy allergy and I put cream in my coffee, and I also tested positive for potatoes, which I eat every single day, so I 'm sure these allergies are contributing to my total load of stress and making me feel down, lowering my susceptibility to stress....
BUT, I eat the damn potatoes and cream because I don't have a strong physical reaction, and almost every other food on earth gives me some kind of reaction, like headaches, muscle aches, red face and ears, foggy headednesss, etc...
I know from experience that if I worked out every day, it all wouldn't affect me so much, it's like the all purpose medication...
I thought of this for Labrat's case, because she said she goes into "the fog of death" for no apparent reason. She might want to look into the possibility of food intolerance/ allergy, but I kind of ruined our relationship, so I guess I can't help her...

After doing some research, it looks like I have a ton of symptoms of Asperger's syndrome. Unfortunately, there's no cure for that one, but I guess it would be nice to get diagnosed with SOMEthing...I'll bring this up when I see a therapist.

I know you stated that you have rheumatoid arthritis and that is probably the reason for the vicodin, but long-term narcotic use can bring on symptoms of depression as well as the fact of the arthritis itself. Have you looked into other drug therapies? Just a suggestion. For some people narcotics are the only thing that eases the pain...kind of a Catch-22.

:(

Oops, sorry, mrnoodle. Just read the stuff you posted in the Health Forum. Guess you are on other therapies...my bad.

TO me the symptoms you describe are not Asperger's. I have a child with Asperger's and it's not something you "get", it's something you're born with. Aspie's don't understand/recognize social cues, such as facial expressions, tonal inflection, sarcasm, and metaphors.

Generally, their problems in societal relationships are because they don't respond appropriately to what they DO percieve.

I think you're just stressed and depressed like the rest of us, and whether that's caused by physical issues and chemical imbalance or just the fact that you've reached the meltdown point is up to a professional to determine.

The fact that you think it will be nice to get diagnosed with something is telling, as well...

I'm on the tail end of one...today I feel fine. That's probably because I'm busy. I think the days when I'm doing too much sitting around are worse - particularly if they're strung together, like during a slow work cycle. Plus I get to go to the studio in about an hour and finish the guitar bits for the new CD.

That will be either fun or stressful. Either way, it will be good.

Noodle, you're so lucky you have a band. When I was in a band it was one of the happiest times in my life. I loved the feeling of purpose and doing something I loved...
One of my goals this year is to take drum lessons and meet more local musicians, try to get into a band in the next year or so. I think I'll have better luck with drums than guitar, because they come naturally to me and there aren't any chords/ lyrics to memorize, you just go by feel. My last band broke up because I was single, started messing around with the bass player, a recovered alcoholic, after a few months, he was in love and I wanted to marry an illegal brazilian for money. he flipped out, started drinking again, started harassing me with phone calls, embarrasing me in public, etc, so I had to avoid going anywhere where I might bump into him, which was basically, all of the places where I knew musicians and played out! I am totally out of the local music scene now and I feel bored with the guitar. It took me 11 years to get decent on it, but the first time I picked up a pair of drumsticks, I was playing real beats and I was in love. Everyone who's ever heard me play them says I have natural ability and I've been offered free lessons by a real music teacher (he said I could bring my husband with me :) ), but the guy lived too far away...I sold my drums a while back to pay for rent when I was still single and now my neighbors have small children and they didn't agree to me getting a set and practicing during the day, because the kids take naps...I don't know...

I used to read self help books everyday, about 1 book a week...I also read autobiographies of successful people, as instructed in one of the books...Anyways, I read Chuck Norris's autobiography, and he was a firm believer in the power of the subconscious. So, I went out and got a book called "The Power of the Subconscious Mind" or something like that...he book said that if you ask yourself a question right before you go to sleep, you will wake up with the answer. So, while falling asleep, I kept repeating in my head "The power of my subconscious mind will reveal my life's purpose to me..."
Well, I woke up with a voice in my head, and I NEVER hear voices, okay?!! Anyway, it was like a man's voice that kept saying "you have the beat, you have the beat, you have the beat"
And this was before I ever played the drums, or even thought about playing the drums. This was even before I got serious about guitar and got into a band!
And then, the first time I get on the drums, the guy was like "wow! I've never seen anyone play a real beat their first time!" After 6 months, He was like "I'm a little jealous, I've been playing for 8 years and it took me years to get that good...you could be professionally good if you keep playing..." One time, I went to jam with a band that needed a bass player, so we went through all the songs, blah blah blah, (bass is boring) and then i asked if I could play the drums and after I got done they were thinking of having me be the drummer and letting their current drummer play bass instead...Except that band never came through, kind of fizzled away.
GOD, I'm rambling.

:eek2:

Isn't Asberger's just a mild form of autism... lower end of the spectrum so to speak? If so, I don't think the cause or origin has been absolutely determined. I just read an article about a study linking it (autism) to Augmentin use (very commonly prescribed for ear infections despite studies suggesting that it really doesn't do shit for most of them), due to ammonia poisoning.

OC, I just want to get diagnosed because once you find the cause of a problem, then you can find a solution. I HATE it when doctors only treat the symptoms without even finding the CAUSE. To me, that's the most important part. It seems to me that they're way better at just slapping on band-aids.

I came up with the Aperger's idea because I have these symptoms:

At age 6 I was reading 20 chapter books written for at least 5th grade reading level.

Be preoccupied with one or only few interests, which he or she may be very knowledgeable about. All-absorbing narrow interest -

I go through phases where I am 100% absorbed in one area and I don't want to waste my time doing anything else that doesn't contribute to that interest. I spent months researching pet food, years researching dog/cat training and behavior, a year on physical fitness, weight training routines, years on researching food allergy and the link between diet and health,
6 months when I played guitar everyday for 6 hours a day plus studied music theory,
2 months when all I did was collect and organize recipes...you get the picture. This is just weird! And my husband tells me I talk way too much.

Talk a lot, usually about a favorite subject. One-sided conversations are common. Internal thoughts are often verbalized.

May have heightened sensitivity and get overstimulated by loud noises, lights, or strong tastes or textures- totally!

failure to develop peer relationships appropriate to developmental level
lack of social or emotional reciprocity
lack of desire to interact with peers - I have no friends and it's probably because I can't be bothered with people. I don't WANT to be selfish or self-centered, I've read self help books to try to change that, but I seem to be in my own world.


Dislike any changes in routines- yup.

Have unusual facial expressions or postures- I like to sit indian style or stand with one leg up on the other, like a stork. (my husband does this too :) ) And people are always asking me what's wrong whan I am FINE! it seems that my natural facial expression looks very sad or something...

But no, I don't have some of the symptoms, like I'm not clumsy and I'm really good at reading body language and reading between the lines..Although maybe it helps that I read a few self help books on body language and social skills??

I also have a mental block when it comes to giving directions- I just can't. I don't know why. I drive to places everyday with no problem, but if someone asks me how to get there, I can't visualize how to get there and explain it to them.

Sorry I know my posts are too long and will probably prevent anyone from reading them..I just woke up from a 5 hour nap and I'm raring to go!!

stacey, it seems like you're talented, artistic and creative.

The all what you need is to put all your things together. You're also seem so afraid to live without fears and worries. You're think it's a passion of the life. Nope.:)
Organize your life. That's it.
Stop believe nobody and nothing can help you. It seems to me you just like to be depressed.

hey, you're from that russian website, aren't you? Your name is WOW there...I remember you.
I really don't like to be depressed, nor am I even sure that I am depressed....
I don't think anyone really wants to feel depressed, but I guess if you feel down enough long enough, it just starts to come naturally.
My life is one friggin roller coaster after another and maybe my whole problem is that my nervous system is just SHOT. There's also a thing called adrenal gland weakness, which can happen when you're under constant stress, as in waitressing!
So, justme, I'd like you to know that my husband and I are doing really well. He's a good guy who sometimes lacks common sense, but he does learn when he makes mistakes and we haven't had any problems since last year. We're happy together :)

That's really good to hear. Congratulations to both of you for working it all out. :)

I don't think it's accurate to say a person "likes" to be depressed. But looking back, I can see how I was somehow "addicted" to it. I don't think I could explain why, but for a long time I felt as though I wasn't myself if I wasn't depressed about something. It sucks, I know (at least to a point) how you feel, and I really hope you do figure out what you need to get through it.

Yes,it'she:)

It's so great to hear you're happy with your husband. Not quiet happy with your life.:)
You pay too much attention to your depression, I think. At least, it looks like.
What's about an idea to concentrate on the positive way a little bit better?

"I don't think it's accurate to say a person "likes" to be depressed."

Neither do I. :) It was more likely an expression than statement.
I wanted to say the way stacey's talking about depression, how she's trying to deal with that is not all she can do. It's not enough just to stady that or just to talk about that. Sometimes it's better to wake up in sunny morning take a deep breath and push a bit of depression out. It works in any weather by the way:)

Well, the reason that I'm going on and on about depression, is because this is a thread about depression! It's not like it's the only thing I focus on, it just happens to be the topic here. I am the type that likes to investigate, solve problems, etc. So, if I'm not feeling well or something's wrong or whatever, I will put a lot of effort in uncovering the source of the problem and trying to gain insight...So, when I find myself crying at work all of the time, that's a signal to me that something's wrong, so yes, I will spend a few hours each day looking into the problem online, reading, etc, because I want to solve the problem and I can't do that until I understand the problem..I don't know, it's tough to explain...
I do other things, too, like going out and singing karaoke, watching tv with my husband or shopping together or hanging out with his russian friends, I also study Russian, play guitar once in a while, cook, work, etc...
I don't want to come off as one-sided and completely enveloped in thoughts about my depression or whatever my problem is, I just like to get to the bottom of things and I have a strong urge to solve my issues.

Stacey have you tried a B6/12 supplement?

Sorry, stasey. My posts didn't loook like suggestions at all.:) It should be those. I just realized that.