I am the magic 8 ball
 

I am the magic 8 ball. Ask me anything. I will tell the truth.


Or, if not the truth, something vague and oddly-worded enough that you can take it as support for your own pre-determined opinions.

So ask away! what could possible go wrong!

Am I behind you? :confused:

Michael Jackson: guilty or not?

Please respond before the bought-and-paid-for jury returns the (ha-ha) verdict.

Will the guy that I added to the "shitty tipper database" on bitterwaitress.com ever do an internet search on his name and find it?

whew I'm not listed.. safe for now! ;)

Uh, then I'm a shitty tipper. And how exactly does this help a waitress when you don't see their names until they hand over their card?

It is doubtful. Unless you mean emotionally, then I assume that you're behind me 100%

Which is good, because we prophets of the word of the 8 ball need all the support we can get.

He will not. He thinks that he is a fantastic tipper, but that he keeps getting bad service everywhere he goes. He thinks of himself as a 20% tipper, only because of the awful service everywhere, he's never actually left 20% at any time in his life.

But when the great service industry revolt and cultural purge begins in the fall of 2008, he will be the first one thrown into the re-education camps. Viva La Revolucion! Da Me la Dinero!

Guilty.

But he will not be convicted at this trial. The sleezy mom provides reasonable doubt.

MJ will finally receive his cumupance in spring of 2009, when he, OJ Simpson, and Ashlee Simpson all run out of money, and are forced to tour Indian casinos and truck stops performing the motown hits of the early 70's as the trio, "The Wonderfuls."

Hey SM, will this thread devolve into yet another pointless "tipping" thread?

Dear Magic 8 Ball,

Can you just gouge my eyes out now that I've read that horrible thought?

P.S. Please don't spell "comeuppance" like that.

It is doubtful.

The magic 8 ball is about peace, openness and pacificsm - the magic 8 ball would never gouge your eyes out.

You will, however lose your eyes in a freak accident while attempting to switch cell phone carriers later this year. I can't give you too much in the way of details, but lets just say, when they ask if you want the option eye guard / pith helmet adaptor for your new phone, spend the extra money steve, spend the extra money.

Now that every one of my teeth has been root canalled and/or sealed, should I stick with the extra-expensive dentist I currently use or find one that's cheaper?

Will my best friend marry the immature idjit that is her fiancee despite all my portestations to the contrary?

if you are the magic 8 ball, can i shake you if i'm dissatisfied with an answer?

I heard that John Belushi overdosed and died because of an 8-ball. It wasn't one of your relatives, was it?

It'll be too late to spit in your food, but be careful someone doesn't key the fuck out of your car for that shit.

Damn Stacy, reading that site really makes me want to tip poorly.

Um, he couldn't possibly think he's a great tipper, because he left me nothing on $91.


"And how exactly does this help a waitress when you don't see their names until they hand over their card?"

It's about getting revenge, that's all. It can't help us identify them but it makes us feel better to spread their name over the internet as a shitty tipper.

Jinx, agreed. A lot of the venting that goes on there makes waitresses look very bad, and I don't visit that site often because the poor attitude is contagious. We are not all like that.

and sorry about (god forbid) bringing up tipping issues. No more.

Magic 8 ball, how long will my chihuahua live?

A doctor? for your teeth? What's next, a lawyer for your hair?

You should remove all of your teeth, and replace them with platinum diamond spinners and falsies. That way, all of the peoples will know dat you be pimpin' yo.

Yes, she will marry him, for two reasons. She like feeling superior to him, it gives her a continual excuse for not working on the things in her own life that need attention.

And no, she will not listen to you. She already knows everything you're going to say, but she doesn't want to tell you the real reasons why she's moving ahead with the wedding.

She's afraid that she will never find anyone else.

You can, but only the first answer will be carefully formulated and exquisitely stated. Second and third answers will just be pulled from my magic 8 ass.

Common mistake. John Belushi actually didn't die, his fatal overdose was faked for insurance reasons. He is still performing under the new stage name "Dakota Fanning."

Do UFOs exist?

You chuihuahua will live a long and prosperous life. His career as a location scout for cheaply made mexican fetish porn, however, will be ending much sooner.

Don't cry for him though. He's had a good run. If you know what I mean. And I know you do, Stacey, I know you do. You don't TW, but Stacey does.

By definition, yes.

But that's not your real question, is it Syc. What you really want to know is ...


... is there anyone else out there :gray:

Actually, my real question is, "Did they take Jimmy Hoffa and Elvis Presley from us?"

Can I use the term mental midget or would that be a copyright violation?

You better ask TW about that instead of the Magic 8 Ball, bro.

Will my best friend's baby be a boy (her first) or a girl (her third)?

It is doubtful. Elvis Presley died of fried banana sandwiches and uppers, Jimmy Hoffa died of ... well, let's just say he didn't swim too well in his new shoes.

His new cement shoes.

Mental midget is a common usage, and cannot be copyrighted. It can be trademarked, but only if you use it from some specific product, as in ..

"Mental Midget brand Steam Huffers! Cheap as free! Never Reformulated!

As they always say, you're only a Mental Midget away from huffing our steam!"

Raise a black flag containing a skull and two cross bones. Then you can use anything you want. Even medical marijuana and Canadian Viagra.

10 HOME
20 GET A$; "IS HUSBAND FATHER? (Y/N)"
30 IF A = "Y" THEN GOTO 500
40 GET B$; "IS BEST FRIEND FATHER? (Y/N)"
50 IF B="Y" THEN GOTO 600
60 PRINT "BABY IS PRODUCT OF MIDOCLORIAN CONCENTRATION. WILL BE MALE"
70 GOTO 4242
500 GET C$; "IS HUSBAND MALE? (Y/N)"
510 IF C$ = "Y", GOTO 900
520 IF C$ = "N", THEN GET {IP SIGNIFIER} FORWARD TO JERRYFALWELL@PROFAMILYAMERICA.ORG
530 PRINT = "PLEASE DO NOT LEAVE YOUR HOME. SOMEONE WILL BE TO SEE YOU SHORTLY."
540 GOTO 900
600 GET D$; "IS BEST FRIEND AWARE THAT HE IS FATHER? (Y/N)"
610 IF D$ = "N" THEN PRINT "PLEASE CALL 1-800-96-JERRY"
620 GOTO 900
900 X$=RND{1-468}
910 IF X$ = 1, THEN PRINT "IT'S A GIRL!!"
920 IF X$ = 1, THEN GOTO 4242
930 PRINT "IT'S A BOY!!!"
940 PRINT "YOU BROKE YOUR ... ANKLE, ARM, LEG, ARM, HEAD, ARM, PRIDE, BIKE, ARM, LEG, TEETH. WOULD YOU LIKE TO JUMP AGAIN? (Y/N)"
4242 END

is it sad that i actually understood that?

No, sad is your need to tell all of us you understand it, and then try to disguise your geek pride by calling it "sad".


Come on, say it with me, "I'm geek and I'm proud!".

*raises clenched fist in air (holding cordless mouse)*

wise mr. 8 ball..

Will I forever be stuck in my groping, commision stingy, real estate job.. or will my Fashion and Design studies pay off and will my Label become a household name?

mr. 8 ball..
Will I ever stop drinking beer? Hold on I have to go to store, I'm out BRB

Fashion and Design are not the sorts of things that can be studied. You either have them, or you are straight.

And you, my friend, have them.

It is doubtful.


Seriously doubtful.

:lol:

You know, this seems more like Negrodamus from Chappelle's Show than Magic 8 Ball.

was that programming in BASIC?
because it's bringing back unfond memories of high school...

that programming was as close to BASIC as I can remember, having not worked with it in probably close to 20 years.

what is the meaning of cock?

Or is it sadder that I found mistakes?

what is the meaning of life? and don't tell me to ask monty python...

*holds logitec wireless mouse in the air*

"I'M A GEEK AND I'M PROUD!"

*scurries away back into the lurker shadows..*

It is doubtful.

It finds no meaning apart from the mundane
Unless there is something higher than the physical

me too, and it bugs me

har har!!

cop out

i only asked because MY 8 ball keeps saying this:

will our band ever have a full time bass player? Alternately, will the one who plays with us now drop his paying gigs to pursue full time international glory and stardom in 2-minute instrumental metal chunks?

No

He will not. He knows that the chances of your band ever actually making it to international stardom are very slim, where the chances of him getting paid $125 for playing at some guys wedding are, in fact, very good. He licks his salty chops and takes the $125, because, lets face it, beer is not cheap as free, and rock star dreams don't get you drunk.

Are you as accurate as the Magic Hate Ball?

i think smooth is onto something here, errr, they're onto smooth! :beer:

should i disarm NBN?

Prudence says yes.

But she's a dumb old broad, so I say let the champ have them weps.

my previouse question from here