How people in Southern California interpret road signs.

Been on all those roads at one time or another..

Some truth there... Some funny too

Only road I've been on lately is the Highway To Hell.

Go Liz, games in bed...

Hah!

Football danger...

Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha--

--deep inhale--

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That were funny.

Donald Trump ... nothing funnier than him!

AWESOME!!!

Sent from my SM-G975U using Tapatalk

Breakfast...

Bravo.

There's a new book about living with a small penis. A man asked the librarian if they had a copy. She said she thought so, but wasn't sure if it was in yet.

Is this humorous?
Well it would be humorous if this guy was not who he is and was not talking to young people. And maybe was not so long.
No, it is scary and sad.
And hard to believe it is real.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H-VI5NWRl2E

Nope not funny, sad.

Not biting.

Brexit stamps...

For some reason (probably the way I linked it) this video opens halfway through Trump's pitiful speech.
If you have the time, watch it all the way through. If you have any questions about wind, just call him up.

This is really a sad story except for the bewildering last line.
A few days ago a woman near Bakersfield was found shot and a hunt for her son was initiated. They had a description of his car and the cops were pretty sure he was heading for Las Vegas.
After a couple of hours, the car was found parked alongside I 15 near the Nevada state line. For some reason a "high risk stop" was ordered and officers from four or five jurisdictions showed up.
Shooting (described as from all personnel involved) followed and the highway was closed for 19 hours. This road carries around 45,000 vehicles per day and many had to spend the night with no input from the highway patrol. Several families were trapped and many ran out of gas.
Not unexpectedly, follow-up details have been hard to find except that:
"With the vehicle surrounded, the suspect shot himself and officers returned fire."

That happened at the house across the street from ours, about 15-ish years ago. Dude was having a mental health crisis and threatening suicide (which apparently was common for him), wife was out and called the cops to check on him. A beat officer knocked on the door and a single shot was fired.

12 hours, 1 SWAT team, and an evacuated street later, they finally stormed the house to find that the one shot had been the guy committing suicide. He hadn't even known it was a cop at the door.

A young American man moves to the Shetland Isles. Unbeknownst to him, the Shetland peoples are quite reserved, and no-one visits him for three months.

One stormy night, there's a loud knock at the door. He opens the door to the sight of a huge, fiery-haired man with a thick beard. With an accent equally as thick, the visitor says, "I've come to invite ye to a party."

"Wonderful," says the American, "I'd love to go!"

"I must warn ye, lad. The drinks will be flowin' aplenty."

"That's no problem, I've been known to enjoy a strong scotch now and again," replies the American.

"They'll likely be a fight too," says the bearded man. "Where there's drinkin' and dancin' there's always a fight."

"I'm not worried, I was middleweight champion in boxing back in the navy. I'm sure I can hold my own."

"Alright, lad. But one last thing. There's likely to be sex involved too. Hairy-arsed, drunken sex."

The American smirks. "Well, after being alone for so many months, that's not out of the question either. One question though: what should I wear?"

The big man chuckles and replies, "Ah, come as you are, it's just gonna be you and me."

Apologies if this is a repeat:

Attachment 69525

I remember some of these statement. Hell, I probably made some of them.

At least it's red...

Fake news...

So long EMeekins98, we hardly knew ye...

That's such a shame. Just when I was developing an interest in Polish electrical vehicles as well. ;)

His life was short and beautiful.

For polish electrical vehicles life is short, fire, ash.

Spoiler:

they're legumes

Hey, I want the coffee-cup version.

In Europe you can have a whirlwind courtship in a long day...

Why drive to Germany when you're already in Austria?

Might have to think about it...

Attachment 70005

:3eye::cool::corn::lolsign:That is sick, evil, and twisted. I Love It.

I am ruined for life.

To get to Wedding so she can make an honest man of you.



And because of her three huge brothers in the back seat whispering squeal like a pig.

Ooh, topical.

Heh, that pot might be worth more than the one where I got my scooter...

Contemporary Bingo...

More covid humour.

That right there is some comedy gold!

.

On the first day of isolation my true love sent to me
A cartridge in an uzi.
On the second day of isolation my true love sent to me
Two surgical gloves
And a cartridge in an uzi.
On the third day of isolation my true love sent to me
Three bic pens
Two surgical gloves
And a cartridge in an uzi.
On the fourth day of isolation my true love sent to me
Four calling cards
Three bic pens
Two surgical gloves
And a cartridge in an uzi.
On the fifth day of isolation my true love sent to me
Five chicken wings
Four calling cards
Three bic pens
Two surgical gloves
And a cartridge in an uzi.
On the sixth day of isolation my true love sent to me
Six police arresting
Five chicken wings
Four calling cards
Three bic pens
Two surgical gloves
And a cartridge in an uzi.
On the seventh day of isolation my true love sent to me
Seven cons a-phishing
Six police arresting
Five chicken wings
Four calling cards
Three bic pens
Two surgical gloves
And a cartridge in an uzi.
On the eighth day of isolation my true love sent to me
Eight ways of sneezing
Seven cons a-phishing
Six police arresting
Five chicken wings
Four calling cards
Three bic pens
Two surgical gloves
And a cartridge in an uzi.
On the ninth day of isolation my true love sent to me
Nine pills a-popping
Eight ways of sneezing
Seven cons a-phishing
Six police arresting
Five chicken wings
Four calling cards
Three bic pens
Two surgical gloves
And a cartridge in an uzi.
On the tenth day of isolation my true love sent to me
Ten sores a-sleeping
Nine pills a-popping
Eight ways of sneezing
Seven cons a-phishing
Six police arresting
Five chicken wings
Four calling cards
Three bix pens
Two surgical gloves
And a cartridge in an uzi.
On the eleventh day of isolation my true love sent to me
Eleven rolls of Andrex
Ten sores a-sleeping
Nine pills a-popping
Eight ways of sneezing
Seven cons a-phishing
Six police arresting
Five chicken wings
Four calling cards
Three bic pens
Two surgical gloves
And a cartridge in an uzi.
On the twelfth day of isolation my true love sent to me
Twelve snipers shooting
Eleven rolls of Andrex
Ten sores a-sleeping
Nine pills a-popping
Eight ways of sneezing
Seven cons a-phishing
Six police arresting
Five chicken wings
Four calling cards
Three bic pens
Two surgical gloves
And a cartridge in an uzi.

hmm.

I noticed the latest edition of Private Eye on sale in the supermarket yesterday...

Attachment 70071

Do you ever get bored of surfing the web on your computer and then pick up your phone to see what's happening on the smaller internet?

From that issue of Private...

I hate that I do that.

Musicians are suffering...

When I said I was going to become a comedian they laughed at me.
They're not laughing now!

Classic!

NSFW LANGUAGE

The Australian Border Force uncovered a massive haul of toilet paper at the airport yesterday.
Apparently it was concealed, wrapped in Cocaine.

My mate in Perth Emailed me that one yesterday.
Kindly address all complaints to him. Thank you.