The Cellar
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-   -   Humor...I Need Humor... (http://cellar.org/showthread.php?t=4788)

Gravdigr 04-11-2019 07:58 PM
Sounds like a Steven Wright-ism.

Gravdigr 04-14-2019 01:03 PM
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Gravdigr 04-16-2019 01:51 PM
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Gravdigr 04-16-2019 01:52 PM
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xoxoxoBruce 04-19-2019 06:43 PM
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In 1901 Uncle Julius got arrested for dressing like a woman. I wonder how they caught him?

Gravdigr 04-23-2019 04:28 AM
Why did the walrus go to the Tupperware party?

He was looking for a tight seal.

:jig:

footfootfoot 04-24-2019 12:31 PM
Mechanic: I think you've blown a seal

Customer: Actually, that's just ice cream

xoxoxoBruce 04-25-2019 12:20 AM
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Work will make you strong...

BigV 04-25-2019 12:21 PM
I thought work was gonna set me free...

Gravdigr 04-25-2019 12:44 PM
Ya load sixteen tons...

Squawk 04-25-2019 01:07 PM
.https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/201...bf3d7e5405.jpg

xoxoxoBruce 04-25-2019 11:38 PM
Excellent. :thumb2:

xoxoxoBruce 04-26-2019 11:51 PM
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Here ya go...

Gravdigr 04-27-2019 12:20 PM
What does the green represent?

:p:

Squawk 04-29-2019 04:23 AM
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This is wot I no about America innit.

xoxoxoBruce 04-29-2019 06:58 AM
:lol: :thumb:

Carruthers 04-29-2019 07:43 AM
There is more than a kernel of truth in that cartoon.
Most people of my acquaintance who have visited the USA have been to Los Angeles, Florida or Noo Yawk and nowhere else.
I'm pleased to say that I have had several very happy weeks touring 'What?'.
I can thoroughly recommend it. ;)

BigV 04-30-2019 09:33 PM
What?

Undertoad 04-30-2019 09:49 PM

BigV 04-30-2019 10:33 PM
EL OH EL

Gravdigr 05-03-2019 01:46 PM
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xoxoxoBruce 05-04-2019 11:41 PM
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Family...

Gravdigr 05-05-2019 11:31 AM
If those safety pins had had safe sex, they wouldn't be lookin' for a bigger pin cushion now...

That's a pretty clever quadriptych.<--The word I learned just for this post.

Gravdigr 05-05-2019 11:58 AM
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xoxoxoBruce 05-07-2019 12:56 AM
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Got pride just can't remember why...

Gravdigr 05-12-2019 11:56 AM
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Gravdigr 05-15-2019 01:21 PM
How many zombies could Rob Zombie rob, if Rob Zombie did rob zombies?

BigV 05-21-2019 10:17 PM
*thnort*

monster 05-22-2019 01:13 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gravdigr (Post 1031883)
That's a pretty clever quadriptych.<--The word I learned just for this post.
apparently, a diptych is not for checking your oil.

xoxoxoBruce 05-23-2019 11:32 PM
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Oldie...

xoxoxoBruce 06-05-2019 11:21 AM
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Murphy, the equal opportunity bitch...

Gravdigr 06-17-2019 01:48 PM
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BigV 06-17-2019 02:59 PM
LOL

xoxoxoBruce 06-26-2019 01:13 AM
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Sleaze...

Gravdigr 06-27-2019 10:48 AM


For the record, that is not a chicken. It's a pig.:yelsick:

Diaphone Jim 06-27-2019 02:21 PM
https://grogcomics.com/traffic-stop-gone-bad/

xoxoxoBruce 06-28-2019 01:16 AM
A woman was on trial for beating her Husband to death with his guitar collection.
The Judge says "First Offender?"
She replies "No first a Gibson, then a Fender".

Gravdigr 06-28-2019 11:46 AM
7

:D

Carruthers 07-14-2019 09:09 AM
I went to the zoo yesterday and saw a baguette in a cage.
The zoo keeper told me it was bread in captivity.

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I invented a new word today. Plagiarism.

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I once went to a fancy dress party in Birmingham where the theme was "spice".
I went as a chilli pepper, but everyone else went as astronauts.

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When I was a kid people used to cover me in chocolate and cream and put a cherry on my head.
Yeah, life was tough in the gateau.

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I put up a high voltage electric fence around my property yesterday.
My neighbour is dead against it.

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H. G. Wells walked into a library and asked for a book on Time Travel.
"Sod off" said the librarian, "you didn't bring it back!"

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Those people who say they like the element of surprise are really not familiar with the periodic table.

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My Neighbour has just re-laid his drive using a load of old Mills and Boon paperbacks!
A novel approach I thought ...

xoxoxoBruce 07-14-2019 05:45 PM
It took me forever to get the third one... Birmingham party. :facepalm:

Carruthers 07-15-2019 09:07 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce (Post 1035653)
It took me forever to get the third one... Birmingham party. :facepalm:
I wasn't sure whether to include that one, but I left it in on the basis that it might amuse one or two of the UK contingent. :thumb:

xoxoxoBruce 07-15-2019 10:13 AM
They were fun because being Brit oriented they made me think about them. Well done Sir.:notworthy

Diaphone Jim 07-15-2019 05:49 PM
This is an important week in spice history.

xoxoxoBruce 07-16-2019 01:33 AM
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Life imitates art...

xoxoxoBruce 07-23-2019 11:45 PM
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British rule...

xoxoxoBruce 08-10-2019 10:18 PM
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Go to your Jeep dealer and get that willy serviced...

Gravdigr 08-16-2019 03:19 PM
I showed that to Popdigr.

Had to explain it.:lol2:

Gravdigr 08-16-2019 04:28 PM
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lumberjim 08-24-2019 05:38 PM
There's a new movie I want to see. It's called 'Constipated'

Hasn't come out yet though.

captainhook455 08-25-2019 10:29 AM
Wife: Did you know a bull gets laid 3,000 times a year?
Husband: Ask the bull if he screws the same cow everytime.

Sent from my moto e5 supra using Tapatalk

Gravdigr 09-23-2019 04:03 PM
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Diaphone Jim 09-24-2019 02:30 PM
Be all that you can be.
May not be clickable, but:

https://i2.wp.com/www.theava.com/wp-...Cute.jpg?ssl=1

xoxoxoBruce 09-25-2019 12:39 AM
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Here...

Gravdigr 09-26-2019 09:14 AM
Quote:
Och! I've foond yit another o'those wee cabers up me skirt!

Gravdigr 09-27-2019 01:14 PM
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lumberjim 10-03-2019 09:28 AM
I can't even


Quote:
BOTHELL, WA—According to reports, local 22-year-old Chloe Kowalski’s world was torn apart Thursday morning, as the millennial barista was diagnosed with a rare disease that prevents her from having the ability to even.
“I just—I can’t even,” Kowalski reportedly sobbed on her boyfriend’s shoulder after the appointment with her regular doctor, which she had scheduled after slowly losing her even functionality over the course of several months.
“I can’t even right now. I can’t even, ever,” she was overheard saying through tears before breaking down.
“We’ve never seen a case quite like this before,” Dr. Elizabeth Eden told reporters gathered outside the clinic where Kowalski’s devastating diagnosis was handed down. “Many millennials will experience short bouts of not being able to even for several seconds, often triggered by a cute video of a cat or other small animal, or perhaps something online that’s ‘so relatable.'”
“But Kowalski—she just can’t even. She may never even again, at least not without assistance,” she said, shaking her head grimly, according to reporters.
Reached for comment, Kowalski noted that she “still can’t even.”
“I seriously just can’t even, you guys,” she confirmed.

Gravdigr 10-03-2019 12:15 PM
I feel her pain.

I may never even again.

That was border-line hilarious, btw.

Carruthers 10-03-2019 12:24 PM
If left untreated, 'I can't even' is likely to develop into a particularly nasty case of 'I'm like'.

There's no known cure. :eek:

Gravdigr 10-05-2019 12:36 PM
I found out I can even!!!

It's just that I don't.

Gravdigr 10-05-2019 12:36 PM
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Lemonsareperfectforwhutnow?:eyebrow:

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