The Cellar - What's mildly amusing you today?

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- - What's mildly amusing you today? (http://cellar.org/showthread.php?t=20235)

and less webbed, you freak.

I know, right? My brother's second and third toe go all the way to the top. I discovered this as a child when I accidentally slammed his foot in the door, and went to inspect the injury and thought I had fused them together with the impact.

it's pretty common.

you're still a freak though

because you abhor facial hair.

puppies always seem to grow *into* their big ol' puppy paws

Automated financial news.

Background: Plum Creek was bought by Weyerhauser, and its stock no longer exists, leading to this useful stock tip:

Quote:

Originally Posted by a robot

Investors will be watching to see if the company hits or misses on earnings expectations after the next release. Plum Creek Timber Company, Inc. (NYSE:PCL) is slated to next post quarterly results on or around N/A. The company most recently announced earnings of $N/A against the Zacks Research consensus estimate of $N/A for the quarter that ended on N/A. This actual number marked a surprise factor of N/A%, a difference of $N/A.

N/A% is a surprising factor.

But what's the final verdict?

Quote:

Looking at recommendations, N/A analysts have rated the stock a Strong Buy, N/A have given it a Buy rating, N/A a Hold and N/A a Sell.

There's good news tonight... for all you blind people reading this, word comes from pornhub they are writing and recording descriptive sound tracks for their more popular video porn.
I'm picturing Mystery Science Theater here. :eek:

Huffington says...

Quote:

Fortunately, Pornhub.com has just created a new category of porn called “described video” that adds special narration to already-existing porn films.
The female narrators fill in the details for visually impaired viewers, describing the setting, the actors, what positions they are in and even their outfits.
For instance, one video begins: “A white woman in a cheap-looking red power suit sits next to a tall, white, lanky, middle-aged man with brown hair, a white shirt, a gray suit and a red-striped tie.”
Trust us, it gets slightly more exciting after that.
So far, Pornhub.com offers 50 enhanced-audio videos made from the site’s top-viewed straight, female-friendly, gay and bi videos.

“It’s our way of giving back, and we’re excited to hear what people think,” Price told The Huffington Post by email. “With over 60 million people visiting our site each day, we did feel it important to start to include this type of more-accessible content on our platform though, given the relative ambiguity of the concept and the sheer number of people who are visually impaired around the world.”
Adding descriptions to existing videos was a challenge, Price said. “We put a considerable amount of effort into having the scripts for the added audio tracks be descriptive and enticing, to add enough while leaving enough space for the video’s original audio and having everything match up just right,” he explained.

Where's Howard Cosell when you need him. I wonder what happened to Gary Owens? Damn, he's dead too. Bob Uecker is right out. :facepalm:

He shoots! He scores!!!

The guy who says "GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Just saw the Oscar Meyer Weinermobile followed by a Planters Peanutmobile on my commute home.

This guy is annoyed they arrested him. He said the cops usually just give him a ticket he can mail in with a little money, and shoo him away. :haha:

Look what my cat had done today...try and tell me that last line will ever stop being funny.

OK for you but what did they do for the cat?

:eek:

What was funny/worse, the vet felt a need to explain the process.

:vomit:

No no, what's funny is "complimentary" doesn't mean "gratis", it means the vet's assistants stand around and give compliments during the process.

"Your anus is so pleasant! You're doing a great job keeping it tidy"