It's true, bigger bite, better taste, and spit the seeds farther. :yesnod:

Tuba, or not Tuba, there is no question.

What's blue and not very heavy?



Light blue.

Glad to see you'd got the Dad Joke Manual down cold. :lol2:
Responsible parent you are, you are.

I take my humor very seriously.

.:facepalm:

That merits a badge.

Explaining rank. ;)

some one finally gets it.

Must have been written by a Warrant Officer, a Chief Warrant Officer.

These go together. I have no personal experience related to military rank.

I know I outrank them all. They all work for me.

:devil:

Maybe, but you're supporting them, so maybe you're one of their minions. :eek:

You have that backwards.

Perhaps you misunderstand 'minions'.

I minion for no man. Or woman.

Scarfolk

Wait... are these my minions, or am I one of theirs?
(prompted/ reminded by Grav's post and Bruce's Scarfolk image)

Actually, if we are all unique then there is nothing special about that; it's a condition shared by everyone and confers no meaningful distinction. Being one in a million, however, means there are only about 7000 of you. Far better odds, in my opinion.

Hah! Teh flying rat is wearing lord hair.

I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends.
One is engaged, one is a mistress, and I have been married for 20+ years.

We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by greeting them at the door wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes.

Here's how it all went.

My engaged friend :
The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams...I love you.' Then we made passionate love all night long.

The mistress:
Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing a raincoat, under it only the black bra, heels and mask over my eyes. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but he started to tremble and we had wild sex all night.

Then I had to share my story:
When my husband came home I was wearing the black bra, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. When he came in the door and saw me he said, " What's for dinner, Zorro ?"

Thor and I like that. But we may need a bandaid.

Oh good lord........ Thor made up a joke in revenge. He's 13 and at high school now, you know.....


Why are the products of enzymes like the sounds of a prostitute at work?

Promiscuity?


The difference between an enzyme and a hormone?

You can't hear an enzyme.

Jokes for the teenage sense of humor:

Know how to make a hormone?

Fuck her.

you mean, 'don't pay her'

WHAT DO WE WANT?


Airplanes!



WHEN DO WE WANT THEM?




Nyyyyyaaaaoooowwwwww.....

You made me lol in bed last night, usually it's the other way around, the women laughing at me...

I didn't get your joke...til I made that sound out loud.

Vurr nize.:thumb:

It wasn't hot at all.

Still don't get it.

This old(er) guy I see at the bar quite often has absolutely no sense of humor. Never makes a joke, never laughs at anyone's jokes.

He said this the other night:

What's an old woman got between her breasts that a young woman doesn't?

Her bellybutton.

Kid told me this one tonight:

Why did the chicken cross the playground?




To get to the other slide!

Have they found water, or, merely deduced it?

I'd love to see a picture of said water.

And, I don't mean this:

Attachment 53579

Life Saver.

I like that Buster.

Careful. The pro-muslim atheists will get ya.

Jack goes to his friend Mike and says "I'm sleeping with the Pastor's Wife. Can you hold him in church for an hour after the service for me?" Mike doesn't like it but being a friend, he agrees.

After the service, he starts talking to the Pastor, asking him all sorts of stupid questions, just to keep him occupied. Finally the Pastor gets annoyed and asks Mike what he's really up to. Mike, feeling guilty, finally confesses to the Pastor "My friend is sleeping with your wife right now, so he asked me to keep you occupied".

The Pastor smiles, puts a brotherly hand on Mike's shoulder and says "You'd better hurry home now. My wife died a year ago!"

It took me about three tries to get that!

yeah that was funny.

The rabbit though - the rabbit doing a shadow hand had me chortling for several minutes.

I love the rabbit!

And I didn't see the punchline coming in the pastor joke, I love it when that happens.

OK, I'll fess up: I don't get the pastor joke? Help?

There were two people being held up in the church for an hour.

Ohhhhhhhhh. :blush:

Thank you, HM!

um, so.... not a necrophilia joke?

Not necessarily...:lol2:

They "balanced" an egg on Jeff's head (NSFW Language):



:lol2:

Nothing personal, Grav, I'm sure everyone will like that... but...

I don't think that's funny. I know I'm in a tiny minority, but "pranks" don't amuse me. I've seen too many people singled out repeatedly, not me, because everyone who knew me, knew I would fuck them up. Yeah, my Ex-2 acused me of not knowing how to play. Maybe, however the shame and sometimes injury to people/property is not funny to me.

Now back to your regularly scheduled giggles. :blush:

I don't like it when people get hurt, but I do enjoy a clever prank.

http://i.imgur.com/VwZCZ5X.gif

I like that one, Jim. I appreciate its simplicity.

Happy Hallween!
 

No dictionary has ever been able to define the difference between "complete" and "finished." However, during a recent linguistic conference, held in London, England, Samsundar Balgobin, a Guyanese linguist, was asked to make that very distinction. The question by a colleague in the erudite audience was this: "Some say there is no difference between 'complete' and 'finished.' Please explain the difference in a way that is easy to understand."

Mr. Balgobin's response: "When you marry the right woman, you are 'complete.' If you marry the wrong woman, you are 'finished.' And, if the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are 'completely finished.'"

His answer received a five minute standing ovation.."

Complete is spatial; finished is temporal.



But his answer was funnier.

Nicely done Clod.

I'd have said that one refers to the thing itself - that is complete, where finished refers to what was done to the thing.

But then again, completed complicates things.

If you build a coffee table, it may have all its parts assembled, but it isn't complete, til the finish (i.e. stain, paint) is applied.

Only then is it complete, and finished.
________________________________________________

Unrelated:

Attachment 53818

I have a bunch of projects I'm finished with, but sure aren't complete. :haha:

^WHS