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-   -   Tasteless Jokes (http://cellar.org/showthread.php?t=2408)

classicman 05-16-2011 09:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pete Zicato (Post 734209)
Snopes says it's not from Foxworthy.

meh - got an email .... slow night, slight thread bump...
Quote:

Originally Posted by DanaC (Post 734244)
I didn't think it was particularly funny.

Unnecessary.
Quote:

Originally Posted by Clodfobble (Post 734253)
Oh, be nice. It's in the Tasteless Jokes thread. Every single joke in here has been racist or otherwise horribly offensive. I can think of several that were far worse, most involving sex and children. Don't start a flame war today.

thank you.

footfootfoot 05-16-2011 09:19 AM

I wasn't trying to start a flame war. Seeing that this is the tasteless joke thread, I thought the joke's racist (poetic license taken, gunmaster) attributes were to its credit.

DanaC 05-16-2011 11:04 AM

@ Classic. Ok, ya got me.


I've been mulling this over. Wondering why it is that your joke pissed me off yet I can happily read through this thread and not blanch at the anti-semitic, sexist and racist jokes throughout.

I think possibly because the anti-semitic jokes and the jokes about 'niggers' are so off the wall, so over the top and so unacceptable both in mainstream culture and Cellar culture that they fall under the category of 'ironic racism'. I read those jokes and am fairly sure that the poster doesn't actually subribe to those sentiments.

But every joke you post in this thread is anti-muslim. And that one you've posted twice.

It's starting to feel less like you posting tasteless jokes and more like you using this as a forum for anti-muslim sentiment.

Maybe I'm wrong. But anti-muslim humour and anti-muslim sentiment is pretty much mainstream in general culture as in the Cellar. So I don't read those jokes and assume that the poster is being ironic, unless the poster is one I feel fairly sure is not anti-muslim.

DanaC 05-16-2011 11:39 AM

And to lighten the mood:

Q: What's the first thing a woman does after she leaves a battered women's shelter?

A: The dishes if she knows what's good for her.

classicman 05-16-2011 12:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DanaC (Post 734304)
But every joke you post in this thread is anti-muslim. And that one you've posted twice.

Really? Wow, you have a much better memory than I. Or perhaps you searched for that? I couldn't tell you the last one I posted here before this one. Did I really post this one twice? I don't even remember reading it before.
If I get an email from someone and its tasteless ... sorta funny sometimes I'll post it. Others not. I certainly don't go looking for them.
Quote:

It's starting to feel less like you posting tasteless jokes and more like you using this as a forum for anti-muslim sentiment.
Really? Wow! That's pretty cold.
Quote:

Maybe I'm wrong. But anti-muslim humour and anti-muslim sentiment is pretty much mainstream in general culture as in the Cellar. So I don't read those jokes and assume that the poster is being ironic, unless the poster is one I feel fairly sure is not anti-muslim.
I am fairly certain I am not anti-muslim, if that helps.

DanaC 05-16-2011 12:06 PM

ok. I might be being a little oversensitive today. I'll accept that you don't actually subscribe to those views.

It's struck me a few times in this thread the number of jokes about muslims generally. And I do tend to remember who posts what when it comes to that sort of thing. Probably because it's the sort of thing I scan for. But yes, i did go searching as it happens. And every joke you've posted (as far as I could see)has been about muslims.

I accept that you just post the tasteless stuff that comes to you via email. But clearly whoever is sending you tasteless jokes has a particular penchant for muslim jokes.

classicman 05-16-2011 12:27 PM

You must have missed the Gary Coleman "custom casket"post ;)

DanaC 05-16-2011 12:29 PM

ahhhh. Yes I must. Glad to be proved wrong on this one.


[ocd] oh yeah. I see it. It was the first one you posted in this thread I think. [/ocd]

classicman 05-16-2011 12:40 PM

Oh and I never said all the crap was from one person. I get tons of it - the vast majority gets pitched. I'll increase my filtering just for you.
Next up ... commie manc tarts. Now let me go see what I can find in my email trash.

DanaC 05-16-2011 12:40 PM

*grins*

DanaC 05-16-2011 12:47 PM

A Mancunian, a Liverpudlian and a Pakistani are in the waiting room of a maternity ward. A mid-wife enters and explains that there has been a mix-up and that they are not sure whose baby belongs to who.

The new fathers decide to flip a coin to see who takes first pick of the babies, the Liverpudlian wins and returns from the ward carrying a distinctly brown baby. The Pakistani bloke enquired "don't you think you've made a mistake my friend? The scouser replied, "listen mate, there's two babies left in there and there's a 50:50 chance of picking a Manc. That's not a risk I'm willing to take!

DanaC 05-16-2011 12:50 PM

Q: What do you call a Mancunian with no arms and legs?
A: Trustworthy.

classicman 05-16-2011 12:55 PM

A boy and a pedophile are out at night, walking towards the forest.

The boy says, "It's dark! I don't like it! I'm scared!"

The pedophile says, "You're scared?!
I've got to walk back out of here on my own!"

DanaC 05-16-2011 12:56 PM

lol

Oh that's dark.

BigV 05-16-2011 01:43 PM

Or Dana....

Of all the jokes classic sees, only the muslim bashing ones rank as "tasteless" in his opinion.

DanaC 05-16-2011 01:51 PM

Hmmm.

Ok. That's an interesting perspective shift.

classicman 05-16-2011 03:03 PM

The rest go into the regular humor thread.

GunMaster357 05-17-2011 04:55 AM

How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb? One, since his/her hands are in the air anyway.

How many Calvinists does it take to change a lightbulb? None. God has predestined when the lights will be on.

How many Brethren does it take to change a light bulb? CHANGE?!!!

How many Pentecostals does it take to change a light bulb? 10, one to change it and 9 others to pray against the spirit of darkness.

How many tv evangelists does it take to change a lightbulb? One. But for the message of hope to continue to go forth, send in your donation today.

How many Roman Catholics does it take to change a lightbulb? None: Candles only.

How many Amish does it take to change a lightbulb? What's a light bulb?

How many Polygamous Mormons does it take to change a lightbulb? Five. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.

How many Jehovah's Witnesses does it take to change a light bulb? Three. One to screw in the bulb, and two to knock on your door and ask you if you've seen the light!

How many Unitarians does it take to change a lightbulb? We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

DanaC 05-17-2011 05:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GunMaster357 (Post 734457)
How many Unitarians does it take to change a lightbulb? We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

lol

Sheldonrs 05-17-2011 09:30 AM

How many Donald Trumps does it take to change a light bulb? None really. But he will tell you how he will change it, make it better and how proud of himself he will be after he changes it. And then the only thing he actually WILL change is his mind.

GunMaster357 05-20-2011 03:52 AM

During his sermon one Sunday, the local preacher told his congregation that the entire range of human experience could be found in the Bible. He confidently stated, "If anything can happen to humans, it is described somewhere in the Bible."

After the service, a woman came up to the preacher and said, "Reverend, I don't think the Bible mentions anything about PMS."

The preacher told the woman he was certain he could find a reference to PMS somewhere in scripture. During the following week, he searched diligently, book-by-book, chapter-by-chapter, and verse-by-verse.

On the following Sunday, the woman came up to him and asked, "Did you find any references to PMS in the Bible?"

The preacher smiled, opened his Bible, and began to read, "And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Bethlehem."

sullage 05-25-2011 12:58 AM

a priest and a rabbi see a little boy as they're walking down the street. the priest sneers and asks, "wanna screw that boy?"
the rabbi, confused, replies: "out of what?"

sullage 05-25-2011 12:59 AM

the worst part of being a black jew? standing at the back of the oven.

JBKlyde 08-06-2011 01:59 AM

2 Jews and A Polock
 
OK there are two Jews and a polock in this nazi death camp. The guard tells them if you can climb to the top of this 100 foot grease poll will give you your freedom. If not whatever your dad did for a living were going to do to your balls. The first jew climbs to the top and gets all the way up to the 50 slides back down crying. WHat did your dad do for a living the guard ask. He was a butcher. SO they chopped his balls off. The next jew climbs to the poll and he gets to the 75 he climbs to the top and slides down. His dad was a candle stick maker so the bunrt his balls off. THe POlock climbs all the way up to the 99 and slides all the way back down laughing. Why didn't you do it the guard asks. He replies, My dad was a lolly pop maker you have to suck my balls off.

Sundae 08-06-2011 06:35 AM

The correct spelling is pollock.
And his Dad would have been a fish, so they had to wash his balls off.

jimhelm 08-06-2011 10:16 AM

I don't see the reason for mentioning the ethnicity of the players in this particular joke.

wolf 08-06-2011 11:30 AM

It's funnier this way because Jews are supposed to be more clever than everybody else ... they clearly were not in this joke ... I dunno.

Glinda 08-06-2011 02:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JBKlyde (Post 748825)
OK there are two Jews and a polock in this nazi death camp. The guard tells them if you can climb to the top of this 100 foot grease poll will give you your freedom. If not whatever your dad did for a living were going to do to your balls. The first jew climbs to the top and gets all the way up to the 50 slides back down crying. WHat did your dad do for a living the guard ask. He was a butcher. SO they chopped his balls off. The next jew climbs to the poll and he gets to the 75 he climbs to the top and slides down. His dad was a candle stick maker so the bunrt his balls off. THe POlock climbs all the way up to the 99 and slides all the way back down laughing. Why didn't you do it the guard asks. He replies, My dad was a lolly pop maker you have to suck my balls off.

Quote:

Have 2 Goals Wisdom and Common Sense
Clearly, you have achieved neither. Bigoted jerk. :eyebrow:

footfootfoot 08-06-2011 02:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Glinda (Post 748914)
Clearly, you have achieved neither. Bigoted jerk. :eyebrow:

FTW

glatt 08-06-2011 08:12 PM

Imma merge this into the tasteless jokes thread. It qualifies.

footfootfoot 08-06-2011 08:18 PM

Hi marks for tasteless, barely qualifies as a joke though.

ZenGum 08-06-2011 08:35 PM

"Polak", isn't it? Or "Polack"?

ZenGum 08-06-2011 08:36 PM

'cause the Po' lack a lot of things. :D


I crack me up.

Sundae 08-07-2011 04:53 AM

I'm glad you mentioned merging the thread, because I could not work out why I made such a poe-faced response in The Tastless Jokes thread!

We haven't had any in a while.
C'mon, there are plenty of natural disasters going on, shouldn't jokes be pouring in?
(My excuse is that I'm on holiday until September, and my Mum won't forward things to me any more because I tell her off if they're racist or sexist (and not funny). Same as I don't get glurge, emails bout Jebus or anything she suspects I will immediately debunk.

Fair enough, just now I don't know what crazy shit she takes for fact....

Rhianne 08-07-2011 07:36 AM

I watched a recording of Amy Winehouse's funeral on TV last night. It was very moving, particularly when Elton John played his specially re-written version of Candle Under the Spoon.

footfootfoot 08-07-2011 08:54 AM

snicker

infinite monkey 08-08-2011 10:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JBKlyde (Post 748825)
OK there are two Jews and a polock in this nazi death camp. The guard tells them if you can climb to the top of this 100 foot grease poll will give you your freedom. If not whatever your dad did for a living were going to do to your balls. The first jew climbs to the top and gets all the way up to the 50 slides back down crying. WHat did your dad do for a living the guard ask. He was a butcher. SO they chopped his balls off. The next jew climbs to the poll and he gets to the 75 he climbs to the top and slides down. His dad was a candle stick maker so the bunrt his balls off. THe POlock climbs all the way up to the 99 and slides all the way back down laughing. Why didn't you do it the guard asks. He replies, My dad was a lolly pop maker you have to suck my balls off.

JB's joke spake: Bring all the goys to the yard.

footfootfoot 08-08-2011 10:35 AM

you have outdone yourself, infy

GunMaster357 08-10-2011 05:37 AM

What's the difference between a Western lift and a Somalian one ?




In Western countries, it is written: "Maximum: 8 persons / 630 Kg".

GunMaster357 08-19-2011 08:43 AM

Why did the Greek son leave home? Because his father was always on his back.

Why did the son come back? He couldn't leave his brother's behind.

footfootfoot 08-19-2011 12:23 PM

Why did he leave again?
He couldn't take it in the end.

Gravdigr 08-19-2011 02:34 PM

Don't make fun of him, it's just the way he was reared.

Spexxvet 08-19-2011 02:57 PM

But, but, but....

GunMaster357 08-22-2011 06:16 AM

Sounding like a diesel...

Crimson Ghost 08-22-2011 10:43 PM

Old Sol Finkelstein, what a man.
At 15, he survived Bergen-Belsen only to be sent to Auschwitz.
He was on a detail that cleared out the gas chambers, and transported the bodies to the crematorium.
When the Allies liberated the camp, he walked 20 kilometers, barefoot, to a village where he was able to get medical treatment.
A year later, he managed to get himself to England, and there he hopped a tramp steamer to New York.
He worked 12 hours a day, and saved his money, and eventually bought a deli.
He worked in the deli for 50 years, meeting all sorts of people.
Mayor Lindsey.
Andy Warhol.
Johnny Carson.
John and Yoko.
At night, he trained for the Golden Gloves.
As a sparring partner, he knocked out Jack Dempsey, Cassius Clay, and George Foreman.
He went on to win the Golden Gloves on four separate occasions, earning himself the nickname "The Tough Jew".
Finally, he decided to sell the deli and retire.
The first week in Florida, he hits the Powerball for 304 million bucks.
The TV reporters love the story, and set up a news conference with him.
They relate his history, and ask him "What's the first thing you're going to do?"
"Well, I'm goin' build a statue honoring Adolph Hitler."
"What? You're kidding! Why him, of all people?"
Sol rolls up his left sleeve, exposing the number tattooed on his forearm.
"Well, he did give me the winning numbers..."

GunMaster357 08-26-2011 03:43 PM

There are 2 types of pedestrians, the quick and the dead.

GunMaster357 09-07-2011 05:26 AM

Q. What's the difference between your paycheck and your cock?

A. You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!

Gravdigr 09-29-2011 03:00 PM

1 Attachment(s)
Didja hear about the Ethiopian that fell in the alligator pit?

He ate three of 'em before they got him out.

buttless 09-30-2011 10:45 PM

Three fags are sitting in a hot tub just relaxing when a huge glob of semen floats to the surface,

One of the fags looks up and says "Hey! Who farted?"

-----------

Have you ever heard the motto of the Greek army?
Never leave your buddy's behind.

-----------

Some guy just knocked on my door selling raffle tickets for poor black orphans. I said, “Fuck that – knowing my luck, I’d win one!”

-----------

Got this text from my brother recently.
It read. “Can I stay at your house for a while?

The ol' Lady kicked me out after she caught me measuring my cock.
.... It just reaches the back of her sister’s throat!”

------------

I was banging this nice Lady over her kitchen table when we heard the front door open.
She said, “It’s my husband! Quick, try the back door!”
Thinking back, I really should have ran – but you don’t get offers like that every day.

-------------

I saw a fortune teller the other day.
She told me I would come into some money.
Last night I fucked a girl called Penny – is that spooky or what?

------------

The missus asked me, “When you’re on a boys only trip away, do you think about me?”
.... Apparently “Only to stop myself from coming too quickly” wasn’t the right answer.

Gravdigr 10-02-2011 06:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by buttless (Post 759893)
...I was banging this nice Lady over her kitchen table when we heard the front door open.
She said, “It’s my husband! Quick, try the back door!”
Thinking back, I really should have ran – but you don’t get offers like that every day.

-------------

I saw a fortune teller the other day.
She told me I would come into some money.
Last night I fucked a girl called Penny – is that spooky or what?

Those two are winners.:lol2:

classicman 10-06-2011 09:12 PM

A friend of mine just started his own business in Afghanistan.

He's making land mines that look like prayer mats. It's doing well.

He says prophets are going through the roof!

BigV 10-06-2011 09:37 PM

lol groan

classicman 10-06-2011 10:09 PM

Not tasteless enough for you, V?

BigV 10-06-2011 11:25 PM

pretty tasteless, pretty funny.

like a good dead baby joke.

classicman 10-06-2011 11:45 PM

mission accomplished

ZenGum 10-07-2011 06:02 PM

Whacko extremist.


ETA: sorry, Pavlovian reflex. Move along.

classicman 10-07-2011 06:15 PM

tommy


Gravdigr 10-08-2011 01:49 PM

Prophets...roof...:lol2:

GunMaster357 10-08-2011 02:50 PM

Did you hear about the football coach that got married?




He thought he was getting a tight end, but wound up with a wide receiver!

GunMaster357 10-09-2011 01:57 PM

What does Michael Jackson and Burger King had in common?




They both sticked meat into 6 year old buns!


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