The Cellar - Sexual misconduct

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- Current Events (http://cellar.org/forumdisplay.php?f=4)

- - Sexual misconduct (http://cellar.org/showthread.php?t=33216)

Quote:

Originally Posted by DanaC (Post 1002421)

... stop ignoring what we're saying and just assuming your needs outweigh any of ours up to and including bodily autonomy ...

#MeToo won't accomplish that. Not even if people would like for it to. It's not structured for that.

Of course the #MeToo movement won't accomplish that. I doubt very much anybody expects it to. I certainly don't.

The #MeToo movement is one expression of a much wider discourse. A much fucking longer discourse as well.

What #MeToo will accomplish is expending the public's attention span so a wider and more lengthy discourse is put on hold even longer.

Like the HuffPo article it seems the starting point for women is what kind of sexual assaults/sexual harassment/bad dates they have experienced. When women talk, it turns out they pretty much all have had those experiences. That's shocking.

As an empathetic person, I have an urge to compare my own notes. But I was never sexually assaulted. Just regular-assaulted. Then we compared notes as men and it turns out we pretty much all had those experiences. But nobody was shocked.

Because that's "just how it is". I suspect it's FAR worse for men physically, and a LITTLE worse for women emotionally; SCARIER for women, in general, because they are more vulnerable and are more likely to be killed in a one-on-one end-all conflict.

Quote:

Here's the thing though - most violent assaults are carried out by men.

The fact you figure THAT'S important, is why there's no movement for the regular assault problem. We're serious victims, but we're also born perpetrators just by gender, so... kinda evens out, huh?

That's a wretched way to think about it. And, it's pretty much how everyone thinks about it.

Apropos of nothing I give you two statistics:

1. Percentage of men who are the victim in severe domestic abuse cases ("beaten, burned, choked, kicked, slammed with a heavy object, or hit with a fist"): 40% (source: CDC via Yahoo)

2. Height of Aziz Ansari: 5' 6"

:D because i knew you wanted this information :D

For those following the Grace story -

A great exchange happened between Ashleigh Banfield and the writer of the Grace story (not victim Grace, but journalist Katie Way). On Monday, Banfield criticized the story on HLN. On Tuesday, HLN asked if Katie Way wanted to come on and discuss it. She wrote an email in return. Here it is in full.

Quote:

It's an unequivocal no from me. The way your colleague Ashleigh (?), someone I'm certain no one under the age of 45 has ever heard of, by the way, ripped into my source directly was one of the lowest, most despicable things I've ever seen in my entire life. Shame on her. Shame on HLN. Ashleigh could have "talked" to me. She could have "talked" to my editor or my publication. But instead, she targeted a 23-year-old woman in one of the most vulnerable moments of her life, someone she's never fucking met before, for a little attention. I hope the ratings were worth it! I hope the ~500 RTs on the single news write-up made that burgundy lipstick bad highlights second-wave feminist has-been feel really relevant for a little while. She DISGUSTS me, and I hope when she has more distance from the moment she has enough of a conscience left to feel remotely ashamed — doubt it, but still. Must be nice to piggyback off of the fact that another woman was brave enough to speak up and add another dimension to the societal conversation about sexual assault. Grace wouldn't know how that feels, because she struck out into this alone, because she's the bravest person I've ever met. I would NEVER go on your network. I would never even watch your network. No woman my age would ever watch your network. I will remember this for the rest of my career — I'm 22 and so far, not too shabby! And I will laugh the day you fold. If you could let Ashleigh know I said this, and that she is no-holds-barred the reason, it'd be a real treat for me.

Thanks,
Katie

On Tuesday, Banfield read the letter on HLN, saying

Quote:

The reason I want to share that is because if you truly believe in the #MeToo movement, if you truly believe in women’s rights, if you truly believe in feminism, the last thing you should do is attack someone in an ad hominem way for her age, I’m 50, and for my highlights, I was brown-haired for a while when I was a war corespondent, interviewing Yasser Arafat, and in Afghanistan and Iraq, Gaza and the West Bank. Google those places...
...
That is not the way we have this conversation, as women or men... We do not attack people for their age, or their highlights, or their lipstick, because it is the most hypocritical thing a woman who says she supports the women’s movement could ever do -- and that's the caliber of the woman who was given all of this power, and was able to wield this power.

My point about both types of violence mainly being perpetrated by men was not to suggest that it is less important that men face that kind of violence - it was to suggest you are focusing you're ire in the wrong direction if your concern is violence against men.

I've come down from my comfy spot in the Cellar tagline to say:

I get the impression he's drawing attention to the disparity between counter-violence movements for women and men exacerbated by the "Me" in #MeToo meaning just women. Why do the women need/have that while the men don't? They are both, after all, being victimized by men.

Now I'm going back up to the tagline to gaze down upon this thread an nod knowingly.

Yeah let us not have misdirection here, I am 100% in favor of the non-diluted #MeToo movement, as well as most brands of traditional feminism* which is why I am appalled at how it was, in my opinion, abused in or by this particular case. I don't think my ironic point bears on any of that. There are lots of ironies in life, that's just one of them.

I await my own movement. Perhaps I shall start one. Lol, in this environment. Lol.

*those broads are always yapping but, for chicks, they have some good ideas

Why didn't the people making it happen make it happen earlier when others were coming forward over Bill Cosby?

Oy. I'm changing your tagline.

I feel as though I've been violated ... #MeToo!

Anyone got Rose McGowan's telephone number?

True story: Once upon a time I had a fling with a gal named McGowan. Early in the relationship I asked if she had any siblings. She said "No ... I have a cousin named Rose." Then she denied it. She was just kidding; but, this topic reminds me of that. She was more attractive than Rose.

I vividly remember one night after months of dinners and small talk, she was naked, I was not. I was giving her a long slow backrub with an occasional kiss on the butt. She suddenly jumped up, ran in the bedroom and threw on her robe. Confused, I followed her and said, at least tell me what I did wrong. With fire in her eyes she spit out, you didn’t roll me over! Never saw her again.

I wasn't aggressive enough? WTF?

Could be that she was just really horny and became sexually frustrated when you didn't jump her bones right away.

Could be she thought you didn't like what you saw enough to go face to face and she was either insecure or vain about it.

Could be that she couldn't go through with it for some other reason and decided to let you think it was your fault.

Could be that she really wanted a foot massage.

Quote:

Originally Posted by sexobon (Post 1002444)

Could be that she really wanted a foot massage.

"Suck my toes and I will follow you everywhere."

Maybe we don't want that ....