Very strange and unfortunate case of famous.

:facepalm: :rollanim: :crazy: :lol2:

Her name is Dawn?

The cut rate pharmacist filled the prescription and handed the nearly-deaf old man the bottle of pills saying "That'll be $16.50".
Just then the drug store phone rang and the pharmacist answered.
As he did, the old man placed 50 cents on the counter and walked out of the store with his prescription.
The clerk realised the mistake and shouted but the old man did not hear and kept walking.
When the pharmacist finished his call the clerk explained what had happened.
The pharmacist scooped up the 50 cents and put it in the cash register saying to the clerk "Oh well, 30 cents profit is better than nothing".

http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/language_nerd.png

xkcd. com

some guys like a big booty i guess

There's a difference between a big booty and a fat ass.

Fat, not phat.

Funny Kim Kardashian reference at the end of this 1 minute video (follows advertisement): What do Celestial Objects Sound Like?

Star Wars vs. Game of Thrones
 

Who wins? lol

Hah!

Yup, that's about it...

The terror! The anguish! The fury!

That's very funny.

IM, wanting a cowboy quiz made me remember this Steven Wrightism:

(paraphrasing): I was sitting on the bus the other day when I noticed this girl crying. I noticed her because she was six feet tall, with blonde hair, and blue eyes, and she was Chinese.

I asked why she was crying, and she told me she didn't want to discuss it with a stranger on the bus. I told her sometimes it helps to talk out your troubles with a complete stranger on the bus.

She thought about it and said that she was crying because she was a six-foot tall, blonde-haired, blue-eyed Chinese girl who only gets turned on by Jewish cowboys.

I said Hi, my name's Bucky Goldstein.

.

MFW someone talkin' trash 'bout the almighty XAgent:

http://i.imgur.com/huUCIgi.gif

There was a kidnapping at my son's school today.

But it's OK. He woke up.

.

Attachment 49883

14 more dark-humored comics, by Hugleikur Dagsson.

Hahahahahahahah. Excellent/

Stairway to Heaven :D

Attachment 49894

LMAO @ 'Ferrous Bueller' & 'Ferric Derrick'.:lol2:

Hell yeah, good deal.

Doood, did you hear about the rioters in Ferguson? They looted a shoe store. Stole every pair of shoes except the work boots.



How do you know if you've slipped on black ice? When you get up, your wallet is missing.

/racist

One of my favorite writers describing his recent vasectomy experience.

There is also a comic that goes with it, about the fact that his business partner (i.e. the artist half of the art/writing duo) decided against the procedure after all.

I got yer new years resolutions right here...

.

[quote=footfootfoot;918608]

The epilog is worth waiting for... :lol2:

Ha! thatis great, yard.

A Little 10-year-old girl was walking home, alone, from school one day, when a big man on a black motorcycle pulls up beside her. After following along for a wh...ile, turns to her and asks,
"Hey there little girl, do you want to go for a ride?"
"NO!" says the little girl as she keeps on walking.
The motorcyclist again pulls up beside her and asks,
"Hey little girl, I will give you $10 if you hop on the back."
"NO!" says the little girl again as she hurries down the street.
The motorcyclist pulls up beside the little girl again and says,
"Okay kid, my last offer! I'll give you 20 Bucks "and" a Big Bag of Candy if you will just hop on the back of my bike and we will go for a ride."
Finally, the little girl stops and turns towards him and Screams Out...
"Look Dad" "You're the one who bought the Honda instead of the Harley ...YOU RIDE IT!!"

I like that Buster.

Thanks for not saying Yamaha

Believe it or not, my penis was in the Book of World Records for a time.











The Librarian got pissed, and kicked me out of the Library, though.

Are you sure you weren't in the short stories collections? :-)

Hacker group Anonymous is attacking ISIS and Al Qaida. Ironic that 72 virgins are attacking the terrorists.

I'd tell you another joke about my cock, but it's too long.




and she said,

Well, I'd tell you one about my pussy, but you wouldn't get it.

This woman is good.

It's all about me....

Old data analysts don’t die – they just get broken down by age and sex

********

Data is like people – interrogate it hard enough and it will tell you whatever you want to hear.

*****

A data analyst is on board a passenger jet. The captain’s voice announced over the radio “We have lost an engine, but there’s no need to worry, we can fly on three engines, it will just take us an hour longer to reach our destination.

A while later, the radio crackles again: “This is your captain speaking, we have lost another engine – but we’re in no danger. Our journey will take an extra two hours though.”

Not long after, the captain is on the radio again: “We’re down to one engine, we can make it safely, but we’re going to be landing three hours late.”

“I hope we don’t lose the last engine,” says the analyst, “We’ll be up here forever.”

************

A company manager is flying across the desert in a hot air balloon when he realizes he is lost. He calls down to a man riding a camel below him and asks where he is.

The man replies “You’re 42 degrees and 12 minutes, 21.2 seconds north, 122 degrees , 10 minutes west, 212 metres above sea level, heading due east by north east.”

“Thanks,” replies the balloonist. “By the way, are you a data analyst?”

“Yes,” replies the man, “how did you know?”

“Everything you told me was totally accurate, you gave me way more information than I needed and I still have no idea what I need to do.”

“I’m sorry,” replied the camel-riding analyst. “By the way, are you a company manager?”

“Yes,” said the balloonist, “how did you know?”

“Well,” replied the analyst, “You’ve got no idea where you are, no idea what direction you’re heading in, you got yourself into this fix by blowing a load of hot air, and now you expect me to get you out of it.”

:D

Takes a poke at Mike Moore.

A 7 foot, four hundred pound bull queer needs to take a poke at Michael Moore.

Not that there's anything wrong with that...

hmm

Maryjo was all over Bubba about getting breast argumentation.
He said,” no way, no money.” She told him to sell the bass boat or the 4 wheeler. Maybe get a loan.

Bubba, after giving this deep thought. Told her to get some toilet paper and rub between her breast a few times a day. She asked,” What in hell will that do?”
Bubba,” not sure, but take a look at your butt.”

That reminds me of a conversation between my buddy's late dad and this girl that ran with the dad. Dad was staying with my buddy at the time, and overheard this convo, shortened for brevity's sake:

Girlfriend, having said something like this for the second or third time in the conversation: I sure wish I had some bigger titties.

Buddy's dad, 75-ish, not in the best of health: I wish I had a ten inch dick that'd get hard, too, but, it don't look like it's gonna happen.

:lol2:

But just one...

Good idea.

Husband went to the Sheriff's Department to report that his wife was missing.
Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home...

Sergeant: What is her height?
Husband: Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

Sergeant: Weight?
Husband: Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.

Sergeant: Colour of eyes?
Husband: Sort of brown I think. Never really noticed.

Sergeant: Colour of hair?
Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown now. I can't remember.

Sergeant: What was she wearing?
Husband: Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don't know exactly.

Sergeant: What kind of car did she go in?
Husband: She went in my truck.

Sergeant: What kind of truck was it?
Husband: A 2015 Ford F150 King Ranch 4X4 with eco-boost 5.0L V8 engine special ordered with manual transmission and climate controlled air conditioning. It has a custom matching white cover for the bed, which has a matching aftermarket bed liner. Custom leather 6-way seats and "Bubba" floor mats. Trailering package with gold hitch and special wiring hook-ups. DVD with full GPS navigation, satellite radio receiver, 21-channel CB radio, six cup holders, a USB port, and four power outlets. I added special alloy wheels and off-road Michelins. It has custom running boards and indirect wheel well lighting.

At this point the husband started choking up.
Sergeant: Don't worry buddy. We'll find your truck.

Heh.

Hey, somebody pick me up one of them pick-ups next time you go to town, and got an extra $65,000 in your pocket...Fukkit, just get two.

I bought one of those microwave fireplaces last week.

Now I can have a relaxing evening in front of the fire in just 20 minutes.