Oh honey. Difficult time. Getting a private flat sounds a good idea to me; especially if you are fairly local to your mum and dad. The increased reliance on benefits....well, yeah, but we all have to rely on something. Right now your job is rebuilding the confident you that'll eventually not be on benefits. Try not to future pace the move too much. When you start thinking about everything that's involved try and rein it back to just the next steps. The you that's there in x weeks time would be the one to deal with all that. All you have to take care of are the steps right ahead of you. And that includes if the next step is to not move yet.

You'll rise to it, when you need to.

I'm a phone call away if you ever need a chat/shoulder/soundingboard.

:comfort:

I've been keeping my mouth shut about this but here goes: I think you would be better off not living with your parents. True they are providing some structure, but also a lot of tension, negativity, undermining:
"when you drink it makes us not like you".
"here's five minutes notice to tell your CPN that we want you out"
etc etc.
These are just the examples that spring to mind. There have been plenty more.
The relief of getting your OWN SPACE will be enormous. I think you've gotten so used to this environment that you don't realise how much it is harming you.

Yes, getting a new place will be a hassle. You CAN budget and stick to a budget, you've shown that. You've shown you can work, although the job market right now is probably tight. While I disapprove of your parent's way of raising the subject, I think gently easing you into your own place is the thing to do. And for that, I think your friends can help.
So, where was that other thread? Oh yeah, http://cellar.org/showthread.php?t=20400

sundae - you know how much I admire you and how you inspire me to do better with lots of things, drinking being one of them. YOU have DISIPLINE! I admire that. I will help any way that I can. I agree with Zen here. Getting your own space will be lovely and then you can go visit your folks on YOUR terms.

Was a good thing to step back to the family home for a little while Cherry. Did you good. But you've outgrown them again (imo) and seem ready, even if you don't necessarily feel it right now, to re-establish yourself in the world.

But don;t put yourself under mad pressure either. You'll get out from under it in your own time. You're already moving forward whether you realise it or not. Be kind to yourself. You're doing brilliantly.

I'm not sure how or if I should say this, so I'll just be blunt. Weren't you in a very similar situation before you went to live with your guy friend. The one that was going to help you and pay rent till you got back on your feet? then you went to 2 (I think) other places after that before moving in with your parents. Granted he was an idiot.
Perhaps all you need is a place of your own without roomies. If so do not read anymore of this post.

Perhaps your mother is right. I don't know - All I have to go on is what has been posted here. Perhaps your mum, has a real poor communication style, but the biggest heart in the world.
Perhaps she was only trying to help you get a little more cash each month to offset the bills.
If you stop here and take out the inferred part that you wrote after this, I agree with her. If your goal is to eventually get a job, a place of your own and to become self sufficient...I think she is spot on.
There is no doubt that your mom loves you! Look at all the pics and the video you've posted here. Remember the christmas carol or more recently the walk you all just took? The video of your parents home... there are many. She only wants the best for you and you know that.

As far as the "situation" at home... Hell my parents have been married over 50 years and they "argue" all the time. Part of what you may be seeing while living there is reality, not the fantasy world we all hope exists. People are flawed creatures - all of us. So your parents bitch and complain - they're entitled. I think you may take it a lot harder than they do. Shit, they may not even see it that way.

She really cannot understand - you'll have to remind her repeatedly 5, 10, 15 times a day - till she gets it. Just go up to her and just give her a hug and tell her "I love you, thanks for everything you & dad are doing for me."
maybe not 48 hours, but I agree with you, you need more time. You are making great progress, do not lose sight of that.
For all that you can do and the talents, intellect, experience you have.... you also have a disease and you are not in control of it yet.
Please know that I am trying to help. I think I may have more than worn out my welcome on this, I'll shut up now.

This is so true, it bears another go round!

Sundae - LOOK at how far you've come! Everyday you don't succumb to demon rum is a freaking victory - everyday you GET UP out of bed is a victory! Dana is spot on the money - do not put yourself under mad pressure. No good decisions come from it, believe me. Slow and steady wins the prize and you ARE doing brilliantly. You are smiling now and again.

Moms do tend to have so much power over our feelings and I don't think they half realize it. I can recall things my mom or dad (or even sibs) said to me years ago that still sting. They said it most off-handedly and I'm sure they've no idea I still think about their words.

Love you, honey. You will survive this, you will thrive. You are one of the most intelligent people I know - and kind as doves.

Hearts and flowers to you, Sundae. You are a good soul in an iffy world.

I burnt my arm on the oven today, and yesterday I slipped over on the tiles outside our door and now have a sore back and a bruised knee and elbow. Max woke up a few times last night so on top of all that, I'm tired.

The good news is that the mud cakes I was baking have turned out very well.

I'm making a three tiered cake for my friends 40th birthday on Saturday. I'll post pics for those who are interested, when it's all done.

My uncle died the night before last. We will go to his funeral on Saturday also. :(

Sorry, Ali.

It's ok. The burn will heal. My back will be fine, as will my knee and elbow, and my uncle was really old and he's at peace now.

Thanks for your thoughts though capn. You're very kind.

@ S.G. Maybe you can find a room for rent, or even in trade for being a nanny or an elder care live in.

If I was there or you here I would make room for you any day.
There is a way out of this. I know you'll find the way.

peace

@ Ali, I am glad you weren't hurt any more than you were. Ouchie!

Sorry to hear about your uncle passing. Hopefully he is at peace.

Thanks guys. :)

@SG- I'm sorry you're goin through this tough time love.
Do not be pessimistic, you can make it through and succeed! I'm sorry I can't help more directly, but find a focus and stick to it. If its routine you need, then stick to that. At 8 wake up, eat breakfast, 815 take a shower, 845, pick up the newspaper, ect ect ect. If you get an apt near your parent's flat, mebbe you can still go over their frequently and make dinner. I know at some point you said you were enjoying doing that, so keep doin it. If you can find a job, even a low paying one and stick to one schedule there, that might be a great help. If thats not possible, find a volunteer position.
Right now I'm suffering because I only work part-time, and my college classes just ended 3weeks ago...I'm seriously at a loss with myself and can feel the depression creeping in. That's where my advice comes from.

I hope you find an apartment and get to enjoy the freedom of living on your own. *Big hugs*

Yes and no. I reached the Holy Grail of living alone in Leicester. I've posted photos of how that ended up. And Dana could certainly testify, although she's too good to.
My Mum does love me. I am fully aware of this on an intellectual level. I don't feel loved on an emotioanl level though. I'm not whining, that's how it is. She's not someone I can confide in, trust, or believe that she will ever take my side. That's the way it is, but I certainly love her back.
I won't give you details of their relationship, it's not fair on either of them. Suffice to say, if either were simply my friend I would be advising them to leave. It's not normal couple bickering, it's nasty put-downs, suppressed anger and point scoring. It's NOT constant. But right now she is stressed about her Aunt's house-sale, and it is very evident. I genuinely believe this is why she brought up me moving out. Yes, it is her right and yes it has to happen at some point. But the coincidence is she brought it up for the first time on a day she'd had bad news re the house sale and had had to call all her Aunts and Uncles to say there was a problem with it.
If I did that even once a week she'd keep me at arm's length. Her immediate response would be. "Well that's all very well, but words don't mean anything... I want you to think about that when you are drinking" Being too emotional, too effusive, too open = fale, showing off, showing yourself up according to Mum. Yup, that works about as well as you'd expect with a daughter who wears her heart on her sleeve and likes to express herself.
I know. Which is why I wanted to respond. When people take the time to address with with me I think it's polite to reply. Sorry if it means I come across really negative. I don't mean to. My Mum runs a really organised house. It's what I needed when I moved back. She cleans, irons, organises, looks after friends, remembers anniversaries and special days. She's honest, dependable and generally kind. And I do love her, and most of the time I really enjoy her company.
You get it 100% Thank you. I hope therapy can help me stop blaming other people for the way I let them affect me, and allow me to feel the good rather than the hurt.
Sorry darling. I lost my Great Aunt over a year ago now, but I still mourn the fact she is no longer part of my family landscape.

Clod, Dani, Sky & MoreThan, thanks for your kind words.
Dorothy had is wrong. There was no need to go to Oz, she should've just got her pretty feet down the Cellar. There's no place like it.

So, why are you invisible people hiding?

Huh??? HUH??? HUUUUH??????