Not you either. ;)

What is the cellar monkey doing with its hands?

What's beeping? It's freakin 2 am.

For a South American twist on your hot dog, try it with mayonnaise and avocado paste. (Plain guacamole will do, too.) :yum: Just had one of these for the first time in about twelve years. Delicious!

Yesterday I made a Chocolate Peppermint cake which is basically a light chocolate cake with a pepermint creme layer then chocolate icing on top. The problem is that the amount of peppermint creme the recipe calls for is about twice as much as you need. It actually made the cake 'sink' in the middle from the weight, but I didn't notice that till it was cut, so now there's a massive wedge of the creme which makes for a very rich cake.

Lucky it tastes nice. :)

Sounds yummy Ali!

I totally missed the fact that I'd reached 1,000 posts! Yea me!

I just think you all should know that the crop of crimson grapes this season over here is the best ever. They're sweet and firm and just a burst of flavour sensation in your mouth. You should all be jealous you're not eating what I'm eating. :)

I am so jealous!

Well, maybe next autumn you will have some good ones too. :)

Last week, I made microwave popcorn (butter flavour).

Now every time I use my microwave I can smell the fakey butter smell.

:vomit:

I'm procrastinating and I'm bored. post more stuff.

that is all

come over to the "darkside" monnie - delve into the politics forum :eek:

sheesh, do i have to do everything myself....


"more stuff" :rolleyes:



:p

Mum dropped a horrid bombshell the other day.

My CPN Heidi was coming round, and five minutes before she was due to arrive, Mum started saying, "You have to ask her about moving out..." and went on to say the things I should tell Heidi. That she never intended to be my carer, that she was getting no support, that she didn't get paid for it, she was a pensioner and already had her father to look after and that I needed a place of my own, that it was driving a wedge between us.

Knocked me on my arse I have to tell you.
When Heidi arrived I was struggling not to cry. Luckily she just accepted it was a bad day and we got through the appointment. She also followed up on a couple of things for me like getting Mum a carer's assessment and getting the welfare team on my case to see if I am claiming what I am entitled to.

Mum later backtracked, saying that it wasn't necessarily how she felt, she was just suggesting what I should say so that I could get a place of my own. That was no real consolation, it was the first time she'd given me any indication she wanted me out and it was all said in a very brutal way. Even afterwards, when I explained that if she technically threw me out (to enable me to get housing) I would initially only be housed in a room, as there is a shortage of affordable housing. Mum said, "Well that would be a start, you could always have an "episode" and get yourself moved up the list." I said, "Mum, if I end up living in a room, the way things are at the moment, I wouldn't have the pretend to have an episode." She backed off a bit then. I think she honestly forgets sometimes that I'm having a tough time. I strongly suspect that if I was moved into a welfare B&B, on my own - without Diz for a start - I'd be drinking within 48 hours. Pessimistic, but realistic.

Anyway.
The Council's new system for applying for housing went live online on Thursday. I put my application in for 3 properties. I am in the lowest band priority, "no assessed housing need". One property received 47 applications, the others 60 and 75. Feedback will be posted over the next couple of weeks to say what band the people being offered housing fell into. I suspect it will not be Band D. Okay, so unless I can get a doctor to assess me as being in need of housing, we will have to go down the route of me being made homeless.

There is an alternative, which I looked into today.
I can rent from a private landlord and get my rent paid for me, up to a maximum amount - and the smaller 1 bedroom flats in this area fall into that budget. But it would rely on someone (probably Grandad, who has offered) paying the administration charge, the set-up fee and the desposit. About £1000 all told. And my bro would have to be a guarantor - they have to be a current wage earner.

Mum seems to think that might be more feasible, and after all, some of the places available are very close to here, although that seems to be less of a concern to her.

I've put this in post whore because I don't know how I feel about it.
The idea of moving out and being responsible for myself is terrifying.
For example last night I couldn't sleep. More than usual I mean - I was crying until 03.30. In the end I got up at 04.30 and went to watch the sun come up on a local bridge. I'd have taken pics but my battery ran out (doh!) Even then I couldn't stop crying and had to sit and read in a little park until 06.00.

I couldn't handle that if I was on my own. It's the routine here that is keeping me on track, sober and to a normal schedule.

But on the other hand, Mum is definitely behind a lot of the problems I have.
she's uber-stressed at the moment and it's all coming out. Nothing Dad can do is right and she's so angry all the time. She snaps and snarls and bites.
I said - sadly - to my brother the other day that if she was a dog you would have to muzzle her, because you'd be terrified.
Living with her is never going to help me be a fully functioning member of society again. I spend half the time with my earplugs in and the other half in a rage myself.

So a place of my own would be wonderful.
I could be an adult again.
I'd be away from Mum's negativity and spite.

But I'd be reliant on more benefits.
I'd be away from the only people who really love me.
I might fail.
And after all, all the sheer hassle of getting a place, paperwork, moving etc fills me with bleak despair.

Am hoping a good night's sleep - please! - might help me feel calmer tomorrow.

Sorry things are so tough right now, SG. I know you'll make it work one way or another, you're a strong lady.