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The other 2 things I learned from that destructive, ridiculous relationship are that......
I didn't listen to a damn thing anyone told me. lol. I had to find it all out the hard way, and the hard way felt like someone ripping my heart out through my rectum. Compassionate people hate to see people do that to themselves, Stacey. Don't mistake clinginess for love. love=healthy. cling=clusterfuck. Lies I told myself: "But she LOVES me. I just KNOW she does. I mean, she SAID I WAS THE LOVE OF HER LIFE!! (snivel, whine, cry)" "What did I do to make her act this way? If I can change, maybe I can resurrect the burning passion we used to feel. Maybe if I do some of the stuff she wants me to do, she will reciprocate." -- ok, she was fucking some guy at the time, but still, *maybe*. "Maybe I have just missed the point somewhere. If we talk enough about it, the situation will fix itself with cosmic love rays that supersede all destructive, shitty behavior." etc. etc. ad nauseum. If I didn't see myself in your situation, it wouldn't affect me so strongly. But I know at some point I'm going to piss you off, if I haven't already. I better shut up. No. One last thing. Marriage therapists are programmed to listen for certain responses that let them know how they're doing with a particular case. They can be played like a Stradivarius if you have the talent for it. Serial heartbreakers have that talent, and methinks you are in the clutches of one. My last post on the subject without your approval, Stacey. I'm redundant enough :) |
i mean the whole arrangement is ludicrous. Fuckin A! just be who-the-fuck-you-are and let him be who-the-fuck-he-is; and be together, or don't.
You are in a destructive cycle of suspicion and doubt. Break it. Trust him! And if you CAN'T trust him, leave him! what the fuck good does that contract do either of you. what happens if one of you is in breach? will he have to pay a penalty on the credit card bill? does the other party get to reposses the relationship? woo hooo? knock knock knock......anybody home? FUCK! :mad: |
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hey, welcome aboard, mrnoodle.....do you have a brother?
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thanks lumberjim.
yup i do. don't scare me by knowing him. |
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she still online. Hey, since I promised not to post anymore about this subject, will someone tell her to tell Ivan to private message me? I'm in the mood for a frank exchange of ideas with that kid.
Asshat. |
You want to talk about hot dogs? Or whale penes?
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i really have to get to bed...why am i so wired? look, i am going to go to the therapist, and yes, he will probably tell me that parts of that contract are unhealthy. and yes, it would probably be easy to take advantage of someone like me, because i usually don't let people in because i know how i am and i have to protect myself from those who don't have my best interests at heart, but once i let someone in, oh my god. yeah, it could definitely happen...i want to believe what he says, because leaving him seems so painful.
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Somebody tell her she's wired because the remaining sane brain cells in her tormented noggin won't let her sleep until she stops trying to batter them into submission. And then tell her the whole friggin contract is null and void because if he don't wanna be a good husband without blackmailing her into not cutting her fukkin hair, he ain't gonna keep it.
Why am I still here? Why have I lapsed into slang? cuz I took a sleeping pill and didn't go to bed immediately. it makes me a mouthy wanker. |
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Now. Mr. Wonderful doesn't beat her. But the core of the matter is the same. SHE DOESN'T WANT TO STAY. She has to, by her OWN admission, find a reason not to leave. Why isn't this running up red flags to everyone reading this thread?? She starts out upset because she feels like she can't trust him. He tells her over and over she can. But yet, she can't trust him. She doesn't know even now if he's lying or not when he says she can trust him. She's what-if'ing herself to insanity. People give her all kinds of advice, she keeps going on about how she can't trust him, and doesn't know what to do. If I don't want to be at a party, I leave. If I can't trust the man I'm with, I will leave. Even if I fucked up, maybe he didn't do anything wrong. Even if I was mistaken in thinking I couldn't trust him, the trust was still broken, even if it was broken in error. He put himself in a situation in which his feelings could even remotely be called into question. He saved those letters (they must mean alot to him). Stacey (1)You don't want to stay (2)You have to LOOK for reasons compelling enough not to leave a person you don't trust. That says to me: Get the fuck out. But, as I've stated in other threads, you're gonna do what you're gonna do. Therapist is a good idea if you want to stay. First thing the therapist will ask you is "Do you want this relationship to work?" If you even hesitate in answering that question, it's not worth the time or money to see a counselor. (And "yes, but only if he does this or that..." doesn't count.) You either love him unconditionally or you don't. You either trust him completely or you don't. And if you don't, then get out now. If you do, then there's no problem, is there? Again, I hope things work out well for you either way. |
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The contract is yet another feeble attempt to not face reality. Just another construct between the real and the perceived. I've been there as I suspect most have at one point or another.
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~used term "asshat" correctly in context ~good first impression formed. ~ save file. [elmo] mrnoodle's brother, mr Noodle.[/elmo] |
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gawrsh. tha' fuck is elmo? and who has been using the registered trademark of MrNoodle (TM)(R)(not starting this thread over here) without the express permission of this station and the National Football League? but thanks nonetheless |
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