:D

If quantum physics is true, and there is a universe for all possible histories and futures, then there is a universe where I am banging Emma Watson.

And that's awesome.

Grav...the key word there is 'possible'


:p

By that logic, there is also a universe where Rupert Grint is banging you. :D

Mathematically speaking....that's just as awesome! :D :eek:

:lol: Damn, Grav, you got burned there! :lol:


and you're a plagiarist. ;)

Well, I plagiarized because if I posted the picture I had, you would have been bangin Emma Watson. And that ain't nearly as awesome!

Plus, it would have offended some people.

Ya know whut? Long as I'm getting pinched...

Attachment 39742

:D

And, I'm trying very hard not to think about Mr. Grint.

[shudder]

Would it help knowing that in yet another universe, I am banging you while dressed as Pennywise the Clown?

Okay, I hereby renounce all interest in the Everett Interpretation of quantum physics.

But only in this universe.

Wait, I confuse easily...Is it me or you dressed like the clown? And which of us would be the assclown?


Wait again...Is this a universe of Pennywise Assclowns we speak of?!

:eek:

With an infinite number of universes, the answer is yes to all. lol

Okay this should be in the nightmares thread.

Want to know what you and I are doing in some of those universes? lol

Discussing Wittgenstein over a game of baccarat, I hope.

He's doing you upside-down.

I hope, that, in one of those universes, I exist alone, and in silence. Drifting in space, enjoying the sounds of...

Nothing.

Aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhthatsthestuff...

Hah...forgot why I came to the thread!:lol2:

Here, laugh at this, while Rupert gets me a mojito.

Attachment 39805

Headstone of Russell J. Larsen in the LoganCity Cemetery , Logan , Utah ! I wonder if he died knowing he won the 'Coolest Headstone' contest?

His tombstone reads:

FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW FOR A HAPPY LIFE:

1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, cooks from time to time, cleans up, and has a job.

2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.

3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust, and doesn't lie to you.

4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed, and likes to be with you.

5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other or you could end up dead like me.

You know what's really disturbing?


In some of those alternate universes ... You. Are. Straight.


And we're checking out chicks at the beach. :D

I'm fine with that because I know in still other universes, I am fucking Matt Damon's brains out, one way or another. :-)

http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m2...vuvuo1_250.gif http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m2...vuvuo2_250.gif

http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m2...vuvuo5_500.gif

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m2...vuvuo3_250.gif http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m2...vuvuo4_250.gif

Yeah, but in some of those universes, Matt Damon is a male to female transsexual, and she likes it missionary style.

Maybe there''s a unverse where I don't waste my time on the cellar and do some fucking work?


Ptcha....doubt it.

In some universes, it's The Attic. :-)

Raise for the Mexican Maid

The Mexican maid asked for a pay increase.

The wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about it.

She asked: "Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?"

Maria: "Well, Señora, there are tree reasons why I wanna increaze."

"The first is that I iron better than you."

Wife: "Who said you iron better than me?"

Maria: "Jor huzban he say."

Wife: "Oh yeah?"

Maria: "The second reason eez that I am a better cook than you."

Wife: "Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?"

Maria: "Jor hozban did"

Wife increasingly agitated:

"Oh he did did he?"

Maria: "The third reason is that I am better than you in the bed."

Wife, really boiling now and through gritted teeth.

"And did my husband say that as well?"

Maria: "No Señora.......The gardener did."

Wife: "So how much do you want?"

HA!~~ WHORE

.:thumb2:

.

Attachment 39900

:D

:D

that's a kreative grammer nazi

That's also an attack on image compression artifact Nazis.

Drunk Driver - True story from Australia

Only an Aussie could pull this one off ! A true story from Mount Isa in Queensland ..

Recently a routine Police patrol car parked outside a local neighbourhood pub late in the evening. The officer noticed a man (Luke Sandery) leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk.

The man stumbled around the car park for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five vehicles. The man managed to find his car, which he fell into.He was there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a fine dry night). Then flicked the indicators on, then off, tooted the horn and then switched on the lights.

He moved the vehicle forward a few metres, reversed a little and then remained stationary for a few more minutes as some more vehicles left. At last he pulled out of the car park and started to drive slowly down the road. The Police officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started up the patrol car, put on the flashing lights, pulled the man over and carried out a breathalyser test.

To his amazement the breathalyser indicated no evidence of the man's intoxication.

The Police officer said "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the Police station - this breathalyser equipment must be broken."

"I doubt it," said the man, "tonight I'm the designated decoy"..

True old joke from Australia.

I just copied it wholus bolus. I'm not sure of the validity.

Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?
Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?
Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.

Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?
Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?
Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?
Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want
to see.

The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and
calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior
officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!
The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this
car and murdered the owner.
Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car,
please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The first officer is stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving
license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and
hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and
examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't
have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked
up the owner.

Woman: Betcha the lying bastard told you I was speeding too...

Dogfish.

Attachment 40704

Out. Standing. meow

My Father is a Gay Dancer
 

A fourth-grade teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living.

All the typical answers came up - fireman, mechanic, businessman, salesman...and so forth.

However, little Justin was being uncharacteristically quiet, so when the teacher prodded
him about his father, he replied, "My father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes
off all his clothes to music in front of other men and they put money in his underwear.

Sometimes, if the offer is really good, he will go home with some guy and stay with him all
night for money."

The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work
on some exercises and took little Justin aside."Is that really true about your father?"

"No," the boy said, "He works for the *********** National Committee and is helping to get their candidate elected, but it's too embarrassing to say that in front of the other kids."

Sorry, V, but that is a :redcard: for blatant political humor in the general humor thread.

Isn't there a political jokes thread for that?

better?

I don't think there's a thread for political jokes ... pictures, yeah, jokes, no.

Come to search for it ... no, it doesn't seem there is. :blush:

Imma make one.

ETA here ya go

http://cellar.org/showthread.php?p=832978

:redcard: for gratuitously recycling a lawyer joke.

same difference. cite
Barack Obama: Occidental College, Columbia University (BA), Harvard Law School (JD)

Mitt Romney: Stanford University, Brigham Young University (BA), Harvard University (MBA, JD)

:redcard: for :redcard: ing gratoooooitussly





:redcard:

:redcard::redcard::redcard::redcard::redcard:
:redcard::redcard::redcard::redcard::redcard:
:redcard::redcard::redcard::redcard::redcard:
:redcard::redcard::redcard::redcard:

i like that smiley

:redcard: for overuse of smilies to express personal opinion... less is more.

mmmm...blinkey

Quick call pack man

Monstah, that's Pak man.

I didn't like to point out Bullfart's typo, though...