~~

Best friend has a new best friend. A border collie/blue heeler mix.

He came very close to naming her 'Kitty', after Miss Kitty on 'Gunsmoke'. To call his dog he would've hollered "Here Kittykittykitty".:lol2:

He went with 'Annie'. He got her the day I told him about Levon Helm dying, and we had talked about the song "The Weight", and the lyric '...take a load off Annie, take a load for free, took the load off Annie, and he put the load right on me...".

My friend named his dog "stains"

as in Come, stains.

Disobedient dog called herpes.

bitch just won't heel.

Aww. Glad he got himself a new friend. Such a shame about Crash. Hopefully he's been picked up by some family and given a home.

Kitty was the name of our dog, when I was growing up.

Romney is driving down the road with a dog strapped to the roof and Obama pulls up next to him and says, "Hey! Are you gonna eat that?"

See, now that's funny, because it bags on both of them.

Oh thats VERY good PH!

(as told to Robin Ince by some teenagers on a train)

Why are physicists bad at sex?

Because when they find the position they lose the momentum, and when they find the momentum they lose the position

I'm missing something. Is Obama Korean or something?

Ineptocracy: (in-ep-toc'-ra-cy) - a system of government where the least capable to lead are elected by the least capable of producing, and where the members of society least likely to sustain themselves or succeed, are rewarded with goods and services paid for by the confiscated wealth of a diminishing number of producers.

When he was growing up in Indonesia, he ate dog at least once or twice. His stepdad was Indonesian, I believe?

:notworthy

Welcome to France

How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman?


None.

Touché

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4...1o1_r1_500.gif
http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4...1o2_r2_500.gif

The Golfer and the Blonde

A man got on the bus with both of his front trouser pockets full of golf
balls and sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blond.

The puzzled blond kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.

Finally, after many glances from her, he said, "Golf balls."

The blond continued to look at him for a very long time, thinking deeply
about what he had said. After several minutes, not being able to contain
her curiosity any longer, she asked,

"Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"

hahahaha. Cool sign.

I lost my ≈ on 9/11, you insensitive bastards!

Outstanding meme resurrection, that Gravdigr!

Saw this on somebody's FB page:

Love it Dana'!!!

A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar.
After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively,
"Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"
She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!"
Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely
embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes.
She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you.
You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and
I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."
To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200?"

cookie sheets/trays are bigger.

But don't fit well in a freezer.

.

Momdigr just got a bunch of those "lateral thinking" problems in email. This is the one I got right:

A man has had a long hard day. He cooks a small dinner, then goes upstairs, turns out the light, and goes to bed.

500 people died.

How come?

Answer: He lived in a lighthouse.:neutral:

Why was Helen Keller such a shitty driver?










Because she was a woman.

Why did Helen Keller wear tight pants?


So you could read her lips.

Step 3a. Put on rubber gloves!

Nice. Better than nice! My new mantra!

An organization and methods engineer submitted this report after visiting the Royal Festival Hall:

For considerable periods the four oboe players had nothing to do. Their numbers should be reduced, and the work spread more evenly over the whole of the concert, thus eliminating peaks of activity.

All the twelve violins were playing identical notes. This seems unnecessary multiplication. The staff of this section should be drastically cut; if a large volume of sound is required, it could be obtained by means of electronic amplifiers.

Much effort was absorbed in the playing of demisemiquavers. This seems to be an unnecessary refinement. It is recommended that all notes should be rounded up to the nearest semiquaver. If this were done it would be possible to use trainees and lower grade operatives more extensively.

There seems to be too much repetition of some musical passages. Scores should be drastically pruned. No useful purpose is served by repeating on the horns a passage which has already been handled by the strings. It is estimated that if all redundant passages were eliminated, the whole concert time of two hours could be reduced to twenty minutes, and there would be no need for an interval.

The Conductor agrees generally with these recommendations, but expresses the opinion that there might be some falling-off in box-office receipts. In that unlikely event it should be possible to close sections of the auditorium entirely, with a consequential saving of overhead expenses — lighting, attendants, etc.

If the worst came to the worst, the whole thing could be abandoned and the public could go to the Albert Hall instead.

They posted that bit on my absolute favorite random-fun-trivia-and-shit blog Futility Closet (An idler's miscellany of compendious amusements) the other day, Bruce. Love it.

Pulled this off there too. Apologies for uh not knowing how to superscript numbers on here.

Humor is the only appropriate place for this.
From this fool.

Bruce, bruce, bruce...
that's christwire, bruce.
Poe's law.

This really gives it away.

In that case, I'll check that one OFF my list.

I told you it belongs in humor.

I just figured that if you were calling the author "this fool" you musta been missing something.

Two blonds were sipping their Starbuck's when a truck went past loaded up with rolls of sod.
"I'm going to do that when I win the lottery," announced Blond #1.
"Do what?" asked Blond #2.




"Send my lawn out to be mowed."

haaaahahahahah!!

I like a blond joke that is about men.

Typically all you hear are blonde jokes. A blond joke is rare, but better.

What, you assumed women?

A blond walks up to the counter and says in a loud voice, "I'd like a cheeseburger, fries and a large coke."

The woman behind the counter says, "Umm, this is a library."

The Blond leans closer and whispers, "I'd like a cheeseburger, fries, and a large coke."

A very prestigious cardiologist died and was given a very elaborate funeral by the hospital he worked for most of his life....
A huge heart... covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service as all the doctors from the hospital sat in awe.
Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside.
The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.

At that point, one of the mourners just -burst- into laughter.
When all eyes stared at him, he said, 'I am so sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral...
I'm a gynecologist.

The proctologist fainted.

There were three men and a woman who all died and met with St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. The first man steps up to St. Peter and St. Peter asks, "What do you want?"

The man says "I want to come into heaven."

So St. Peter checks his list and says, "Well, you can't because when you were alive all you wanted was money. Money, money, money. You were so fond of money that you even married a girl named Penny!" So the first man left and the second man stepped up and St. Peter said, "What do you want?"

The second man replied, "I want to come into heaven."

So St. Peter checks his list and says, "Well, you can't because when you were alive all you did was drink. Drink, drink, drink. You were so fond of drinking that you even married a girl named Brandy!"

So the second man left but before St. Peter could ask the third man what he wanted, the third man says to the woman who died with him, his wife, "Well, let's go Fanny."

And his wife said, "ok, Dick. After you."

and then Saint Peter fainted.

Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning

A small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery.
Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 2826 bodies so far
and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.

My sister's plane crashed into an Irish cemetery and she died on 9/11 you insensitive bastard.

Your sister was a terrorist?

Terror, Terror, Gay Marriage...be afraid.

I bought a strobe light today but when I got the thing back home it refused to work on any of the different settings.

I went back to the store. "Have you tried switching it off and on?" asked the assistant.

from Private Eye magazine

:lol2:

One day a five year old asks his dad "Daddy, can I have new bicycle?"

The father responds "Can your dick touch your asshole?"

Confused, the boy says "No.", and the dad says "Well, there's your answer."

At 12, the boy again asks "Dad, can I have new bicycle?"

Again, the dad responds with "Can your dick touch your asshole?"

And again, the boy says "No.", and the dad says "Well, there's your answer."

At eighteen the boy asks "Dad, can I have a new car?"

The dad asks "Can your dick touch your asshole?"

The boy responds "As a matter of fact, it can."

The dad says "Good, now go fuck yourself."