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Welcome to the Cellar, TGRR.

cellar calendars now available:


http://www.zazzle.com/cellar_calenda...98498585698331

Do I win a prize for being the most featured Dwellar in the calendar?
Or am I just a whore :(

Oh, no - wait.
Wolf told me it's okay if you don't get paid for it.

Yay!

I received an Evite from a childhood friend whom I haven't seen in many years. Well, truth be told, the last time I saw her was about 9 years ago, but we last emailed, oh, maybe 5 years ago. She and her siblings all happen to be in town on this one weekend so they're having a big BBQ at her parents' house.

The picture at the top of the invitation is her with these funny glasses, a little party blower... and a beard. A real one. Guess she decided to switch from lesbian to full-on transsexual at some point, and figured this was the easiest way to tell all her old friends at once. Which is fine in the grand scheme of things, of course--except that now I feel like if I tell her I can't make it, she's going to think it's because of awkwardness rather than the fact that I've really got a lot of shit to do these days. Meh.

Just send her a razor with your regrets.

Send her a letter/ email about what you are doing and how things are with you.
That way she'll see you aren't snubbing her, and also might understand why you are genuinely busy.
Although do include the line - "I see you have a beard now! Is that the fashion where you live? Goodness, remember when you used to see Bearded Ladies only in freakshows?"

Anyway I came here to moan.
I'm thinking too much about my weight and being on a diet.
It really doesn't help.
I'm thinking about lunch two seconds after I finish breakfast, and yet I have not even changed what I eat for breakfast as it was always healthy. It's not hunger, not at all. The biggest change I have made is not drinking. My diet was really not that bad apart from the 2000 calories per day alcohol. So why the constant stressing about food now?

I'd like to switch off that part of my brain. It's rarely useful, doesn't stop me getting into trouble for example. It just plagues me to death about things I can't change, or will take time, or which shouldn't be over-thought anyway (relationships for example).

Maybe ECT would help?

You'll forget about a lot more things than booze if you have ECT mate. ;)

Why don't you think about a new hobby or something to keep your mind occupied...or just spend more time on the cellar. :)

I think it's because you're thinking about it more. Think about the calories you're not getting from alcohol...that's something. I think when we decide to make a lifestyle change, when it comes to consumables, it seems that it looms before us like an insurmountable mountain.

Remember that it takes time and small steps. I try to remember that too.

You're doing great.

Wise words.
I hadn't actually thought about the fact that I have a lot more time on my hands now, being completely sober every afternoon and night.

That of course gives me time to think and the biggest change is my weight - so that becomes an obsession.

Now I just need to find something else to do!
I might go out and take some more photos today. Exercise and fresh air and gives me something to do when I get back and all that good stuff.

Thursday (when I have some money) I'm going to walk down to the big supermarket (about 2 miles) and walk round there for an hour or so. Of course I'll call my Dad to give me a lift home - too many bags otherwise! But I'm thinking of buying a shopping trolley, so I'll be able to go and get my own stuff from now on.

Saturday I'm going to Bicester on the bus - the slow village service that goes round all the villages I used to live near (and the one I lived in of course). It takes about 1.5 hours, but it's in the countryside I love and missed while I was away. So Saturday is sewn up anyway!

Tomorrow I go to the Job Centre. Wednesday I might dye my hair.

Mum is trying to push me into a volunteer job.
I do want to do one of course. But it's really early days in things like my healthy living plan and also giving up alcohol. My doctor signed me off for six weeks and told me that my main focus should be on myself and working through any current issues before making future plans.

I was happy at the idea of volunteering at one of the local animal shelters, but there are no vacancies on the animal husbandry side at anywhere I can get to. Their main need is for people to foster and/or drivers to collect and drop animals off. I can't do either. I just don't know if I'm ready to go back into facing the public again. Frankly the thought of doing it makes my throat tighten up.

I'll have a look round town today, see what I think. And maybe check the internet this afternoon for volunteering vacancies in the local area, see if somethign sparks my interest.

SG - What you have now given yourself is time. Instead of filling the gaps in your life with alcohol or whatever else. You now have time. The issue is what to do with it. Find something healthy that you enjoy and do it! A lot of it. If its productive - so much the better, but just keeping active & sober is productive in itself. Good luck!

I was curious about a Dagoba (nerd!alert!) lavender-and-blueberry chocolate bar.

I regret it.

Better to know though, right?

I had A Good Day yesterday.
20 mins on the exercise bike.
Then walked into town (a mile) to see my Disability Counsellor, who believes I am making great progress and was very complimentary. Then agreed to volunteer in the book section of the British Heart Foundation shop one day a week. Also got details about a part time job I have now applied for. Went into my bank and sorted out something that I should have sorted out months ago. Walked home.

I feel positively positive this morning.

Well done SG! Keep up the good work.

Have you tried about 2-3000 mgs a day of vitamin D SG?