Magic 8 Ball - will it happen or not?

It is doubtful. It will, however, arrive in time for Sunday morning church.

The magic 8 ball doesn't think you care. You'll wear them because they're kicky and sexy, and they make your legs look wicked fierce. You're willing to put up with a little gaping foot wound to get some of that action going.

Cantaloupe.

Ask a shitty question, get a shitty answer. The magic 8 ball is not your husband, he cannot read your mind. Now go fetch me a beer.

Magic 8 ball - if my cultures croak again tomorrow, will I be able to figure out the problem before the next set is due to be put down?

Magic 8 ball- Is Pushkin going to reject my resume? Leaving me at a new level of professional rejection (one that is more personal and sad for me)?

Magic 8 ball - should i become a professional busker living for tips and cans of soup instead of continuing as a finance advisor with a chrysler and an apartment smelling of rich mahogany?

Negrodamus, why do white people love Wayne Brady so much?

Magic 8 Ball,

How can I get that mahogany smell out of my apartment?

Magic 8 Ball:

Have you seen my socks?

You will not. It will take three more iterations of failure and reset before you realize that the housekeeping crew washed all the MacConkey agar plates with lemony fresh Palmolive.

Yes, but not for the reason you think. The first letter of each line in your "skills" section spell out a particularly filthy acrostic, which Pushkin will assume is a come-on.

People don't realize how nutrient-rich dreams are. When all else fails, they make a delicious base for a hearty soup, cooked over a roaring fire of your own pitiful regrets.

Magic 8 ball is not amused. Your privileges have been suspended.

Signup at the Learning Annex to host an in-home kimchi cooking class.

It is doubtful.