Therapist. Say it with me now, th-air-a-pist. Go to him. Now. Quickly. Please run, don't walk.

how is it a one-sided contract? i agree to limit my drinking, not cut my hair, not to cheat. those were all of his requests. he couldn't think of anything else. did you even read the contract before you posted that??

also, that "i told you so " in the baby back post didn't make any sense to me. neither does this one




by the way,
thank you, sycamore, you are right.


therapist
.

That's not a reason to stay but, rather, a reason not to leave. Big difference.

beestie's right...it's not that i am so sure of staying, but i am even more unsure of leaving, so i found a reason not to leave.

Inflection my dear Cougar. She doesn't want to stay but she is more frightened of leaving. It is the resolution of a dilemma - rarely a pretty sight.

Whatever you do, StacyV, I hope you continue to hang out here. You are deeply troubled and will not do well on your own unless you start believing in yourself.

Many wise folk have counseled you on this issue. Take heed. While our advice is free, it is not cheap.

Wise folk? Where? :)

Having been cheated on by someone I was in love with, and having seen emails similar to the ones posted at the top of this thread, I think I can speak with some authority.

People who love you won't do that to you. End of story. I know how painful and confusing it is. However, my humble opinion (and it may be mine alone) is that dragging yourself through a swamp of self-analysis and one-sided relationship-mending only hurts you and doesn't change your situation one whit. Even if he has stopped his hurtful behavior for the time being, expect it to come back once he thinks he's on safe ground again.

Accept the short-term, intense pain of kicking his greencard-seeking ass out the door, and save yourself a long(er), even more painful experience. I think you will be eternally grateful you did. There is someone out there who will love you without the bullshit attached.

Amateur psychologist kicking in: Have you ever wondered who he was cheating on when he hooked up with you? I hope that doesn't sound crass, because I don't intend it that way. But I'd bet no small amount of my own money that you're not the first he's strung along.

Best of luck to you.

You're pretty fucked up.

I can't believe you. christ! YOU need the marriage therapy.

Why don;t you make him hand over his cock and balls, so he can't cheat on you? The above contract is ridiculous and controlling and one sided and psychotic.

and ya know what's worse?

think about it.

he agreed to it.

what does that mean?


I think I know.

he hasn't "done that to me" since we've been married. that makes me hopeful, and he has very little experience with women. he's slept with two people. his longest relationship before me was only a couple of weeks (eva). i don't think he's a master of stringing along women. i really want to have hope right now, and i can probably talk myself into anything to feel better. i am looking forward to therapy... if he is completely insincere, and does not love me and is stringing me along, well he would be a master. he could go down in history, and i would become the most bitter man-hating old hag you have ever met, seen, or heard of.

it was his idea to give me the e-mail passwords, his idea to take me with him everywhere...he was trying to come up with ideas that would leave me no room to mistrust him...he says he has nothing to hide. the diamond and the credit card bills, well, i mentioned that part in another part of this thread...it's stuff we talked about before all of this happened.
he has admitted to being pussy-whipped long ago.

whatever

lumberjim, your stupid link deleted all of my cookies :(
goodnight.