I like the idea of the anchor tattoo. Actually, I don't like the idea so much as the fact that you like the idea. Anything that helps you keep it together and stay with us is worthwhile,

Take care of yourself.

I agree with rich - I'm happy that you're thinking of hope and the future. Whatever gives you strength, a feeling of connectedness, and a resolve to stay with us for the long haul is good. Stay strong and know that we are all here for you.

Horrible day yesterday.
Just waiting around all day. Then the results were those which have already been explained to me in a telephone conversation on Monday.

Came home exhausted and just feeling physically ill.
Have given myself the day off today and am pleased to report a little bit of fizzy water and some fruit has helped somewhat.

It wasn't bad news, medically.
In fact it was better than I had any right to expect.
I think the detox is sending me on a rollercoaster of emotions, though and I've been feeling helpless and hating myself. Finances don't help of course; I've had my benefits agreed and it's now just a waiting game. I forgot how fraught that can be, and of course the enormous guilt I feel as I segue into a more useful life and it throws how bloody awful a place I am moving away from.

So, anyway.
I do not have any auto imune issues. I do not have Hepatitis. I no longer have to travel to Addenbrooke's, which is a relief. But Luton and Dunstable hospital is older, grubbier, less organised and altogether far less pleasant. Shame.

I have incipient cirrhosis, which means there is damage but also some signs of regeneration. Off to SMART next week, for a meeting at Oasis and referral to SCAS. Fingers crossed the hospital get in touch with my GP, who gets in touch with me by the time I have that meeting, as I know the Consultant did not want be going onto Acamprosate, considering it to be too harsh for my liver.

Luton's been the best place for fast responses and accurate paperwork so far, so I'm not too concerned.

No autoimmune issues and no hepatitis is huge, so to speak. Very good news, even though I can understand you're not feeling great. But ... I'm glad neither of those things is at work. I hope your ongoing coordination of care goes smoothly.

You're moving forward, that's all that matters. I'm glad the health problems are less dire than previously thought, regeneration is an excellent sign.

As Clod said, you're moving forwards. Don't look back. Focus on the immediate future, plans for appointments, one foot in front of the other. Regeneration, takes time, you know, and not just for your liver. X

Sent by thought transference

Starting a proper medical detox next Friday.
I have to do this before I can start any anti-craving medication.
Bloody hell, this has been a long time coming. This is what I was angling for THIS TIME LAST YEAR.

Still, it's happening so I can't knock it.
And I'm actually earning more money and performing better at work than I was. So it's progress.

I'll try to talk you through it as it happens. My very kind, but definitely no-nonsense SCAS (Specialist Community Addictions Service) key worker tells me things will get worse before they get better. He wanted me to assure him that someone would be around who knew what I was going through and that I wouldn't work for 4-5 days. Nix on both.

The 'rents go to Spain on Wednesday and although I'm not working Friday or Saturday it's far too late notice to take Sunday, Monday, Tuesday off. And I can't take sick leave without having a mandatory disciplinary as I'm still on probation.
Will just have to fight my way through.

He shrugged and said that it would be better for me to get started than put it off.
With my consent we will go ahead. I have to pass a blood and breathalyser test, so no last hurrah.

The good news is that things should even out within a few days physically.
The first four-five will hit me hardest. I can expect the symptoms of hangover without having had a drink, as well as the possibility of wooziness, slurring speech and lack of balance. Not everyone gets all the symptoms and it's possible I will have none.

In about two weeks I'll see real improvements.

And within three months I should be on a level playing field emotionally. If not, they can tinker with my anti-anxiety medication.
Everything from there is willpower and counselling.

Wish me luck.

Luck and love, honey.

You can do it, Sundae. Tell us all about it, we will be the ones here for you who know what you're going through.

Sundae! So glad you're starting this at last! We're behind you all the way! XXXXX

Sent by thought transference

Good luck, you can do this.

Good luck, Sundae! Will be thinking of you.

Good luck, Sundae. You can do it. Keep us posted.

Its all about you! I hope you feel our hands on your back! :)

Kick all varieties of arse.