I'M HOME!!!
It's been a bit of an ordeal.
It was cold overnight and a light dusting of snow made everything bright this morning. The roadways were dry and clear, it was so cold nothing melted. I drove to work and when I got off, I couldn't unlock my driver's door. The key wouldn't even go in the lock all the way. grrr. The other fella at work helpfully offered the use of his car's cigarette lighter, but that didn't work. I managed, at last, to unlock the hatch. When I opened it, the car's alarm sounded.
Normally, this wouldn't be more than a minor embarrassment, just turn the key in the lock in the driver's door and the alarm is silenced. Of course I can't do that or I wouldn't be clambering into my car through the hatch in the first place. The alarm goes off automatically, thankfully, mercifully after 20 or 30 minutes. jk. maybe a couple minutes? It feels like forever and I'm sure to the neighbors it feels like a long time, too. I get in the car and manage to unlock the door so I don't need to go through the hatch again. I open the unlocked door. This sets off the alarm again.
WHAT THE FUCK EVER.
I'll just drive home with the lights flashing, the hazards flashing, the horn blaring and annoy MY neighbors from the comfort of my own home. *click* VW, in their automotive wisdom, decided that if the door's compromised, then the ignition must be the last line of defense, so that's all shut down. I'm reminded a couple times about the sensitivity of the alarm to the doors opening and closing much to the annoyance of the neighborhood as I'm in and out of the car trying to get the door unlocked.
I looked in the trunk for some solution, and I found some starting fluid. No help. Now, I'd used my lock de-icer with the little straw and the graphite a couple weeks ago. It didn't work. I was worried about breaking the lock or the key or both. I called my friend for help, she was willing, but unable--no car. Damn. Then someone, a stranger, pulled up and parked directly across the street from my spectacle. "Excuse me, do you have any Grey Poupon lock de-icer?"
After some back and forth, the conclusion was no. He suggested the car repair place, you know, right there ----> I pointed to the patch on my jacket, you know, right here <---. Oh. Then he said, what about Safeway? I said, I'll buy you a six pack of beer if you give me a ride to Safeway and back! He said no sixpack was needed. So we drove the mile to the Safeway where the best I could do was a two pack of stick lighters and a can of WD-40. He looked a little worried, I said, this is Plan B. OK. The autoparts store was two more blocks away. I was disappointed when I saw the guy vacuuming the carpet inside the door, but they *were* still open. I scored the LAST tube of lock de-icer.
We drove back to my iceberg and set to work. The guy wished me luck and said "Let me give you my number; if that doesn't work, call me and I'll give you a ride home." So kind.
Well, I used the lock de-icer. I used the lighter. My lock cylinder burned like a candle. I used my Leatherman like a hammer to tap the key further into the lock (gently). The WD-40 around the cylinder and in it. I used my pliers to hold the key partway in the lock as I cooked the exposed part of the key like some demented ice junkie preparing a lock-fix. "Why, yes, officer, I do think this looks a little funny, but it's *my* car and I can explain...." As you know, it's always the last thing that works, and eventually the combination worked. I'm glad I didn't have to use that last one. I drove home windows down, doors unlocked and the passenger seat full of cans of chemicals, starting fluid, wd-40, lock de-icer, butane, whatever it takes.
My car's unlocked now. If there's anything inside, help yourself, just please don't lock it on your way out. I have to get to work in the morning.
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