The Cellar - What's upsetting you today?

I just heard something very sad.

When me and J lived together, our house was part of a block of three storey houses converted into two storey houses with ground floor apartments underneath. The houses were accessed through a courtyard - three of them in an L shape, with steps up to t he doors - My bro and his family live in the one on the short line of the L, then a middle house, then ours was the end one on the long line of the L. The groundfloor apartments have their access at the front of the block.

They're all let by the same property company - and just as J and I ended up in one because my bro recommended when it came up as we were househunting, so the two apartments underneath ended up with friends in them - either friends of Mart, or friends of Scott from the middle house (who became a good mate but I have long since lost touch with).

They were all friends of Martin, and we all kind of jostled along together. Went clubbing with them sometimes - and anytime there was a party we all met up. There was a period of about three years where we all kind of hung out together to varying degrees. Mainly via Martin, from my perspective - I'd chit chat with them round at his house, and we'd say hi as we crossed through the yard. Sometimes one or other of them would come to our house too.

It was our block, ya know?

Then things changed, lives took different turns. Scott moved away - though there'd been a bit of a falling out (resolved) prior to that and he was less a part of the group by then. Mike from the flat below me and J got a different job and was working odd shifts, Martin's girls were getting older and Jen was looking to go into nursing. Me and J split up and I moved out. Tony-Baloney from the other flat, below Martin and Jen, got into a relationship and we didn't see so much of him by then anyway. And the drugs and clubbing and afters parties and all that stuff had already dwindled away, as it does.

I see Tony now and then, walking his dog. Or, now and again he'll be at Martin's when I visit - not so often these days. Haven't seen Mike for ages. Maybe a year and a half ago, as i was going into the courtyard to see Martin, he was coming out of his flat and we said hi.

They were always more Martin's friends than mine, but that was ok. I was 'Martin's kid sister' :p

Just heard from mum that Mike hung himself. Apparently, he'd been withdrawn and becoming more and more hermitlike over the last few months. Martin was round his place a couple of weeks ago, and he was fairly depressed. had got behind in his rent, though he'd set up a payment plan and that seemed to be sorting itself out. But he'd started some new anti-depressants and Martin had apparently been a little concerned about this, as they were the same type which had been implicated in a suicide of someone he knew in Bradford.

But he'd seemed like he was on a level, and maybe starting to come back out of himself. Not so unusual not to visit with each other for a few weeks at a time, with him on odd shifts and Martin with his family commitments. I think he may have mentioned to Tony about the anti-depressants and he'd also been and visited him.

They reckon he did it at least a week ago. The landlords had tried contacting him. He'd stopped answering his phone and the last couple of times Tony or Martin tried knocking on, he didn't answer - not so unusual for Mike, he was often out, but in the circumstances a little worrying. I didn't know about any of this at the time.

With Martin and Tony concerned and the landlords unable to contact him for a fortnight, the police came out and they gained access. he was hanging there. Tony had to identify the body. Martin's over there now at Tony's flat, he's in a state (Tony I mean).

Mike was a nice guy. Built well, but gentle as they come. I didn't know him well, for all that we shared some drunken conversations around Martin's kitchen table, and danced together sometimes during the clubbing days. But I liked him. Feels like we lost one of our own, even though those days of 'our block' are long past.

It's almost certain that I walked Carrot past his place whilst he was hanging there already dead. And we didn't even know.

Rest in Peace, Mike.