"All your life" has zero to do with the here and now. If you stop beating yourself up, you can demand others stop too. Self pity doesn't attract pity, it attracts contempt and disrespect... and read my sig line. :eyebrow:

the dog

Bri, that totally sucks. If you'll forgive me, I think your ex sounds like he deserves a cockney cock punch.

Don't let his view of you impact on your view of you. One of the delightful things about divorce is it ends your obligation to give a flying fuck what he does or doesn't respect, or understand about you. Yes, it's upsetting that anybody would think that of you. And it's a kick in the face, to be cut out of decisions about your child. You don't deserve that. He IS treating you unfairly. And he probably isn't helping your son's attitude towards you into the bargain. That's unfair and wrong imo. But what he thinks of you? The fact that he holds that view of you? Well, what the fuck you gonna do. It's his head, he's entitled to fill it with as much errant nonsense as he chooses. But you don't have to believe his nonsense. And you don't have to respect it. Cope with, deal with, the effect that view has in practical terms (as in this case with the trip to casualty), but discount it utterly in emotional terms. It's his bullshit. Not yours.

Update:

Headache went away after a drink of water and a good night's sleep. I was just under a lot of stress and had had an absolutely horrible day with the students that day. Happy to report I'm not dead.

Well, bloody hell. Thank God for that, Choco.

thanks, ya'll. You guys save me.

Monnie, I couldn't just take him to the ED as I don't have full and legal custody of him - you WILL notice that I was the one called at 11.00, I am the one who allows his friends to sleep over every bloody weekend (it seems that way), I am the one who does this and that, but T. is the LEGAL (cough/controlfreak/cough) guardian. If I had DARED to take Danny to the ED on my own, or NOT taken Danny to the ED on my own, there would've been high hell to pay. T. wants me to grovel and act all helpless and stupid and girly so he can sit back like some demi-god and do no actual work of raising the boy but make all the Big Decisions. Plus, he holds the primary insurance on Dan. (I have insurance on him, too, but it's only secondary and shitty) - he would have gone apeshit on a bill he hadn't authorized.

he's a dick. thanks for reminding me. He used to be a nice person.

One reason I never wanted kids - I didn't want the payback for all the hell I put my parents through. :D I was a wild child.

How old is the boy? Can he make the decision?

Everything you have said is true. However, the father is also an example, and it sounds to me like the way he treats Brianna is also affecting the respect margin the kid gives her. He needs to be bitchslapped. (the father, not the kid)

Glad to hear it Chocolat. Just keep an eye out for any unusual pain in the neck and back.

Good question, Toad.


He's seventeen....I don't know if that is old enough in Ohio to have medical treatment without parental consent...used to be you had to be 18 but things might have changed.

He needs to be bitchslapped. (the father, not the kid)

Both of them need a Good Whack upside the head!!

Stay strong Bri , rember who is the adult with yer kid , with the ex , if he is primary then he needs to act like it , son calls you , you call ex to deal with it .

What an asshole, Brianna (your ex). Next time tell your son to call the asshole directly. It IS time to get tough. You're worth so much more than that.

son and I got into it Sunday night.

Me: "Danny, we need to talk. Can we talk like two mature people with a difference that needs to be worked out?"

He (suspiciously): "Yeah..."

me: "You heard me say I didn't want anyone to spend the night last night and yet you managed to have ------ spend the night, again; AND I told you ------- needed to be gone by six o'clock tonight and ------ didn't leave until 8.30 and I need my house to myself by six pm so I can get into my jammies and RELAX, this is a SMALL house and I can't FEED the neighborhood blah blah blah"

Him: "I never HEARD you say you didn't want anyone sleeping over!!!! I NEVER HEARD that! That's YOUR fault! And you're trying to make me feel like shit for cracking my head open WELL you're the nurse and I just THOUGHT I should call a NURSE after my HEAD was BLEEDING like I was going to DIE! I just won't call you anymore! I"ll just go LIVE WITH MY DAD FROM NOW ON and i'm sorry I'm not PERFECT, you act like I don't do Anything around here but I work constantly around here like your slave I really thought I was going to NEVER be able to play guitar again because I'd cracked my HEAD open but I guess you dont CARE about that...BLAH BLAH BLAH....HITLER~!"

Me: "I see we can't talk about this..."

Him: "You owe me twenty dollars!"

sigh.

sometimes he gives me a stomachache.

Sounds like the sort of conversation going on between parents and teenagers all over the world. lol

I guess that's what I've got to look forward to. :rolleyes:

I'm inclined to suggest that a good answer might be "well. okay, then go live with your Dad, if you think that would be less restrictive to your lifestyle. Obviusly, I'd rather you didn't...your my son and I love you and would prefer you to be close to me. But if you find living here too restrictive then there's no good reason for you not to live with your Dad. After all, I want you to be happy."

I am going to take a wild stab in the dark and guess that his Dad would be less tolerant and more restrictive than you?

lol, quite right! His father doesn't allow anyone to sleep over and most of Danny's friends are here on my side of town anyway.

tom's like the guy in Ferris Buehler's Day Off: he's so tight you could stick a lump of charcoal up his ass and in a week, you'd have a diamond!

Danny definitely prefers my house to his dad's - so all his "threats" are empty. I have cursed him, though. I have said, "I can't WAIT for you to have your own place so I can come over and throw damp towels on the floor and leave glasses in every room!"

Hahahaha. That sounds awfully close to something my Mum shouted at me when I was 16...

One of my step daughters used that "live with my Daddy" threat on me a few times. The last time she used it , I (without a reply), started packing her things for her.
Her: "What are you doing?"
Me: "I'm sending you to your Daddy's to live. I'll miss you but I know you wouldn't use that hurtful threat on me and your mom if you didn't mean it. After all, we want you to be happy and I'm sure your Dad will let you do anything you want."

About a month later...... Phone rings.
Her: "Look, Dad... If I promise to never behave that way again would you and mom let me come back home? I don't think his new girlfriend really likes me. And I thought you were strict. He doesn't trust me near as much as you do. So whaddaya think?"
Me: "Sure, baby. I'm on my way to pick you up, so be ready. You can stay here as long as you like, or until you use the childish threats again. We'll put the custody transfer papers on hold till we see how it works out."
Never heard that threat again.

Wow Cap'n that was great. I had a similar experience. I think I'm about to have it again. Mine seems to be a little more hardheaded ...:eek:

My friday night team is playing in the league championship game friday. But apparently I won't be playing as I received a red card during my game tonight. Complete and utter bullshit.

Yeah yeah yeah, that'll teach you to bring a baseball bat to a soccer game. :p

abandoment

My mother.
She's so negative.

This morning there was a phone in about Alli (Orlistat). I knew there would be, as it's released for OTC sale today in the UK. I wanted to have my say, so I phoned up the talk show we always listen to in the mornings and did so. I think I came across as calm, intelligent and put my points clearly and rationally.

What did my Mum say when I came off the phone?
In quick succession, "I'd rather you hadn't gone into the garden with that so all the neighbours could hear."
Referring to another caller who was very rude to me (following callers criticised him for it) "He didn't like you, did he!"
and, "I assume they called you back for that - it wasn't on our phone bill was it?"

Why couldn't she have said at least one nice thing?
Why wasn't she furious that the man on the radio laughed when I said I had depression and said, "Oh typical".
Why immedicately make me ashamed rather than admiring me for having the confidence to want to be heard?

And for the record - I was in the garden because the washing machine was on its final spin cycle. I said nothing about alcoholism, nothing about being in acute care or being under the community psychiatric services and nothing about the fact I have low esteem because I grew up with a negative parent who taught me how worthless I am. I merely answered a question as to whether I worked.

And yes, everyone is called back before they speak on the show, as you could be on the phone for up to 30 mins - as I was. It's mentioned every morning. I was certainly aware of it before I called anyway.

And the man who was having a dig was suggesting that Alli creates depression because lazy fat people take it thinking they will get thin, but they don't because they are lazy, so they get depressed and cost the Govt a lot of money. Something any parent of a person with depression should be horrifed to hear. Instead of telling their child that the person in question just didn't like them.

The thing is, I know she will never change. She has been like this all my life, and so the only thing I can change is my reaction to her. But right now it bloody hurts.

And I'm probably over-reacting anyway.
Sigh.

I'm sorry Cherry. *hugs* If it helps, I'm proud of you...and your Mum loves you even though she's got a shitty way of showing it. Just try and keep that in mind when she's being a cow. She's as much a victim of her past as the rest of us. She obviously just doesn't know any better, but you do, so don't let it change the way you're starting to see yourself.

You count, and you matter.

Well the most promising path to my long term goal of being a professional structural firefighter in southern California is on the back burner for now. The Orange County Fire Authority human resources website now states that the second and third recruitment cycles are on hold until further notice. I was planning on applying during the third cycle that starts in September of this year since I will have my undergraduate degree at the end of August, free and clear to move out of Ohio come January 2010 (no reason to bug out early in September and miss Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas with the family).

I was worried about this happening for awhile now given the budget crisis the state of California is facing, and it looks like my semi-worst fears have been realized. No departments around here are hiring, and I can't find any others near the coast in southern California that are hiring either (my extended family lives in Orange County and San Diego). So as of now, I have no real opportunities for a paid structural firefighting career where I want to live, nor where I currently live, after graduation in 4 months. Guess I could take this opportunity to earn my CDL and get some experience driving heavy trucks, one more thing to bring to the table once a firefighting job actually becomes available. Or get a construction job and keep getting myself in optimal shape. Something like that.

This sucks.

When she came back from taking Grandad to the opticians, she did ask if I was still listening to the radio, and I said it was now a different programme - so perhaps she doesn't pay as much attention as I do (I know each topic is only discussed for an hour, and Victoria takes over at 10.00 anyway).

And then she she said... "Well I was proud of you anyway" to which I responded very positvely, "Thanks Mum!" because I think that's the way forward - don't react when she is negative, but answer positive comments with genuine pleasure.

We'll get through it one way or another.

Wise woman. Absolutely right.

SG, I've a mother just like that - took me years and years to figure it out. Your mom might be intimidated by your success, perhaps jealous, too? I'm just speculating here, but I know MY mother has a vested interest in keeping me sick. She really does.

Maybe later on in the year that will change, once the stimulus money gets out.

Bullitt - Have you tried a little North? There are lotsa places slightly inland and slightly north that might be slightly less desirable, but that might need you for now - Only 1 1/2 hours from LA to SD - just thinkin'...

I had a check here for about $1,000, and now I CAN'T FIND IT! :eek:

Yeah fingers crossed. You'd hope government supplied emergency services would get priority funding from the state so they could keep staff and equipment levels optimal, but who knows. California is broke as hell, needs something like $15 billion to get up to snuff again.

The training facility for OCFA is in Irvine actually just SE of LA, so I was kind of shooting to live in Anaheim for a bit while doing that and then the 1 year probational position. I might do that for a little while, go somewhere inland of even more north and get a good stash of experience on my resume, and then poke around out on the coast and see if I can leverage my experience into a position.

That is upsetting!

Arizona tends to have some fires from time to time as well. On the upside firefighters can afford to buy houses here. Even better is that I'm here and between you, me, juanco rocks, and tgrr we could refocus the center of the cellar into arizona if we try hard enough.

My Grendelmouse texted me to ask for my address. :(

I have no idea what he wants to send me, but my guess is that it will hurt.

I wonder if and why your would facilitate that.

then you should give him the address of the local FBI field office. Let them follow up with him when they are confused as hell after receiving his package.

:D

Bullitt:
http://www.firefighter-jobs.com/jobs.htm

Daaang, LA's starting salary is $5k more than OCFA's. Interesting, I'll have to keep an eye on this one, thanks!


My engine boss from last summer lives in Phoenix actually. Kind of a weird new-age dude, believes you can mentally teleport yourself somewhere else.. yeah. Oh man, that'd be a serious shift of the balance of power back across the continental divide. I'll grab one or two from Ohio, shawnee or Bri, drag em kicking and screaming to warm weather :D

There are three possibilities:

1. He wants to return to me something I left there (unlikely, as I know I left a weedwhacker and a saw, among other things)
2. He wants to send me a letter (god, please no)
3. He wants to send me a birthday gift (I don't know how I feel about that)

here it is!

http://www.buckscounty.org/Images/Ne...riansCheck.jpg

4) he wants to slap you with a law suit.

Don't give him the address.

But you already did, didn't you?

Bullitt, perhaps a few dwellars need to take camping vacations near you and be very enthusiastic with their campfire cooking.......?

...or 5). Wants to keep an eye on you.:hide::runaway:

Well, he could always just drive by my house, or look me up. He lives pretty close-by.

Oh... ok.

He wanted your MAILING address. My bad.

:lol:

I could get paranoid, but he doesn't have a computer anymore.

I took it away.

Damn Juniper. :eek: is right! I hope you find it... soon!

So he wouldn't need your actual mailing address to drop off a weedwhacker, a letter, or a gift...if he knows where you live? I think monster's right: you're getting some kind of papers. :thepain:

There is nothing to sue me over.

Really, the only thing I can think of is that he's having something sent to me, because otherwise he could give whatever it is to my sister or one of my friends to pass on to me.

I smell "cat box" but I can't tell WHY I'm smelling it.

I certainly hope someONE hasn't been using a non-issue cat box for their own cat convenience.

That could lead to being put on report.

Candygram...


....or restraining order?

Ugh, my housemate's cat does that. Drives me nuts! :( I hope that's not what's going on.

Up until about a day ago NEPA was a freakin tinderbox. We could have had half the firefighters in the country employed with a few well placed idiots. Patience Bullitt, it'll happen for you. I'd say stay in the business any way you can.

yeah, the heavy truck licence idea sounds good, Bullitt

Upsetting me today. beest just got handed another 5 days unpaid vacation he must take before July ...AND, he is not allowed to use the paid vacation allowance he has for it -he also has to take a week of that before July.

Suddenly the few bucks I earned as a swim coach are no longer a bonus but now barely a dent in the hole in the budget :(

ouch. Not good. But remember... could be worse.

I am so confused. I *swear* I had this check - actually, the unopened envelope - from yesterday's mail. I put it on the kitchen counter with the rest of the mail, planning to deal with it as I sorted through the rest of it. Now it has vanished, and honestly, I am beginning to think I was wrong about having it at all. Maybe I saw an envelope that looked similar to the one this usually comes in - same blue logo - and just thought "oh good, check's here."

It's not the end of the world. I can call up the company that sent it and ask for a re-issue. I did that today and got the automated system. It said "your payment was mailed on April 24th."

Um...isn't today the 21st? Or am I in some kind of time warp?

I am so confused. Oh well, if it doesn't come in the next week or so I'll know I was right and it disappeared. In the meantime, I'll be doing some creative accounting. :)

Sorry to hear your troubles, Monster. Money doesn't buy happiness but it can sure make a nice down payment on it.

My CPN was due for my first appointment at 09.30. At 09.50 I got a call to say she was sick. Obviously she can't help that, it's just I'd built myself up to it and am disappointed.

Oh and Mum's just pointed out she hoovered and polished and cleaned the toilet and put out a new towel! So she's inconvenienced as well. I don't think I should tell her that the place was spotless anyway :)

Oh, and I'm having a period!
What's that all about?
I don't like it. I hope this isn't a regular occurrence.